Adult Time (Has a Whole New Meaning)

LOL, it's not like I'm going to be blogging about all my fantastic sexual escapades anymore - no sir, those days are gone and Adult Time has a whole new meaning... which is bound to take on an even DIFFERENT meaning in just under 40 days!  

Back in the day, I could just go out and do whatever/whomever I wanted to do without a care in the world.  Poke was in and out of my life, and I didn't really have to worry about my actions affecting anyone else because other than him, I haven't had a (super)steady boyfriend (other than the 6 month Sal debacle) since I was married.  My career was the only important thing to me, besides getting laid, getting fucked up, and getting drunk.  As long as I made it to work and I was coherent, I was pleased.  These days, I have so much more to care about.  I see people who live the way I used to, and it disgusts me.  Even when Poke goes out drinking to his brother's (which has only been three times since January), I am sickened.  He did it the other night & I told him not to bother coming home, for several reasons: 1) I didn't want to smell it 2) I didn't want him driving under the influence and 3) I love to drink and it's just not fair! (Seriously! I'm not going to lie about why I don't want him drinking!)  Before he left I told him all this, and he acted like I was just trying to keep him caged in.  Maybe when 4L (the baby - more on that nickname in a sec) arrives, Poke will finally see that it's not just him in this world & understand WHY I don't want him drinking/drinking & driving/etc.  I've never been comfortable drinking around my friends' kids, and I know I won't be comfortable drinking around my own.  Besides that, I can't think of any situation in which it would be okay for us to be drunk - no matter what, it's bad for 4L.  If we get drunk & leave him at the sitter's, he could get sick or something and we'd be unable to drive to get him or take him to the hospital.  If we get drunk while he's sleeping we might miss him waking up and needing to be fed or changed or sick, etc.  There is just no good time for responsible parents to get drunk!  And that's a good thing to me.

I'm looking forward to learning to drink like an adult, having just a few & relaxing.  My whole drinking life, I've done it like a frat boy.  To me, there was no point in drinking if I wasn't going to get completely obliterated.  Why have 3 beers when you can have 13?  Beer tastes good, but being drunk feels good.  Well, I'm sure being a mother feels much better & I can't wait to find out.  It's not like I'm going to turn into a complete prude or something, I just have so much to care about now that I won't even think twice about sacrificing for him.

Overall, I am so excited for 4L to be here.  I had my baby shower on May 28th, lots of people came, and I got SO many gifts - it was amazing.  I haven't had a party like that with so many presents to open since I was a young girl!  Everyone did so much - too much - but I am so grateful... and now the nursery is done!  Seriously, I came home from the shower & put together the swing & the stroller & put the linens on the crib.  Over the next few days Poke & I set the rest of the things up, washed 4L's clothes, and within a week we had everything done.  The shower was awesome, but even (slightly) more awesome was the big trip to Babies'R'Us.  We got the rest of the stuff on our registry: pack'n'play, diapers, bath stuff, tub, towels; exchanged & returned some clothes, etc.  After two hours we had a full cart & headed up to the checkout.  Grand total was around $674.00, but after coupons, sales, certain percentages off for this & that, and 15% off each item from the registry (for completing it), the new total came to $450 - We saved $224!!  I was quite pleased.

Including today, I have 30 days left til I am on maternity leave.  I'll have two weeks paid & six weeks unpaid, but the six weeks will be FMLA so I will be guaranteed a job when I return, as well as not losing my benefits while I'm gone.  I figured I should leave about a week before my due date because I personally feel like 4L is going to come four days before my due date and the last few times we've gone to the doctor they've told us he's about a week to a week and a half ahead of where he should be.  I keep praying to Jesus and talking to 4L, asking them both to just get me through the next 29 days - til at least 8pm on July 13th - so that I can get all my PTO in and everything will be "on schedule" (at least as far as HR is concerned!!).  

Work has been fair lately, and by fair I mean "not good and not bad" as opposed to "equal" or "reasonable".  My sprvsr is still difficult, and I think I've finally gotten to the point where I have just checked out from her.  I can't respect her, I can't take her seriously, and there is not a single thing she can do that will change my feelings.  I take that back: she could admit that she's been picking on me, admit all her personal flaws & mistakes, stop being judgmental, stop being racist, do her job correctly, and start accepting criticism - constructive or otherwise.  But none of those things will ever happen, separately or together with another.  She's just a very stubborn person!  After all that, like I said, I think I've just checked out.  She leaves me annoying little notes on the prep sheets & I leave my own notes for her.  She doesn't bother to use common sense or look things up, she just accuses me of this, that, & the other.  For example, she left me a note stating that I need to follow recipes - the dish she was referring to had three ingredients, and I made it with only two because she had failed to order the third ingredient.  So I left her a note saying so!  *grrr*  This is the kind of stuff I literally, without exaggeration, have to deal with on a daily basis.  My only days off from this shit is the weekend, when she doesn't work (except the next few weekends when she IS working! ACK!).

Oh well, yesterday was an awesome day at work & it really gave me a boost as far as confidence goes.  All the lecturing and note-writing can really bring me down - it's even become somewhat of a joke between (my coworker) LareBear and myself.  I'll say something & he'll reply with "Don't you know you do everything wrong?" or "Well you did kill that resident one time..." and he is totally joking because the stuff I get pinched for is always bullshit & everyone knows it.  But I digress - things went well yesterday and I was really pleased.  I don't know if I *actually* did an awesome job or if I'm less worried because I know I'll be outta there in a month... either way, yay me.

So now, I'll tell you why I'm referring to the baby as "4L" - his initials are IVL, and since "IV" = 4, I just thought it'd be easier/quicker to type.  Yup, I am a nerd.