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Santa Baby

What I got for Christmas:

• Six Slice Toaster Oven
• Steam Cleaner (got that in November when I got back from Fla)
• Crock Pot
• $60 gift cert to Dick Blick Art Supplies
• $50 gift cert to BP Gasoline
• $25 gift cert to SunOCo Gasoline
• $20 gift cert to Kroger's
• $20 from Aunt Sue & Uncle Ronnie (In Spirit)
• $5 from Uncle Bob
• Season One of Law & Order: SVU 6 disc DVD set
• A book of quotes by Mr. Rogers
• Pope John Paul figurine
• Care Bears Ornament
• Framed photo of SK
• Framed photo of my family
• Two Candle holders
• Freaky magic worm
• Meatwad Sticker
• "Easy" button
• Stocking stuffers: hand soap in lemon and vanilla, gum, pair of rudolph socks, mandarin oranges.

I totally made out. Santa was way good to me this year!!!

End of Year Survey 2005

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Drove to Florida.
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes I kept them and I don't know if I'll make any.
Did anyone close to you give birth? KL and SS.
Did anyone close to you die? Yeah my Uncle Ron.
What countries did you visit? I don't think any... Nope, none.
What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More money and a divorce.
What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The whole month of May (TM bullshit and some other crap, see the archives!), August 6th (talked to SL for the first time), August 10th (My Uncle died)
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Saving and getting a credit card.
What was your biggest failure? Still not getting a divorce.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Plenty. I found out in Feb. that I still had the chlam from my stupid husband, I puked like 18 times this year (usually I go years w/out yakking), I was hungover for the 3rd time in my life, I fell down the stairs, I got mauled by kittens, I had an allergic reaction to a small child...
What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets.
Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. I went from Super Slut to Super Monogamous and that was good.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? SB.
Where did most of your money go? Bills, plane tickets, vacations.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? Meeting SL.
What song will always remind you of 2005? My Humps.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier.
Thinner or fatter? Slightly thinner.
What do you wish you'd done more of? Save money.
What do you wish you had done less of? Spent money.
Did you fall in love in 2005? Yes.
How many one-night stands? upwards of 15... but usually they came back for more a month later... or something...
What was your favorite TV program? Law & Order SVU.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? TM.
What was the best book you read? Great Expectations.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Hmmm... I discovered I can pretty much sing anything I try to.
What did you want and get? Lots of stuff. But not a damn divorce.
What was your favorite film of this year? The Graduate.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to Tony's for karaoke and no one showed up because they suck and I turned 23.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Getting a divorce.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Well I attempted to be more girly and add color to my wardrobe so... other wise I dress all in black.
What kept you sane? GG.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I tend not to "fancy" anything like that. But I was thrilled when Nick and Jessica broke up.
What political issue stirred you the most? That lady whose family versed her husband on whether or not she should be taken off life support.
Who did you miss? MF.
Who was the best new person you met? SL, M0053, GG (technically I knew her already but we weren't really friends.)
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Seems to me that "maybe" pretty much always means "No."
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "God Blessed the Broken Road that led me Straight to You."

Don't Tell Anyone I Punched that Boy.

Remember on GMc's birthday when this happened (October 2005):

"There was this kid, Brian, and he was pretty cool. Then he asked for a ride home, and since he only lived four blocks from me, I said no problem. Well we had just dropped O off and the kid leans up to the front seat and says, "You guys wanna party?" and GMc says "Well she used to be a coke head and I used to smoke crack so what do you mean by party?" and the kid is just like "Um let me call my dude, whatever you want" but we didn't want anything, we were just going to maybe take it if he had it. We pulled over to The Continent where he said he lived, and I told him to get the fuck out of the car. He did, and said he wanted to talk to GMc for a second, and he kept trying to get GMc to buy something. We were so not interested. I told GMc to get back in the car, and he did, and we drove off, leaving the boy in the parking lot. I wonder if he actually lived there or not... oh well. The damn security guard was circling the area watching us and I sure didn't want to go to jail. Fuck that boy."

Well that kid yakked in GMc's car that night, which he didn't find out until like the next day or something. So, this kid has been harassing me all the time when I see him. He talks so much shit to me, calling me a whore and everything else, and I totally don't instigate it. So last night I punched him in the nose. It bled a lot. He called me a whore and said that his friend would pay him to take me home. Fuck that. I cried.

Mrs. SL

Yippie Woo and Skipper Do I'm going to Jersey, how about you?!

Oh yes, I'm going to New Jersey for New Years, yay yay yay. I'm dropping GG off in Pennsylvania to see her man on the way there, how nice of me. I was worried about Wendell riding in the car that long but TG calmed my fears about it. Animals in cars make me shake. It's all good though, since Wendell is a Seeing Eye Dog she is trained to be a certain way in the car. That's wonderful. I already knew that, but I guess I just needed reassurance.

Last night I went to Eldo's and hung out with J1, who I haven't seen in months. She was really busy with her kids and their ceiling fell in and everything, so it's okay. We had a great time. We sat with AE, who is just a bit off her rocker. Oh man. But last night she wasn't too bad until she started getting ripped and complained about GMc being moody and how he wasn't a good boyfriend and blah blah and I was like whatever lady. I took her and Brewstir's J to the other Brewstir's where I hung with D*Martin and Jstn and it was good times until...

Happy and Tolerant Cacophony!

So, not much has been going on. The only thing worthy of note is that I have had the same strange dream the last five nights. I'm pretty tired of having it, and I would like to find out what it means. The dream is as follows: I'm in a situation where I'm incredibly pregnant, and my belly sticks way way out from my body. MMA is beating me or fighting me, and SL comes in to save the day, assisted by VS (the fiance who passed away.) Usually I will tell VS not to help because he's already done enough for me, and then SL will take over and take care of things. In the end, I am fine, VS has gone away, and SL has defeated the Evil MMA. Strange. The only variations on the dream is how MMA is hurting me - once he was beating me, once he was kicking me, once he was pummelling my pregnant belly with a lead pipe. Except for last night, last night there was no MMA, it was my G'maP instead - she pushed me into an empty swimming pool at a resort in Florida and I landed stomach first and my stomach exploded on impact. My mom and I were visiting SL there and my G'maP was just being mean, and then there were like 40 ladies claiming to be her daughters and a pair of twins tried to get her to move to Hawai'i... VS was there as a gas station attendant who wouldn't sell me cigarettes because I was pregnant.

I was thinking that I was dreaming of VS so much because maybe he's still alive... not sure. I would think that I was thinking of being pregnant because I am, but I don't think I would be because I'm on the pill... there's like a .01% chance that I could be. This is very confusing. I can understand the part where MMA tortures me and SL saves the day, because that is pretty much what is happening in real life.

If anyone knows how to interpret dreams or knows a website or something where I can look these things up, I would greatly appreciate it!

Joe.My.God

Vote for him here - it's very important. I can't get through the day without reading his blog. He's listed under Best Urban Gay Blogger.

OK long post

Well I could just say that SL's week here was the best week of my life, but that would just be boring!

Monday we went to my parents' house for dinner and then hung out with my little brother. They played video games while I effed around on the computer and made a mix CD. It was just generic family relaxing fun, quite wonderful.

Tuesday we went to the Hot Spot and it was super fun. O was there, Geo, Moose, Pula, and a bunch of other people. We had so so SO much fun. There were these older kind of business guys and they LOVED my singing and one gave me a Coors Light that I pounded in 37 seconds. It was last call. SL thought he was gonna yak when we got home because he and O had shared something like 4 pitchers of Amber Bock and SL is definitely not used to drinking that thick kind of beer. Luckily he didn't and he got over it and it was all good.

Wednesday we went to the Karaoke Cocksuckers Christmas Party at Brewstir's in the Continent. GMc had come over for dinner (I made pork and broccoli chinese dinner) and then the three of us headed over there. My parents got there at the same time as us, so that was good. D*Martin was there, Uncle Bob and his daughter, Cat, and some other folks I know from around. Cat had a raffle, you got a ticket for showing up and every time you sang you got a ticket. SL won a giant Hershey's kiss, which he gave to D*Martin, my mom won edible underwear which she traded to D*Martin for the kiss, and I won a masturbation kit. GMc won a cool Bacardi baseball jersey and also I think he got a shitty t-shirt too. Other people won things like a vibrator or a kind of t-shirt or whatever. It was very very very fun. I was so trashed. SL bought me two roses, and I almost cried.

