S.A.D.

Normally the gloomy, damp, draftiness of early fall in Ohio makes me happy - I am definitely not a person who suffers from S.A.D., aka Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I will gladly suffer through this yuckiness to get to the crisp, cool, colorful autumn days that I know are right around the corner.  Today is a perfectly gloomy day, and I am perfectly gloomy right along with it.  And I don't like it.

In January 2010, my student loans were about to start being due.  I knew I couldn't afford over $1,000 monthly payment, so I got in touch with Sallie Mae and attempted to consolidate.  They refused to even let me apply for consolidation, but told me I could try for forbearance.  A few days later I received a letter stating I didn't qualify for forbearance or anything else.  I had to pay the $1,000+ or else.  At that time I was making $12/hr and my rent was $595/month.  If I paid my student loans, I wouldn't be able to pay my rent, or any other bills.  I spent countless hours on the phone with Sallie Mae, trying and trying to get my monthly payment down to a manageable amount; They simply would not accommodate me in any way.

If a person dies or becomes disabled, the co borrower is no longer responsible for the loan.  Knowing I could never repay the student loans, I made the conscious decision to commit suicide.  After all, it would be better than ruining my mom's credit AND it would really show Sallie Mae what kind of shitty institution they are.  I stopped taking my meds cold turkey, drank as much as I could, and one night I finally had the breakdown (unfortunately Poke was there and he still holds it over my head to this day) and swallowed 25 Vicodin.  Unfortunately, being the responsible person that I am, I made the terrible decision to call off work for the next day and the manager who took my call notified the EMTs and sent them to my house.  I don't know who got in touch with my parents, but all at once I had them banging on the front door while the EMTs were banging on the back door.  They threatened to chop through with an axe, so I moved the kitchen table and let them in.  They took me to Riverside where I was evaluated, had to drink the fucking liquid charcoal, and eventually sent to the Ohio Hospital for Psychiatry.  My parents, of course, asked me why, and I told them the reason as stated above.  My mom said that her credit was already ruined and my not paying the student loans wouldn't make it any worse than it already was.

My dad was laid off in August 2009 and didn't get a steady full-time job until two weeks ago.  I was also unemployed several times in 2010, and I could barely afford my rent.  Poke paid two month's worth for me and he didn't even live there at the time.  I had to get my food from the food bank, didn't have any insurance so I couldn't take my meds, and basically kept my sanity by remaining in an almost perpetual state of tipsiness... wake up, go to work, come home, get drunk, fall asleep, wake up, go to work... over and over.  Life was absolutely wonderful because I barely knew what was going on.

Fast forward to now, and Sallie Mae has sent all my loans to collection agencies.  My parents just discharged their bankruptcy and I've been working on doing my own.  Student loans can be included in Chapter 13 bankruptcies, as long as I can prove that paying the monthly payments would cause undue hardship.  Ironically, two years ago when I had a full-time job, I did prove that as a requirement for the forbearance application.  The problem is that the collectors won't stop calling my mom, they are threatening her (with empty threats and lies, trying to get her to pay) and so she is harassing me as a result.  She and I just got to a good point in our relationship and now this.  I don't know what to do.  Even if I went back to work full time and put 4L in daycare, all my income would be going to that so it's not like I'd have extra money.  My mom wants $300 a month, but there's no way I can give it to her.  We just don't have it.  Getting a part time job would be great, but how can I tell an employer "Please hire me and oh btw I need to dictate my own schedule"... not going to happen.  I'm going to try with the Tupperware thing, but I just don't know.

I just don't know what to do.

Hi there.

Let it snow!

As usual people are being stupid and freaking out. There is probably 2-3" (5-7.5cm!) of snow on the ground, and it will all be melted off the road by noon, I'm sure, when it's time for moi to go to school. The trucks were already out dumping brine on Thanksgiving. City was actually prepared this time! But I digress. People are stupid. Unfortunately I fall into this category because I lost my scraper and have to get a new one... after letting my car warm up so the stupid snow can melt off... which will take like 20 min... also I need washer fluid. So yeah, I'm less prepared than the City. Hahaha.

