My luck *may* have actually changed.
Thanks to my mom's good credit, I finally got approved for the student loan that I needed to go to school. WOO HOO!
I'm no longer the saddest girl in the world.
24 October 2007
22 October 2007
The Only Thing That's Real
I haven't been this depressed in years. I may have written before about being sad or miserable, but I am really truly depressed at this moment. I didn't get approved for the student loan to help with extra finances, so now I can't go to school. There is no way I can pay my bills just working at DQ, so I've applied for a waitressing job at this restaurant down the street. Why does this shit happen to me? What the fuck have I ever done? I'm so embarassed too because I told everyone that I was going to Culinary School and now I'm just stuck at the DQ praying to god or whomever that I can get my shit together. I have to get poverty assistance to pay my utilities, well, I should say I have to try because I probably make too much money to qualify for any aid.
If you have no place to live and nothing to live for, what's the point of being alive? I'm in so much emotional pain right now. I've never felt like this before. 2007 has been the worst year of my entire life. Every time something shitty happened, I would say "Ok. That's it. There is nothing shittier than this." and then something WAY shittier would happen. Like getting laid off and then GMaP dying.
Jesus Christ, when will it end?
If you have no place to live and nothing to live for, what's the point of being alive? I'm in so much emotional pain right now. I've never felt like this before. 2007 has been the worst year of my entire life. Every time something shitty happened, I would say "Ok. That's it. There is nothing shittier than this." and then something WAY shittier would happen. Like getting laid off and then GMaP dying.
Jesus Christ, when will it end?
14 October 2007
I'm Alive, It's Okay!
We're gonna do this by labels since I have so much shit to cover, LOL!
Banking: I have no money!
Bishop: I'm kinda sad because I haven't been seeing much of Bishop. I miss him. I see him occasionally at karaoke, but since Cat started doing Trump's on Friday's, nobody comes to Groucho's anymore! Plus he was dating one of his ex's, which didn't work out cuz she was a bitch, but now he's seeing this other chick that we know, which rules.
Could anyone not love this face?
Dreams: WOW! I've had the most fucked up dreams in the last month. I dreamt that Poke actually told his mom about us dating, dreamt that I was pregnant, dreamt that I was saving the word, there were monsters everywhere, etc. All such craziness, and now that I want to write about them, I can't seem to remember a single one. Damn.
These are the tits that save the world.
Family: Well, let's see. As you know my GMaP died on her birthday this past August. That really sucked, but she was 90 years old, so it wasn't completely unexpected. I think we really thought that when it was time for her to go, she would get super sick or something, instead of just randomly dying the way she did. I went up to Cleveland for one of SJK's football games a few weeks ago and stopped by All Saints to see her. The dirt on the grave still had no grass on it, and I was crying, and then my parents showed up which was kind of a strange coincidence. But it was ok.
That night we went to the game and we own, of course, GO EAGLES! SJK has been playing very well this year, except for the last three games, which they lost. Up until then it was an undefeated season. I just don't know what happened. Hopefully they can pull out of it though, but I doubt there is a chance for the playoffs at this point. I could be wrong though. Shit, I don't know anything about football!
So my mom has been irritating me lately, because I'm going back to college (more on that later) and instead of being cool about it and supporting me and being happy for me, she's just rubbing it in my face that I didn't go before now and basically in her eyes I've fucked up my entire life. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to be civil but sometimes it's so hard when she embarrasses me in front of the admissions person by telling her what a fuck up I am for not listening to her and going to college seven years ago. Gawd.
GO EAGLES!
Friends: Let's see. The one year anniversary of my friend Crash dying will be a week from today, on October 21st. Cat has been a little bit sadder lately, talking about him and stuff. I feel for her. I don't know what I would do if I lost Poke! I've been trying to talk to my friends more than I used to, like GG and KP and SV, cuz I rarely get to see them and shit like that. I'm not doing a very good job, but I'm making the effort. I found out that a friend of mine, MM, has gout, so I'm quite worried about her too. Good things that have happened are: J-Rod did not go back to war, RM is getting a promotion, GG went back to school and she and Ironhorse will be celebrating their two year anniversary in a few weeks, KP is moving back into town, Cat turned fifty!, BI moved in with Big Joe, Dooger is doing well, and... that's about all I can think of right now!
Kel-Bell and KP are so sexy!
