Alone with my own mind...

Had a dream last night that I let SL come back. We tried to have a relationship again, but literally after only being here for a few hours he was pissing me off. I told him he had a week to get his shit together, or he was going straight back to Florida. I walked out of the room, then came back a few minutes later and he was packing up all his stuff, but as I went through it to make sure he wasn't taking my stuff, I discovered that he was. I started tossing all his stuff out of the box and into a pile on the floor. He ran over and tried to grab me and keep me from unpacking the box, so I elbowed him in the face and he fell over. I kicked him in the head and kept wailing on him until he was dead. Then I dragged his body out to the back yard and set it on fire.

I wonder how I really feel?

Thou art pigeon-livered and lack gall.

DRAMA ALERT!!!! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!

Check it.

(11:33:53) Kel: i fucking hate SL
(11:33:56) Kel: it's final
11:34
11:52
(11:52:21) GG: Heya.
(11:52:40) Kel: hi there
(11:52:44) Kel: SL can go fuck himself
(11:52:47) Kel: and how are you?
(11:52:50) GG: Hah
(11:52:54) GG: Not awake.
(11:53:33) Kel: lol
(11:53:44) Kel: well then i'll give you a moment while i smoke before i go into all the drama
(11:53:45) Kel: yahoo
11:54
(11:56:51) GG: Heheh
11:59
12:06
(12:06:07) Kel: a;right
(12:06:10) Kel: alright rather
(12:06:11) Kel: SO
(12:06:30) Kel: SL calls me and says he just got a call from time investment asking for the payment for those fucking pots we bought
(12:07:01) Kel: and i text him back and i'm like dude you are supposed to send me the statements so i can send in the payments, and he's never send me a statement so i have not sent a payment because i dont have the info
(12:07:11) Kel: so the fucking place calls me and i'm like this is not my account
(12:07:21) Kel: plus they want $10.95 to take a payment over the phone, fuck that
(12:07:37) Kel: so i tell SL that i'm not going to pay for them because i dont want to fight with him, and i'll just send them c o d
(12:08:07) Kel: well i look on usps.com and to send c o d i have to pay first and then SL will reimburse me. i tell him i don't trust him, so he's just going to have to send me money to have his shit shipped back
(12:08:29) Kel: he calls me and says "if i send you money are you going to buy beer with it or ship my stuff back?" and i'm like fuck you
(12:08:49) Kel: so i tell him that if he's really so concerned he should just buy the postage and mail me the label so he knows exactly what is going on
(12:09:01) Kel: he tells me he wont do that because he doesn't know how much the box weighs
(12:09:08) Kel: so i tell him sorry i dont have a scale and that was that
(12:09:13) Kel: fuck him, he's a fucking ass hole
12:09
(12:09:48) GG: That sucks.
(12:10:22) Kel: yep
(12:10:26) Kel: i officially hate him now
(12:10:40) GG: I see.
(12:12:14) Kel: yep
(12:12:26) Kel: i know y'all are still friends and everything, but he's being such a jerk
(12:12:49) GG: Yeah, that he is
(12:13:17) Kel: i'm glad you can see that lol
(12:13:28) Kel: i mean what was the point of calling me simply to insult me?
12:14
(12:15:11) GG: Yep
(12:15:43) GG: But you can't expect him to be nice, you all hate each other.
(12:15:52) GG: But thats just dumb.
(12:16:48) Kel: i know
(12:16:53) Kel: he could at least be civil
(12:17:20) GG: Were you civil to him?
(12:17:22) Kel: i'm totally civil to him when i talk to him!
(12:17:31) GG: Oh
(12:18:00) Kel: i even sent him a text message the other day saying that i had realised the relationship wasn't a complete mistake, and that i was glad i had met him and it had helped me to realise who i really am
(12:18:48) Kel: i thought that was pretty fucking nice of me
12:19
(12:19:51) GG: Yeah.
(12:20:09) GG: But in his eyes, you hurt him terribly, so why sould he be nivce to you?
(12:20:16) GG: shoul he be nice.
(12:20:26) GG: You know, like how i am with Igor.
(12:20:38) ***GG shrugs.
(12:21:02) Kel: as if he didn't hurt me
(12:21:06) Kel: and he seems to think he didn't
(12:21:13) Kel: i dont ask him to be nice anyway
(12:21:17) Kel: i ask him to be civil
(12:21:17) GG: You both hurt each other.
(12:21:43) Kel: i don't call him up and say "hey you fucking girlfriend beating liar, have you made sure to take your prescription drugs that you don't really need today?"
(12:22:31) GG: Heh
(12:22:58) Kel: i mean seriously, no matter how much i hate him, its unneccesary
(12:23:52) GG: well, I dunno.
12:24
(12:25:05) GG: You guys should both be civil to each other, but that's not gonna happen.
(12:25:13) ***GG shrugs.
(12:25:54) Kel: well i'm always civil to him until he pulls some bullshit like he did today
12:29
12:37
(12:37:53) GG: Aww.
(12:38:06) Kel: yep
(12:38:08) GG: That sucks. :(
(12:38:11) Kel: i keep being tortured
(12:38:14) Kel: oh well, fuck him
(12:38:18) Kel: he will get his in the end
(12:38:23) Kel: karma karma karma
(12:38:27) GG: Heheh, yep.




Other than that, Happy Turkey Day everyone! I'll have my internet on Friday, woo-hoo! No one will see me for like, weeks, because I will be holed up in my apartment watching cable TV. YESSSSSSS!!!!!

42 - 39

This is my mouth.

Yeah! OSU fucking ROCKS!! We beat Michigan's ASS!! YAHOO!!

Ok. Enough.



So, I had a most beautiful weekend. Friday my mom and I went to Wendell's and then to SJK's football game. The game was kinda shitty, I don't know, they just weren't playing very well. The University of Michigan Marching Band played at half time, and even tho I'm all "go bucks" it was nice. They didn't have to play at a high school game the night before a big game! It was cool. Unfortunately SJK's team lost, and now football is over until next July. It was kinda sad for the seniors and stuff, and even SKJ was tearing up a little. Very emotional.


Saturday I was so pumped up for the game, but I made myself lay on the couch and watch Blue Velvet so that I would have energy for drinking and celebrating. I talked to D*Martin, cuz we were supposed to do something for the game together, but he ended up bitching out on me, and Poke finally called and he said he didn't really feel like going out. So I headed to Zuey's on my own.

On the way Poke called and confirmed that Zuey's wasn't really what he was feeling, but that was okay cuz I know he's not a huge football fan. When I got there, the place was packed. It was so awesome. They had buckets of 6 for $10, which ruled. I found myself a booth and parked it, not to move for another hour or so. Some dude came and asked if he could sit with me and I said sure, as long as he wasn't cheering for Michigan.

He said he wasn't, so we sat together. His friend showed up after awhile, and they were both pretty nice. Poke called me right before half time and said he was coming up to Zuey's. I had sent him some text messages telling him how awesome the game was and how fun the bar was, so I guess I changed his mind! Haha. Anyway.