School is going great. There is this one girl that I just can't stand. Everything to her is a competition, and at this point in the game, that's totally unnecessary. When we're seniors and it's me vs her for a job, then it can be competition. Right now is learning time. Everything I do is wrong, or I got the right answer but in the wrong way, or so forth. If she does anything wrong, it's not her fault. She insists on being in charge of everything all the time. At this point, I'm just like wtf Ever. I'm letting it get to me now and I'll just bitch and moan for a bit until I get it out of my system. She really is a nice girl, but goddam I wish she'd shut her trap. She is always talking back to the Chefs too, which is just beyond me how someone could actually smart off to a college (or any for that matter) teacher. Other than her annoying the crap out of me, school rules. I have 120+/100 pts in math (beyond an A+!!) and I got a 98.3% on my midterm, I'm pretty sure I have an A+ in ServSafe, which is safety and sanitation, because I have aced every single test, even got 100% on my midterm!, and as for Cooking, I'm sure I have an A in that too. I got an 81% on my written test in cooking lab, because i mixed up all the lengths of cuts of vegetables. So ghey. But I got 14/15 on my practical (cooking snow peas!) so that rules. At the lowest I have a B+ I'd say, just because we've only had 3 tests. There is one on Monday though. But I should ace it - stupid sandwiches. Although I did lose it over a grilled ham and swiss last week, hahahahha. I dunno what happened btwn my brain and my hands but I tried to flip the damn thing over and it just all slid apart and then this boy was trying to help me and then I was crying and it was sooooooo lame. But I was fine after that. LOL.

I had kinda forgotten abt J1&J2 since it's been over a year since I saw them or even talked to them, til GMc reminded me in a letter about them. I did remember that they moved to Lancaster tho. I guess things weren't going so well with J2's job as a apainter. That's pretty much the story all over this crappy country, esp in the midwest. Everything is so grim. I'm glad I'm going to college and getting a swell trade to work in so that I can pretty much go anywhere in the world, within reason, and get a good job. I'm really looking forward to moving to Massachusettes in abt 5-7 yrs. That is my "long term plan" or whatever they call it.

I woke up at 6am to check the news because all the Chefs were like "we might be closed tomorrow check the closings!" and we are NOT closed and now I'm kinda angry that I missed out on 3 hrs of sleep. Once I wake up it's so hard to go back to sleep, esp when I know I have to wake up a little earlier because it will take me longer to get there and also I have to go to CVS and buy a scraper. LOL. And to the bank because I FINALLY GOT MY STUDENT LOAN CHECK WOOOOOOOOO! $2,833 to be exact, not enough to pay every single bill but close enough. I'm only short about $400 a month, and working at DQ covers that plus extra. My life, it seems, may finally be back on track. I hope.

I was telling GMC that I still have this blog, but I don't update every day like I used to. Sometimes it's only once a week. There is practically no drama in my life anymore, so I really have nothing to talk about! Hahahahaha. I suppose I could talk about the good things. Perhaps I should.

Well I guess I'm gonna go try to sleep for like, an hour and a half now... My poor cats are starving to death over here, someone forgot to tell me we are out of cat food... I think I will give them an egg.

Fuck the Government!

Yeah, ok. I'm pissed. Everything was going along swimmingly, I've been a little short on cash, but that's ok, cuz my student signature loan is going to be here on Tuesday, right?

Oh no, WRONG. So wrong.

No, apparently they want to make sure I'm going to be a student for 30 days before they'll disburse my check to the school who then disburses it to me. So as of today, I'm facing eviction and my electric will be shut off on the 15th.

Anyone feel like lending me $1200.00? I'll pay you back at the middle December...

I'm Alive, It's Okay!

We're gonna do this by labels since I have so much shit to cover, LOL!

