After all this time...

Well, it has been something like two weeks since I updated this thing and since I'm rollin' balls and should be drunk (but I don't feel it) I figured now is as good a time as any.

Tuesday - 3/8 - Made all my phone calls Monday, and most people weren't really upset - just surprised - and only person got angry. The rest of them thanked me for being honest and letting them know. I felt better. This is the first day I could drink since I started that shitty medication. TV is trying to get the Tuesday show at Conti's, so I went up there to support him. TM was supposed to run the show, but TV is anal retentive and ended up mostly running it anyway. I got totally completely plastered. I drank martinis all night long and a few shots too, and by the end of the night I was like downing the 16 oz pounders of Coors Light. SB called me, surprise of a lifetime, and we talked for almost an hour. He said he might come up and join me but I knew he probably wouldn't anyway. He said he doesn't really see the Danielle girlfriend bitch anymore, but who knows. SB told me he missed me, and wondered why I hadn't been at Zuey's lately. I told him about the medication and the upset vagina (haha, that's what the doctor told me!) and all that... his response was, "I'm sorry - I'm just glad you're not upset with me - is your vagina upset because she misses me?" I laughed and told him he had a big ego. He gave me his new phone number, so I guess that is something. Who knows.

Wednesday 3/9 - Started taking the antibiotics for this dumb disease. Seven days and I was supposed to be clean. However, the medication made me feel like death. D*S was in town that day too, and so I came to work slightly hung over, which passed, but then took the medication which totally fucked me up. I seriously thought about having LF or TM or someone take me to the ER, it was that bad. Went to Zuey's at around 8pm, got drunk. Finally. There was a nice homeless fellow there who gave me a can of pumpkin.

Thursday 3/10 - Medication is still kicking my ass. I call the doctor to get a new script and they're like, "well we don't know" and I convince them to give me Zithromax. I still take 2 pills this day and feel like shit again. Go to Zuey's AGAIN and get slightly drunk. Tired of not drinking beer, I've gone back to it. It's dart league night and the whole place is packed. I come in and there is an empty seat next to BR, so I go to sit down. Grady comes up and tells me its his seat but I can sit there. Spend the whole night drawing chalk art on the bar with Brian. He draws a really buff looking woman's body, and puts a silly looking head on it that highly resembles Martha Stewart. We laugh and then we are scared because it really looks exactly like Martha. I put a napkin over the head of the drawing and write "Do not Lift" on it, but people come over like, "I must see what is under there! It says do not lift so I must see it!" and then they get scared at the post-Camp Cupcake looking Martha Stewart drawing. Fun night.

Friday 3/11 - I can honestly say I don't remember Friday other than I went to dinner with my mom and dad at the Rusty Bucket in Worthington Hills... I vaguely remember driving somewhere and doing something, but I have no idea what it was... I do remember ending up at Zuey's and being slightly bored but okay, and T****r showed up. He's from back in the day when I was a head, and I was like "hell yeah". Hippy was there, and he was being kinda asshole-ish but whatever. Trevor came home with me and we tried to make out and stuff but he was super sick from drinking 8 shots of vodka in one hour.

Saturday 3/12 - I go to this place called CLS something something and order a queen-size pillowtop mattress. Only $260 (including tax and delivery charge) and I am thrilled to not have to sleep on the couch any more. I work out at The California Fitness, and then do a little grocery shopping at Kroger. Fairly boring day. Can't remember what I did Saturday night either...

Sunday 3/13 - I think I just laid around all day - I can't remember anything but watching TV. Weekends are so useless to me for things like um being productive. I did go to LF's house in BFE for awhile, then I went over to Eldo's for karaoke. Hippy was there and drunk. The homeless guy was there too. I bought JR a drink and the homeless dude a shot (and gave him $10). JR came home with me and tried to put the moves on me, but I was asleep and ended up having a scary ass dream about trying to fly to Boston but ending up on the wrong plane. JR said I was screaming in my sleep. I guess I'm really quite terrified about this trip.

Monday 3/14 - Kinda bad day at work prompts me to feel like getting fucked up. TM and I go out for Chinese at the Hunan House and have a bottle and a half of Sake and not that much food. Hilarious times, oh my gosh. He wants to get home soon he keeps saying, but I'm like right whatever. We decide that we have to do some white and plan on a small bit just enough to satiate us for the evening. Well when I find out that I got my rent.com $100 reward card, I suggest going to Dockside Dolls to get champagne and make fun of strippers while we hang out with the DJ. Good plan. I drop $90 in a matter of 3 minutes and feel rich. Strippers keep coming over to hang out and I deny them all. Strippers like champagne. TM and I end up blowing down all night and I vow to never do it again on a work night. Sleep comes late but it is deep so I guess that was okay.

