Wow, what a month...

Poke: yeah, we fuck a lot now but I've come to realize that there is no hope for us. He doesn't entertain me like he used to, he's not the same person I fell in love with. I still feel like he's my best friend, but even that's starting to wax and wane as time goes by. Fine with me! I've got better things to do.

Men: suck. I went out on a date with a really swell guy and I thought it went well. Apparently I thought wrong because less than 4 days later he was already ignoring my texts and not returning my phone call. Whatever. Then there was this other guy who never even met me in person (more on that later) and when I called him out for constantly wanting to meet but never agreeing to any options I gave him (he basically wanted to come to my house and I said no it must be in public), he called me large and repulsive. Nice. THEN there was this boy at work who has been flirting with me since I started. We exchanged numbers, he called me once, we talked at work, and then Slutsy McFuckstick (a girl in my department) decided she wanted to get w/him and basically sabotaged the whole thing. He and I made plans to go out last tuesday and he didn't call or show up. Awesome. Two days later I find out he already has a girlfriend! Needless to say my hurt and sadness over that didn't last. So, yeah. Rejected three times in one week, my confidence surely took a blow.

POF.com: plentyoffish.com, a dating website. Been talkin' to some guys on there. It's not bad, it's not great, it just is. I'm not too concerned with it right now, but I would like to find someone nice and friendly and not fucked up in the head.

Other: Work is great. I love my job, but I still hate getting up at the godforesaken crack of dawn. I got a new cell phone, the LG enV 3 and it rules. When I went to buy it, they said I could get two new phones free after rebate. I was like awesome and called my parents to ask if they wanted new phones. They said yes. Well when they saw their phones they hated them and it was a big fucking problem. I was like wow ok can we be more ungreatful? Thanks. My friend NW from school came over to MW/AH's house with me last night. Then we came home and had adult time. It was spectacular. My friends liked him, as far as I can tell, and everyone was getting along and having lots of fun. Yay. He tried to fuck me in the bathroom and they caught us LOL it's a good thing he locked the door!

Well I suppose that's all for now, I guess it'll be another month before I post again? Maybe not, I'm gonna try to keep it up like I used to.

Oh - and - GO BUCKS! First game was yesterday, we beat Navy (barely), 31-27.

After Three Long Months, I Have Returned!

*sighs*

Wow. Ok. I don't even know where to start! So much has happened in the last three months, I have been so incredibly busy, it just seems like one big cluster-fuck of a story. I suppose I'll break it down by months...?

August:
(Well, the end of August I suppose.) Poke had moved in in early July. Everything was going swimmingly, but there continued to be many problems at the apartment complex. I decided it was time for us to get our own place, as opposed to a place I had that he moved into. Not only that, but the little apartment was just a bit too small for us and the area had been going downhill fast. On August 1st someone got shot just around the corner from my place. It was a tenant shooting a burglar, however, someone still got shot. I wasn't going to deal with this shit anymore. So we found a new place in Dublin and I wrote a letter to the complex stating that it was unfit living and far too dangerous and I was peacing out. They charged me $885, which as of today, I have rec'd two letters stating they still want. (The check was cashed on October 20th.) I stopped working weekends at Steak'n'Shake for two reasons: 1) OSU football was about to start and 2) I wanted to change my schedule before I moved. I would miss my friends at Groucho's, but I had to get away from that part of town.

September:
We moved on the 13th, the same day as this HUGE windstorm. It was hurricane-level! Only no rain, cuz, you know, this is Ohio. There were some cows flying through the air, but at least there were no floods. I had quit Steak'n'Shake because I simply couldn't stand the place anymore. I wasn't making any tips, customers were getting worse, and the girls I worked with infuriated me. My manager had put me up for promotion and I was doing all this training, but when he told the other servers that yes, I was indeed part of the management team and yes, I was indeed in charge, they couldn't handle it. So, to save myself stress and time, I just quit. Besides, it was too far from home. My manager tried to get me to stay, even offered to transfer me to the store closer to my new house, but I declined. No thanks, I'm done with Steak'n'Shake.
Shortly after we moved, I found out that Poke had been cheating on me since February. It was very difficult to deal with this information, especially since I found out completely on accident and while he was at work. We're still working through things, and hopefully someday it will all be fine again. He says it ended in May, from the evidence I found it seems more like July, but I suppose that's irrelevant. Things have obviously changed in our relationship now, and instead of me being somewhat mousey and submissive, I've become more in charge and I refuse to let him run my emotions, so to speak. In a way, I guess it could be a good thing. I knew he was sorry for what he did when he became physically ill over it. Right.