Banking: I have no money!

Bishop: I'm kinda sad because I haven't been seeing much of Bishop. I miss him. I see him occasionally at karaoke, but since Cat started doing Trump's on Friday's, nobody comes to Groucho's anymore! Plus he was dating one of his ex's, which didn't work out cuz she was a bitch, but now he's seeing this other chick that we know, which rules.

Could anyone not love this face?

Dreams: WOW! I've had the most fucked up dreams in the last month. I dreamt that Poke actually told his mom about us dating, dreamt that I was pregnant, dreamt that I was saving the word, there were monsters everywhere, etc. All such craziness, and now that I want to write about them, I can't seem to remember a single one. Damn.

These are the tits that save the world.

Family: Well, let's see. As you know my GMaP died on her birthday this past August. That really sucked, but she was 90 years old, so it wasn't completely unexpected. I think we really thought that when it was time for her to go, she would get super sick or something, instead of just randomly dying the way she did. I went up to Cleveland for one of SJK's football games a few weeks ago and stopped by All Saints to see her. The dirt on the grave still had no grass on it, and I was crying, and then my parents showed up which was kind of a strange coincidence. But it was ok.
That night we went to the game and we own, of course, GO EAGLES! SJK has been playing very well this year, except for the last three games, which they lost. Up until then it was an undefeated season. I just don't know what happened. Hopefully they can pull out of it though, but I doubt there is a chance for the playoffs at this point. I could be wrong though. Shit, I don't know anything about football!
So my mom has been irritating me lately, because I'm going back to college (more on that later) and instead of being cool about it and supporting me and being happy for me, she's just rubbing it in my face that I didn't go before now and basically in her eyes I've fucked up my entire life. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to be civil but sometimes it's so hard when she embarrasses me in front of the admissions person by telling her what a fuck up I am for not listening to her and going to college seven years ago. Gawd.

GO EAGLES!

Friends: Let's see. The one year anniversary of my friend Crash dying will be a week from today, on October 21st. Cat has been a little bit sadder lately, talking about him and stuff. I feel for her. I don't know what I would do if I lost Poke! I've been trying to talk to my friends more than I used to, like GG and KP and SV, cuz I rarely get to see them and shit like that. I'm not doing a very good job, but I'm making the effort. I found out that a friend of mine, MM, has gout, so I'm quite worried about her too. Good things that have happened are: J-Rod did not go back to war, RM is getting a promotion, GG went back to school and she and Ironhorse will be celebrating their two year anniversary in a few weeks, KP is moving back into town, Cat turned fifty!, BI moved in with Big Joe, Dooger is doing well, and... that's about all I can think of right now!

Kel-Bell and KP are so sexy!

Karaoke: Hadn't been going to karaoke very much because for almost all of September I had bronchitis. Stupid change of seasons. Anyway, there was another contest, and I didn't think I would get to be in it because I still had no voice when it started. Luckily this week two spots opened up at Rush Creek in the Continent and at Gordy's. I tried at Rush Creek on Tuesday, but it was awful. Some bitch who claimed to be a professional singer won, even though she fucked up singing "Purple Rain". Oh well. So I tried on Thursday at Gordy's and won, since the other three bitches couldn't sing their way out of a paper bag. If that makes sense... Anyway, this one bitch who was there competing against me caught me outside while I was smoking and she was like"So what is this, a popularity contest?" and I'm like "WTF no, I only have like 6-8 friends out there!" and she's like "Bullshit all those people in there are your friends, I know, I asked. I sang much better than you and I got more applause and I should have won!" I just changed the subject because luckily Poke came outside right at that moment. What a dumb hooker. She wasn't even good. AND! She did not get more applause than me. The whole fucking place clapped for me, so suck that you dumb cock muncher. But I digress.
The contest was yesterday at Beulah Park just like last time. They started an hour and a half late, it was so sunny that I got burnt, and the whole thing was a joke. Lady K and I should have won, and Bishop and OA should have won too (it was split into "fillys" and "stallions".) So fucking ghey. We're done now, since the whole damn thing was a big rig. Same as last year, the people who won were all friends of a judge and / or the lady who was running it. And they were all from the west side. Bullshit!!