I ended up drinking a ridiculous amount of beer, and I really should not have been driving, but I made it home safely, thank god. Poke hung out for awhile before he had to go to work; we were going to go drive down High St. and watch people light couches on fire, but decided to just have some time at home. He left around nine forty five, I chilled on the couch, talked to Psyndi, and eventually passed out around... oh, I'd say eleven fifteen. At the very latest. I was DRUNK. And it was pretty cool.


Poke came over after work, around 7am, and we cuddled together for awhile in bed and I guess I fell asleep cuz I woke up again around ten. We talked about my dreams and his dream and it was just so nice. No arguments. No anger. No frustration. Beautiful! I may be in love for real again. This could be the coolest fucking thing ever.

Sheeba's attacking me.


Fox is feeling blue.

Mickey takin' a nap.



After Poke went home, I watched The daVinci Code and it was so lame. I was very disappointed, but I should not have been surprised because I was quite disappointed in the book too. I mean, it was okay but I'm glad I didn't pay money to see it (go blockbuster online!) I took a really long nap, ate some food, unpacked some more, talked to SS (we're making up) and then headed out to karaoke. Woo! That was a fun time. It started off boring, but ended up quite swell. I had a great time. Cat was upset about Crash and cried a lot, but it was okay, cuz she needs to get it out. It was definitely a good time because I love hanging out with my friends and spending time with them.


This is D*Martin singing "God Bless America" and "We are the Champions"

Here I am when I let Dooger do my hair...

And here I am, watching D*Martin sing.




Tonight I suppose I will be going to Triple 16, but I don't think I'll be drinking cuz I've had more than enough beer to last me til Wednesday or so. Rock on!!

This weekend, I also realised that because of SL, I now know for sure what I will and will not stand for. I will not stand for lying, violence, hatred, and disrespect. That's not a complete list of course. But I sent him the following text message:
"Thank you for giving me the time to realise who I actually am an what I want. If I hadn't dated you, I wouldn't be w/the great man I have an I wouldn't have the new opportunities that I have now. I had thought it was a mistake but it was a journey. And I'm glad it happened."

So now I can forget about him completely because I made my own closure. Sweet.

My Durango Number Ninety Five

I have one thing to say.

"The best way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his chest with a very sharp knife."

I'm really quite pissed off at myself for thinking about SL still. I shouldn't care if he has a new girl or not, if he's doing okay, or whatever. I don't know why I even respond to his text messages or anything. He makes me cry. I'm inching my way towards hating him, but I wish I was running and could jump right into the pile of hate that I see in the distance. I can't handle this. I am so irritated. I shouldn't care about him. But I do, and I don't know why. FUCK!!

I feel like I'm drowning. On the other hand, I'm moving tomorrow. Yay.


Update - 10:49pm: Apparently I should clarify. I should have said that I should not respond to SL's text messages when they begin to upset me. It is generally me who sends the first one, usually something relevant not just random, but the more texts we send back and forth the more he upsets me. His comment made me think I should tell you all this. It's rather irritating either way. I hate being upset. I have tried to be friends with him, I have tried to be nice, and he kept changing his mind. Granted, he hasn't changed his mind much since the last time he changed it back, but I don't know how long that will last. He constantly threatens to not be my friend anymore, because I tell him my feelings, so... I don't know. I don't even know if it's worth it. I guess it's just really difficult because we were together for so long and then he was just ripped out of my life. Why should I hang on to someone who so obviously wants me out of their life? I should just let him go completely, but it's so so hard. I have to remember that I'm mourning the dream of a happy life with SL, not SL himself. That's what my shrink says. I'm grieving over the loss of my happiness. Fuck.

Droppin' This Scene

Drama. I can't even write about it. So I'll just post some pretty emails for you. The pink ones are from me to her, the brown one is from her to me. Obviously.


Subject: You fucking CUNT.

YOU ARE A FUCKING CUNT.
I cannot believe that you would tell Doug that I have a fucking STD when you don't even know shit about me. Do you even know my last name? NO. You don't know SHIT. I have talked to you probably six or seven times in my life and I don't give a flying fuck about you. The point is that I have ALWAYS been nice to you even when you were stalking Andy and I tried to be the calm go between for you. I do NOT appreciate you telling Doug that he needs to "wrap it up" because I don't have any fucking diseases. Even if I did it's not your fucking business. You are a low down dirty cunt and don't worry cuz I will tell your dad all about it, not to mention everyone that goes to karaoke. Your big cunt mouth ruined a good thing for me and fear not, little girl, you will be reprimanded. Gossip does not go unpunished because it's a sin. You are a fucking cunt and I have no idea why you would even have anything against me. If it's because of Andy, nice, because he never even wanted anything to do with you.
FUCK YOU FUCKING CUNT.


Subject: Oh, and another thing.

Not only are you a dirty gossiping cunt who doesn't know shit, but I talked to Andy and he said that he's told you on countless occasions that he's not interested in dating you. Grow up and move on. Don't you have a boyfriend anyway?? Yeah. Thought so. You had better keep my name out of your mouth. If I ever hear another word about you spreading shit around because I supposedly kept you and Andy from hooking up, you're going to have some major fucking problems to deal with.


Subject: RE: Oh, and another thing.

First of all i never was ready to date Andy. I was still talking to my ex of 3 years and we were still trying to work it out and we did. Second of all if you were really paying attention you would have noticed that I specifically said that we weren't dating but just hanging out and having fun but, NOT DATING. Remember the quotes that I put around it? And, quite frankly, it doesn't matter what I said it was not your job to get in the middle of anything. Third, I never liked you after I found out you were calling me names even before you knew me because you felt threatened by me because we have one of the same guy friends. And I also heard that you were hurting said friend by telling everyone things that he had told you in confidence, even after he had asked you not to. This is also not the first time that you have made one of my friends mad or upset by your actions. Before you open your big mouth you should look to see who they are friends with and it would be a safe assumption that they would not like you. And another thing you really should get your facts straight. I told Duger that he could do better. That he deserves someone that likes him and wants to be with him, not just the little thing that was going on between you two. That and I don't trust anyone who cheats and that is apparently what you have done. As a result I told him to be careful about what he was doing. And yes at that point I told him that he should use something, i just don't trust cheaters. If that "ruined" your booty call i am sorry but good for him! HE deserves someone who actually likes him for him not just for a piece on the side. Once again though you stuck your nose where it doesn't belong and even though Andy and I are friends again he probably won't talk to me because you don't know what you are talking about. Oh and go ahead and tell my daddy what I did. He will probably laugh at you and ask you if you are really telling on me. Anyways you should really get your facts straight before you go off blabbing to other people. I am actually surprised you came to me first, usually don't you go telling everyone else first?


Subject: RE:RE: Oh, and another thing.