October:
October was fairly uneventful. We spent a lot of time watching OSU football and hanging out with my friends MW, AH, and some new friend J&CF. There were lots of drunken nights around the bonfire at J&CF's house! It was all very fun. For Hallowe'en Poke and I went as Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. We got a hotel near Groucho's so we could be back with all our (my?) friends. It was all very fun. I guess you could say that October was one of the most fun months I've had all year!

November:
So far, so good. Poke and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary (and if we make it to Valentine's Day we'll have one whole year with no break ups!) and he got me a beautiful amethyst necklace. I set up the camera in the bedroom. More on that later. MW/AH and J&CF all got into a very complicated fight, and so now I'm not really part of J&CF's crowd anymore. It makes me kinda sad, but I'm MW's friend first and I'm not going to choose anyone over her. I hate drama and I wish I didn't have to be involved, but whatever. MW/AH and I have been going to Groucho's every Friday lately, and it's pretty cool. I was away for about a month and a half, and I was starting to miss everyone a lot. There are no really good bars near our new place. Everyone around here is kinda yuppy/preppy. At least they're not shooting each other, I guess, although as I am typing this the local police K9 unit is searching through my across the way neighbor's apartment... yeah... Yuppies do drugs not sell them, so I suppose that's not too bad...

All in all, a very wonderful three months. Yeah, the Poke cheating thing was pretty fucking bad, but we'll get through it. Every other thing that has happened has been great and I'm thankful for that. We're living comfortably and happily, and that's what's really important.

Hot Greasy Fries

OK. So.

Cast of Characters:
3 brown skinned girls, perhaps muslim? - one speaks english, one kinda speaks english, one barely speaks english.
1 white waitress named Kel-Bell - speaks english
1 small order of fries

The Plot:
Girls come into steak'n'shake to eat food, waitress waits on them.

What happens:
Girl one, calls herself "Olive" and kinda speaks english, orders a single with cheese, ketchup, pickles, extra pickles, small fry, cookies'n'cream shake (which she then cancels for a water instead.) Girl two orders a #4 chicken strip meal with double fries, bbq sauce, water, and a cookies'n'cream shake. This girl barely speaks english. Girl three (who speaks english) orders a single the same as her. Waitress says, "Which her? This one?" and points to "Olive" who is offended that the waitress did not magically know her name. "Olive" says, "My name is Olive not "This one"." Except Girl three does not want extra pickles and she will just have water, and no fries because she will eat half of Girl two's fries. Order is placed, shake is made and delivered, food comes up shortly thereafter.

Side note: Waitress is the only waitress in the restaurant, and has four other tables to attend to.

Food is delivered, and Girl three says she needs napkins. Waitress brings napkins, goes to the back to pick up chilis for another table. Before waitress can deliver chilis, Girl three stops her and says, "These fries are too hot and greasy!"

Waitress: "Would you like cold ones? No, seriously, I'm joking. One moment." as she turns away to give chilis to the other table.
Girl three: "You are so rude. These fries are disgusting."
Waitress: "I wasn't being rude, I was joking. The only way to get fries that are neither hot nor greasy is to get old, cold ones. Would you like another side instead?"
Girl three: "You're a bitch. You're not funny. I'm not paying for this."
Waitress: "Well, if you're sure I can't get anything else, enjoy your meal." as she removes the "hot greasy fries" from the table.

Fin.