Tuesday - 3/15 - TM and I go to Grovetucky to see TV's show there. He has been begging us to come for like two months. JB is running it, and he gives me the cold shoulder (supposedly I ruined his life and blah blah with this disease shit.) TV says some way outlandish shit to TM and it really upsets us. TV is completely trashed, but still, that was no reason to try and lecture TM especially since Trace isn't a saint himself. A guy named Rich hits on me a lot, and he seems nice enough, just not my type. I take his number. TM and I leave and it is just like a blah day.

Wednesday 3/16 - Another boring day, hanging out at Zuey's. KP is pregnant and so we talk about that a little bit. GG is there (she is TG's daughter) and so we get to talking. GG and I wonder why we never really became friends before. I figure it is just because I used to be such a head and hardly ever talked to anyone, then when I was done with that, I just came in on the days that she wasn't there. Plus her boyfriend lives in Rhode Island, so she has been out there a few times to visit him. GG rocks - she has to be the nicest girl I've met in a long time. She was born blind, but man, I tell you what - that doesn't stop her from doing anything. Sometimes it makes me think about what I take for granted. While I'm at The Zue, TM calls and needs to borrow my car to go talk to TV about what happened the night before. I go and get him and he drops me back at Zuey's, and when I get there this boy J*R is there. J*R looks like Eminem. And he's nice. We get to talking and by the end of the night I have his number. Score. TM comes back just about 2:15am to get me and actually spends the night at my house. In the morning...

Thursday 3/17 - Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I wake up at about 8:20am which is kind of early especially after a night of drinking, and TM is awake and raring to go. He's already done laundry, folded all my clothes AND his and gone to McDonalds for food and straightened up the living room. It's all very weird to me. I let TM borrow my car all day - DE is out of the office today so work is a breeze. Everyone is thinking about the night and drinking because of the holiday. TM and I get dinner at TGI Fridays and get some Electric Lemonades and a green beer ($1 each for the green beers!) and he takes a sip of mine and I drink 1/2 and we leave the other green beer for the waiter as a little special secret for him (yes we did let him in on it haha.) Tonight is definitely a night where people will want to dance with the white lady, so TM picks some up. He's giving out dances all night long. The DJ comes over, and a strange thing happens - when he is leaving, he kisses me. Not like a super intimate kiss or something, but a kiss right on the lips, which has never happened. I'm elated. The gang from work wants me to come up to The Jerk and they keep calling me, so we drive up there and TM drops me off so he can run a few errands. Everyone is PLASTERED. DJ professes his love to me. I laugh and do a shot. I have 4 beers, but VJ's ex-girlfriend (?) is my tab-taker and she charges me for one. This is awesome. The sucky part was that I thought TM would be back sooner than he was and I ended up waiting outside for like 45 minutes. I can't stand crowds period, especially when there is no one there that I know. Get home and see that I have missed a call from J*R. He wants to come over. He does, around maybe 2:30am, and we just hang and talk. We end up getting it on, but the intoxicating substances hinder us just a little. He spends the night... He kissed me and it was seeming like a little more than just a leading-to-sex-kiss. I hope I don't get caught up in another just to be dropped again.