What the fuck, mother fucker?!

Life in General: So, I am going to culinary school, yay! I sent in all my monies and shit, got my schedule, and I'm ready to go. It starts October 29th. I'm so excited. Fuck HNB! I'm so glad that I'm not working there anymore! I think that in all my years since I've graduated high school, that was probably the worst job I've ever had. It was mindless, irritating, boring as fuck, and the women I worked with, save for like 5 of them, were all gossiping old biddies who have nothing better to do than create rumours and yap all day. My old boss from high school from the DQ offered me a job I couldn't pass up , so I took that and I've been there a week. It's so awesome. When I worked at DQ in the summer, at the other one, it was awful. But this one, wow, so great. It's like I never left. I think part of the reason is that I'm not working with cunty little teenage girls, since there are only like 3 or 4 girls whole work there, and that TT (the boss) is a friend of mine, more or less, and we trust each other and I don't have to prove anything. If he says I am/do/know/etc, they listen. It's awesome. So I'll be working there until school starts, every day, and then once I'm in class I'll be working a couple nights per week plus on weekends. Good times.

Look how ugly I am when I work inside the lime green box called HNB...

OSU Football: WE'RE UNDEFEATED! WOO! And now, since California lost to Oregon, we're NUMBER ONE IN THE BIG 10!! YAY!!

Poke: Wonderful. Coming up on our one year anniversary. Even though we took some months off this year, with all that stupid crap, we decided to go ahead an celebrate it as if we hadn't broken up at any point. He's apologized and made good on his word(s) so I think it's going to be wonderful from here on out. As a matter of fact, Poke almost beat JAFH's record for most romantic thing ever when I told him I wanted this dog and he was going to buy it for me as a surprise. But I talked him out of it when he kept grilling me about the fucking thing. I was like "No no no I couldn't take care of it or train it or anything." That's when he told me he was really going to buy it. LOL!

Oktoberfest!

Work: Uh, well, see above under "Life in General". Hahaha!

I guess that's about it. Go check out my photobucket for new pics. They're all arranged pretty like and so forth. Every single album has new pics in it too, except the tattoos/piercings album because I haven't gotten any new ones... sniff...

Yep. I'm a blonde now.

This is just easier than retelling it all.