In regards to Andy, I never got in the middle of shit, you put me there. You were constantly asking me and sending me emails on here about "why isn't he talking to me?" and "do you know how he really feels about me?" and shit like that. And if you really think I felt threatened by you, I'm amused. I have plenty of friends, especially guy friends, and I really don't care who they date or hang out with, as long as that person isn't a flaming cunt. I never had a problem with you at all until last night when I found out what you said about me. I'm not sure when you think I called you names, and I know for a fact that I never called you anything to your face, so basically you're going off rumours, and that's pathetic. You never meant anything to me other than being some chick who goes to karaoke. I didn't hate you and I didn't like you. You were just there.
So who is this "friend" that told me things in confidence, which I then told everyone I know about? I've been racking my brain and I can't figure out who it could be, since the only mutual friend we have is Andy. I guess there are a few people we know from karaoke, but I still can't think of who it could be.
Also, I'd like to know where you got your information on my feelings for Doug. I'm sure you can't read my mind, especially since I haven't even seen you in months, unless you have super special telekinetic powers. As a matter of fact, I do like Doug, and I'm not just using him for sex. I would like to have a relationship with him, and he and I have discussed it. Not that it's your business, but as long as I'm righting all your wrong facts, I figured I'd let you know. The fact that you think he can do better than me is also amusing... I have a real job as a SENIOR loan processor at a prominent mortgage brokerage, my life is pretty much in order, I make good money, and I'm a great fun person. Not sure how he could do any better than that. And cheating? Who am I cheating on? Doug and I aren't even dating! Hahaha. You and your silly made up facts. I've never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will. I don't stoop to that level. And no, you didn't ruin my booty call, don't worry. What you really did was upset Doug by lying about me to him, that hurt his feelings, and you made him feel weird because before you lied he never had a reason to not trust me. He still doesn't have a reason, and he still trusts me, so it's all good. Your little plan backfired sweetie.
In conclusion, YOU stuck your cunty little nose into MY business, brought me down to your cunty little level, and made up a bunch of "facts" (ie, lies) about me to try and destroy my reputation because... let me think... someone told you once that I said something about you and you never even bothered to ask me if it was true or not... Yep.
Have a wonderful day! =)


So, to summarize, some bitch is talkin' shit and she has no reason and no right to. Damnit. Why does drama follow me everywhere? I'm about to drop this mother fucking scene. I do not need this bullshit in my life anymore. The people that are not my friends that show up to karaoke are all just like high school kids, and you know what? I haven't been in high school since 2000. I'm an adult. Fuck them.
At least Dooger isn't mad at me. I mean, he had no reason to be, especially since he barely knows this Jennifer chick, but it did put him in a bad position. Whatever. He still called me last night, we didn't hang out, but at least we talked for a total of an hour yesterday (two phone calls.) Fuck her. Oh, and she's ugly.

So besides that bullshit on Wednesday night, there was even more ridiculous bullshit. SL called the cops on me all the way from Florida and told them that I was trying to kill myself. What a fucking bitch. Three cop cars and six cops in my goddamn parking lot at almost 3am... Jesus, please help me to forgive for he knows not what he has done. I hate people!!!!!!! Also, I can't wait to move. I'm going today to see if I can get in, so I can just move before I have to pay rent on this shit hole again and use that money for a down payment. Yeah. I was thinking about the Continent, but I have a few other places in mind.

Last night I was bored to death almost, so I went to Zuey's for one beer. My original plan was to have several beers, but it was way way way too loud there with all the darters and these crazy loud girls and everything. So I had one beer and went over to Eldo's to see Zara. Moose was there, Cool Ron, and GMc. Also a few others that I've known here and there. Apparently GMc still harbors ill feelings about my not bailing him out of jail back in April or May. Well you know what? That's just fine. He can't comprehend the weight of the situation that I was put in, and probably never will. He's just arrogant and he thinks he is invinceable. It's sad. He expected me to be responsible for him/his actions and a $900 balance on his bail. Forget it. I would do that for my immediate family only. Plus, how was I to know that he used his canadian license and not his US one? As far as I was concerned, getting arrested was a direct violation of his probation. Fuck that.
Anyway. Karaoke was fine, kinda boring but I got to sing three songs. I went back to Zuey's for one more beer after that because it had emptied out a bit, and talked to 31 and some other boys I had met on Tuesday night. I bought some Miller Lite to take home, and overall, it was a good night. Went home, watched some Jay Leno, and went to sleep.

The Grown Up Life

What a wonderful weekend I had.
Thursday night Dooger came over and we watched a movie, "Click" starring Adam Sandler, and had some pizza. The movie was pretty good. We were going to go to Gordy's but realised neither one of us had money, so we got some Natty Light from Giant Eagle instead. It was a fun night.
Friday GG and I went to Chipotle, cuz she's never been there before, and it was delicious, as usual. She was quite impressed by the size of her burrito. It was funny because we sat down at the table and I got up to get us our drinks or straws or something, and I heard GG go "It's HUGE!" and even though she wasn't really that loud, it echoed because of the high ceilings and corrugated metal walls. I was highly amused. She is so cute. I ate my whole burrito, cuz I got the vegetarian one which consists mostly of vegetables (duh) and salsa and a little rice. GG got the steak burrito and ate almost the whole thing. I was shocked that she didn't finish it, since we all know GG loves big things *wink* and she can eat a whole ton of food! Ah, well. So after Chipotle we went back to her house and chilled for awhile. Originally she was going to go to SK's game with me, but then she didn't have $5 cash money, but then her dad lent her $5 cash money, so we went anyway. She got to meet my parents and SK for the first time, and it all went quite well. The game was boring and it sucked, and SK's team lost. It was shitty, and really effing cold, but what are ya gonna do? Gotta support the little tot! After the game we hung out at GG's house for a little bit again, talked with TG and GG, and then I headed home. I think I just went to sleep or something, lol. It was a long night!
Saturday I slept in, and then dyed my hair this killer bright red color. It was wonderful. I was in a kinda foul mood because SL is a big fucking jerk, but I just tried not to think about it. Eventually it was night time and I watched some shitty TV shows and drank some beers and talked to people on text messages. It was cool. I even got to talk to Wildman Joe on the phone, and that was good.
Sunday, I literally laid around all day long and did nothing. Nothing at all. I went to karaoke around nine o'clock because I was so terribly bored. It was slow to start off with, and ended up being fairly slow all night long. It was a super fun time though, for sure. I'm finally friends with that kid Brian, which is good. We had a great time.
Last night Dooger came over for dinner, my world famous homemade mac'n'cheese, and we watched "Wolf Creek", which was an okay movie. I had hoped it would be scarier, but it was mostly annoying. Dooger liked it though. After the movie we headed over to Triple 16, where it was the Dooger, Cat, and Kel-Bell show for the first two hours. Cat and I were texting everyone to try and get them to come out, but alas, no one showed. Only Moose came for one song, until around midnight when the strippers finally arrived and started singing. It was a pretty fun time. We got some trinkets, such as some light up bottlecaps from Miller Lite, and Molson Canadian beads, and a Killian's keychain. Good times. It kinda sucked because they were out of draught beer so I spent like $38 whereas I would have spent about $18, but that's okay because Dooger's gonna take me on a date when he gets paid! Hehe! We had a swell time! We left around one thirty or so, and went home to watch TV naked, which is an interesting experience. Then bed. I didn't even fall asleep until almost five o'clock in the morning, but it was worth it. Trust me.
Tonight D*Martin is supposed to come over for dinner. I'm definitely not going out though, because this weekend is PUMPKIN FEST with JAFH, so I must save my money. Hell yeah.

He Says I'm a Stupid Cunt

Well here is what I say: Look at these pics. The first one is my neck, I know it's hard to tell in the weird lighting but you can see the bruises and scratches. The rest are mostly my arms.

