FALL IS FINALLY HERE!

YAY!

I love love love LOVE LOVE fall.  It is definitely my favorite time of year.  Everything about fall is good - pumpkins, rain, apples, falling leaves, changing colors, kids back in school, getting to wear hoodies and sweaters, craft shows... I could go on and on.  The BEST part of fall, tied with the plethora of pumpkin-flavored items, is HALLOWE'EN!  Kids get to dress up scary or funny, grown ups get to dress up scary or slutty, there is so much candy on sale, pumpkins go on parade under the guise of Jack O'Lanterns... It's just amazing.  

Some folks only celebrate Hallowe'en as a secular holiday, but there are lots of people in the world who celebrate it as a religious/spiritual holy/holiday as well.  This is referred to as Samhain (pronounced sau-ehn or saw-in) and is a Gaelic holiday celebrated Oct 31/Nov 1 and marks the end of harvest, transition from light days into dark days, and in some cultures is considered a "New Year" holiday.  The Romans stole, like most holidays, Samhain and made it their own All Saints' Day, November 1st, celebrating the Saints of the Catholic Church.  Mexicans, especially Mexican Catholics, celebrate El Dia de los Muertos on November 1st and 2nd. Overall, fall is a time of year to revel in the changes happening in nature and in ourselves.

I find myself more at peace in the autumn.  Summer is way too hot, I'm always uncomfortable, and then there is the pressure to be barely dressed in public.  Fall brings with it not only hoodies and sweaters, but jeans and sweats (well I suppose yoga pants are more "in" this year!) and jackets to cover up the chubs.  The only part of Fall that I don't like is socks and shoes - I am definitely a sandals-til-there-is-snow kinda girl, however, I despise having wet feet in my flip-flops and that tends to happen with all the rain we get here in Ohio.  Needless to say, I'm becoming accustomed to wearing socks, and today I put my sandals (all four pairs plus Poke's pair) in the bedroom closet.  Now they'll be too far away for me to get them in a snap!

Today I put up all the Hallowe'en decorations, and I'm kinda sad because I thought I had a lot more.  My mom gave me her giant light up cat-in-a-pumpkin and ghost-with-black-cat for the front yard, I have some bats in the window and a handmade scarecrow (my mom's from when I was very young) on the porch.  There are some ooooooohh-eeeeeeee-ooooooh hanging things in the kitchen with a couple of Bud Light bat beads, black candles in the holders and spider votives on the entertainment center, a spooky ceramic ship that I made when I was about 10 yrs old (lights up!), and a one-eyed witch hanging haphazardly from the glass door in front of the dvds.  That might sound like a lot to you, but my neighbors down the street have a whole row of light up happy candy corns in their yard!  Waah!  I just want more stuff, but I'll just have to wait til November when everything is on sale.  I'm also picky in that I don't want junk, I want unique pieces that nobody else will have.  Sure, 30 years ago everyone on the block had my light-up guys in the front yard, but no one has them now! I love vintage stuff too, especially holiday stuff.

Well, Poke and 4L are hanging out in the living room and it's almost 6pm so I had better start dinner before my boys starve...or at least before one of them starts whining... *grin*

S.A.D.

Normally the gloomy, damp, draftiness of early fall in Ohio makes me happy - I am definitely not a person who suffers from S.A.D., aka Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I will gladly suffer through this yuckiness to get to the crisp, cool, colorful autumn days that I know are right around the corner.  Today is a perfectly gloomy day, and I am perfectly gloomy right along with it.  And I don't like it.

In January 2010, my student loans were about to start being due.  I knew I couldn't afford over $1,000 monthly payment, so I got in touch with Sallie Mae and attempted to consolidate.  They refused to even let me apply for consolidation, but told me I could try for forbearance.  A few days later I received a letter stating I didn't qualify for forbearance or anything else.  I had to pay the $1,000+ or else.  At that time I was making $12/hr and my rent was $595/month.  If I paid my student loans, I wouldn't be able to pay my rent, or any other bills.  I spent countless hours on the phone with Sallie Mae, trying and trying to get my monthly payment down to a manageable amount; They simply would not accommodate me in any way.

If a person dies or becomes disabled, the co borrower is no longer responsible for the loan.  Knowing I could never repay the student loans, I made the conscious decision to commit suicide.  After all, it would be better than ruining my mom's credit AND it would really show Sallie Mae what kind of shitty institution they are.  I stopped taking my meds cold turkey, drank as much as I could, and one night I finally had the breakdown (unfortunately Poke was there and he still holds it over my head to this day) and swallowed 25 Vicodin.  Unfortunately, being the responsible person that I am, I made the terrible decision to call off work for the next day and the manager who took my call notified the EMTs and sent them to my house.  I don't know who got in touch with my parents, but all at once I had them banging on the front door while the EMTs were banging on the back door.  They threatened to chop through with an axe, so I moved the kitchen table and let them in.  They took me to Riverside where I was evaluated, had to drink the fucking liquid charcoal, and eventually sent to the Ohio Hospital for Psychiatry.  My parents, of course, asked me why, and I told them the reason as stated above.  My mom said that her credit was already ruined and my not paying the student loans wouldn't make it any worse than it already was.