End note: I made $49.78 in tips even though those bitches stiffed me and complained to FE (my manager) who, by the way, defended me, only gave them $1 off, and was backed up by AJ (another server) who exclaimed as the Girls complained that I am a very nice person and always joking and how she overheard the conversation and knew that I was, indeed, not being rude.

Fuck you evil diners!!

On another note, it's finals week and I'm terrified. I don't know if I can pass this lab final tomorrow. I'm already getting a B in the class and I just know I won't get 100% on the fucking final OR the practical. *sniff* There goes my 4.0!

But, on a better note, we're moving in 2 weeks. Yay! Now is the time to start working on my evil plan... hehehe...

This Saturday is the 1st OSU game of the season!! WOOT!!

I'm Alive, It's Okay!

We're gonna do this by labels since I have so much shit to cover, LOL!

Banking: I have no money!

Bishop: I'm kinda sad because I haven't been seeing much of Bishop. I miss him. I see him occasionally at karaoke, but since Cat started doing Trump's on Friday's, nobody comes to Groucho's anymore! Plus he was dating one of his ex's, which didn't work out cuz she was a bitch, but now he's seeing this other chick that we know, which rules.

Could anyone not love this face?

Dreams: WOW! I've had the most fucked up dreams in the last month. I dreamt that Poke actually told his mom about us dating, dreamt that I was pregnant, dreamt that I was saving the word, there were monsters everywhere, etc. All such craziness, and now that I want to write about them, I can't seem to remember a single one. Damn.

These are the tits that save the world.

Family: Well, let's see. As you know my GMaP died on her birthday this past August. That really sucked, but she was 90 years old, so it wasn't completely unexpected. I think we really thought that when it was time for her to go, she would get super sick or something, instead of just randomly dying the way she did. I went up to Cleveland for one of SJK's football games a few weeks ago and stopped by All Saints to see her. The dirt on the grave still had no grass on it, and I was crying, and then my parents showed up which was kind of a strange coincidence. But it was ok.
That night we went to the game and we own, of course, GO EAGLES! SJK has been playing very well this year, except for the last three games, which they lost. Up until then it was an undefeated season. I just don't know what happened. Hopefully they can pull out of it though, but I doubt there is a chance for the playoffs at this point. I could be wrong though. Shit, I don't know anything about football!
So my mom has been irritating me lately, because I'm going back to college (more on that later) and instead of being cool about it and supporting me and being happy for me, she's just rubbing it in my face that I didn't go before now and basically in her eyes I've fucked up my entire life. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to be civil but sometimes it's so hard when she embarrasses me in front of the admissions person by telling her what a fuck up I am for not listening to her and going to college seven years ago. Gawd.

GO EAGLES!

Friends: Let's see. The one year anniversary of my friend Crash dying will be a week from today, on October 21st. Cat has been a little bit sadder lately, talking about him and stuff. I feel for her. I don't know what I would do if I lost Poke! I've been trying to talk to my friends more than I used to, like GG and KP and SV, cuz I rarely get to see them and shit like that. I'm not doing a very good job, but I'm making the effort. I found out that a friend of mine, MM, has gout, so I'm quite worried about her too. Good things that have happened are: J-Rod did not go back to war, RM is getting a promotion, GG went back to school and she and Ironhorse will be celebrating their two year anniversary in a few weeks, KP is moving back into town, Cat turned fifty!, BI moved in with Big Joe, Dooger is doing well, and... that's about all I can think of right now!

Kel-Bell and KP are so sexy!