Thursday we went to Zuey's to meet KP and a few of her friends. We were sitting there chillin' and then she left to take her friends home. SL started talking to Wags about army stuff so I was just looking around being bored. I felt a little drunk but not too bad. I turned my head once and then all of a sudden I had the worst migraine ever. We didn't go to karaoke, we just went home. As soon as I got out into the fresh air I felt better but still kinda shitty. We got Taco Bell on the way home and I was so mad because they gave me chicken and I fucking hate chicken.

Friday I called off because I felt sick. I think I was just hurting from the night before, but I wanted to spend time with SL too so it was alright. I was coughing my ass off all day though and I know I had a little bit of a fever, so I'm not sure what was up with the migraine but whatever. SL and I woke up around nine a.m. and had some adult time then went back to sleep. Then woke up around noon and had some adult time and tried to go back to sleep but I decided I was hungry and it was time for Chipotle. So we did that, then went to Rent-A-Center to pay my bill, then went to Kohl's, JoAnn Fabrics, and The Polaris Fashion Place. We were in the mall (I'm sorry, "Fashion Place") and SL wanted to look at engagement rings. Apparently he has opened a savings account specifically for buying me a ring. He got approved for the store credit at Ashcroft and Oak, and luckily he doesn't have to put that much down on the ring we want. I was so happy I could cry. At this rate I will be divorced and remarried within a year and a half. I hope it all works out well. I'm just worried about SL being in the army and going to Iraq and the troubles he's had with jobs lately. He has a job, but the thing is that it's the 3rd one he's had since we started talking. He hasn't missed any time one he started working, like gaps in employment or anything, but still... it's worrisome. In the evening we went to Kroger's and did grocery shopping which was quite difficult for me because I'm so used to being single and doing it my way and I have a system, which SL was messing up. I got over it. Friday night SL made a wonderful Italian dinner. We had a semi-romantic evening, and it was beautiful. Then he told me something that I have been pondering for awhile and it turned out he has been lying to me, even though I knew it anyway. I got over it, told him he had better NEVER lie to me again, and he cried a lot. Like, a really lot. More than me. So I know he felt bad. No, he wasn't cheating on me. It was something incredibly menial and totally irrelevant to the scheme of things, he was just being strange.

Saturday I practically cried all day. We went to the Waffle House to meet JR the Hippie for brunch but he never showed up. Ended up spending almost two hours there and drinking nearly five to eight cups of coffee each. But SL loved it. After that we headed over to SS/Jms house to meet them and see the bebes. The new one was sleeping when we got there but the boy was playing Spiderman so we all sat around and talked and watched them play. SL and Jms got along well and they were both helping the boy learn how to play... well theorhetically I suppose they were telling SL how to play because he didn't really know how that well. Regardless, it was cute. I got to look at the bebe and she was sleepin' in her bassinet all cute and stuff, it was great. She's getting so big! We stayed for a few hours and then went home. After some adult fun and things of that nature, SL made another great italian dinner. We went to Zuey's to meet up w/RB and her husband TB (RB is my one girl friend from high school.) We talked about some shit I had completely forgotten about and that was off the hook. I had so much fun. I haven't really seen RB all that much, I think maybe about once since I got married. I saw her a few times when she was at ONU with JAFH, but then when I got hitched and he went to BGSU, I just kinda lost contact, which sucked. Maybe now that I'm in a more normal part of life we can be in touch better. Anyway, they stayed for about two hours, and it started to get really loud because the band was about to start playing. JR the Hippie came in right as they were leaving, and he tried to sell us some two year old acid. I laughed in his face. SL didn't like JR because they are so much alike and SL doesn't want me hanging around w/someone like JR. I told him not to worry because I see JR about twice a year anymore. We hung out and listened to the band, and talked to a few people. The Boring Kid Nicholas showed up and I was kinda glad actually because I haven't seen him in forever and I was getting a little worried. Turns out he got a new dog that he has been retraining because the first person who had it trained it wrong or something. Whatever, I'm just glad he's not dead. SL and I hung out for awhile and then went home and laid on the couch and I cried a little bit because I was so sad to think of him leaving the next day.

Sunday was the worst day ever. We woke up, had some adult fun, ate a ton of food, had some more adult fun, laid around and watched Law & Order SVU marathon then had some more adult fun (twice this time) and then he had to go to the airport. We got Taco Bell on the way, and ate it while driving. We made it to the airport at 3:45 p.m. for his 4:10 p.m. flight. He made it though, and got to W. Palm beach around ten p.m. I didn't cry too much on the way home from the airport or on the way there, but when I got home and changed the sheets and started cleaning up and stuff, it was all over. I was hoping I would find something he had left, and I did (his Brooklyn hat and his plane ticket and his pj pants) and that made me cry harder. I was really crying for about an hour and a half. I went to karaoke with GG and we had a great time. Before we left I gave her her Christmas present which was a very awesome purse she wanted from Kohl's that is just like mine, with a Jaegermeister button that flashes and everything! I also gave her some lip gloss that is Skittles flavored. She reacted exactly like I thought she would, yelping "YAY!" when she saw what it was. I rule. At karaoke it was dead because the roads were kinda shitty, so I got to sing a lot. Apparently there has been a downfall in the friendship between Poke and D*Martin, so he was trying to think of something evil we could do to Poke to make him realise what a loser he is. We came up with a few ideas but not many. D*Martin spent a lot of time trying to get me to get with him, and it's getting kind of old. He met SL and could see that I am obviously in love with SL, I don't know why he's still trying. I guess he just has nothing better to do. I called SL when I got home and we talked for a little while and I cried a little bit more. Then we went to sleep.

What a great week.

Oh Sal!

What a wonderful weekend. SL is just perfect. I hope this lasts!

Friday GG and I went to Target so she could get Christmas gifts for her man. I helped her pick them out, and I think he will really like them. I can't say what we got because he reads my blog and I'm not sure if they exchanged yet or not! Friday night SL and I stayed on the phone as long as possible so it would be less time between waking up and him arriving here. We got off the phone around one a.m., and I finished reading Great Expectations. I was bored still and couldn't sleep, so I started to read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which starts out v e r y boring. Terribly. I fell asleep on page three, so I got up and turned off the light and went to sleep... only to be woken up by the noise of water dripping inside my wall. That sucked because every seven to fifteen seconds I'd hear "drip" and it kept me up. Finally I passed the time by counting seconds between drips steadily and eventually fell asleep for good around two a.m.
I woke up at nine thirty a.m. That sucked. I had tried so hard to sleep for so long! I ended up reading the rest of Jekyll & Hyde and the story that was after it, The Bottle Imp. That story was really good, I was surprised. I'm not usually a big fan of short stories, I prefer long novels that suck you in and take weeks to read.
Anyway.
After I read so much that I could barely see, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't so I went down stairs, cleaned the cat box, did the dishes, cleaned up some trash, took the trash out (actually set it on the back stoop) and then made a grilled cheese sandwich. I ate that, wandered around for a minute, then called SL. He was packing, so we talked for that little while, and then hung up because he had a couple things to do before going to the airport. The wait from four o'clock p.m. until five forty-five p.m. when he called to say he had landed in Atlanta was the longest hour and forty five minutes ever. Then, the trouble began. SL went out to smoke a cigarette, and he was away from the plane for about twenty minutes. When he went back to the gate, there was a sign that said to go to a different gate to catch the plane to Columbus. When he got to that gate, the plane had already left! They didn't even wait for their full 45 minute layover. I was devestated. So was SL! They put him on stand by for a 21:30 flight to Columbus, but they couldn't guarantee he would get on it. I went to Kroger's and then to Zuey's to wait for him to call and let me know. Finally at 20:55 SL called and told me his name was on the list and he was definitely getting the flight. If he hadn't gotten that one, he would have had to wait until 9:20 a.m Sunday morning for a flight. Luckily, it all worked out. I picked him up at the airport around 23:15 and it was wonderful. I was so happy to see him I could barely contain myself.
We went home and hung out for awhile, and, well... adult fun ensued. We ended up staying up until about 4:00 a.m. I haven't slept with a person in my bed since... well, I suppose since I was dating Poke, so my sleep was quite restless. SL tosses and turns a lot too, so that didn't help. I kept waking up and being really hot, so I opened the window, then another time I turned on the fan, and I finally fell asleep for about four straight hours only to wake up around ten thirty a.m. It was okay though. More adult happiness, then we finally got out of bed, showered, and he made breakfast. SL makes the best omlettes ever! I thought I was good at making omelettes, but SL definitely has me beat. We laid around, more adult fun, then started to watch The Godfather. Just as it started, GMc called. He and Ron were on the way back from Alabama/Kentucky, and had two extra tickets to the Blue Jackets game. I was all over that! SL and I got ready, and I checked to see who they were playing... turned out to be the New Jersey Devils! Funny because SL grew up in New Jersey. The game was awesome. We had a lot of fun, and SL had never been to a hockey game before. The Blue Jackets won, of course, because I have never been to a game where they lost! 3-2 in overtime, it was great.
We went to Burger King after the game, and then headed to Eldo's. It was TG's 50th birthday, so we wanted to see him, and I bought him a beer. We had a couple pitchers, sat and talked with DG and TG for awhile, and then when GMc and Ron got there, SL played pool with them while I sat and talked to Zara. It was a wonderful evening. I think having SL in my life is just what I need. Anyway, we ended up taking GMc home, and he and SL were trashed. I was a little irritated because they hadn't included me in their shots and hadn't even told me about it, but I wasn't too mad. Just upset because I don't want to end up with another drunk like MMA. I told SL I was upset, and he got really emotional, and he asked me to marry him... don't get all excited folks, he was drunk. But we talked about it, and we have to figure out how to get me divorced first. The cost has risen significantly from $1,500 to $3,500. I guess we'll get it done somehow. But anyhow, SL and I went home and he was very lovey, and we finally fell asleep around three a.m. Woke up at eight thirty-ish, and had a wonderful morning. Stopped at McD's for breakfast and brought it to the office. He met some people I work with, and then went home. Tonight we're going to my parent's house for dinner. We were going to go to karaoke but I'm going to tell them to come on Tuesday or Wednesday because those days will be less smoky, and Wednesday is the Karaoke Christmas Party at Brewstir's.
What a wonderful time.

