Wow, what a month...

Poke: yeah, we fuck a lot now but I've come to realize that there is no hope for us. He doesn't entertain me like he used to, he's not the same person I fell in love with. I still feel like he's my best friend, but even that's starting to wax and wane as time goes by. Fine with me! I've got better things to do.

Men: suck. I went out on a date with a really swell guy and I thought it went well. Apparently I thought wrong because less than 4 days later he was already ignoring my texts and not returning my phone call. Whatever. Then there was this other guy who never even met me in person (more on that later) and when I called him out for constantly wanting to meet but never agreeing to any options I gave him (he basically wanted to come to my house and I said no it must be in public), he called me large and repulsive. Nice. THEN there was this boy at work who has been flirting with me since I started. We exchanged numbers, he called me once, we talked at work, and then Slutsy McFuckstick (a girl in my department) decided she wanted to get w/him and basically sabotaged the whole thing. He and I made plans to go out last tuesday and he didn't call or show up. Awesome. Two days later I find out he already has a girlfriend! Needless to say my hurt and sadness over that didn't last. So, yeah. Rejected three times in one week, my confidence surely took a blow.

POF.com: plentyoffish.com, a dating website. Been talkin' to some guys on there. It's not bad, it's not great, it just is. I'm not too concerned with it right now, but I would like to find someone nice and friendly and not fucked up in the head.

Other: Work is great. I love my job, but I still hate getting up at the godforesaken crack of dawn. I got a new cell phone, the LG enV 3 and it rules. When I went to buy it, they said I could get two new phones free after rebate. I was like awesome and called my parents to ask if they wanted new phones. They said yes. Well when they saw their phones they hated them and it was a big fucking problem. I was like wow ok can we be more ungreatful? Thanks. My friend NW from school came over to MW/AH's house with me last night. Then we came home and had adult time. It was spectacular. My friends liked him, as far as I can tell, and everyone was getting along and having lots of fun. Yay. He tried to fuck me in the bathroom and they caught us LOL it's a good thing he locked the door!

Well I suppose that's all for now, I guess it'll be another month before I post again? Maybe not, I'm gonna try to keep it up like I used to.

Oh - and - GO BUCKS! First game was yesterday, we beat Navy (barely), 31-27.

Drama, Drama, DRAMA!

Poke's fucking girlfriend was BLOWING up my phone Saturday night and Sunday morning. She and another girl even took the time to call me from his phone on Saturday night. Ridiculous. Even when he's with someone else he can't leave me the fuck alone. It's so sad.

Work is kicking my mental ass, I (almost) hate going there everyday, but I'm looking for a new job so we'll see. My supervisor basically told me and the other girl there that we're going to be fired by the end of the week. She's so busy trying to impress the higher-ups that she's totally fucking up the relationship with her employees. This sucks even more because I know that she is a really cool person and she worked hard to get this promotion (and I helped her get it) but I feel like she just can't "supervise". Whatever. Maybe she'll get a clue and I can actually get to stay and once again say that I'm working my dream job.

I've had a wonderful few weeks hanging out with my friends. I'm going out more and doing what I want. It's very... invigorating. I was kinda talking to this one guy, JM, but that's basically done now. He and I just have too much in common - I know that sounds pretty strange but it's the truth. He was a chef out in Utah at this ski resort, and I'm a chef too, he likes Batman, I like Batman, we just have nothing to talk about because we have all the same opinions on everything. That makes for a very boring conversation. The sex was good, but without the awesomeness outside the sheets, it doesn't really matter. I ended up also hooking up with a friend of mine from school, NW, and that was pretty sweet. I was irritated for awhile because he was blowing me up while Poke and I were still together, going on and on about how we needed to be together and he could/would treat me right and so on. Then, once I was single, he all but disappeared. Well I saw him when I stopped by school the other day and I kinda called him out on it - two days later he called and apologized, I went and hung out w/him while he worked at this bar, then we came back to my place. All I'm gonna say is that for being a short guy (my height, but a small type guy) he sure does carry a wonderful package... yeah I meant for that to be less explicit. I suppose I should just say he's got a nice penis! LOL so tacky.