Here we go again

Yeah I've had some weird dreams recently but I just haven't posted them. Sorry. The one I had last night was especially strange because it was so real.

SL had moved back, but he wasn't living with me. He worked at the same CVS too. He and I were hanging out in Brewstirs on Weber and High playing trivia. Everyone was there. I left and went to Zuey's, and all my old friends were there. Suddenly I got a call on my phone, and it was DD from work calling to get me to come in, even though it was late at night. Apparently they needed my expertise on some website to submit a file. I went in to work, and everytime I tried to log in to a website a box popped up and said "Your password is stored as Lani, is this your password?" and of course it wasn't my password, so it took a long time to get into these sites. Some other stuff happened but I don't remember it.

Last night KP and I went to Zuey's and hung out for a few hours. It was terribly fun! I was so happy to be back in Zuey's, just chillin' in my same old chair like the old days. I had a couple shots and some beers, and it was good. I left around ten fifteen to go see D*Martin at Trump's, which was boring. All of a sudden I felt totally wasted. It was almost like the other night, but not as bad. I don't even know what happened. I didn't even sing any songs, I just gave him the rest of my beer and I left. Stopped at Taco Bell, shoved my face full of nachos, and went to sleep. All of this was before midnight. I'm so strange. I think it has something to do with the medication I'm on because the label says it may cause drowsiness with alcohol, and that is exactly what is happening.

Dooger Shoes

What an interesting weekend I had with GG. Such good fun. We'll be doing it again this weekend, I hope!

So about Sunday night... woah. GG and I had gone over to Eldo's after eating some ribs and stuff and watching SVU. I had one Bloody Mary and three Bud Lights, sang a couple of songs, and headed over to Brewstirs in the Continent to meet up with D*Martin and Dooger. I got there and bought some shots for me, D*Martin, Cat, and Roch. I was drinking vodka and grapefruit juice, cuz I had surprised GG with one earlier and was in the mood for it. I bought another shot for me and D*Martin later on. I was talking with Aerosmith guy, and Roch, and having a super wonderful time. All my friends were there and it was so awesome! Then, all of a sudden, I was completely wasted. I have no idea what even happened to set me over the edge, but it was almost like I had been sleeping and woke up to find myself being led to the bathroom by Roch. I don't remember feeling like I was going to yak, but apparently I needed to, because I did. Roch was nice enough to take care of me, like I mentioned yesterday. Then we headed back over to where everyone was standing, and Dooger had his arm around me to hold me up. Then, I was on the floor, and Dooger was on top of me. I was laughing. Now I have a huge bruise on my hip! I took the poor guy down with me, but he was a great sport about it. We went up to his place, next to the bar, and I guess we were trying to bang but I don't really remember that well. I was in the bed and then I decided I had to yak. I went to the bathroom and as I'm hanging over the toiley all I can think of is how dirty it is. That was when I lost my bra and my shirt (which ended up being like in the tub or something.) I was crying for him to take me home so I could yak in my own toiley, so he did. I didn't yak when we got home, I was actually feeling a little better, and I just went to sleep. Apparently we had some sex, but I really don't remember that much.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel that bad yesterday. I was mostly just tired. I worked all day, then went to Kroger and bought some soup and bread and dryer sheets. I also stopped at Blockbuster and rented The Family Stone which was an alright movie. Not wonderful, not terrible, just kinda there. I ate some grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner, watched Jeopardy, which is the kids edition this week, and then watched the DVD. After that I watched some Family Guy and something else, and decided to go to bed. I stopped by the computer on my way to bed and played on MySpace for a little bit, and then SL called. I talked to him for awhile, but I was so tired that it was only about an hour or so. I finally fell asleep around one a.m. I think. I had been talking to D*Martin on text message and he said Dooger had left karaoke already, and I was relieved when he didn't show up because I was so tired. Then at 2:54 a.m. he knocked on my door. Sheesh. He had been calling and I didn't wake up from the ringing, but I did wake up from the knocking. We sat on the couch and talked for awhile, he smoked some pot which made me feel even sleepier, and then he decided he wanted some White Castle. He had eaten an eighth of 'shrooms all by himself, and was trying to get higher... yeah... whatever. So he left to go get some food, and I left the door unlocked for him to come back. At 4:45 a.m. he woke me up after having been gone almost an hour and said he was going home. He had gone to Whitey's and come back to my house only to tell me he was going home, which I thought was sweet of him. Especially since I would have hated leaving the door open all night! And he brought me a breakfast sandwich to eat when I got up.

Dooger always has really nice shoes on. I noticed this last night. I'm not really sure what is going on with me and him... but it's okay, whatever it is.

The Pudding

Well I have verbal proof of SL's addiction. A person who shall remain nameless brought it up to me last night without my even speaking of the theory/possibility. I'm so sad for SL. He's too young to be dealing with that kind of thing.

Take your memories, I don't need them.

Alright, so I'm still sad over SL leaving, but knowing that it was the right decision helps. Knowing that he's miserable down there also helps. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I can't help it.
I have a new theory, and it may seem like I am trying to shift all the blame to him, but I'm not. I think that SL has a problem with prescription medication. He wanted so badly to get on adderall, supposedly because he has ADD. That's when it all started. I was thrilled for him to get on it, because I thought it would make him focus, which he did have a little problem with. But he turned slightly strange when he got on the adderall. Then it was Klonopin. Then free samples of Celebrex. Then he had to take Meclazine (Dramamine) for the nausea that these meds were causing. In addition to that he took aspirin and some Chinese brain pills every day. It was ridiculous. He was obsessed with pharmaceuticals, and it was pretty much all he talked about. I was irritated with it because it seemed like he was acting like he knew everything, but looking back he just knew way too much for only being a pharmacy tech. Not that that's a bad thing, but when you're self medicating and convincing a doctor to prescribe things for you... that's a bad thing. Anyway, last week before he moved away, last Wednesday actually, while I was out he sent me a text message saying he was on his way home from the hospital. How he got there, I do not know. I didn't drive him. And the closest one, St. Ann's, is like five or more miles away and not easy to walk to. Regardless, he found out that he had a viral infection and a boxer's fracture. I found this slightly amusing because supposedly he had the fracture for a week (it came from punching the walls upstairs!) and had never said one single word about it. So he ends up getting two prescriptions, one for the viral infection and one for the fracture... which just happens to be Percocet. He used a fake name at the hospital and even filled the script at the CVS where he worked under the same fake name! How is this even possible?! Well the other night, I got a text message saying he was in the hospital again (in Florida.) For his back. I told him not to get any more scripts and he said he wasn't, but... I don't know. According to my doctor, if someone takes adderall, it acts like speed. The person is more quick to be angered, violent, and irritable. Then when it wears off, they are lacadaisical. This describes SL completely, and he never used to be that way. I just don't know. I hope I'm wrong, but it makes complete sense, and he'll probably read this and get pissed off, but what can I say?
I'm worried about him. We had such a great relationship up until the last two or three months. No major problems, no issues really, it was just great. I was so happy. I feel now like a piece of me is actually missing. I've never felt this way about someone leaving my life, not my husband, not TM, not MF... no one. It still hurts, and I try to rationalize things, even try focusing on the terrible things and the bad things and I still want him to come back. It's easier when I am not alone, but when I'm just at home doing nothing I find myself crying over TV commercials and when I hear songs I cry over those too. It's ridiculous. I got weepy yesterday because I was watching Jeopardy and I thought about how SL and I used to watch Jeopardy all the time together. It's so lame. I know he can't come back, I know he won't come back, but there is that little bit of hope inside me that says we can work things out someday. I almost lost my job because of fighting with him. Things got violent. It was out of control. But I still want him to come back. I'm just grieving still I guess.
SL is miserable in Florida, and I knew he would be. He hates the heat, living with his dad and being told what to do all the time, and the new CVS's where he works. He has no car and nothing to do except hang out with RS. And RS has a pregnant girlfriend and a job so that's not even possible all the time. I feel slightly bad for SL, but just slightly. He shouldn't have moved to Florida, he should have stayed here so we could work things out the way we planned. I almost feel like he didn't even care and the way he left was like the coward's way out. Instead of facing the music and working on things for real, he just left. He says it's because I told him I wanted him out, and I hated him, which I did say (mostly out of anger), but I never said I wanted him to leave the state. Just the house. *sigh* I'm just in a weird place right now. I just heard our song on the radio and it gave me the shivers like I was going to puke.