More Pics!

Go to the photobucket to see new pics! Yay!

This Will be Interesting

Go to your calendar and pick the first entry of each month. Copy and paste the first line of that entry and that is your year end review.


January: Well hello.


February: I hate Stupid Bowl Sunday.


March: OH MY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN I can't take this anymore.


April: Oh my gosh!


May: "...You know, where people play games with the night... god, it was too hot to sleep... I turned around and she said, 'Why do you always end up down at Nick's Cafe?'... Catch the Blue Train... look for me, Somewhere down the Crazy River..." ~"Somewhere Down the Crazy River" by Robby Robertson.


June: Also, drinking a gallon of "Mountain Blast" Powerade will turn your poo neon green.


July: Well, that's the day I'm going to die.


August: ~Sources say they did not have enough bread.


September: Name: Kelly.


October: They're both fucking close to water. Har.


November: Like myspace.com which is pretty fucking gay but I signed up awhile back and then my yahoo! account was hacked/fucked/destroyed and when SL told me he was updating his tonight I decided I may as well do the same.


December: Alright, this is probably the most fucked up one to date, only because it's so fantastical... if that's a word.


I have no idea how to sum up this year. I'd say... fucked up. Very different. Fast.


It reads like this though: "Well hello. I hate Stupid Bowl Sunday. OH MY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN I can't take this anymore. Oh my gosh! "...You know, where people play games with the night... god, it was too hot to sleep... I turned around and she said, 'Why do you always end up down at Nick's Cafe?'... Catch the Blue Train... look for me, Somewhere down the Crazy River..." ~"Somewhere Down the Crazy River" by Robby Robertson. Also, drinking a gallon of "Mountain Blast" Powerade will turn your poo neon green. Well, that's the day I'm going to die. ~Sources say they did not have enough bread. Name: Kelly. They're both fucking close to water. Har. Like myspace.com which is pretty fucking gay but I signed up awhile back and then my yahoo! account was hacked/fucked/destroyed and when SL told me he was updating his tonight I decided I may as well do the same. Alright, this is probably the most fucked up one to date, only because it's so fantastical... if that's a word."

No, It's Completely Baked

Oh Man, It Is Snowing. It's 16 F outside!! Yay!!

Guess what kids?! SL is coming tomorrow! So will I! *wink*

I went to Zuey's last night to get my boyscout popcorn, and GG and I hung out for awhile. It was KL's first day back, and it was good to see her back behind the wood. GMc met me there, and we stayed for about an hour and then s l o w l y drove to my house (7 miles) in the terrific snow. It snowed about 4 inches from five thirty p.m. to this morning. Yay! I made stuffed shells and tortellini, and then we debated for an hour on what movie to watch. We finally decided on The Graduate, which subsequently is probably the best movie I've ever seen this year besides National Treasure. The Graduate has so many awesome quotes! Like the one I used for my title, where Mr. Braddock is telling Ben that his idea for marrying Elaine is half-baked, and Ben replies, "No, It's completley baked." I love it. What a great movie. I think I'm becoming a big Dustin Hoffman fan! Apparently this was the movie that made him a big star. How exciting! I can't believe it took me this long to see it.

SL is coming tomorrow. Yes.

I Totally Stole This I'm not Going to Lie.

From Sarah Silverman's Appearance on Jay Leno (12:25 EST)

Things that Old Jewish Women and Young Black Men have in common:

• Cadillacs
• Drinking Orange Soda
• All their friends are dying
• Penchant for diamonds and bling and things
• Crazy about their grandkids
• Very white sneakers
• Track suits
• They do their hair like this (pat a 'fro or tease an updo)

Oh my god, she is one hot Jewish girl. Too bad I'm a straight Catholic girl - but the thought is SO right in so many ways... *sigh*

Salt would be better if it wasn't so Salty.

Okay now I will tell you about last night.

Decided to go to karaoke at Brewstirs on High because... well, I like it. Txt msged O and he wanted to go so I picked him up around nine fifteen and we headed over. It was snowing like a mug. KP and T met us there later, around ten I think. D*Martin was there also. We all had a wonderful time. O left around eleven to go to the Hot Spot, but that was okay.
T pissed me off because he said that shit about long distance relationships, but whatever, he's not my favorite person in the world and I think he's playing my best good friend, KP, but what can I do? I warned her and she knows it so I just sit and wait to either 1) be proven wrong or 2) provide a shoulder to cry on. That is how a good friend acts. (She already knows all this, we talked about it earlier today.) But T was commenting on how I was "all over" D*Martin, which was just not true. D*Martin and I were sitting next to each other, and we touch a lot, but I can't think of anything that I would do with/to him or whatever that I wouldn't do in front of SL. Probably wouldn't fuck around w/him so much (we do that stupid little kid thing like "I'm not touching yooooou.") because I'd be busy touching SL... but that's it. I'm no cheater and I'm really fucking committed to this relationship! Damnit! Anyway.

I sang a whole fuckin' bunch of times, and it was awesome. I kicked major ass on "I Will Survive" and "I'll Be Home for Christmas." I didn't know I could sing that Christmas song so well, but I rocked - I usually rock though.

I really had a great time last night. KP and/or T were paying for the pitchers, and I ended up spending nothing. It's cool, she knows I'll get her back. That's how we roll. I did two shots, it was great times. I wasn't drunk at the end of the night either, just a bit tipsy, and made it home just fine with no worries... except I was effing starving. Made some shitty nachos, ate, went to bed.

Woke up this morning and found out I'm not pregnant. Awesome. I wasn't worried that I was, I didn't even have the slightest thought about it, but it's always nice to know. Now I have cramps and I'm craving salt like a damn... something that likes salt... French Fry. One time I told my friend JAFH that salt would be so much better if it wasn't so salty. Hence, the title of this post. W00t.

I'm going back to being a drunk.

Alright, I can't stand these dreams that I can remember. Fuckin' crazy shit. I was convinced I was pregnant when I woke up. Thankfully, not so. Anyway.

I dreamt I was at work, but instead of people having "cubicles" they had "areas" with nice wooden desks, sitting chairs and couches and nice lamps and rugs and stuff. But it was in the same office as I work now. My boss DE brought his wife and his little boy to the office, and the baby was running all over the place. I started hanging out with him, and he loved me. He would follow me every where (he just started walking about 2 months ago) and he would fall over and get back up and run after me. We walked to the Chinese buffet that was down the hall, and he loved crab rangoon (I think this was me still being hungry for Chinese from yesterday's lunch.) He was wandering around the office, and then we decided to nap. DE's wife found me and him sleeping on a couch, content. DE thought we were cute but yelled at me to get back to work (he never yells.) As I was going back to my office, his wife says, "Oh by the way congratulations on your little one!" and I said "Thanks!"

Strange shit I tell ya what.

Anyway, the only other thing I have to say is fuck you to everyone who thinks a long distance relationship isn't real. Fuck you.

I Have One Thing to Say.

Fuck your sister, Fuck your dog. I was a bit pissed off when I made this last night after getting home from karaoke.