Karaoke: Hadn't been going to karaoke very much because for almost all of September I had bronchitis. Stupid change of seasons. Anyway, there was another contest, and I didn't think I would get to be in it because I still had no voice when it started. Luckily this week two spots opened up at Rush Creek in the Continent and at Gordy's. I tried at Rush Creek on Tuesday, but it was awful. Some bitch who claimed to be a professional singer won, even though she fucked up singing "Purple Rain". Oh well. So I tried on Thursday at Gordy's and won, since the other three bitches couldn't sing their way out of a paper bag. If that makes sense... Anyway, this one bitch who was there competing against me caught me outside while I was smoking and she was like"So what is this, a popularity contest?" and I'm like "WTF no, I only have like 6-8 friends out there!" and she's like "Bullshit all those people in there are your friends, I know, I asked. I sang much better than you and I got more applause and I should have won!" I just changed the subject because luckily Poke came outside right at that moment. What a dumb hooker. She wasn't even good. AND! She did not get more applause than me. The whole fucking place clapped for me, so suck that you dumb cock muncher. But I digress.
The contest was yesterday at Beulah Park just like last time. They started an hour and a half late, it was so sunny that I got burnt, and the whole thing was a joke. Lady K and I should have won, and Bishop and OA should have won too (it was split into "fillys" and "stallions".) So fucking ghey. We're done now, since the whole damn thing was a big rig. Same as last year, the people who won were all friends of a judge and / or the lady who was running it. And they were all from the west side. Bullshit!!

What the fuck, mother fucker?!

Life in General: So, I am going to culinary school, yay! I sent in all my monies and shit, got my schedule, and I'm ready to go. It starts October 29th. I'm so excited. Fuck HNB! I'm so glad that I'm not working there anymore! I think that in all my years since I've graduated high school, that was probably the worst job I've ever had. It was mindless, irritating, boring as fuck, and the women I worked with, save for like 5 of them, were all gossiping old biddies who have nothing better to do than create rumours and yap all day. My old boss from high school from the DQ offered me a job I couldn't pass up , so I took that and I've been there a week. It's so awesome. When I worked at DQ in the summer, at the other one, it was awful. But this one, wow, so great. It's like I never left. I think part of the reason is that I'm not working with cunty little teenage girls, since there are only like 3 or 4 girls whole work there, and that TT (the boss) is a friend of mine, more or less, and we trust each other and I don't have to prove anything. If he says I am/do/know/etc, they listen. It's awesome. So I'll be working there until school starts, every day, and then once I'm in class I'll be working a couple nights per week plus on weekends. Good times.

Look how ugly I am when I work inside the lime green box called HNB...

OSU Football: WE'RE UNDEFEATED! WOO! And now, since California lost to Oregon, we're NUMBER ONE IN THE BIG 10!! YAY!!

Poke: Wonderful. Coming up on our one year anniversary. Even though we took some months off this year, with all that stupid crap, we decided to go ahead an celebrate it as if we hadn't broken up at any point. He's apologized and made good on his word(s) so I think it's going to be wonderful from here on out. As a matter of fact, Poke almost beat JAFH's record for most romantic thing ever when I told him I wanted this dog and he was going to buy it for me as a surprise. But I talked him out of it when he kept grilling me about the fucking thing. I was like "No no no I couldn't take care of it or train it or anything." That's when he told me he was really going to buy it. LOL!

Oktoberfest!

Work: Uh, well, see above under "Life in General". Hahaha!

I guess that's about it. Go check out my photobucket for new pics. They're all arranged pretty like and so forth. Every single album has new pics in it too, except the tattoos/piercings album because I haven't gotten any new ones... sniff...

Yep. I'm a blonde now.

Totally Random

These are my OSU boobs.



This is my OSU fan boyfriend.



This is a funny joke:

As a woman passes her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked:

"WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"

Tthe daughter replied: "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

The husband replied: "I'm watching football with my son-in-law."

Fear the Sweater Vest!

Unfortunately, the Gators did not fear the sweater vest. Instead they chomped us! Fuckers. Although I can't say I blame them for slaughtering the Buckeyes... we pretty much sucked. After Ted Ginn Jr. ran the field for a touchdown 30 seconds into the game, it was all over. We only scored one more touchdown after that, whereas Florida scored two field goals and four touchdowns. Fuckin' 40-14! Bullshit. WTF BUCKS?! Oh well. I'm very proud of my hometown team to have been undefeated all season and to have made it to the Fiesta Bowl. We had an awesome team, and we'll have an awesome team next year, and it will be better than ever.