10:10
(10:10:53) kimmie: r u smoke free??????
(10:15:21) Kel: yep
10:15
(10:18:31) kimmie: u sick?
(10:19:26) Kel: no i'm pissed at the world
(10:19:53) kimmie: Y
(10:20:02) kimmie: you seem angry...
10:20
(10:23:32) Kel: i am
(10:23:41) Kel: i went out last night, tab was $13
(10:23:44) Kel: they overcharged me
(10:24:02) Kel: now, if it had been gordy's, where they preapprove for a certain amount, i wouldn't have had a problem
(10:24:10) Kel: but they didnt even TELL me
(10:24:21) Kel: and so my account went negative $1.62
(10:24:30) Kel: but this morning, its not negative... so i'm confused
(10:24:42) Kel: will i get charged a fee? won't i? who knows!!!
(10:24:50) Kel: and also, boys are dumb
(10:25:40) Kel: Ian completely ignored me all night last night, after bothering me for so long to hang out, then randomly shows up at the bar with this fucking chick and he's like "oh i was ignoring you, sorry. we were running errands." i am like how long does it take to send a goddamn text message
10:25
(10:28:08) Kel: then dooger was being weird, he didn't stay long, and called me like 117 times after he left
(10:28:52) Kel: making sure i'm ok, do i want him to come over and stay with me? am i sure i'm ok? maybe i should go stay with him because its safer? and i'm like doug, seriously, its ok, i'm fine
(10:29:16) Kel: In addition, my dad did my taxes wrong again and they are due on monday and jesus how am i ever going to get them filed!!!
(10:30:23) Kel: also giant eagle does not let you write checks with out a stupid giant eagle card which i dont have anymore but i am still in the system so i had to fucking figure out which of my 8 phone numbers i've had in the last 6 years was attached to my account thank god it was the 1st one i tried!!! and the lady who was running the shit i think was mildy retarded
(10:30:37) Kel: with a lisp
10:30
(10:31:11) Kel: oh AND they dont have any regular cashiers open at 12am all they have is stupid self checkout
(10:31:40) Kel: and my cat shit on the floor for no reason right after i cleaned the fucking box
(10:32:04) Kel: and now my tum tum hurts from being angry
(10:32:44) kimmie: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(10:33:03) Kel: yep
(10:33:04) kimmie: her files are alkready given me a (*&&^(&^G$VV**&%&%*%*&(&* headache!
(10:33:13) kimmie: why no one will train that girl is freaking beyond me/
(10:33:14) Kel: i'll let you know if i remember any other reasons why i hate the world
(10:33:17) Kel: :-d
(10:33:23) Kel: i have no clue
(10:33:37) Kel: she showed me that file cuz she thought it was mine and i'm like THANK GOD looks like a cluster fuck
(10:33:38) kimmie: why i keep repeating myself... i tell her the same thing all the time
(10:33:55) Kel: sheesh
(10:34:22) kimmie: IT is. i will keep my comments to myself. lets just say the file is am f;g wreck. &**(^%*^%*^*%*&%*&^&^&^&^&^&^&^&**& waste of f'g time./
(10:34:38) kimmie: lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^ lets send them all to fifteen *&&*&^^&R&^$&^%^%^%^%^^%^%C^$O& PR&TI:&I*N L YJN ^%^%^%^%^^%^%C^$O& PR&TI:&I*N L YJN amp;^%^%^%^%^^%^%C^$O& PR&TI:&I*N L YJN ^%^%^%^%^^%^%C^$O& PR&TI:&I*N L YJN amp;^%^%^%^%^^%^%C^$O& PR&TI:&I*N L YJN ^%^%^%^%^^%^%C^$O& PR&TI:&I*N L YJN
(10:34:50) kimmie: going to blow a gasket!
(10:35:07) Kel: lol looks like it
(10:35:11) kimmie: oh boy!
(10:35:21) Kel: look u kissed me in the middle of ur rant haha
(10:35:25) kimmie: i see.
(10:35:29) Kel: thanks baby ;;)
(10:35:36) kimmie: thats why i was laughing
(10:36:49) kimmie: hmmmmmmm
(10:36:58) Kel: yah
(10:40:38) kimmie: im going to scream!
10:40
(10:44:47) Kel: me too
10:45

Watch

Watch out for Gordy's. They will charge $30 to your card no matter how much your tab really is.

Watch out for Brewstir's. They automatically charge 20% to your card no matter what your tab really is.

Same for Trump's.

This is why I have to eat a $35 fee plus $15 for overdrafting from my savings.

I'm A Failure.

In so many ways.

So many.

Well anyway, the reason is that I can't pay my bills. Please, no hoorahs or I told you so's, don't need it. It's not my fault, really. The guys aren't closing loans, and I only make $12 an hour. It's not my fault, but I sill feel like a failure. Instead of doing cocaine and drinking, I could have put all that money into savings and when slow times came around at work I wouldn't have to worry about anything. But I'm too fucking stupid to think about that at the time, so now I'm poor.

Also, I have recently had the opportunity to contact all of my exboyfriends. I feel as though I failed all of them, or possibly, that I failed because of them. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a cunt when I was a teenager and broken these hearts and stuff. I could have not let myself "fall in love" so quickly and promise the world to them. Now, they're married, and happy. I'm miserable. Which is where the next part comes in, maybe it's good that I left all of them because each one was better than the last, for the most part, and if things went the way they did I might have ruined more than one life. Now I'm just ruining SL's life by bringing him down to my shit-ass level.