Angelfire = Shit Shitty Shit

Angelfire sucks.

Here is where I have a new photo album: Photobucket

Bah. I probably won't use the Angelfire one any more but I will leave the pics that are there up on it. Fucking stupid Angelfire.

When Jesus said "Love Thy Neighbor" I don't think he meant doggy style.

Well Sunday night was interesting. Karaoke was dead, really dead. I got to sing eight times! I spent most of the night talking to BR, and I was happy because he's finally over that angry drunk phrase, even though he's still on the drunk phase. We talked about all kinds of things, from working at Dairy Queen (we both worked there from ages 15 til 21, but about 20 years apart!) to his daughter, to SR doing my hair. We really covered a wide range of topics! And it was great because BR and I haven't sat down and talked like that in a really long time. I was proud of him too because he stopped drinking 1) before he ran out of money and 2) before he was completely trashed, and he drank coffee for the rest of the night.

Yesterday I pretty much did nothing, sat on the couch and drank beer while I watched "Chicago" and "Who's Line is it Anyway?" and "Iron Chef." The Iron Chef was really good this time, they had battle blue crab and it made me so frickin' hungry for Chinese food, even though it was Iron Chef Italian versus the Thai King & Queen's Royal Food Critic. The Thai food looked way better than the other food, but the Iron Chef won anyway. Sometimes I think it's rigged because I would much rather eat the competitor's meal than the Iron Chef's, but he wins anyway! Oh well. I was glad it was crab because lately the battles have been tofu or eggplant or weird asian fish that I've never heard of... that's just not fun for my brain. I like to watch battles with things I like to eat or would like to try.

I talked to SL this morning, and he told me he passed out at work yesterday. I think he needs to treat his body a lot better, but he doesn't really have a choice... well, kinda. He never sleeps because of the PTSD, and it's taking a toll on him. Plus he gets fucked up often and he doesn't sleep then either. He needs sleep! His body is just gonna shut down one of these days, and it won't be pretty. I try to tell him, but like any typical man, he doesn't listen.

I had a strange dream last night. GG and I were on our way to this church event/dinner. She was driving my big pimped out white and gold SUV, but it was special because blind people could drive it - The truck would turn and stop and it even had sensors to make it stop quickly if someone cut you off or something like that. Just like a sighted person would be driving it! The SUV was so big that GG, Wendell and I sat three across, and I was having issues because Wendell had fleas that were the size of house flies. We finally got to the church, which happened to be near Westgate Park in the Hilltop. Everything was decorated in white and silver and everyone (including us) was wearing maroon shirts and khaki pants or skirts. Wendell had a maroon collar on because her fur is kinda khaki colored. We had to register/sign in whatever, and the girl behind the table kept insisting that Wendell and GG were some other girl and her dog, and was trying to get them to go to a different section, even though her tickets matched mine. Then I saw SL across the way and I looking right at him when my phone started ringing and I was wondering why he was calling me when he was looking straight at me... then I realised he was calling me in real life and I woke up.

Never Drive Faster than your Guardian Angel can Fly.

Sunday, I was sick as death. I thought I was going to die, seriously. I woke up at 6am, feeling icky in the tummy. So I don't have to go into detail, let's just say I was so sick that I really considered setting up camp in front of the toiley. Truley. By nine pm my fever had risen to 103.4 F, and I wanted to die, but instead my dad brought me ginger ale and Tylenol, and my fever went down to 99.1 F by midnight.

Monday I was fine, but just worn out from being so sick the day before. I did nothing.

Tuesday I went to karaoke at Brewstir's on High with O. It was very fun, except for the stuff about SL that pissed me off. I talked to these very nice boys who are also in real estate, and one of them was hitting on me and doing a really good job. I appreciated his kindness especially when I told him I was taken and he didn't even stop being nice. That was manly of him. I ended up talking to these two other dudes and they bought me a beer and some shots (as previously mentioned in that other post) and it was all good. O and I went to Hot Spot and I was trashed (as previously mentioned as well.)

Wednesday... I did nothing.

Thursday I had to have a beer, work was just too stressful. So I went to Zuey's and guess who was there?! KT! He had gotten fired the night of the Michigan/OSU game, but he's back now, yay yay yay. GMc was coming over for dinner and met me there around seven. KL ended up coming in and I was very happy because I haven't seen her in about two months. Yay! She's excited to meet SL, and she's coming back to work this week. I'm so happy! GMc and I went home to eat chicken dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so we went to Fiesta Jalisco instead. I've been there three times since I got back from Florida. I fucking love that restaurant. After dinner we headed to Eldo's, where I had two beers and was tired of drinking. I pretty much hung out with D*Martin, Poke, and their friends, and it was alright. GG came in and I talked to her a little bit, and Moose came in but I wanted to stay away from him cuz of that thing that happened the other week, I'm still not down with it.
D*Martin and I were talking, and he told me that he had wanted to hook up with me before, but he was waiting for me to get back from Florida. Apparently he thought I would have a terrible time there, and when I came back he could just pull up quick to retrieve it. Since this was not the case, I guess now he just has a crush on me. He hasn't tried anything though, and I think that's very nice of him.

Friday I did nothing.

Saturday I got my hair done in the afternoon:
I love the red and gold look, it's totally awesome. I'm so happy with the results. Saturday night was my company Holiday Party (not Christmas since we do have a Jewish kid workin' for us!) at Hyde Park. I was expecting more, food-wise, but my Veal Chop was delicious. The sides left much to be desired and everyone who got steak felt that theirs was way over cooked. It was alright though, open bar (yee!) and I had 2 Absolut Mandarin and Cranberry and five or six glasses ($18 each) of White Zinfandel...mmmm... Yeah. I took GMc as my date, and we had a very good time. We sat with DJ and his wife, and KG and her man. I took some pics, look for those on the album page Monday night. The only thing that I didn't like about the party was the fact that WR got trashed and for some reason brought up this party VM had a year and a half ago where I lost my panties and my jeans due to pot brownies and a kid named Brandon. I don't know WHY WR has to bring it up, but he always does. His ass was passed out on the lawn at that party, so he has no room to talk. At least I didn't get drunk.
There was an ice storm while we were inside partying, so GMc drove home because being from Canada he has much experience driving on slick roads. I was more than happy to let him! I still had to drive home from his house to mine, but it's only about seven miles and the roads were pretty wet by that time so it was all good. However, I think hills in areas where snow and ice are expected should be outlawed, that's just my opinion.

Today was family picture day at the JC Penney's. I don't mind taking pictures, but for some reason, every year, I always look like I'm 40 years old. I look about 20 lbs heavier and so wrinkly, it's weird. I hope the pics come out alright, they weren't too great last year but oh well. I had rock star hair for these pics, oh yeah. After that we went to eat at Ruby Tuesday's where I had a bison burger. Oh my gosh, bison is so good! Much better than beef! I think I may start buying it just for myself because I loved it. Yum. My little brother got his driver's license on the 1st, so my parents got him a keychain w/his own key on it, and a visor clip that says, "Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly." Words to the wise.

Tonight, karaoke. Yup.

Update! Update! Update!

Yee-haw!

I have successfully rearranged my photo albums.

Now, click here to see pictures of me and my friends.

Click here to see pictures of all my super animal friends!

Ooooooh yeaaaah. I rule. I also posted five new pics for y'all - I have new awesome hair, it's red and gold, and I'm so fucking thrilled with it!

Me looking angry - my new profile photo!

Santa!

That's me on the left in the blue sweater and KG on the right in her coat. Santa came to our work this morning! Yay!!! I'm makin' a dumb face cuz the lady takin' the picture couldn't figure out how to work it and then all of a sudden it snapped when I was talking. Sheesh.

I'm Desperate

...and I'm not above asking for help.

There is no possible way I can afford to save my money to both get a divorce and move away from Ohio... so...

Kelly's Divorce Fund

I appreciate everything, I highly doubt I'll get anything from anyone, but hey, every single cent will help. A retainer for a lawyer costs at least $1,100.00 US Dollars, and moving could cost me $5,000.00. This will be difficult, but if I can get help, I will be eternally grateful and I PROMISE this money will go towards nothing but the divorce. Seriously. I'll even send you a copy of the divorce papers if you donate!

I Need to See a Professional... Oh wait, I am.

Alright, this is probably the most fucked up one to date, only because it's so fantastical... if that's a word. And there are dolphins, which I really fucking hate.