Now, some random pics. For more info (ie, a gay lil article) click here. I'd also like to mention that apparently there is some curse for Heisman Trophy winners who play in bowl games. Weird. Poor Troy Smith!

Troy Smith

Troy Smith

Gators.

42 - 39

This is my mouth.

Yeah! OSU fucking ROCKS!! We beat Michigan's ASS!! YAHOO!!

Ok. Enough.



So, I had a most beautiful weekend. Friday my mom and I went to Wendell's and then to SJK's football game. The game was kinda shitty, I don't know, they just weren't playing very well. The University of Michigan Marching Band played at half time, and even tho I'm all "go bucks" it was nice. They didn't have to play at a high school game the night before a big game! It was cool. Unfortunately SJK's team lost, and now football is over until next July. It was kinda sad for the seniors and stuff, and even SKJ was tearing up a little. Very emotional.


Saturday I was so pumped up for the game, but I made myself lay on the couch and watch Blue Velvet so that I would have energy for drinking and celebrating. I talked to D*Martin, cuz we were supposed to do something for the game together, but he ended up bitching out on me, and Poke finally called and he said he didn't really feel like going out. So I headed to Zuey's on my own.

On the way Poke called and confirmed that Zuey's wasn't really what he was feeling, but that was okay cuz I know he's not a huge football fan. When I got there, the place was packed. It was so awesome. They had buckets of 6 for $10, which ruled. I found myself a booth and parked it, not to move for another hour or so. Some dude came and asked if he could sit with me and I said sure, as long as he wasn't cheering for Michigan.

He said he wasn't, so we sat together. His friend showed up after awhile, and they were both pretty nice. Poke called me right before half time and said he was coming up to Zuey's. I had sent him some text messages telling him how awesome the game was and how fun the bar was, so I guess I changed his mind! Haha. Anyway.

I ended up drinking a ridiculous amount of beer, and I really should not have been driving, but I made it home safely, thank god. Poke hung out for awhile before he had to go to work; we were going to go drive down High St. and watch people light couches on fire, but decided to just have some time at home. He left around nine forty five, I chilled on the couch, talked to Psyndi, and eventually passed out around... oh, I'd say eleven fifteen. At the very latest. I was DRUNK. And it was pretty cool.


Poke came over after work, around 7am, and we cuddled together for awhile in bed and I guess I fell asleep cuz I woke up again around ten. We talked about my dreams and his dream and it was just so nice. No arguments. No anger. No frustration. Beautiful! I may be in love for real again. This could be the coolest fucking thing ever.

Sheeba's attacking me.


Fox is feeling blue.

Mickey takin' a nap.



After Poke went home, I watched The daVinci Code and it was so lame. I was very disappointed, but I should not have been surprised because I was quite disappointed in the book too. I mean, it was okay but I'm glad I didn't pay money to see it (go blockbuster online!) I took a really long nap, ate some food, unpacked some more, talked to SS (we're making up) and then headed out to karaoke. Woo! That was a fun time. It started off boring, but ended up quite swell. I had a great time. Cat was upset about Crash and cried a lot, but it was okay, cuz she needs to get it out. It was definitely a good time because I love hanging out with my friends and spending time with them.


This is D*Martin singing "God Bless America" and "We are the Champions"

Here I am when I let Dooger do my hair...

And here I am, watching D*Martin sing.




Tonight I suppose I will be going to Triple 16, but I don't think I'll be drinking cuz I've had more than enough beer to last me til Wednesday or so. Rock on!!

This weekend, I also realised that because of SL, I now know for sure what I will and will not stand for. I will not stand for lying, violence, hatred, and disrespect. That's not a complete list of course. But I sent him the following text message:
"Thank you for giving me the time to realise who I actually am an what I want. If I hadn't dated you, I wouldn't be w/the great man I have an I wouldn't have the new opportunities that I have now. I had thought it was a mistake but it was a journey. And I'm glad it happened."

So now I can forget about him completely because I made my own closure. Sweet.

Scarlet and Gray!