On to something much happier, let's talk about the weekend!

Friday night I did nothing. At least, I don't remember doing anything, so I must not have. I vaugely remember watching a lot of Law & Order. Saturday I went to WR's house for the OSU game vs. Penn State. It was a shitty game (just ask Joe Paterno) up until OSU scored a whole bunch and killed the Knittany Lions. Yee Haw! It was a fun time, a few other folks I know were there, we had pizza (omg! Donato's Mariachi Pizza! Mmmmm!) and shots and lots of beer. It was great. D*Martin called me around eight and said to head over to Poke's house. I did so, and we hung out there for awhile, had a couple beers, just chilled. D*Martin's ex called him up to meet at the Half Time Tavern on Bethel, so with much debate we finally went. D*Martin drove seperately, and when we got there he was nowhere to be found. I went in the bar and to the bathroom to call him, and when he answered he was puking his guts out. I'm like what the fuck. I would have called back! Then he's finally done and says he's in the parking lot. Poke and I go out there and find him, as he's projectile vomiting on the side of the car - or so I think, but he's really just spitting out mouthwash. I run around to the other side and almost step in the real puke. It was a very tragic twenty seconds. He tells us some story about making himself yak because he's afraid he's going to get in a fight with his ex's new man or something... whatever, I know he's wasted. The next day I found out that he kept drinking after that, went to this bar down on the south end, and drove home while puking out the door. He drove straight, he knew for sure, because he was looking at the yellow line while he yakked. Christ. ANYWAY! Poke and I headed over to Otani to do some karaoke, and it was so shitty. It took about twenty minutes to get a water, ten more minutes to get a beer for him and a martini for me, then he sang and my name never even got called, and we left. We bolted. We drank and dashed so to speak... At least he left some cash on the table for them. Not enough to cover it, but still, a little bit. Our table was probably only about $8 anyway, but seriously, they sucked. Which surprised me because I've always gotten good service there! After that we went over to Springer's Pub to meet up with the guys I work with for a sort-of birthday celebration. It was just a bunch of us hanging out. Poke and I shared two large beers, and then headed home. We thought it was like one thirty in the morning, and when we got home, it was only eleven thirty!! We joked about being like old people, tried to drink some Natty Ice, and then... well... we went to bed... Poke and Kel-Bell style. Then he woke me up at six a.m., which was nice... Then I finally got up for good around ten a.m. and took him home. He even kissed me in front of his neighbors! I was shocked. He told me this long thing about how he would never make a good boyfriend or husband, because it's just not his style, and I was laughing inside because I didn't even bring it up. We tried to date once, for like 24 hours, and it just didn't work. Too much going on. If it happens it happens but I'm not even looking for it. Especially now.
I chilled at home all day Sunday, and went to Brewstir's around ten thirty. At first it was so dead. Cat and Crash showed up, the kid I punched in the face was there, and a few folks who I didn't know and who weren't there for karaoke. D*Martin put all my drinks on his tab that night, which was really awesome of him. There were these two guys, a cowboy and a dego wop skank (who ended up actually being norweigan/irish/something heritage but he looked like a greaser), and they were in town on business selling furniture or something. The cowboy, Chris, was really sweet and nice, and the skank, Mike, was nice too, except he kept doing the drunk lean. It was so annoying. I'm trying to sit in my chair and he's like leaning hard on me, and I'm like wtf mate?! Get off me!! He was almost trying to bang me right there in the bar, and I was so not interested. Dooger showed up later on, so I was trying to hang out with him more, to get away from skank. The Aerosmith guy was there too, and I traded him my boring purple lighter for his awesome purple rubbery lighter. Yeah! What had started as a boring evening had become a great fun one, and I was so happy. When the bar closed, I felt I was too wasted to drive home, so I went up to Dooger's apartment to chill for an hour or so. Of course things led to things and... Yeah. But that's okay, he's a swell guy. But he sweats a lot. I got home around 4am.
Monday, work was very very long. It seemed like the longest day ever. I went home, took a nap, and then ate some chicken rice and headed to Triple 16 for the Sandogg's welcome back party. This night, much like the night before, started off terribly boring. It was only Cat, Crash, Mr. Boston, and myself. Well and some folks I didn't know. The Triple 16 pretty much sucks, but I like it because it's fairly cheap and I get to sing a lot. OA, Sandogg, Lady K, Jorge, and some guy I recognized but couldn't remember his name showed up around ten thirty. Roch was there too. She and I sat and talked for a long time. Man, she is so awesome. We had a great time. We were dancing with Crash, there were shots everywhere, Cat bought me a little pitcher and I got one of my own (heck it was only $4!) and it was just a really fun time. I'm lucky to have such great friends. Dooger showed up really late again, and he ended up coming back to my house. We sat and talked for awhile, then went to bed. That night he wasn't as sweaty...! He slept over, and left around 8 a.m., which was fine because I had to get up for work anyway.
Yesterday I did nothing. Work was long and slow again, and I wasn't feeling like number one after having been drunk for three straight nights. I went to Kroger and bought some groceries, decided to have chinese food for dinner, and then went home. I watched Jeopardy, surfed the internet for a little while, and spent the rest of the night watched Law & Order and SVU. It was swell. I just relaxed, hung out with the cats, and didn't do a damn thing.
Tonight I might head over to Brewstir's since my cable has been shut off til Friday, but I really can't afford it, so I'm not sure. I could just drink water, no big deal, and I'm sure someone will buy me a beer, haha. I'm always like "no no I'm good" and they get me one anyway. It's cool. When I have money I will be buying everyone beers too.

Things II

No, this is not a good thing.

For the last month or so, things have been steadily going downhill. It all culminated with a very violent fight last week. It was decided that SL would move in with one of our friends in a few weeks. It got to be about a week after that, and I was telling SL how I was glad this was happening because it would give us a chance to really work on the relationship without the pressures of a live-in situation. He got pissed and told me to just break up with him. There was another fight, and the next day, he talked to his dad who bought him a ticket, and yesterday he flew away.