Friday 3/18 - Today is actually J*R's birthday. His friend comes and gets him before I go to work. He said he would call, but he didn't, but I'm not terribly concerned. I'm going to try to not get all involved until the time is right. Work is boring again because DE still isn't back from his business trip. Most everyone showed up today, surprisingly, but they all left really early. Shit, I left at 2:30pm instead of 3:30pm - but I had nothing to do. I came home and planned on naping for about 2 hours, ended up sleeping till almost 7pm. Made some food, talked to TM, and decided to roll tonight. Picked up this strange chick KL that he has been talking to, and man, she is strange. She smelled funny. We run some errands for a couple hours and then head to Zuey's. MF is here in town and my heart soars. I wish I knew what made me be so ridiculously in love with him. Oh well. We hang at Zuey's and GG shows up after awhile. We all chill together, and tonight seems to be the night for weirdos. Some guy called "The Toolman" comes up claiming to know GG. She's like, "You're weird and I don't like you" but he won't go away. He tries to pet her dog, Wendell (a seeing-eye dog) and I'm like, "Dude don't touch the dog, she's working" but he keeps insisting that it's ok. KL goes over to the people on the other side of the bar and recruits his friends to get him away from us. The same thing happens later in the night. I think the guy is just generally off and being drunk hasn't helped him any. Haha. Another guy and his uncle come over to talk to us, and they are both drunk. One is named Tom and the uncle is named Brian. They want to touch the dog. I threaten to break their hands because I'm so tired of people not understanding how important a seeing-eye dog is. Tom has just moved here from the Cleveland area. He is so drunk, and constantly accuses me of being mean. I think he's an alright guy, just drunk, so I tell him to meet us at Eldo's on Sunday for karaoke. We'll see how that goes. The DJ played awesome music practically all night long, and I was stoked. Good night. Now I'm home, still rollin' a little, and still drinking. I'm about to be bored which is disturbing.

Late.

The Long Awaited Glossary

Hey, if Mike Straka can do it, so can I. I love you Mike.

1) White Lady - aka, blow, zood, white, powder... if you're not catching on then you are lost.
2) Beast - aka, Beast Light, Beast Ice - Milwaukee's Best Beer
3) *insert verb here* - Basically imagine me doing whatever is in asteriks - *sigh*, *grin*
4) Hits - mostly referring to some kind of substance put into the body via a small piece of paper
5) BTW - By the way

That is all I can think of right now... if you have questions, ask. Not a very good Glossary, sorry.

Cast of Characters

Me- Kel, separated charming female living with her cat in Westerville. Author.
TM- Best friend of Me, brings the white lady to dance, loves Me.
MF- Former roommate and still best friend of Me. Me is in love with Mike.
JR- Aka, Hippy. That's all there is.
FW- Friend of JR.
WR- Work friend
VJ - Former work friend, still current outside friend.
ND- Work friend.
LF- Work friend.
DJ- Work friend.
RB- Aka Brunner/RB, work friend.
DD- Work friend.
DE - Work friend.
TV- Karaoke Jockey. Friend.
JB- Karoke Jockey/CalFit trainer guy. Buff.
OG/Be*/JF - The boys who dance with us - wild campus boys. Mostly gay or bi.
SB- Fuck buddy, former love interest, irritating thing.
KP- Bartender extraordinarrie
Mc/B* - Weird old guys from the Zue.
BR- Very nice epileptic from the Zue.
TG- Vietnam vet from the Zue.
MMA - Soon to be ex-husband.

Places of Interest

The Zue - Zuey's, favorite bar just north of Clintonville.
The Jerk - Carribbean Jerk's, Lewis Center area.
Conti's - Upscale, high class crack job where there is Karaoke on Tuesdays. Columbus.
The White House - OG/Be*/JF's house.
Chateau - My House.

I tell myself that I'm a-doin' all right, just to get me through the night.

Well kids, it's about to be all over.

Just so you all know, I am NOT a wild, crazy, coke-fiend alcoholic who spends all her money on drugs and booze and that is the reason why I have not gotten a divorce. The marriage failing was NOT my fault. I tried to make it work, but he wouldn't work with me until the end and by that time it was too late.

I did get this disease from my husband and I WILL be cured as soon as I get my medication. If you have doubts about whether or not you may have it, go see your doctor, but before that CALL ME to find out just what disease it is. I will tell you all this: it's not life threatening UNLESS you let it go untreated. You can cure it with the same medication that you can cure Bronchitis with, so obviously it's not that bad. I didn't know I had it otherwise I would have let you know, trust me. I wish my husband had let me know before he gave it to me, or I wouldn't be sterile. You can take penicillin for 30 days if you're too embarrassed to go to the doctor, but then you could keep passing it on.

Next issue: My tattoo, is NOT fake, was never fake, will never BE fake. And the "Scott" that is underneath it is NOT for SB previously mentioned in this blog, but for SK my little brother. He's the only one I truely love, so piss off. Leave me the fuck alone.

Third: I hate utility companies and I would NEVER EVER suggest using them. I will be living like the amish soon, unless AEP and Columbia give me what I want - as in money back for the time I did NOT live in Little Turtle but they have both been charging me for. Fuck America.

Does anyone know how embarassing it is to have to make 15 phone calls for something unpleasant? Anyone?

