Can't sleep.  Thinking about money.  Thanks to bullshit insurance at Poke's job, we went from paying about $115/mo for him & 4L to paying over $300.  On top of that, there's no such thing as a copay - we have to pay 100% of *everything* until we reach $2500 deductible for EACH of them, which will happen, but not til 5 of each refill on Poke's necessary diabetes medications (which run over $250 for each). Meanwhile, he didn't get the raise he was supposed to get, didn't get a holiday bonus, and now we have a car payment that we didn't have before.  I feel guilty, but even if I had gone back to work, literally 99% of my income would be going to 4L's day care.  When we planned this sahm thing, everything was in place.  We could easily afford it, and even allotted for the cost of 4L.  Now, even with WIC, we aren't making it.  We only go out once a month, we don't drink or smoke, we don't even eat out but maybe once or twice a month.  

I use so many coupons and sales on top of getting WIC, and I don't know what to do to save more money.  We got a statement from AEP this week stating that, at 800 watts or whatever, our household is in the "good" range for use of electricity.  The average is 1800.  I'd say we're fucking excellent, thank you.  Our electric bill is, on average, less than the average bill of the average household from 2008, when prices were 30% lower than they are now.  I rule at conserving.  The thermostat is set at 63-65 degrees, the lights are almost all on timers, and we live in the dark.  Our gas bill is low too - same as the electric, rarely above $60.  Our mortgage is less than $750, cheaper than many two bedroom apartments in central Ohio, and that figure includes taxes and insurance.  The only thing we have that we could get rid of is the cable, and I'm trying to keep the entertainment alive by switching to DirectTv.  Unfortunately, when they came out to install it, they said we have too many trees to get a signal.  They're sending out a supervisor for a second opinion, but I'm sure he will say the same thing.  So, instead of lowering our bill by $40, it will stay the same.  I could just cancel the cable, go to basic and keep the internet, but then I would probably lose my mind being at home all day because 5.5 month old babies aren't really the most enthralling thing to watch 16 hours a day.  Maybe getting rid of the cable would help me get rid of my fat because I'd be forced to go do stuff.  That being said, losing this fat would increase our electric/gas bills because I'd lose all my insulation.  Catch 22.

This health insurance thing has really fucked us over.  The monthly expenses are increased by $900, however, the income has gone down by $250.  Isn't that fucking amazing?!  No wonder I can't sleep. FML.

The stupid Tupperware thing didn't work out, so I feel dumb about that because I didn't even make back the $120 I spent on the kit.  Granted, I got $500 worth of product for $120, but I could have done without that stuff.  I don't know how that lady makes her money- and she makes it look so easy to do!  I am just NOT a salesperson.  I literally could not sell a heater to an eskimo.  

If I could make money singing, or typing, or eating, or sitting on a couch, or staying awake when I should be sleeping - then we would be in business.  I could even make a living drinking beer!  Alas, no such careers present themselves to me.  I told Poke the other day that we need to have a bunch more kids because the more kids you have, the more you get back at tax time.  Fuck my credit, let all the bills go to collections. No big deal.

I work at the Culinary Institute four days a month, which is all they will allow.  The majority of my paycheck is supposed to go to my student loans, which is why they employ me.  I will have about $100 extra per month, which will go to my life/critical illness insurance, the Dispatch subscription, the Lane Bryant credit card, and church envelopes.  My friend's aunt suggested in-home daycare, but I would have to pay for all the licenses and stuff, somehow get business, and let strangers and their strange, gross kids into my house.  Not going to happen.

All in all, I am completely lost.