The dream:

I am back living in Macedonia. My entire town has been submersed by what once was a little Creek (Indian Creek to be exact) when it apparently kept filling up and filling up over the last twelve years. The only house not to be submersed belongs to my friend from childhood, Jenny. Since her house rose above the water, she crowned herself Queen of Macedonia, and is not a royal bitch. Her sister Michele is her slave, along with her mom and dad. The tops of the trees look like seaweed floating on the water, though they aren't floating, obviously. The water is dary grayish-blue, only a shade darker than the dreary sky. A little boy floats past me. I have special shoes that enable me to walk on water. I pick up the boy, he's not hurt, just tired, and I carry him around with me. As we walk down what was formerly Crow Drive towards Route 82, a dolphin noses up from under the water. It's a flying dolphin, but his wings are damaged so he swims over to where we are. It seems that dolphins can now speak english, and he tells us not to go to Route 82 because something terrible is going on there. The thing about that is we have to go to Route 82 because I need something to drink and that's the only place to find a store or a vending mahcine. So we walk on. The dolphin goes the oppostite way, squeeking warnings the whole time. When we get to Route 82, the stores and restaurants are all built up on top of their old buildings, but they are all closed except the convenient store. We go to the convenient store so I can get some Diet Rockstar. I leave the little boy outside and he floats away, laughing. I go into the store and it's just like I remember it from childhood, except yellower and it's connected via a long long hallway to all the other businesses. The store seems deserted. I walk to the back looking for the vending machine, and encounter a scary monster type man. He's about seven feet tall and looks like the dudes from the new TheraFlu commercials (human but troll-like and monsterous.) He tells me the vending machine is defunct, they now have a pay-refridgerator. I put a quarter in, a computer screen pops up, and I choose Sprite since there are no energy drinks on the list. I hear a click, and the door opens. Four cans fall out, grape pop, sprite, rockstar, and diet rockstar. I look at the guy and he doesn't notice so I take all the cans and put them in my pockets. I run to the front, down the hallway, and when I get to the bar/restaurant and the end of the hall, the monster has started chasing me. I hide at a table with cowboys (dressed in cow-skin chaps and all) and miraculously the monster passes me by even though I really don't blend in at all. Then I hear an alarm going off, but it's just SL's custom ring tone on my phone in real life.

Amazing.

Our First Fight (Aww.)

Well SL and I had our first fight ever last night. It went like this:

I talked to him when I got off work. He told me he was going to dinner with his friend and her family. I said, "Call me when you get home" and he said "okay." I was online at home about an hour later and I noticed that his friend was online as well. I tried calling SL, and he didn't pick up, so I assumed he was still at dinner, and she had maybe left herself logged in or something. I went to karaoke with O, and tried calling SL about two hours later. I got ignored, because it rang two and a half times and then *click* suddenly to voicemail. I was pissed. I sent him a text message, "Hope you're having a great time, I don't like being ignored twice in one night, love Kel." In response I got, "Sorry. Yeah 10 days. Love you." This was the kind of text message a dude sends to his girlfriend when he's getting head from some bitch. Correct me if I'm wrong. I even showed it to a random stranger at the bar and without any prompting from me he goes, "Sounds like your dude is getting fucked." I rest my case. So, I'm so livid that I can barely exist. I start drinking Wild Turkey... oh boy. Some dudes are buying me beers and shots and I'm just getting crunked and pissed. O wants to go to the Hot Spot and I was planning to just drop him off. We're headed there, and I have to stop and get gasoline for the car, and while O is pumping (how nice of him) I try calling SL again. Finally, I get ahold of him. He's totally completely fucked up. I start on him right away, asking what the fuck, why did he ignore me twice, what kind of shitty text message was that, etc. etc. etc. He tells me that he was hanging out with his 2 guy friends, and that pisses me off because he lied. He explains that in this way: "Shit. I told my dad I was going to dinner with Rachel and I told you that when we were talking earlier because he was standing right by me. I forgot to tell you the truth." Okay, that's fine because he's done the same thing before. He never tells his dad where he's really going. SO then I rip into him about the ignoring, and he's like "Oh god, I didn't mean to" and so on. It gets to the point where I'm crying and telling him he better not fuck me over because I haven't felt like this about anyone in a really long time, and he's even starting to surpass how I felt for VS (the dead fiancee) and I never even felt like this for my husband, etc. Then, he starts crying. I'm saying all this stuff about how I love him so much (and don't fuck me over) and how I'm so happy I finally found someone who isn't a complete loser and who actually has something going for them and so on. How FINALLY I can bring him home and my mom won't say, "You're too good for him Kelly" and then SL goes, "But you are too good for me" and that brings another flood of tears from both of us. Then, it's over and we're apologizing and everything is fine.

The end.

So, for my recap of last night, I ended up going into the Hot Spot because after all that crying I needed a beer. Poke and D*Martin showed up (they had been at Brewstirs,) O's friend JD bought me a beer, I talked to some negroes about being black... as if I was black... and that was weird... talked to that one dude K. about when I tried to kill myself and the EMT's were nice (he is an EMT) and how I went to the hopsital once and they thought I was having a stroke (he works at a hopsital also) and then somehow, I had another beer, and I was lit. I ended up leaning on Poke and he was trying to kiss me on the neck and I was like "no, no" but I couldn't stand up, and he's like "But you're hugging on me" and I said, "Correction, I am *leaning* on you because I can't stand up and I'm afraid to sit in a chair." I don't know how I made it home but I was only at the Hot Spot for like 45 minutes and a lot happened and I didn't even sing one song. I got home and decided not to go lay down because I knew I would yak if I did. I played on the computer a bit, then read, then finally fell asleep... Only to be woken up twenty minutes later by two husky black dudes (both with leather jackets, dark skin, one gray cap) yelling lots of obscene words outside in my parking lot, so I got up and looked out the window, and they were leaning on my Mustang using as a base from which to kick and punch the Blazer next to me. I called the cops. Then I was scared they would come back and find out that it was me who called so I was up until almost four a.m. Finally asleep, I randomly woke up at 7:00 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't, and SL called me at 7:45 a.m. I tried to go to sleep again at about 8:15 a.m. when he got on the bus to go to work, but I just rolled around til my alarm went off at 8:50 a.m. I think I got 3 hours of sleep. I'm so fucking tired.

Yay, ten days til SL!

I'm such a Theif!

I stole this idea from Joe. But it's so great.

Click here to tell me where you are! You don't even have to make an account.

I'm so strange.

In the past week, I've had a dream in which myspace was a building and had to be evacuated due to an air raid, a dream where I met Sadaam Hussein and he wouldn't shake my hand because I'm a woman and I got pissed, and some other fucked up dream. I don't know what is wrong with me but I think I need to go back to being a drunk.

Let's see... where did I leave off? I don't think I've seriously posted since I got back. I suck (but I'm really good at it...)

Ok.

I really haven't done much since I returned. I went to karaoke a few times, I went to dinner twice with GG and IH when he was in town, I think I've gone to Zuey's maybe... two or four times... and... that's it. Not much is going on here. I'm waiting and waiting for December 10th to come because that is the day that SL is arriving! I'm going to get all my Christmas shopping done tomorrow, and my grand total for spending will be: $165 give or take $20. That would be for mom, dad, gramma, SK, SL, GG, and SS/Jms. I rock.

Late.

Oh and I got new brake pads - $227.20!! Fuck that!!

Listen to This

Scary Strange Dream

Oh my god. This shit is bananas. I need to see a specialist.

So last night I had a dream that my ex-fiance (who has passed away, in real life) VS and my friend JAFH are going to some cabin in the woods to camp for a weekend. The reason behind this trip is unclear, I only know that 1) VS is not dead and 2) SL no longer loves me. Whether they are connected or not, I don't know. THe beginning of the dream involved me wandering around my old neighborhood of Macedonia during trick-or-treat time, I was dressed as the cat in the hat and the kids I was with had some weird costumes on. I was a grown up and they were little, and I pulled some in a wagon. I think that I met up VS because he lived in my neighbor's house, but I'm not sure...
Before we get way out of town, I tell VS, who is driving a suped up Suzuki Sidekick-Tracker thing, that we need to stop at this mall so I can pick up something for the trip. I was intending on picking up this great ice cream that I knew he loved (which makes no sense because in real life he was super allergic to dairy and VERY lactose intollerant) but when I was walking around the mall, I couldn't find the store. Eventually I found out that the store had closed. I decided to take a shit before we got on the road, so I went to one of those little bathrooms hidden in the corner of the mall. I was almost finished, and some lady that JAFH and I knew came in and she was like, "Kelly? Kelly? Are you in there?" I tried to ignore her and pretend it wasn't me, but she opened the stall door and saw me. Apparently she had been following me through the mall. She proceeded to sit in the stall next to me and preach about Jesus and stuff like that, trying to get me to convert, and everytime I would try to leave, she would get up and push me back down. After about 45 minutes of preaching, she let me go. I ran out of there, and ended up on the wrong side of the building from where JAFH and VS were parked. I called JAFH on his cell phone and told them to come pick me up. He said there was a problem.
VS had gotten tired of waiting and left. He had even gone so far as to literally push JAFH out of the car, throw his own cell phone out and run it over so we couldn't contact him, and he took JAFH's and my luggage with him. I was screaming and crying to JAFH as I walked around the building to meet him. When we finally did meet, JAFH told me what VS had done, and I was crying and crying more. Some kid that JAFH knew was there, and he overheard me saying "I lost Anthony, I lost Sal, and now I lost Victor!" and he told me it was okay because his name was Anthony Sall and his dog's name was Victor. I laugh/cried and thought that might work out. (The Anthony Sall kid in my dream looked just like the real life SL.)
I was still standing there on the sidewalk when my mom called in real life, and it was irritating because I wanted to figure out why SL didn't love me and why VS had driven away with our shit and if I could get it back... but it was okay that she woke me up because I didn't want to think about that stuff happening any more.