I know I've made a huge mistake but he won't come back. He told me there is no chance he's ever coming back. I fucked everything up and now he's gone. I didn't want him to move all the way away to Florida. I just wanted to make things better. He says he still loves me but he can't be with me because he knows things would turn out exactly the same as they did the first time. I've never cried for over 24 hours straight. I woke up crying this morning. My pillow was wet, so I had to have been crying in my sleep. I'm so miserable.

I feel like I have nothing to live for now.

Things.

SL moved back to Florida today.

Blah blah blah

I haven't updated in awhile because I have been awfully busy. Sorry.

So anyway, let's see. Lots of karaoke, lots of drinking, the end. Hahaha. I just don't feel like telling every single story right now.

I had a dream the other day that I was marrying SL, but he was Fred Savage. We were getting married at some little church in the middle of a field, and not too many people were there. BE from work was the minister, and he was very short, about a foot shorter than he actually is. I told him that I never knew he was a minister, and he said that he got his license over the internet. Anyway, I kept changing my mind, telling SL that we couldn't get married because I wasn't divorced yet, but everyone was telling me that it didn't matter since I had been separated for so long. I didn't believe them. I would keep walking up to the door and turning around and not going in. Finally I decided to go ahead and go through with it, and I walked in. The doorway was the size of a normal door, except that the floor jamb was about three inches higher and the top jamb was about three inches lower, so I had to grab onto the trim and haul myself in. The music was starting, and I kept trying to walk before it was my cue. Eventually I made it up to the altar, but I woke up before we actually got married.

Last night I dreamt that I was finally divorced, and for some reason, I was hanging out with my in-laws. They and my parents both lived in these huge mansions, in the woods, and it was snowing. Well, it was snowing in the air but there was nothing but ice on the ground. I was hanging out in my parents' living room reading a book called "Wolf Creek" which had been written by my mother-in-law. It was about her life growing up in Michigan and all about everything up until I met her in 2002. It ended the day she met me. On the cover was a picture of her and my step-father-in-law, and they had been photo-shopped to look like wolves. When I was finished with the book, I walked over to their house and almost fell on my ass about seven times trying to walk on the ice. Finally I figured out that if I stomped instead of taking regular steps I could break through the ice and not slip. On the way I saw my sister-in-laws walking down the path, and the younger one dropped her toy horse. She didn't notice that she dropped it, so I picked it up and continued walking. I made it to their place, and when I walked in I realised it was Thanksgiving. I stayed for some food, and it was alright, and someone at one point said that now that MMA and I were divorced that I would be welcome at their house anytime. I hung out there for awhile, and then I left to go to a big sale at the mall. I ended up running into some girl I knew, apparently just in the dream because she wasn't from real life,
and her mom was there too. The mom was telling me all about how she wears fine silks and other fine linens because she deserves it, even though it makes her poor. I thought she was crazy. I woke up right after I walked into a dressing room.

Moving Dream

I had a dream that I was moving into a new place with SL and GG. It was going to be awesome. My mom and I were at Wal*Mart getting new stuff for the house, food and rugs and stuff like that, and I was waiting for SL to get there so he could help pick things out. I kept trying to call him and he wasn't answering his phone. So I called GG and told her to please try calling SL and see if he would pick up. She called him and called me back, and said that he was with his mom. So I tried calling him again and he finally answered, and said he was in Wal*Mart, and his mom was telling him what a bad idea it was for us to move in together, and she was doing a very good job of talking him out of moving in. I see them walking down the aisle towards me, and I'm trying to get his attention, but he just ignores me and keeps talking to his mom. That was it.

I had a Dream

I had a dream about real life. I woke up in the dream and I was trying to wake SL up to go to work.

I had a dream that DD from work was wearing very large sunglasses and walking down the highway, and I just drove right past him, because I couldn't tell if it was really him or not.

I had a dream that Poke and I were on a road trip and we were spending an awful lot of time looking for a sleeping bag and the right kind of potato chips that would keep on a long drive.

I had a dream that I was looking for cats. Don't know why, I just was.

Here I Am!

So other than the new medication, which I am no longer taking, things have been alright. SL and I worked out (well, set up a plan to work out) the majority of our problems, so if we both follow the gameplan things should get better. I'm excited. I've been karaoke-ing a lot, and that includes drinking a lot, so I don't really remember much of the last few weeks. I do know that the new show at Trump's in Worthington is awesome. D*Martin's new show at Brewstirs in the Continent is way fun as well.
Let's see... something funny that happened was at Trump's last week: This new guy I met, he's gay, was there the two times I went there. He's friends with some of Mel's friends. Well his ex was there, this super faggy kid. They were doing this like gay standoff thing, being all coy and ridiculous, and my new friend just couldn't stand it cuz the super fag was annoying him. So we decided to slow dance, and did the thumb kiss, and it looked like we were making out. It was HILARIOUS. Super fag got all upset and went outside to call his friends, and it was just funny. So frickin' hilarious. And here we were, just chillin'. The plan worked though because the super fag stopped bothering my new friend!
What else... I've been hearing around that Poke misses me, but I don't know for sure if he misses me or just misses banging me... Probably the latter. Not too concerned though either way. I know he wouldn't like act on it or anything, so whatever.
Oh, another funny/annoying thing. Mel decided it would be a GREAT idea to call me about twelve times on Friday night/Saturday morning at 2am. I answered the phone and it was Poke, and he's like, "Uh..." and I'm like, "Did you get a new number?" cuz I didn't recognize it. Then he tells me he's calling from Mel's phone and I'm just stunned that he would be hanging out with her. So this bitch gets on the phone and tries talking to me and I just tell her to fuck herself and hang up. She calls back at least seven times... maybe it was twelve, I'm not positive. I told her that if she called anymore I'd file harrassment against her (we all know I've done it before!) and that didn't stop her from calling. I finally talked to D*Martin and he and Poke both apologized for Mel being a super bitch, and D*Martin said she had gotten pissed and walked off. I found this absolutely hilarious because she was at Poke's house and didn't know where she was. So funny to think of drunken Mel (honestly I've never seen her sober) wandering around Worthington.
More news, I've had my second installment of nose cauterization done. I only had two nose bleeds between the first and second appointments, both brought on by sneezing, so that's good. And the Dr. said that the hole has healed more than 50%, so odds are good that I won't have to have surgery! Did I ever tell you that what was wrong was there was a hole in my nose on the inside wall that was the size of a pea? Crazy. That's really huge for an area as small as the inside of one's nose! I have one more cauterization left, and then comes the decision to either get surgery or be done with it all. Dr. said usually he doesn't do more than three procedures, but if it looks good he might do one more instead of surgery.
Also, I have ringworm. I just figured this out today. I thought it was a spider bite, but I looked on WebMd after consulting with KG, and she was right. Ringworm is basically Athlete's foot of the skin (like arms, chest, hands, etc.) so I'm not too concerned. Just spray some Tinactin on it! It's just annoying.
Tomorrow or Thursday I have to go back to the doctor to get some new medication. I hope this one doesn't make me ralph like the other one did yesterday!
This afternoon the City of Columbus is coming to my apartment to inspect the mold in the bathroom that was painted over and check for mold in the dining area carpet. I'm quite excited to possibly have proof of major health code violations so I can take it to the management company and make them get me new carpet. I already wrote them a letter warning that I would put my rent into escrow if they didn't fix all the unfinished projects by Sept. 22nd, so we'll see! Tonight GG and I are going to Hot Spot. I haven't seen her or Zara in ages, so that should be super fun!