Needless to say, I'm feeling lots of regret about my past today and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Everywhere you go!
Take a look in the Five-and-Ten,
Glistening once again,
With Candy Canes and Silver Lanes A-glow!


I don't even know if those are the real words or not. I'm going strictly on memory here, and seeing as it's 07:59, I'm sleepy recovering from a 6-beer-1.5-shot-somehow-got-drunk-end-taco-bell night, I don't really give a fuck either. Yeah.

Anyway, it's less than 200 days til Christmas.

So, this week. Well, it was alright. Wednesday was boring. SL and I watched a movie, "One Hour Photo" and it was very good. I had seen it a couple times before, and I really liked it. Robin Williams in a serious role is something amazing. Let's see... What else... that was pretty much it for Wednesday. Oh, we had pizza for dinner.

Thursday SL got paid and so we went to Fiesta Jalisco for dinner. I was starting to feel withdrawal symptoms, so I knew we'd have to go soon. The veggie chimichanga and cholesterol-free beans were just what I needed to get my fix. Then, we went home and had a beer while sitting on the beautiful patio, er, jungle, er... patio. Yeah. D*Martin was maybe going to stop by before karaoke, but he didn't. We went to Gordy's and saw him there! They had karaoke on the main level, which was nice. A few folks we know were there, and it was alright. I drank O'Doul's all night because it was my turn to drive. Plus, I'm fucking tired of drinking anymore. We went home around twelve thirty and went to bed. It's the first sign of getting old. Oh! I also got a speeding ticket on Thursday afternoon. It was on Maple Canyon/Community Park, and I should have known better but oh well. Number one, I always speed there (it's a 25 and such a long stretch of nothingness) and I'm surprised I haven't been caught the few times the popos have been out. Two, I should have gone down Cleveland like I wanted to, but the back way out of the bank was crowded so I went down Maple Canyon instead. Three, the fact that there were 2 motorcycle and 3 regular cop cars there made me think that it was an accident, especially since someone busted up the guardrail a couple of weeks ago. Why should I bother to slow way down (I was paced with the car in front of me, who, incidentally, did not get pulled over)? I thought I was going at least 30 mph, but Officer Rall said I was going 38 in a 25. Hard for me to believe I would speed that blatantly in front of a pack of cops, even if I think they're doing something else, cuz you never know, but damn. Oh well, I've gone eight years without a speeding ticket or anything else (besides the Little Turtle garage incident, not my fault, and a few accidents I didn't cause) so I guess I should be greatful. I could have gotten pulled over for a DUI or something. I suppose I was biding my time as it was. Now I have one mark on my adult driving record. Let's leave it at that. I've been feeling really scared with the drinking then driving thing, because I realise that although I may feel cool to drive, I probably wouldn't pass a breathalizer, or even stupid human tricks because I can't even do those when I'm sober. You think my fat top-heavy ass can walk a straight line one foot in front of the other? Dude, I can barely see the line over these hooters.

Yesterday SL finally had the day off after working for two weeks (that's calendar weeks, not business weeks) straight. He had days off from CVS in there, but went and worked with The Sir on those days to make some extra cash. Good, good. He got a couple of things done, like going to get cigarettes, but the dishes from Monday and Tuesday are still sitting in the sink. I'm not really sure what he was doing all day. Maybe he ran the dishwasher. I think he did.
When I got off of work we went to the bank and opened some savings accounts. Mine is limited, meaning I cannot do anything to it other than deposit. If I want to withdraw, I can only do so once a month, and I have to go into the bank and talk to my dude to do it. SL's is not limited, but he still can only withdraw once a month (that's the way the savings accounts are) but he can withdraw any other time and have a fee assessed; also, he can't access the account through his card. I'll be putting away $20 per month to start off with, and SL is putting away $10 per week. We'll have enough money for vacation, divorce, car fixing, and bill paying in no time! I mean, it's basically $240 a year for me and $520 a year for him. That's pretty good. Also, I'm not going to use my credit card anymore, I'm just going to pay it down to zero. That way, once it's paid down, I can just use it for emergencies or splurges or even for the divorce. I figure if I put $20 a month in the savings and $75 a month in the credit card, it will only be about eleven months until I have $1,000 to get a divorce. Too bad I need to get my car fixed too, which is $500, and I have to do that before November... but at $95 a month I'll have that done in five months. So basically we can start expecting a divorce in about a year and a half. Who knows, when we start making more money, we can put more away, and then it could be sooner! In a year and a half I will have been married for almost six years.