We Don't Give a Damn for the Whole State of Michigan

O, we don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan!
The whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan!
We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan, we're from Ohio!
We're from Ohio...O-H!
We're from Ohio...I-O!
O, we don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan!
The whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan!
We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan, we're from Ohio !

Buckeye Battle Cry

In old Ohio (Columbus) there's a team,
That's known thru-out the land;
Eleven warriors, brave and bold,
Whose fame will ever stand,
And when the ball goes over,
Our cheers will reach the sky,
Ohio Field will hear again
The Buckeye Battle Cry.

Drive! Drive on down the field;
Men of the scarlet and gray;
Don't let them thru that line,
We've got to win this game today,
Come on, Ohio!
Smash thru to victory,
We'll cheer you as you go;
Our honor defend
So we'll fight to the end
For Ohio.

We'll scatter to the east and west,
When college days are done;
And memories will cling around,
The dreams of everyone;
We'll play the game of living,
With head and shoulders high!
And where in wear the spirit of
The Buckeye Battle Cry!

Drive! Drive on down the field;
Men of the scarlet and gray;
Don't let them thru that line,
We've got to win this game today,
Come on, Ohio!
Smash thru to victory,
We'll cheer you as you go;
Our honor defend
So we'll fight to the end
For Ohio.

Round on the End and High in the Middle

Old man Biddle gave me a riddle just the other day,
I guessed it right away, I am glad to say,
The riddle he gave to me, I will give to you--,
And if you think you're smart like me, Let's see what you can do.

(It's) Round on the end and "Hi" in the middle.
Tell me if you know.
Don't you think that's a cute little riddle
Round on the end and "Hi" in the middle
You can find it on the map if you look high and low.
The O's are round, it's high in the middle. O-H-I-O That's the riddle!
Round on the end and "Hi" in the middle.
O-HI-O!

Pa and mother, my great big brother couldn't guess it right,
Tho' they tried with all their might, Just the other night,
I've got the riddle down by heart, And I ain't no fool,
I'm goin' teach this riddle too, To all the kids at school.

(It's) Round on the end and "Hi" in the middle.
Tell me if you know.
Don't you think that's a cute little riddle
Round on the end and "Hi" in the middle
You can find it on the map if you look high and low.
The O's are round, it's high in the middle. O-H-I-O That's the riddle!
Round on the end and "Hi" in the middle.
O-HI-O!

Fight the Team Across the Field

Fight the team across the field
Show them Ohio's here
(We've got the team why don't we)
Set the Earth reverberating
With a mighty cheer
RAH! RAH! RAH!
Hit them hard and see how they fall
Never let that team get the ball
Hail! Hail! The gang's all here
So let's win that old conference now!
(So let's beat that Michigan now!)
(Oh, Ohio! Oh, Ohio! Wahoo! Wahoo for Ohio!)

Take your memories, I don't need them.

