Kel-Bell's Hell: April 2008

Thanks to the shotty job GW has done as president, in combination with my huge mistake of getting married, I will no longer be continuing as a student at the Culinary Institute. I have just over one year left, but I can't get any student loans to cover anything. I have enough money for tuition, not enough to live on. Or, conversely, I have enough to live on but not enough to pay tuition. So basically, I'm fucked. Haven't decided what to do about this, but all I know is that blowing myself up on the White House lawn to make a point seems like it would be less worthwhile than just jumping off a bridge.

Note to all gov't folks reading this blog: If you really think I'd take the time to build a bomb, drive to DC, and somehow get thru the fence to explode myself, you are downright crazy. Go find some fucking terrorists with the money you should be giving me to go to school.

That's the thing that really pisses me off, too: I am a good person. I am trying to start a new life for myself. But I can't, because all my hard-earned cash goes to taxes to pay for... what? Homeland Security? Welfare? So I'm basically funding programs directly related to the worthless people of the world. I see. Yes, that crack-addicted 16 yr old mother of three DEFINITELY deserves more than I do. She will absolutely make a greater impact for the good of society, whereas I, a mere Chef (had I been able to complete my schooling), will be nothing to the community, of no good to anyone. Well, I'll be darned.

Poke will be getting a $300 stipend from the gov't in May. I will not. Poke got over $750 as a tax return and owed nothing. I owed $22 and got $87, making a grand total of $65 received from good old Uncle Sam. I have pain in my hips that makes me cry and makes it difficult to walk. I can't go to the chiropractor to get it fixed because insurance is too expensive and I can't afford the cost without it. I have to compromise my morals and get my eyes checked at the Wal*Mart Vision Center because a real doctor is four times more expensive. On top of all that, I have to drop out of school. Life is wonderful.

Thank you, George W. Bush, you fucking fuck.

Wow. Ok.

I don't even know where to start. I guess the beginning would be good, thanks smartass, but I don't really know what the beginning is...

Let's categorize.

School - awesome. Getting super good grades. Felt slightly failure-ish the last couple weeks while doing chicken, but I am going to attribute it to 1) Hating chicken 2) Being sick and 3) Really fucking hating chicken. There was some drama with KS, the 53 yr old woman in my class, but whatever, it's mostly just entertainment now. You'd think somebody who is that age would have some tact/couth/knowledge of how to act in a social situation, but I guess it's not always true. BB, EM, and AT have all withdrawn. It's ok. I'm just glad that they finally figured it out. AT will be back after she has her baby, but we'll be long gone or at least in our externships by that point, so whatever. Other than that, school is cool.

Me!

Me scraping out marrow from Osso Bucco

Me eating the marrow (it really wasn't that bad)

WR and MB eatin' chicken wings

Chefs trying my delicious Pork Enchiladas

MB. Chicken Wing. Watch out!

RP trying out the Parmesan Crusted Chicken Breast

Work - Been at the Steak'n'Shake for about a month and a half now. It is good! I really like working there, and I kinda didn't think I would. I've never been a waitress before, and I always was like "oh I hate people I can't do that job" but actually it's great. The money leaves a bit to be desired, but I am still making practically double what I was at DQ, so that in and of itself makes the job way more awesome! I guess I just pictured tips being more... well... plentiful. But then again, even tho S'n'S is kinda on the pricey side, people don't seem to really think of it as a "real restaurant". HELLO?! Hasn't anyone seen the commercials? This is not a "workeraunt!" The only terrible thing that has happened is this totally random bruise that I cannot for the life of me figure out. It just appeared. I tease Poke that it's the exact size of his thumb, but I really think I closed my arm in the salad cooler door last week.

Family - Good. My brother just had his 19th birthday. My dad walks with a cane now, and he's having surgery on his knees tomorrow - I think they're being scraped again. That's about all.

Poke - Ah yes, I know you were all waiting for this part of the update! Ok, so after I dropped him off at the bus station, I texted him a couple times between then and the next day. When I heard from him again, he was absolutely miserable. He had originally been in an apt with 3 black people, 2 of which were racist lesbians. His other roommate was just weird, so he switched to live in a house with some other people. I was shocked that they had him rooming with females in the first place, but whatever. So Monday was the 1st day, he had some classes, then it was time for the physical (actually I can't remember if it was Mon or Tues...) Regardless, he filled out the forms and stuff, and realized that he wouldn't pass the physical because he has back problems and sleep apnea, 2 major things they don't allow the truckers to have. So that was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back on top of being miserable with his living situation and being terribly homesick. He was back by Wednesday morning. I wasn't really angry, just kinda disappointed, but if he was going to be miserable not learning anything and not pass the physical anyway, why should he waste his money staying out there? So, that was that. He had an interview yesterday at a lumber place up in Westerville which seems promising. He will still get to be a driver, just not have his CDL. I guess we'll work on that later.

Besides Poke's career, things have been going very well for us. I made it clear, both verbally and otherwise (ha ha but don't think I'm beating him or anything!) that this time it really is on my terms and that if he wants to be with me he needs to realize that I'm not putting up with anything and that I basically own him. It's nice though, because we've gone into another level of this relationship now. He wants to move in. He wants to make a serious committment. He wants to move to Boston with me. I'm no longer poking and prodding and trying to convince. He has actually said he wants this that or the other thing, and it's wonderful. We went to a friend's wedding, and the next day Poke was talking about what kind of things we could do for ours. Things this time are just so much more open and real and better, and I think it's because I didn't just let him back in with a big "You're Forgiven". I made him work for it.

So, here are some random pictures. Enjoy. I promise I will update more often from now on! Working 25-35 hrs a week on top of 35-ish hours of school keeps me pretty busy though!