Wow, I talked about the bank for a long time.


Anyway, after the bank we had to go to CheckSmart, which sucks. But we needed groceries so badly. Eating out was beginning to get sickening and way expensive. We had Johnny Oak's for dinner; the pulled pork is not nearly as good as the Cajun burger. After that we had some sex and it was good. Haven't said that in awhile. Not that I haven't had sex, haha, I just haven't mentioned it! After the lovin' we went to the brand spanking new Save-a-Lot on Morse Road. Hells Yah. I know it sounds ghetto, but I love Save-a-Lot. It's so cheap. We spent $85 on what would have normally cost over $100 at Kroger. I still love Kroger, but right now we're on a Save-a-Lot budget. Fo'sho. After the grocery excursion we went to Gordy's on a non-karaoke night to see TD for her going away party. We had to pay a $6 cover charge ($3 each) and that was bullshit, but whatever, we stayed until 01:00 and I had four free beers and one point five free shots (I shared one with WR.) I ran into these two kids I used to work with at Dairy Queen back in the day, and that was crazy as hell. I couldn't believe it. They look pretty much the same except the guy had gotten really really thin, compared to what he was in high school. Oh man. The party was pretty fun, I got to see RB, DS, DJ, and a couple of other folks. All in all, a great time. I'm going to miss TD, but at least SL and I have someone to stop and see on the way to West Palm Beach! After Gordy's, we went to WR's because pretty much everyone had headed downtown and I fucking hate downtown (no parking and too many skanks.) Chilled there for about an hour, then headed home because I was tired. Stopped at Taco Bell, and I was seriously about to pee myself I had to pee so bad. I swear to god I have never had to pee so bad in my entire life! The only reason I mention this is because I only had about six beers and those little shots over the course of five and a half hours! Why did I have to pee?! It was terrible. I was shaking and spasming and so on, waiting for the goddamn Taco Bell drive-thru to move faster. Stupid Kia Sportage, taking it sweet slow time. Bastards. When I got home, I felt better, because I peed for like twenty-seven minutes. Ha.
Then, we ate our Taco Bell, watch some Jay Leno, and went to bed.

At fucking 07:30 Herman Sherman called me wanting to know where AK was, as if I would know. Oh well, I guess he has a right to be pissed if AK doesn't show up, because what Herman Sherman was supposed to be doing with AK is closing a loan in Springfield for these deadbeats who are fucking lucky to even be getting a loan since they think that not paying their bills is a good idea. Sheesh. And I want my fucking pay on the goddamn thing too! Oh well. I'm not hungover right now, just very tired, and I think I'm going to go back to bed. I just went down stairs to get some juice and noticed that the box of frozen fishsticks we bought yesterday was chillin' on the stove. I left it there because it's fucking ruined anyway. Oh well, it was only $1.99! Sucks, but that's alright. We'll go get another one.

Dia Siete

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAllelujia!
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAllelujia!

I went to Zuey's last night.
I made out with a 40 year old Irish guy last night.
I found out this morning that I'm not knocked up - yay.
I found out also this morning that SB no longer has a girlfriend.