Late.

PS - If you search for "Trump's Worthington" my entry from the other day comes up 2nd. How awesome.

Reach back like a Pimp and Smack the Hoe.

Yep Hoe.

I mentioned before (17 July) that I don't like Mel. Well let me tell you what happened on Tuesday night. SL and I decided to go see D*Martin's new-ish show at Trump's in Worthington. It's probably my new favorite bar. The place was cute, with little NFL hanging lamps and very clean areas and a great patio. I loved it. Until I saw Mel. I was like jesushchrist my bag of coke is a bag of anthrax. Seriously. Seeing her just makes me so angry. So, like an adult, I ignored her. I walked right past her to talk to D*Martin, I stayed away from the hussy when she was all over my sexy negro OA, I even looked away when she stared straight at me. I mean come on if she can't tell I don't like her, she's fucking blind. So then, SL and I went out to the awesome patio to smoke, and as we were coming inside, Mel cornered me at our table and told SL to please give us a minute. She says, "I need to talk to you" and me, being the non-beating-around-the-bush type person that I am, responded, "I really don't like you." I knew that's what she was going to ask anyway. So she asks why, and I tell her that its because I feel she is a liar and a hypocrite because she "loves" her boyfriend but refuses to fuck him, although it's okay for her to fuck other dudes. Not that it's my business in the first place, but she made it my business by telling me all her dirty secrets when she was wasted and buying me shots. And I told her this exactly. So then she claims that she never sleeps with other dudes. I was going to call her out about D*Martin but I didn't want him to catch any flack for it. So I told her that I knew she did and I had proof but I didn't care. She started telling me how good of a friend she was, how I should get to know her because I could find that out, etc., all that kind of stuff. I told her that I was not interested in getting to know her, I did not wish to get to know her, but I was indeed glad for her friends that she is a good friend, although I have no desire to experience it (the best part is that this is how I'm talking, and she's feeling dumber by the minute.) She asks me why did I lie to her, and I told her that I didn't always dislike her, but the more I got to know her the less I liked her. She claims that I don't know her at all, but I remind her of all those times when she felt like confessing her life story to me. Then she starts going on about how she doesn't like me either, because I told ND I would suck his cock in the parking lot all those weeks ago at Brewstirs, which was so terrible of me because SL loves me. I was like, "First of all, you have no proof that I even suggested or anything about sucking ND's cock. Second, it didn't even happen. SL saw all my txt msgs to ND and if there was anything incriminating there he would have seen it. You were lied to because he was trying to fuck you and luckily I talked him out of it." THEN she tells me I'm jealous. And I ask her, "Of what?" To which she replies, "you're jealous because I have a personality and you have a shitty personality." Which makes me laugh out loud because even if I have a shitty personality, I still have one, and she does too, so I have nothing to be jealous of since we are even. So, she walks away. Shortly thereafter SL comes back and sits down, but I'm up to sing one person away. Mel is over telling D*Martin what a terrible person I am, and I can tell by his face that he just doesn't care. I go up to sing, and no sooner have I gotten to the middle of the first verse than there is Mel, walking over to SL. I can tell by his face that he's just not interested in talking to her, and she's probably telling him to try and get me to like her or something. I find out later that this is exactly what she wanted. So the night progresses, I drink one Wild Turkey just in case this bitch wants to roll, so I'll be ready. Later, way later, we're on the patio. I'm talking to her boyfriend, and I'm like, "You don't hate me, do you?" and he says no, he just ignores her drama because with her, it's always drama. I told him that was cool since I was defending him in a way, and that's why she had an issue. He was like whatever, you're cool. Then the other few of her friends came out, and they were all like, yes, you rule, you're nice, etc. I was like Rock On. Then Mel noticed me talking to her friends, with smiles abounding (I'm not sure if she expected them to like beat my ass or whatever, cuz she had threatened earlier that if she ever saw me in "her bar" on Monday again she would kick my ass.) She comes outside, and starts talking really loud to her friends about how nice they are, and stuff, and how they aren't MEAN PEOPLE LIKE SOME GIRLS WE KNOW and how she is happy blah blah NOT LIKE SOME MEAN PEOPLE WE KNOW AHEM. You know, like when someone is talking loud enough for you to hear, and then they raise their voice to make sure you hear the part they really want to emphasize... LAME. I laugh at her, behind her back (cuz our backs are to each other) and it's loud enough for her to hear, but DF and SL are laughing too so maybe she doesn't know I'm laughing at her... oh... she does... hahahaha. So then she starts yelling at her friends for talking to me, and yelling at me, and I'm still not reacting. She takes a few steps towards me, and the one guy grabs her and her boyfriend steps in front of her. This is where it gets good! So, I'm standing there, just kinda looking out the corner of my eye at this crazy bitch who is being restrained from trying to get me for not reacting to her threats/insults/etc., and then SMASH! A beer bottle hits the patio. It was her boyfriend's Miller Lite, but I'm pretty sure she grabbed it out of his hands to try and throw it at me. They leave. I think they skipped out on their tab. Her friends stay and we talk and have a wonderful rest of the evening.


This is because I'm #1 and didn't let her get the best of me! Haha!

I should have reached back like a pimp and slapped the hoe. But I'm not stupid. I would never hit someone unless they hit me first because I am not going to jail.

Le sentiment de l'amour vient et disparaît.

I got my hair cut on Friday, five inches cut off. Yippy. SL got a buzz.

Shawshank Redemption is a very good movie. So is Crash. In addition, Amelie, Happenstance, and Dirty Pretty Things are good movies too. A Very Long Engagement, and L'Auberge Espagnole are very awesome.

I have a blockbuster.com account, by the way. It's new. Can you tell I love Audrey Tautou as well? Oh yes. She's beautiful. I figure her beauty is enough to keep SL engaged in a french film with english subtitles even though he probably hates it.

So, I had a dream that I was tooling around town with my ex-boss. It was strange. We were buying things, like a weird large clock that kinda looked like a bird house on a tree... kinda. I was wearing a white outfit and a big hat. I worked in an old-fashioned type bank office, the dark and stuffy kind. Very strange.