Alright, so I'm still sad over SL leaving, but knowing that it was the right decision helps. Knowing that he's miserable down there also helps. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I can't help it.
I have a new theory, and it may seem like I am trying to shift all the blame to him, but I'm not. I think that SL has a problem with prescription medication. He wanted so badly to get on adderall, supposedly because he has ADD. That's when it all started. I was thrilled for him to get on it, because I thought it would make him focus, which he did have a little problem with. But he turned slightly strange when he got on the adderall. Then it was Klonopin. Then free samples of Celebrex. Then he had to take Meclazine (Dramamine) for the nausea that these meds were causing. In addition to that he took aspirin and some Chinese brain pills every day. It was ridiculous. He was obsessed with pharmaceuticals, and it was pretty much all he talked about. I was irritated with it because it seemed like he was acting like he knew everything, but looking back he just knew way too much for only being a pharmacy tech. Not that that's a bad thing, but when you're self medicating and convincing a doctor to prescribe things for you... that's a bad thing. Anyway, last week before he moved away, last Wednesday actually, while I was out he sent me a text message saying he was on his way home from the hospital. How he got there, I do not know. I didn't drive him. And the closest one, St. Ann's, is like five or more miles away and not easy to walk to. Regardless, he found out that he had a viral infection and a boxer's fracture. I found this slightly amusing because supposedly he had the fracture for a week (it came from punching the walls upstairs!) and had never said one single word about it. So he ends up getting two prescriptions, one for the viral infection and one for the fracture... which just happens to be Percocet. He used a fake name at the hospital and even filled the script at the CVS where he worked under the same fake name! How is this even possible?! Well the other night, I got a text message saying he was in the hospital again (in Florida.) For his back. I told him not to get any more scripts and he said he wasn't, but... I don't know. According to my doctor, if someone takes adderall, it acts like speed. The person is more quick to be angered, violent, and irritable. Then when it wears off, they are lacadaisical. This describes SL completely, and he never used to be that way. I just don't know. I hope I'm wrong, but it makes complete sense, and he'll probably read this and get pissed off, but what can I say?
I'm worried about him. We had such a great relationship up until the last two or three months. No major problems, no issues really, it was just great. I was so happy. I feel now like a piece of me is actually missing. I've never felt this way about someone leaving my life, not my husband, not TM, not MF... no one. It still hurts, and I try to rationalize things, even try focusing on the terrible things and the bad things and I still want him to come back. It's easier when I am not alone, but when I'm just at home doing nothing I find myself crying over TV commercials and when I hear songs I cry over those too. It's ridiculous. I got weepy yesterday because I was watching Jeopardy and I thought about how SL and I used to watch Jeopardy all the time together. It's so lame. I know he can't come back, I know he won't come back, but there is that little bit of hope inside me that says we can work things out someday. I almost lost my job because of fighting with him. Things got violent. It was out of control. But I still want him to come back. I'm just grieving still I guess.
SL is miserable in Florida, and I knew he would be. He hates the heat, living with his dad and being told what to do all the time, and the new CVS's where he works. He has no car and nothing to do except hang out with RS. And RS has a pregnant girlfriend and a job so that's not even possible all the time. I feel slightly bad for SL, but just slightly. He shouldn't have moved to Florida, he should have stayed here so we could work things out the way we planned. I almost feel like he didn't even care and the way he left was like the coward's way out. Instead of facing the music and working on things for real, he just left. He says it's because I told him I wanted him out, and I hated him, which I did say (mostly out of anger), but I never said I wanted him to leave the state. Just the house. *sigh* I'm just in a weird place right now. I just heard our song on the radio and it gave me the shivers like I was going to puke.

On to something much happier, let's talk about the weekend!