Today I have the day off and I'm going to do absolutely nothing.

Lazy Alcoholic Homosexual III

Alright, on with it.

I think I left off when we bought the rings.

April 23rd, 2002. We pick up the rings at Zales, and come home where he proposes in the living room. He got down on one knee because he wanted to "do it right" and of course, I said "yes." We decided to get married in October or November, but didn't set a date right then. I've always wanted to get married on November 17th, so that was the day I had in my mind, and I'm so glad we didn't do that... Now I can still get married on that day to a better man. Anyway.
I went to work the next day (I had taken a couple sick days) and showed off my ring to everyone. I was so happy, or so I thought. We went to my parent's house that night and I showed my mom the ring and she was less than thrilled. My dad was out of town so we called him to tell him the "good news" and he was WAY less than thrilled. We told them we weren't going to get married until the fall, and they said it was better that we waited.

That Friday, MMA decided to move in. He brought over all his stuff in the afternoon while Megan was home and I was at work. He was setting up his entertainment center in the basement and Megan and I went to get beer and cigarettes. When we got to her parents' house, their dog had run away the night before. They had had this dog for like ten years so we went to the pound to try and find it. I didn't have a cell phone so I didn't call MMA, but I didn't think we had been gone that long until we got back to my house and realised it had been about two or three hours (there are a lot of dogs at the pound.) Well MMA had gone home by this time, but he made sure to leave a nasty note on the door. I called him and apologized for being so long, but he wasn't having any part of it. I drove over to his house in a panic, crying. When I got there he was so cold to me. We attempted to talk, and that basically consisted of him yelling at me, and in the end I took off my ring and set it in the cupholder. If this was the way he was going to resolve conflict I would have no part of it.

He decided to be nice at this point. We made up, he apologized for being so mean, but to this day I'm sure he would still tell you that he's positive that Megan and I were having sex somewhere. This was the very first of many times when he accused me of cheating on him, as well as the first but not only time he claimed Megan and I were lovers.

I ended up losing my job that next week, but MMA said he would be able to support us for a little while with his website income. I tried to find a new job, but it was difficult. He got a job with his friend Kit working at Budget detailing cars, and lasted one day. He didn't like his boss. That weekend we went to Michigan to visit his grandparents on his mother's side. I drove all the way from Columbus, Ohio to Muskegeon, Michigan with no help from MMA. He slept nearly the entire time. We arrived early in the morning and didn't want to wake up his grandparents, so we got a room at the Seacrest Motel which was quite trashy. We slept for a couple hours then drove over to their house where I met the grandparents and his mother's sister and her husband. It was fairly uneventful. That night we spent in the hotel was fairly boring, and I happened to be in my special time of month. When I suggested having sex, MMA just about had a heart attack - That was the most disgusting thing he had ever heard of! How could I suggest such a thing?! I was hurt that he would treat me that way, instead of just saying "No" or "I'd rather not." He acted like I was diseased.

The next day we went to lunch with his grandparents to a little Italian restaurant that they apparently frequented. They paid, it was very nice. They were nice people. MMA and I went back to their house after that, and I noticed a missed call on my cell phone. It was Megan. She was just calling to see how the trip was going. MMA got so pissed. He forced me to tell her that she had to move out by the time I got home (which was six hours from that point) and that she had better never come back. By "forced me" I mean he actually pushed me up against the wall in his grandparents' spare bed room and told me what to say to her while holding the phone to my ear. I didn't have a choice, I couldn't make a scene in their house...

When we got home to Columbus, Megan was gone. She took some of my CD's and my stereo, and removed the pipe from the washer to the drain (which I found out a few days later when I did laundry and the basement half flooded.) I was sorry for doing what I did, but I wasn't allowed to call her. This was when MMA really started his evil-ness for the first time. He would monitor my calls and check the caller ID and hit redial after I made a phone call to make sure I wasn't calling her. She had moved in with my friend RMac, and I wasn't allowed to call her either because I might be trying to sneak in a call to Megan.

~To be continued~

Found this on a great blog I always read

Courtesy of Normlr

Two Names You Go By --
1. Kelly
2. Kel

Two Parts of Your Heritage --
1. German
2. Polish

Two Things That Scare You --
1. The Entire Human Race
2. The Unknown (not aliens and shit like that, the unknown as in "When will I die?, Will my mom live to be 60?" etc.)

Two of Your Everyday Essentials --
1. Sal
2. Cigarettes

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now --
1. New black blouse it's awesome
2. The beautiful necklace Sal gave me

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment) --
1. Kanye West
2. Eminem

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love) --
1. Kinky Sex
2. Honesty

Two Truths --
1. I'm honestly willing to move to New Jersey (that's scary)
2. I actually think I'm fairly attractive

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You --
1. Broad chest
2. The ability to cry

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies --
1. Upkeep of my dumb websites
2. Karaoke

Two Things You Want Really Badly --
1. A divorce
2. A divorce

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation --
1. Italy
2. Canada

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die --
1. Publish a book of my poetry (I'm working on it)
2. Win another award for my art

Two Ways that you are stereotypically a Guy -- I'm not, so I'm changing this to Girl
1. I fret a lot
2. I have far too many make up products

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit --
1. I miss Tony
2. I've seriously considered trying to rehabilitate my marriage just to save myself from all this hassle.

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now --
1. I wonder what I should order from Red Robin?
2. Do I really want to go to karaoke with O. tonight?

Two Stores You Shop At --
1. Lane Bryant
2. Kroger

Two people I haven't talked to in a while --
1. Sarah in Cleveland
2. My grandma

Two bloggers who may now dislike you for passing this on to them --
1. I won't pass it on because... I don't know, if you read this and you wanna do it, fine.
2. Yep, not twistin' yer arm.

My Space Hell

Oh Jesus.

So, I know I had a dream about...um, like... a long time ago where I had a myspace account and I was looking at it and this song was playing and it was on my profile. Well... that happened to me! Tonight! Oh Jesus I tell you what, if I didn't just have the strongest deja vu ever, I don't know what it was. Crazy.

Must sleep. DS is in town tomorrow... yikes.

Check out myspace and leave me a comment, bitches.

Strange Dream, I've Lost Count

I am the best number one flea killer in the county. I make my living flicking fleas off animals and stabbing the flea through the shell with a toothpick. No animals in this or the four surrounding counties have fleas; in fact, the fleas don't even bother to take up residence in these counties because they know they will be killed. I have altered evolution.
I eat at the Papa John's attached to the K-Mart every night. They know me there, after all, I'm a local hero. This Papa John's isn't like the regular pizza shop though, it's an actual restaurant much like Applebee's or TGIFriday's, and they allow all animals to roam free. I sit at a booth in the front that has pictures of me with various animals and their owners and my trophies surround the booth. I'm sitting there waiting for GG and Wendell to come in, but they aren't together. Apparently they have moved on from each other. GG is trying to convince everyone that she's no longer blind, however, she keeps tripping on and bumping into things. She's carrying a leash around just in case Wendell decides to come back to her. Wendell comes in, and she goes underneath the table to sit with the other dogs. They aren't seeing eye dogs, just regular dogs. GG tries to get Wendell to put her harness on, but Wendell is having no part of it and starts screaming. I've never heard a dog scream in real life, so I'm not sure if that's what it would sound like or not but it was gross.
This other girl who is sitting at the table with us is pretty ghetto fabulous. I get up to get my food, and I knock my purse over, and all these receipts fly out, and Wendell eats them. The ghetto girl is yelling at me and GG for making a mess, so I just leave. When I get home I hear something quacking outside, and I realise that my ducks are ready for picking. I go outside and there, hanging from a sort of maple tree, is a mauve-colored pod that is cracking open. A mallard duck (female) breaks out of it, but her beak is still attached to the branch. The duck twists and twists until her beak breaks away and she falls into this nest thing below the branch. In this nest are about ten baby ducks, in various stages of growth - some so teeny you can barely see them, some big and fluffy. As I'm looking for my ladder to get up and get the baby ducks down, my phone rings and it's SL. I can't answer the phone in time, but I try to call him back and I get his voicemail. All it says is, "Hi this is Sal, if you're calling about the white or green hondas, they've both been sold." As I'm listening to his voicemail, he calls back, only this time it's in real life, interrupting my dream.