So at Zuey's last night they were having a cancer benefit. I wanted to buy some tickets but I didn't really have enough money. Gotta save up! Mc bought me drinks all night though, and B* did too, so I ended up getting plastered off my ass. SB showed up at the bar too, and while he was there his girlfriend called and broke up with him. This morning he told me he was relieved that he didn't have to do it. Yay! Anyway, the place was PACKED last night and I had a lot of fun. Lately people have been buying me drinks a lot, I think I'm starting to look and feel more confident for some reason, and that makes me more fun, therefore people want to buy me drinks. I think it's cool, and I feel really good about it. I like it when people like me. And last night Sheets showed up at the bar. I was fucking thrilled. I was SO thrilled in fact that I called VJ just to tell him that I was sitting next to Sheets. I love Sheets.

Today is a good day. I spent all day just packing everything and I'm about done (other than what I will use tomorrow morning and what I couldn't fit in a box) and SB will be coming over tomorrow in the late afternoon to load up his work van to move me. He is doing it all by himself too. I am so in like with him, haha, remind me to not get involved. Everytime I find a guy I really like, something dumb happens... like he doesn't like me back, or he has a girlfriend or a wife or a lifelong commitment to the Lord... Oh well. I'll just keep truckin'!

SB called me first thing this morning (well technically it was afternoon, like 12:30pm) just to talk. My heart was like "woooooah" and my mind was like "oy". We talked for almost an hour, and then I decided it was time to pack. He said he might come over tonight and I was excited for quality time and probably some sex, then I found out I'm not knocked up so that probably won't happen (the sex that is haha) but maybe he'll still want to spend quality time with the devistatingly cute and ridiculously charming Kelly. *grin*

So a funny thing happened on Friday. I was at work, again playing the role of mexican mule. My loans are supposed to be closing on Monday, three of them, so I'm staying past 3:30pm to make sure everything is done. DD asks me if LF is quitting. I'm thinking to myself, "This is semi-random..." and I'm like, "Uh, well, she's pretty much pissed off at the world you know." He agrees and so I tell him all about the interviews and how she did get one job but turned it down because she would have to wait about a month to get any money and I guess she couldn't live like that. You know, she has to buy $50 worth of weed everyday, and diapers. Priorities, I swear. So DD tells DE this information and DE's like, "That is all I needed to know - Now I have a reason!" And we're all laughing and DE says, "You know, she really has no reason to bitch and complain and hate her job - it's not our fault that you make twice as much as she does (my check this week was $1,422 and hers was $749!) it's her own fault! You're still here to make sure your loans close - she's gone and we're doing her work!" I'm so glad that I didn't have to really backstab her, that would have made me feel bad. Thank gods she might be gone soon though. Yay.

It's about 6:00 pm and I'm trying to think of what else I can pack. TM is supposed to be coming over to pick up his washer, dryer, and all his mattresses. I highly doubt he'll show up and then SB is going to have to move all that crap. Grr. I wish TM was more responsible.

So out of my whole paycheck, I have $108 left. Expenses were as follows:

$249 Rent-A-Center
$758 Rent/Deposit
$200 Scott
$85 misc

I still have to pay $20 for tax when RAC drops off my stuff (washer, dryer, couch and recliner) and about $30 for a steam cleaner. I am not excited at all. That means I will only have $58 to last me until February 14th, and I still have to pay my phone bill AND have money for living day to day. I think I'm going to start getting money from Mike again. After all he still owes me $630 as of today.

Ah, MF and the money he owes me. What a weird situation. He is trying to sell enough St. Jude research tickets at work to win the trip to the Bahamas for us, but that won't be for awhile yet. I really need to get money from him for the last three weeks he's lived here so that his bill doesn't keep going up. He is NOT living with me in the new place, and I know he needs to save money to find an apartment, but I just can't support us any more.

*Sigh* I'm back to thinking about SB again. I think it's time I worked on my novel. Later.

By the way, Papa John's Spinach Alfredo Pizza is not that bad. Not that good, but not that bad.