Karaoke: Hadn't been going to karaoke very much because for almost all of September I had bronchitis. Stupid change of seasons. Anyway, there was another contest, and I didn't think I would get to be in it because I still had no voice when it started. Luckily this week two spots opened up at Rush Creek in the Continent and at Gordy's. I tried at Rush Creek on Tuesday, but it was awful. Some bitch who claimed to be a professional singer won, even though she fucked up singing "Purple Rain". Oh well. So I tried on Thursday at Gordy's and won, since the other three bitches couldn't sing their way out of a paper bag. If that makes sense... Anyway, this one bitch who was there competing against me caught me outside while I was smoking and she was like"So what is this, a popularity contest?" and I'm like "WTF no, I only have like 6-8 friends out there!" and she's like "Bullshit all those people in there are your friends, I know, I asked. I sang much better than you and I got more applause and I should have won!" I just changed the subject because luckily Poke came outside right at that moment. What a dumb hooker. She wasn't even good. AND! She did not get more applause than me. The whole fucking place clapped for me, so suck that you dumb cock muncher. But I digress.
The contest was yesterday at Beulah Park just like last time. They started an hour and a half late, it was so sunny that I got burnt, and the whole thing was a joke. Lady K and I should have won, and Bishop and OA should have won too (it was split into "fillys" and "stallions".) So fucking ghey. We're done now, since the whole damn thing was a big rig. Same as last year, the people who won were all friends of a judge and / or the lady who was running it. And they were all from the west side. Bullshit!!
What the fuck, mother fucker?!
Life in General: So, I am going to culinary school, yay! I sent in all my monies and shit, got my schedule, and I'm ready to go. It starts October 29th. I'm so excited. Fuck HNB! I'm so glad that I'm not working there anymore! I think that in all my years since I've graduated high school, that was probably the worst job I've ever had. It was mindless, irritating, boring as fuck, and the women I worked with, save for like 5 of them, were all gossiping old biddies who have nothing better to do than create rumours and yap all day. My old boss from high school from the DQ offered me a job I couldn't pass up , so I took that and I've been there a week. It's so awesome. When I worked at DQ in the summer, at the other one, it was awful. But this one, wow, so great. It's like I never left. I think part of the reason is that I'm not working with cunty little teenage girls, since there are only like 3 or 4 girls whole work there, and that TT (the boss) is a friend of mine, more or less, and we trust each other and I don't have to prove anything. If he says I am/do/know/etc, they listen. It's awesome. So I'll be working there until school starts, every day, and then once I'm in class I'll be working a couple nights per week plus on weekends. Good times.
Look how ugly I am when I work inside the lime green box called HNB...
OSU Football: WE'RE UNDEFEATED! WOO! And now, since California lost to Oregon, we're NUMBER ONE IN THE BIG 10!! YAY!!
Poke: Wonderful. Coming up on our one year anniversary. Even though we took some months off this year, with all that stupid crap, we decided to go ahead an celebrate it as if we hadn't broken up at any point. He's apologized and made good on his word(s) so I think it's going to be wonderful from here on out. As a matter of fact, Poke almost beat JAFH's record for most romantic thing ever when I told him I wanted this dog and he was going to buy it for me as a surprise. But I talked him out of it when he kept grilling me about the fucking thing. I was like "No no no I couldn't take care of it or train it or anything." That's when he told me he was really going to buy it. LOL!
Oktoberfest!
Work: Uh, well, see above under "Life in General". Hahaha!
I guess that's about it. Go check out my photobucket for new pics. They're all arranged pretty like and so forth. Every single album has new pics in it too, except the tattoos/piercings album because I haven't gotten any new ones... sniff...
Yep. I'm a blonde now.
Banking: I have no money!
Bishop: I'm kinda sad because I haven't been seeing much of Bishop. I miss him. I see him occasionally at karaoke, but since Cat started doing Trump's on Friday's, nobody comes to Groucho's anymore! Plus he was dating one of his ex's, which didn't work out cuz she was a bitch, but now he's seeing this other chick that we know, which rules.
Could anyone not love this face?Dreams: WOW! I've had the most fucked up dreams in the last month. I dreamt that Poke actually told his mom about us dating, dreamt that I was pregnant, dreamt that I was saving the word, there were monsters everywhere, etc. All such craziness, and now that I want to write about them, I can't seem to remember a single one. Damn.
These are the tits that save the world.Family: Well, let's see. As you know my GMaP died on her birthday this past August. That really sucked, but she was 90 years old, so it wasn't completely unexpected. I think we really thought that when it was time for her to go, she would get super sick or something, instead of just randomly dying the way she did. I went up to Cleveland for one of SJK's football games a few weeks ago and stopped by All Saints to see her. The dirt on the grave still had no grass on it, and I was crying, and then my parents showed up which was kind of a strange coincidence. But it was ok.
That night we went to the game and we own, of course, GO EAGLES! SJK has been playing very well this year, except for the last three games, which they lost. Up until then it was an undefeated season. I just don't know what happened. Hopefully they can pull out of it though, but I doubt there is a chance for the playoffs at this point. I could be wrong though. Shit, I don't know anything about football!