SL and I went to the fair on Saturday and that was fun. We got there around eleven thirty in the morning, and luckily all the rides were open and had short lines. We went on this crappy "haunted house" which was really a short ride through a hot building with loud noises that were not scary. Then we went on Flying Bobs (yay!) which was scarier than I remember it being, after that the giant ferris wheel, then the avalanche (?) roller coaster, then this drop thing. Oh my god, the drop thing. The roller coaster was fun, but the drop thing was SCARY. You had to jump up into this sort of bicycle seat, and then they lock you in. Slowly you ride to the top of this stick, and then BAM! it drops to the ground. Sucks too because you're like way up there and there is the click noise, then it's silent. Then you drop. Yipe. After that we went on the Crazy Mouse, which ruled. This little girl and her grandpa sat next to us, and this rollercoaster had a thing that took your picture, and our faces were so funny. The grandpa's mouth was like twisted to the side, the girl was holding her breath, SL was trying to look cool, and my mouth was open like three feet wide with my hair flying straight up. That was awesome. I wanted to go on the Tilt-a-Whirl but it was closed, and the Scrambler but SL didn't want to. He wanted to go on the spin thing and the Gravitron, but I told him no way. I didn't want to puke! We walked around a little bit then, looked at some stuff, got some free shirts, got some free crap from the Army and some other places too. They had all the vendors and stuff in these three pavilions, and it was SO crowded. I was irritated. Then we went and got a corn dog. Mmmm. We were going to eat some fair food, but then I saw a sign for "All you can eat smorgasboard! Upstairs!" So we went upstairs of the Ag/Hort building and there it was, $8.75 per person buffet of delicious fair-type country food. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, salad, black eye peas, pizza, cake, oh yeah. It was great. And we got stuffed too! For the same price as only a little bit of fair food would have cost. Right on. We walked around the Ag/Hort building then, and I got to pet a gigantic white rabbit that was like two feet long. It was soft, but creepy. Then we looked at some chicks and they were so cute. That would be chickens not girls. There were no cute girls at the fair, only hillbillies. We got our picture taken for free in front of some bushes, haha, and that was alright. The photo turned out pretty cool considering it was free and printed on stock card. Also we looked at some paintings/mixed media art projects of all the counties in Ohio, and voted for two of them. I chose Harrison and Auglaize. I don't remember what SL chose. Then we looked at the flowers and gourds and stuff that won prizes, like the huge pumpkin. We looked at some bees, and then SL won a pedometer by getting a bean bag in the hole playing CornHole. After that we walked around some more, went into the Coliseum and watched some horses walk around, went outside, decided we were lost... at some point we watched a parade go by... Then we were going to go on the sky ride but it was extra not included in the all day unlimited ride wristband so we didn't. I saw BR working at the Kool-Aid/Country Time/Crystal Light booth ($7 for a cup and free refills all day!) and I haven't seen him in awhile. We watched a helicopter that was supposedly the BatCopter take off ($30 per ride!) and did not go see the freak show. Then we were going to ride some more rides, but by this time it was so packed that all we got on was the Musik something or other. Kinda like Flying Bobs except it doesn't swing and it goes backwards. Fun! We were going to get a funnell cake, but I changed my mind, so we were going to leave. We hopped on this shuttle thing and thought we were going to the parking lot but it turned out that we were going to the other side of the fair! I was excited then because I thought I would get to see the cows and sheep, but alas, we still weren't in that area. We did get our blood sugar tested though, and mine is 127. SL's was 113. I think it was rigged though because I just ate some free Turkey Hill Ice Cream right before I took the test! Turkey Hill is the one with muscley cows on the commercial, who/which are gross, but the ice cream is good. We got some free samples of Glucerna crap, yuck, and then we really did leave. It took about 20 minutes to just get out of the parking lot, which sucked majorly.

After the fair we were slightly sunburnt, but we had applied sunblock #30, so we weren't too bad. Except the top of SL's head, which was tomato-ish. We went home and dropped off all our goodies from the fair, and I changed, and we headed over to WR's house for a party. When we got there, it was already rockin', I suppose. There were like five chicks in the hot tub, and I knew all but one of them, who happened to be TB's girlfriend (who isn't really is girlfriend he says, but whatever.) They were wasted from drinking this miracle tonic, "Skippy Doo" which is a combination of beer, vodka, and pink lemonade. I did not try any and I never will because YUCK. So anyway, we drank, talked a lot, and then at the end of the night I ended up in the hot tub in my underwear hahaha but it was okay because my underwear was less revealing than their bikinis, and also they were all way more wasted than I was. Definitely. I was crunk though.

Needless to say, Sunday I slept way in and pretty much did nothing all day long. SL had to work 11-7 so that was alright. I did go to Kroger though, and I bought $112 worth of groceries. It was wonderful because they had all their meat on sale and I got some pork tenderloin, some chicken, some steaks, some other kinds of beef, all expensive shit for buy one get one free! It was awesome. So totally awesome. After work SL had to go practice softball for the CVS company party game, which I had forgotten, which upset me because I had a very nice dinner planned that ended up with me eating ramen instead. I took SL to the baseball field where he didn't hit very many balls... but that's okay cuz he hasn't played in years I suppose. Then they all wanted to go drink so I dropped SL at the bar and went to my parents' house. I didn't feel like hanging out because 1) we couldn't afford two people drinking those expensive beers and 2) I was irritated from the whole ordeal. SL was out drinking for three hours.

Last night we went to karaoke at Triple 16, which used to be the Cabana Club, where we went two weeks ago and it was shot city. It was shot small town last night, Cat only bought us three but that was more than enough because I never expect her to buy us anything. It's cool when she does though, that's for sure! It started out kinda crowded, which was swell, but ended up being me, SL, Cat, the bartender and her dad (who owns it), Rochelle and this lady Tracy that I met when the Psycho and I were dating. She runs karaoke down in Pikerington. Refer to June 2005 if you don't remember The Psycho! But how could you forget? I digress. We were the only five-six people singing, and it was great. I had themes, first it was "Black" and I sang Black Velvet, Black Horse and the Cherry Tree (which I fucking rocked on by the way!), and Paint it Black (which I will never sing again because I literally mutilated it.) Then I chose a beer theme, which included Beer Run (the Garth version, I just kinda beat that one to the ground), Pour Me, and Here for the Party. I'm getting pretty good at singing country. Then I kamikaze-d myself, and ended up singing (stupid poopy terrible) Creed's "With Arms Wide Open" which I actually rocked on, Blessid Union of Soul's "Hey Leonardo" (eh) and... I don't remember the other one. Then SL kamikaze-d me (cuz I had made him sing Wait and Roxanne) and I sang "Funky Cold Medina" which, for being the whitest honky in Ohio, I did pretty well. Around one thirty Rochelle and Tracy left, and at the same time Crash called Cat and told her that he was at the hospital and they were going to take his gallbladder out. So Cat gave us her drinks and we helped her load up the car and that was that. We spent $21.00 and drank about $50. Rock on.

Oh did I mention that I'm going to learn French? Also I'm going to become fluent in Spanish like I used to be. Go me.

Weirdness

Let me once again reiterate how much I fucking hate NovaStar Mortgage.

Onward.

I had a dream the other night that SL and I were visiting his family in New Jersey, but it looked more like Kansas, and they lived in a really old fashioned house. I guess they were having us over to look at the house so that we could move in to it or something. Well there was this old car in the yard, and it had been turned into a lawn decoration. SL and AL his brother were pouring chemicals all over it and sticking fireworks into it, and they were going to destroy it carefully but in a way that would please their manliness. They were about to light the fuse, when this crazy kid from across the street came running over and threw a cherry bomb into the car. We all ran for our lives, and hid behind the house and the trees, and then the car exploded and there was all this crazy shrapnel in weird colors and stuff. It was strange. I don't really remember much else about it, other than sitting in a weird dungeon type area at a long wooden table and waiting for some food to arrive. That happened awhile ago in a different dream I had about SL, before I met him. Whatever.

Cocaine is bad.