You don't know how sick you make me - you making me fucking sick to my stomach...

... Everytime I think of you, I puke.

Well I am still not divorced. Almost a year and nothing. I hate Matt.

I got a tattoo on Friday. Yay! It's two flowers intertwined with the name "Scott" underneath it - and just so you all know, it's for SK my BROTHER, not SB the former fuck buddy.

I'm on yahoo! messenger with MMA right now, so I'll write more tomorrow.

Late,
Kel

PS- Wednesday, Zuey's, sometime between 9 and 10 pm I will be getting drunk. Be there or be square.

You say you want to be friends - that's a newly sharpened blade

So I don't think I ever told you all what happened to me last Thursday.

I was at Zuey's, wondering why SB hasn't called. Then he walked in and I found out - he has a new girlfriend! Well what am I supposed to do about that? Nothing really, we were supposed to be fuck buddies anyway. Just because I wanted more and he acted like he did... oh well. So I was like "hey buddy I need to talk to you" and he's like "fine." So we talked on and off at the bar, and he said he would call me later or the next day. When he woman went to the bathroom, I went over to talk to him. Before she came back, I headed over to my seat so she wouldn't think anything of it. As soon as she got back, they said a few words to each other and she stomped out acting pissy. SB walks by me and says, "That was not cool, embarassing me in front of my friends." At this point I'm so confused because I have NO idea what he's talking about. So he leaves and I stay. I miss a call from him, and so I call him on the way home from the bar. He answers, and things start out okay. Then, for no reason at all, he just starts literally screaming and yelling at me. Finally hangs up on me. I'm confused and crying and just overall upset. This sucks.

The next day SB calls me when he gets home from work. I answer the phone, and after I say "Hello" he's like, "Um, Kelly?"
"Yes."
"Before you say another word, I want to apologize. I shouldn't have yelled at you - I was irritated and I let things get out of hand. I hope you can forgive me."

What the fuck. Saturday night he was at Zuey's with Her, kissing on her and so forth. Tried to pay a little attention to me, but she kept pulling him away whenever he'd try to talk to me. Fuck everyone. I am leaving this shitty town in April and I wonder if I will come back.

Late,
Kel

I usually don't do this at work but...

OH MY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN
I can't take this anymore.

I have another thing to add to the list of things I hate: PEOPLE.

People who feel it is their god-given right to stick their nose into EVERYTHING. People who will hear something and immediately need to know RIGHT then what I'm talking about, who I'm referring to, so on and so forth. This pisses me off to no end. I seriously may end up beating someone up. That someone shall remain nameless, but if you see them walking down the street with a black eye, just know I gave it to them. Grrr.

This is the same person who will take whatever I say, like something dumb - a quirky remark or the status message on my Yahoo! Messenger - and twist it to something really ignorant sounding and use it as their own. This makes me look bad.

So the last few days have been fairly uneventful, due mostly to the fact that I stopped drinking as of Sunday night. It's only because I have to take this medication, and if you mix alcohol with the meds it causes projectile vomiting. I have never had projectile vomiting, and I sure don't plan to purposely induce it. Fuck that.

MF was in town this weekend. I was THRILLED to say the least. I have a terrible feeling I'm still in love with him... oh well. What am I going to do? I guess I'll just wait for him to come around - which I think will be sooner than later if his actions speak louder than his words. We spent the majority of the weekend touching each other - not dirty/sexual touching but just touching in general. It was completely mutual and 90% initiated by him. I was in HEAVEN. Also this weekend I danced a little with the white lady, and ended up being awake until 10:30am on Saturday. MF and I danced with her for almost seven hours straight. Yuck. I don't know how I used to be a professional dancer. *sniff*

Last night I finally went to California Fitness. It was like torture. But I walked on the treadmill for a little over an hour, and I actually felt good afterwards. Probably killed those calories I burned with the small (teeny) plate of nachos I ate at 1am, but oh well. It's almost time for Aunt Flo to be in town so I'm giving myself some leeway on the junk food. I eat healthy ALL the time as it is - my only weakness is the sauce (for those of you who don't know, the sauce is my word for liquor.)

I think I am going to work out again tonight, but my back hurts... maybe tomorrow. It's the whole crooked spine thing you know. Anyway, later tonight I will be publishing a dictionary of all my quirky terms and such. It will be revealing - careful!

late,
Kel