So my mom has been irritating me lately, because I'm going back to college (more on that later) and instead of being cool about it and supporting me and being happy for me, she's just rubbing it in my face that I didn't go before now and basically in her eyes I've fucked up my entire life. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to be civil but sometimes it's so hard when she embarrasses me in front of the admissions person by telling her what a fuck up I am for not listening to her and going to college seven years ago. Gawd.
GO EAGLES!Friends: Let's see. The one year anniversary of my friend Crash dying will be a week from today, on October 21st. Cat has been a little bit sadder lately, talking about him and stuff. I feel for her. I don't know what I would do if I lost Poke! I've been trying to talk to my friends more than I used to, like GG and KP and SV, cuz I rarely get to see them and shit like that. I'm not doing a very good job, but I'm making the effort. I found out that a friend of mine, MM, has gout, so I'm quite worried about her too. Good things that have happened are: J-Rod did not go back to war, RM is getting a promotion, GG went back to school and she and Ironhorse will be celebrating their two year anniversary in a few weeks, KP is moving back into town, Cat turned fifty!, BI moved in with Big Joe, Dooger is doing well, and... that's about all I can think of right now!
Kel-Bell and KP are so sexy!Karaoke: Hadn't been going to karaoke very much because for almost all of September I had bronchitis. Stupid change of seasons. Anyway, there was another contest, and I didn't think I would get to be in it because I still had no voice when it started. Luckily this week two spots opened up at Rush Creek in the Continent and at Gordy's. I tried at Rush Creek on Tuesday, but it was awful. Some bitch who claimed to be a professional singer won, even though she fucked up singing "Purple Rain". Oh well. So I tried on Thursday at Gordy's and won, since the other three bitches couldn't sing their way out of a paper bag. If that makes sense... Anyway, this one bitch who was there competing against me caught me outside while I was smoking and she was like"So what is this, a popularity contest?" and I'm like "WTF no, I only have like 6-8 friends out there!" and she's like "Bullshit all those people in there are your friends, I know, I asked. I sang much better than you and I got more applause and I should have won!" I just changed the subject because luckily Poke came outside right at that moment. What a dumb hooker. She wasn't even good. AND! She did not get more applause than me. The whole fucking place clapped for me, so suck that you dumb cock muncher. But I digress.
The contest was yesterday at Beulah Park just like last time. They started an hour and a half late, it was so sunny that I got burnt, and the whole thing was a joke. Lady K and I should have won, and Bishop and OA should have won too (it was split into "fillys" and "stallions".) So fucking ghey. We're done now, since the whole damn thing was a big rig. Same as last year, the people who won were all friends of a judge and / or the lady who was running it. And they were all from the west side. Bullshit!!
What the fuck, mother fucker?!Life in General: So, I am going to culinary school, yay! I sent in all my monies and shit, got my schedule, and I'm ready to go. It starts October 29th. I'm so excited. Fuck HNB! I'm so glad that I'm not working there anymore! I think that in all my years since I've graduated high school, that was probably the worst job I've ever had. It was mindless, irritating, boring as fuck, and the women I worked with, save for like 5 of them, were all gossiping old biddies who have nothing better to do than create rumours and yap all day. My old boss from high school from the DQ offered me a job I couldn't pass up , so I took that and I've been there a week. It's so awesome. When I worked at DQ in the summer, at the other one, it was awful. But this one, wow, so great. It's like I never left. I think part of the reason is that I'm not working with cunty little teenage girls, since there are only like 3 or 4 girls whole work there, and that TT (the boss) is a friend of mine, more or less, and we trust each other and I don't have to prove anything. If he says I am/do/know/etc, they listen. It's awesome. So I'll be working there until school starts, every day, and then once I'm in class I'll be working a couple nights per week plus on weekends. Good times.
Look how ugly I am when I work inside the lime green box called HNB...OSU Football: WE'RE UNDEFEATED! WOO! And now, since California lost to Oregon, we're NUMBER ONE IN THE BIG 10!! YAY!!
Poke: Wonderful. Coming up on our one year anniversary. Even though we took some months off this year, with all that stupid crap, we decided to go ahead an celebrate it as if we hadn't broken up at any point. He's apologized and made good on his word(s) so I think it's going to be wonderful from here on out. As a matter of fact, Poke almost beat JAFH's record for most romantic thing ever when I told him I wanted this dog and he was going to buy it for me as a surprise. But I talked him out of it when he kept grilling me about the fucking thing. I was like "No no no I couldn't take care of it or train it or anything." That's when he told me he was really going to buy it. LOL!
Oktoberfest!
Work: Uh, well, see above under "Life in General". Hahaha!
I guess that's about it. Go check out my photobucket for new pics. They're all arranged pretty like and so forth. Every single album has new pics in it too, except the tattoos/piercings album because I haven't gotten any new ones... sniff...
Yep. I'm a blonde now.
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