My dad was laid off in August 2009 and didn't get a steady full-time job until two weeks ago.  I was also unemployed several times in 2010, and I could barely afford my rent.  Poke paid two month's worth for me and he didn't even live there at the time.  I had to get my food from the food bank, didn't have any insurance so I couldn't take my meds, and basically kept my sanity by remaining in an almost perpetual state of tipsiness... wake up, go to work, come home, get drunk, fall asleep, wake up, go to work... over and over.  Life was absolutely wonderful because I barely knew what was going on.

Fast forward to now, and Sallie Mae has sent all my loans to collection agencies.  My parents just discharged their bankruptcy and I've been working on doing my own.  Student loans can be included in Chapter 13 bankruptcies, as long as I can prove that paying the monthly payments would cause undue hardship.  Ironically, two years ago when I had a full-time job, I did prove that as a requirement for the forbearance application.  The problem is that the collectors won't stop calling my mom, they are threatening her (with empty threats and lies, trying to get her to pay) and so she is harassing me as a result.  She and I just got to a good point in our relationship and now this.  I don't know what to do.  Even if I went back to work full time and put 4L in daycare, all my income would be going to that so it's not like I'd have extra money.  My mom wants $300 a month, but there's no way I can give it to her.  We just don't have it.  Getting a part time job would be great, but how can I tell an employer "Please hire me and oh btw I need to dictate my own schedule"... not going to happen.  I'm going to try with the Tupperware thing, but I just don't know.

I just don't know what to do.

Shitty Weather = Supreme Goddess Time

Now that I'm officially employed by 4L, I will need to truly show off my culinary, lavatation, and absterging skills. In addition, my couponing will be combined with such skills and hopefully I can save us some money by busting things out Laura-Ingalls-Wilder-style. 

First up will be homemade pierogis, because why should I buy them at the store, frozen, when I literally have all the ingredients here and can make 10 meals worth, fresh, and freeze them myself for the price of one box?! Exactly. And because pierogis, knitzches, and ravioli are all the same, I can just adjust fillings and toppings here & there to make whichever Polish/Jewish/Italian dinner I want. Hells yeah. I just wish I had a pasta maker attachment for my GMap's old Kitchenaid. I guess 70 years ago there wasn't too much of a demand for them... But I can make fettuccine or egg noodles or whatever thick noodles by hand in the meantime. 

I've got the basement almost clean; Now that it's been waterproofed (a nice $13k investment) I can actually go down there and do stuff and use the space. We already cleaned everything up and set up some shelves, but the floor needs to be mopped again (and probably again after that!). Once I save some money, somehow, I'll be finishing it with the help of my dad. He finished our basement in the house I grew up in and it was about the same size. I think it will be pretty easy and fairly inexpensive. The first thing I'm gonna do is lay down vinyl tile in the laundry area and workbench area. I've put down vinyl tile before and it's really REALLY easy - all you have to do is measure, peel & stick. 

Also I've been trying to learn things to do with 4L. He's only 2 months now, but he's at the age where he can retain some info, he follows me with his eyes and mimics things I do. We've already learned to stick out our tongue, give kisses, and repeat (I say "aaah" and he says "aaah" back!). He's really good at tummy time, and his neck is already so strong that he can hold his head up and (mostly) steady while he is sitting on my lap. When I hold him up and place his feet on my stomach or legs, I can feel him pushing against them. It's fantastic! 

So, on top of all this, I'm thinking of becoming a Tupperware lady. My mom had a party the other day and it was fun, and I ended up talking to the consultant who ran it and she was telling me how easy it is. I suck at having parties, and I suck at selling stuff, but if I can get other people to have parties for me, the Tupperware will sell itself! Yeah! We'll see. I would have to invest $120 (or $80, but I might as well go all in if I'm going to do it) to get the set of stuff to take to parties, which is a good deal even if I end up being lame at consulting because it's like $550 worth of Tupperware for $120. Yay! 

Besides all this work stuff, life is okay. Poke has been difficult lately, but wtf am I going to do? I just have to let him work out his shit on his own time. I've done what I can and there is really no more I can do after six years. The whole situation is quite exhausting. Not to mention my mom telling me I need to come up with $300 A MONTH to pay my student loans, when she knows damn well we can't afford that. I've told her a hundred times that they'll be included in my bankruptcy (see here where they can be included) but the damn collectors keep calling her and calling her and threatening her and she just keeps listening to them. It's fucking annoying.

Anyway, 4L is asleep and I'm about to hit the sack myself.  Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow because today was a pretty shitty day.

6:22 on a Saturday Morning

...and I'm watching Looney Tunes. The old ones! I haven't seen some of these in years. But to be honest, I feel like a Looney Tune right now. I'm running on about three hours of sleep yet I'm not at all tired, just slap-happy. Yesterday was a long day of garage sale-ing with my mom (after a migraine and allergies resulting in only five hours of totally interrupted sleep) and when I got home, Poke had to leave for work two hours later. I tried to nap, but 4L wasn't having it! Despite all this, I am so happy. I have never been happier in my life. I officially went contingent at work last week, and I am thrilled to be a SAHM. Life is going to rule from here on out... now I had better get some sleep so I'm awake to enjoy it!

KLG and Hoda’s Cutest Babies Contest

I just entered KLG and Hoda’s Cutest Babies Contest