Friday night I did nothing. At least, I don't remember doing anything, so I must not have. I vaugely remember watching a lot of Law & Order. Saturday I went to WR's house for the OSU game vs. Penn State. It was a shitty game (just ask Joe Paterno) up until OSU scored a whole bunch and killed the Knittany Lions. Yee Haw! It was a fun time, a few other folks I know were there, we had pizza (omg! Donato's Mariachi Pizza! Mmmmm!) and shots and lots of beer. It was great. D*Martin called me around eight and said to head over to Poke's house. I did so, and we hung out there for awhile, had a couple beers, just chilled. D*Martin's ex called him up to meet at the Half Time Tavern on Bethel, so with much debate we finally went. D*Martin drove seperately, and when we got there he was nowhere to be found. I went in the bar and to the bathroom to call him, and when he answered he was puking his guts out. I'm like what the fuck. I would have called back! Then he's finally done and says he's in the parking lot. Poke and I go out there and find him, as he's projectile vomiting on the side of the car - or so I think, but he's really just spitting out mouthwash. I run around to the other side and almost step in the real puke. It was a very tragic twenty seconds. He tells us some story about making himself yak because he's afraid he's going to get in a fight with his ex's new man or something... whatever, I know he's wasted. The next day I found out that he kept drinking after that, went to this bar down on the south end, and drove home while puking out the door. He drove straight, he knew for sure, because he was looking at the yellow line while he yakked. Christ. ANYWAY! Poke and I headed over to Otani to do some karaoke, and it was so shitty. It took about twenty minutes to get a water, ten more minutes to get a beer for him and a martini for me, then he sang and my name never even got called, and we left. We bolted. We drank and dashed so to speak... At least he left some cash on the table for them. Not enough to cover it, but still, a little bit. Our table was probably only about $8 anyway, but seriously, they sucked. Which surprised me because I've always gotten good service there! After that we went over to Springer's Pub to meet up with the guys I work with for a sort-of birthday celebration. It was just a bunch of us hanging out. Poke and I shared two large beers, and then headed home. We thought it was like one thirty in the morning, and when we got home, it was only eleven thirty!! We joked about being like old people, tried to drink some Natty Ice, and then... well... we went to bed... Poke and Kel-Bell style. Then he woke me up at six a.m., which was nice... Then I finally got up for good around ten a.m. and took him home. He even kissed me in front of his neighbors! I was shocked. He told me this long thing about how he would never make a good boyfriend or husband, because it's just not his style, and I was laughing inside because I didn't even bring it up. We tried to date once, for like 24 hours, and it just didn't work. Too much going on. If it happens it happens but I'm not even looking for it. Especially now.
I chilled at home all day Sunday, and went to Brewstir's around ten thirty. At first it was so dead. Cat and Crash showed up, the kid I punched in the face was there, and a few folks who I didn't know and who weren't there for karaoke. D*Martin put all my drinks on his tab that night, which was really awesome of him. There were these two guys, a cowboy and a dego wop skank (who ended up actually being norweigan/irish/something heritage but he looked like a greaser), and they were in town on business selling furniture or something. The cowboy, Chris, was really sweet and nice, and the skank, Mike, was nice too, except he kept doing the drunk lean. It was so annoying. I'm trying to sit in my chair and he's like leaning hard on me, and I'm like wtf mate?! Get off me!! He was almost trying to bang me right there in the bar, and I was so not interested. Dooger showed up later on, so I was trying to hang out with him more, to get away from skank. The Aerosmith guy was there too, and I traded him my boring purple lighter for his awesome purple rubbery lighter. Yeah! What had started as a boring evening had become a great fun one, and I was so happy. When the bar closed, I felt I was too wasted to drive home, so I went up to Dooger's apartment to chill for an hour or so. Of course things led to things and... Yeah. But that's okay, he's a swell guy. But he sweats a lot. I got home around 4am.
Monday, work was very very long. It seemed like the longest day ever. I went home, took a nap, and then ate some chicken rice and headed to Triple 16 for the Sandogg's welcome back party. This night, much like the night before, started off terribly boring. It was only Cat, Crash, Mr. Boston, and myself. Well and some folks I didn't know. The Triple 16 pretty much sucks, but I like it because it's fairly cheap and I get to sing a lot. OA, Sandogg, Lady K, Jorge, and some guy I recognized but couldn't remember his name showed up around ten thirty. Roch was there too. She and I sat and talked for a long time. Man, she is so awesome. We had a great time. We were dancing with Crash, there were shots everywhere, Cat bought me a little pitcher and I got one of my own (heck it was only $4!) and it was just a really fun time. I'm lucky to have such great friends. Dooger showed up really late again, and he ended up coming back to my house. We sat and talked for awhile, then went to bed. That night he wasn't as sweaty...! He slept over, and left around 8 a.m., which was fine because I had to get up for work anyway.
Yesterday I did nothing. Work was long and slow again, and I wasn't feeling like number one after having been drunk for three straight nights. I went to Kroger and bought some groceries, decided to have chinese food for dinner, and then went home. I watched Jeopardy, surfed the internet for a little while, and spent the rest of the night watched Law & Order and SVU. It was swell. I just relaxed, hung out with the cats, and didn't do a damn thing.
Tonight I might head over to Brewstir's since my cable has been shut off til Friday, but I really can't afford it, so I'm not sure. I could just drink water, no big deal, and I'm sure someone will buy me a beer, haha. I'm always like "no no I'm good" and they get me one anyway. It's cool. When I have money I will be buying everyone beers too.