Weird.

I talked to SL for a little while. He started a new job today and has to be there at 8 a.m. so he called me around 7:30 a.m. I didn't mind because I love hearing his voice first thing in the morning. I know I told him about my dream and he was like whatever lady because I'm sure I wasn't making much sense. We talked for about ten minutes or so while he rode the bus to work, and then I went back to sleep. My sleep last night was terrible. I fell asleep around... oh, I don't know, maybe like two-two thirty a.m. and woke up at six a.m., boiling in my pajamas and roasting under the covers. I got up, took off all my clothes, opened the windows wide and turned on the fan... but I was still hot. I finally fell asleep around six thirty a.m. after listening to my loud fucking neighbors scraping their windows and starting and re-starting their cars. It was ridiculous. That's when I had the dream, between six thirty and seven thirty when SL called me.

Last night I went to karaoke with O, and it was pretty cool. I sang awesomely, except for "Skin" by Rascall Flatts which I fucked up royally. I love that song and I think I can do it but I will need to practice more. I met Zara's little brother and his two friends, one of whom bought me a beer, and they were all really nice. Tomcat was there, and Moose showed up right before I left. Poke, Cameron, and D*Martin were there, which was a little unusual because Poke and his crowd haven't been coming except for D*Martin. Poke was alright, I made a real effort to be nice to him, except for I think he may have thought that I was going to fuck him or something because he kept kissing me and putting his arm around me. He was nice though, but I wasn't too happy about being fondled so much. D*Martin was being his regular self, that was cool. They made a big mess on the floor with popcorn, it's a good thing Wendell wasn't there! I found out Poke has a myspace, so when I got home I added him and left a nice email. Ha.

Our Song Even Though He Hates Country Music

Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

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I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

I Have Returned!

Oh man, Florida was great. Actually, Florida sucks monkey balls, but SL was fucking wonderful. I am so in love.

I left Friday night at about ten thirty, after working all day and only getting an hour and a half of sleep in before I headed out. I was too excited to sleep. The first part of the drive was pretty easy, but once night turned into day it started to suck so bad. I made it halfway and ended up at a travel plaza in South Carolina where I had to sleep for an hour. I got back on the road around 8am, and by the time I reached the Georgia/Florida border, I was feeling pretty shitty again. I talked to SL on the phone a bit, and to KG and GG also, but I was taking these Pep-Back pills (basically like No-Doz) and they were making me shake. I made it into West Palm Beach at around 4:45pm. Drive time was about 17 hours! That was awesome.

When I saw SL coming out of his building, I was shaking so much. It was a combination of those pills and my nerves just going crazy. I couldn't barely move. We went into his place, and sat on the couch for awhile; I called my dad and GG to let them know I had made it safely. SL and I had some quality time after that, and then we headed to his friends R&R's house, which seemed like it was out in the country. They were an interesting bunch, I tell you what. We drank some beers with all these people, and I kept falling asleep on the couch. SL and I were bad, we effed on his friend's bed like three times (hehe!) but she wasn't there so it was alright, plus he was nice and washed the sheets for her in the morning before she came home. The only shitty thing was the girls called (they were seriously in the middle of nowhere called "Corbett", camping) and said that some dudes they knew were harassing them. It was just a ploy to get attention because that's how R&R's relationship is, but we went anyway and I found out that my Mustang can off-road. Not very well, but it still can. I slept in the car while SL, R1, and N went and checked on them. I had to sleep there that night because my hotel wasn't ready until Sunday afternoon.

Sunday we checked into the hotel and stayed there pretty much all evening til we got some food and went to see R&R again. R2's mom was kinda in a bad mood so we didn't stay. SL and I went to IHOP for the first time ever in my life. I actually ate pancakes with lots of syrup - 1 piece with maple syrup, 1 piece with butter pecan syrup, 1 piece with blueberry syrup and 1 piece with strawberry syrup. It was great. I had an omlette too but it wasn't that good.

Monday SL overslept for work so he didn't go in. We hung out with R1 for some of the day, and went to the mall. In the late afternoon we went to the Hong Kong Buffet and it was really good. We were talking about things to do for the rest of the trip and SL says, "I have a good idea! Give me the keys, my good idea is in the car." So he goes out to the car and comes back and I don't see him holding anything or anything like that so I think to myself that that was very strange. A few minutes later while we're still eating he says "Here." And hands me a little white jewelry box. Now, of course, I have a momentary freak out because it's about the same size as a ring box, but I open it, and it's a beautiful diamond and gold heart necklace. Oh man. I almost cried in the restaurant but I kept my composure. We left a little bit later and headed to R&R's again. We were going to hang out there but R2's mom still didn't want anyone over. We got some Captain Morgan and Sprite, and headed back to the hotel. The only problem was, the damn Sprite was flat. Here's a pic of me kicking it:
So we got some beers instead. We didn't get drunk or anything, just hung around and talked and laughed and took a bunch of pictures of each other.

Tuesday SL had to go to work so I dropped him off and went back to the hotel where I slept until about noon. He sent me a txt msg while I was sleeping that said "I think for you I might wanna try the long distance thing. Just thought you might wanna know that. Love you baby. SL" And at that point, I was the happiest girl alive. That night we went out to dinner with VM that I used to work with. It was great, we went to Brewzzi, which I suppose would qualify as an Italian Bar and Grille. I got to see this kid Adam who I haven't seen in almost a year (I haven't even seen VM in that long either) and also VM's brother who I haven't seen in about a year and a half. It was really a fun time, I met a couple of other guys who work with them, and they were really nice. One kid was in the Army so he and SL were talking about that a lot. VM offered me a job, and I half considered it for about half a second until I realised what a bad idea it was. I love VM as a friend but I could never work for him. Plus I could never leave the job I have right now, it's too awesome. Also, what would be the point of moving to Florida if SL is moving to Jersey in about 5-6 months? After dinner, SL and I drove around and around, he showed me some really awesome mansions on the ocean, some beaches, and downtown West Palm Beach. It was so nice, just riding in the car with him, talking and laughing and all that.

Wednesday SL overslept again so he didn't go to work. We spent the whole day driving around and picking up his friends and stuff, and I was kinda irritated because we had started out going to the beach and it was my last day there and I wanted to spend time alone with SL and make it as special as possible. At one point we stopped back at his house and R1 and I were alone in the car, and he was like, "Why are you so sad today?" and I told him it was because I was leaving tomorrow and I had wanted to spend time with SL, alone. So R1 said he would make this other girl take him and R2 home, and he got out of the car and talked to SL and it was all good. (Shoutout to R1!) SL wanted to go back to the hotel but I still wanted to go to the beach, so we stopped at Subway and ate dinner, then headed to the beach. It was Riviera Beach, behind all these hotels and really expensive condos. We walked down a long walkway and when we got to the sand I was amazed. I have never been to the beach before, except for Lake Erie, which isn't big like the ocean, and the "beach" that is in Massachusettes which is really more like rocks and then ocean. The water was so warm and I rolled up my jeans and stood in the wet sand and wrote "Kelly hearts SL" all over the place. We kissed for awhile, and it was so romantic because the wind was blowing and the waves were crashing and the half moon was shining down on us as the Palm Princess sailed past, all colorful and bright. It was so beautiful and I didn't want to leave, but we had to go back to the hotel for quality time. Wednesday night we actually got a bit drunk while we watched movies on TV. We talked to GG a little and SL thanked her profusely for hooking us up. Near the end of the night, I cried a lot and he cried too which I thought was so sweet. He said the only other woman to ever make him cry was his mom so that made me feel really special.

I woke up Thursday morning around 6am. I couldn't find my necklace and I was crying, but then I found it in the dirty laundry bag. How it ever got there, I could not tell you. I was so sad inside that I couldn't really cry over leaving though. SL and I got some breakfast from the hotel (it was complimentary) and packed up and took him home. I cried a little bit at his house, and then I got on the road eventually around 9am. The drive back was so easy compared to the way down. I only hit some rush hour traffic in North Carolina, and shortly thereafter I had to stop and buy a car charger because my battery had died for my phone and I didn't want to be driving all that way without contact to the world. I talked to SL for a long time (he decided that very day to get mobile to mobile so I got it that day too and now we can talk whenever for free) while I was driving, and he came up with a great plan that I'm not going to talk about just yet because I don't want to jinx anything. Eventually I let him go to sleep, but it wasn't long til I reached Ohio's border and called GG. She and I talked for two hours, the exact time it takes to get from the border to my parking space - literally, one hour, 59 minutes, and 20 seconds. I got home around 2:30am, plunked all my crap down, took a shower, called SL to let him know I was home, and went to sleep.

I worked on Friday, and I was so damn tired. It wasn't too bad though. I went home and took a nap after effing around with CVS trying to get my pictures developed. Then around seven I met up with GG and IH at Fiesta Jalisco for some authentic Mexican cuisine. We went back to my place after that and GG got to meet my kittens and IH got to see my house for the very first time. I took some pictures of GG and the kittens and of IH and all the animals randomly. Wendell was behaving herself very well and the kittens weren't too afraid of her, just curious and a little scared because I'm pretty sure they have never seen a dog before in their lives. Mickey sat on GG's lap the whole time. We went to Zuey's after that and I talked to Ferfer and SR and D for awhile, then I took a bunch of pictures of GG and IH, DG and TG, and RC. It was all quite fun and I had a very nice buzz going on. RC asked if I could take him home, which was a little weird, but it was okay. We were watching Jurassic Park and laying on the futon, which wasn't strange, but then he was falling asleep (I assume) and he was touching my tits and being a little odd with what he was saying, so I left. It was quite uncharacteristic of RC to do something like that, so I'm hoping he was just asleep and didn't realise what was going on. I talked to SL on the way home and also a few times when I got home, and then I crashed out on the couch because my bed is far too empty without a SL in it to keep me warm.

I hope he can come visit here in about a month.

Travelin' Soldier

I've heard this song every single day this week... *sigh*

Two days past eighteen
He was waiting for the bus in his army green
Sat down in a booth in a cafe there
Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair
He's a little shy so she gives him a smile
And he said would you mind sittin' down for a while
And talking to me,
I'm feeling a little low
She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go
So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
I got no one to send a letter to
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Over love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home
So the letters came from an army camp
In California then Vietnam
And he told her of his heart
It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of
He said when it's getting kinda rough over here
I think of that day sittin' down at the pier
And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile
Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Over love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home
One Friday night at a football game
The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang
A man said folks would you bow your heads
For a list of local Vietnam dead
Crying all alone under the stands
Was a piccolo player in the marching band
And one name read and nobody really cared
But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Over love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home
I cried
Never gonna hold the hand of another guy
Too young for him they told her
Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier
Over love will never end
Waitin' for the soldier to come back again
Never more to be alone when the letter said
A soldier's coming home

Gifford

This is hilarious. Click here to take your own tests.

"Come on out of your shell — in your former life you were a turtle name Gifford. The details are a bit sketchy, but we do have a brief summary based on public records: You were born in a small pond beside a saloon. Despite having an exceptionally athletic father, you seemed to prefer sunbathing and mud baths to more active pursuits. Contrary to the rumor, your favorite color was never green, but actually blue. Few people knew that you were a talented poet because most of your work was destroyed during a flash flood that swept away not only your library, but your entire community. Fortunately you had the pluck to survive, settle down, make some eggs, and live happily ever after with your wife Melinda and your 20 offspring."

So so so funny, and everything would actually apply if I really was a turtle! Neato!

A Public Display of Humiliation

This is mostly for my benefit. Read on if you like and if you're not afraid to see it raw.

Common Self-Defeating Attitudes and Fears

1. "It would be terrible to be rejected, abandoned, or alone. I must have love and approval before I can feel good about myself."
Well I suppose this is kind of true. I need to feel loved, but I don't need to be in love, so to speak. I've been rejected, I've been abandoned, and I've definitely been alone... I can usually deal with it, but since the marriage, it's become more difficult.

2. "If someone critcizes me, it means there's something wrong with me."
Definitely true. I totally believe this 100% without a doubt. I know that there is such a thing as "constructive criticism" but it's still criticism. Criticism is the activity of judgement or interpretation - you're being judged. Sometimes fairly, sometimes not, but being judged makes me self conscious which is the last thing I need.

3. "I must always please people and live up to everyone's expectations."
Me to a T. A mother-fucking T. This was instilled in me from a young age, so I'm not surprised. Do what the parents want, do what the school wants, do what your boss wants, and don't just do it, do it to the best of your ability. They try to say that they are "challenging your mind" or something... When it comes to relationships, I'm the same way though. My marriage probably would have a) never happened or b) worked out alright if I had actually had some balls to stand up and not worry about Matt being upset/miserable/uncomfortable and worried about myself and my well being... but if I care about myself I'm being selfish.

4. "I am basically defective and inferior to other people."
Well, this is a weird combination of feelings. I'm not defective, I mean seriously, I'm a human being and although my machine may not run at top quality, I still run. I am inferior though, for sure. I'm inferior to WR because he's younger than me and better off financially, relationship-wise, and socially. I'm inferior to Dr. Bob because he's a doctor and he has a house and a family and the like. I'm inferior to SL because he has had so many great life experiences, and I have had none. I don't measure up to these people and I probably never will, no matter how hard I try.

5. "Other people are to blame for my problems."
This couldn't be farther from the truth. I totally take blame for every single thing that goes wrong, always. It's terrible and I end up feeling guilty at the end of the day, even if nothing really was my fault.

6. "The world should always be the way I want it to be."
Again, couldn't be farther from the truth. If the world was the way I wanted it to be, I wouldn't be here. Things would be completely different and this question would be irrelevant.

7. "Other people should always meet my expectations."
Not always. I want respect, I want kindness, I want 'fair' - if I piss you off, fine, get pissed off back, that's fair. But if I do something great for you, do it back, that's fair too. I don't want to waste my time on you if I'm not going to get at least some shred of evidence that you appreciate what I'm doing. I'm not talking about material possessions either - Did I just hold the door for you? I think a "thank you" is in order.

8. "If I worry or feel bad about a situation, it will somehow make things better. It's not really safe to feel happy and optimistic."
Oh my god, they couldn't have put it better - but I will: "I always expect the worst so that when the worst doesn't happen, I am pleasantly surprised." It's true too, and I'm going through it right now. I'm tripping out about this trip to Florida and I have absolutely no good reason. I think back to when I first started talking to SL and I was completely happy, and completely myself because it was still 79 days til I was going to meet him. Now it's three and a half days. We say "I love you". I'm so afraid of what could, or should I say might not, happen...

9. "I'm hopeless and bound to feel depressed forever because the problems in my life are impossible to solve."
I only feel this way about one problem and that's Matt. I seriously feel that I will never ever be able to get a divorce. I have tried so many things, so many times, and nothing works. I really feel that one of us will have to die first, and it will probably end up being me.

10. "I must always try to be perfect."
Yes, I try, and then I fail miserably and we start all over again.

Types of Perfectionism that can make you unhappy:

• Moralistic Perfection: "I must not forgive myself if I have fallen short of any goal or personal standard." Yep.
• Performance Perfection: "To be a worthwhile person, I must be a great success at everything I do." Yep.
• Identity Perfection: "People will never accept me as a flawed and vulnerable human being." Yep.
• Emotional Perfection: "I must always try to be happy. I must control my negative emotions and never feel anxious or depressed." Yep.
• Romantic Perfection: "I must find a perfect mate and always feel infatuated with him or her." Not so much, I know love has its ups and downs.
• Relationship Perfection: "People who love each other should never fight or feel angry with each other." Definitely No! We're not robots!
• Sexual Perfection: Men: "I should always have sustained and full erections. It's shameful and unmanly if I have an episode of impotence or come too quickly." Women: "I should always achieve orgasm or multiple orgasms." This doesn't even apply, I'm actually quite fine with my sexual performance.
• Appearance Perfection: "I look ugly because I am overweight or have heavy thighs or a facial blemish, etc." Yep.

I don't really know the point of this, I just had to get it out. I'm going to apologize to SL for being not myself lately because I know he's felt it, and to anyone else affected, I apologize to you too.