Then there's RR. Oh my.
I met him for the first time in 2003. One of the first conversations we had went like this:

RR: Who is that guy with you? Your brother?
Me: No, that's my husband.
RR: You should leave your husband and come home with me.

So, obviously, he's been attracted to me for awhile. =) I am not really sure why it took so long for us to finally go out, but now that it's happened, omg, wow. We went out last Wednesday and it was amazing, we spent the whole night at the bar talking and talking and talking about all kinds of things. There was never a lull in conversation - NEVER! Then we came home and had some amazing sex, followed by more talking. I went out with him again last night and it was the same. Awesome conversation, awesome time, awesome sex. Totally awesome all around. Unfortunately I tried to convey a message (I think we should be mutually sexually exclusive) and I think it came out wierdly, and frankly, too early. I had the words planned in my mind but they came out sooo wrong - he was cool though, and we talked through it, and I think everything is still okay. He did say he would "think about" being exclusive. I'm pretty sure my frankness and spontaneous-ness kinda threw him for a loop. =\

Then there's this other guy, JY, who randomly asked me out last Friday. I really have nothing to say about him cuz I have only talked to him irl 2 or 3 times, and we haven't actually had a date. We'll see.

Back to RR. LOL. He is also awesome because he supports all the shit I want to do. My plan to getting famous, or at least known, is very vague at this point. I don't even know where to start. He has lots of ideas for me, most involving cooking and food (duh, cuz I'm a chef) and some involving him and his music. He's in three bands, and he's trying to start some blues-type solo project, and he wants me to write some lyrics so he can put them to music, and, possibly, sing for/with him. We just get along so well. I don't even know what else to say.

Well, I guess I'll go now. I'm drinkin' some miller high life light and it's starting to catch up to me.

Virginity!

Yep. Everytime I hear that song, it takes me back to April 24, 1999. That's the day I lost my virginity... to that song... strange, I know. But it's not like we planned it that way! It just happened! Literally! Anyway, I love that song. Just wanted to tell you guys.

I found out who Mr. Kennametal is, it's this dude up in PA that I knew from another blog. Good grief! Small world.


And now, sexy lyrics. Ha.


Living Dead Girl ~ Rob Zombie

(Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead?)
Living Dead Girl!

Rage in the cage
And piss upon the stage
There's only one sure way
To bring the giant down
Defunct the strings
Of cemetery things
With one flat foot
On the devil's wing

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Raping the geek
And hustling the freak
Like a hunchback juice
On a sentimental noose
Operation filth
They love to love the wealth
Of an SS Whore
Making scary sounds

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Psyclone Jack
Hallucinating Hack
Thinks Donna Reed
Eats dollar bills
Goldfoot machine
Creates another fiend
So Beautiful,
They make you kill

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with Sin
Do it again
Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with Sin
Do it again
Living Dead Girl

Delicious and Finnish

This is the shit that real rock stars are made of. This is what they get in Finland.


This is what we get in America.


This is NOT fair. FUCK!! I'm moving to Finland.

Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'd like to wish SJK a very happy 18th birthday! Yay! I can't believe that my little fucking brother is 18 already. It makes me feel really OLD! I know I'm not old, shit, 25 isn't old at all, but the fact that I can remember life before SJK existed is just so strange to me. I even remember the very morning that we got him, I remember what happened at school that day, knowing that something was going to happen to me but not knowing what. We got SJK a month after he was born, on May 8th, and I remember seeing my mom in the hallway outside my classroom door. Mrs. Owens called me over out into the hall, and my mom says "Guess what?!" and I say "We got the baby!" and I got to leave school to go to Columbus to pick him up. I was so excited! At the adoption agency, there was a rocking chair next to the bassinet for the mother to sit in and hold the baby for the first time, but I ran over and planted myself in that rocking chair before my mom even had a chance to see SJK. I got up then, and went over to the bassinet, and there he was, the absolute picture of perfection. Shit, I'm getting all choked up just writing about it. I love my brother so much. I tried to feed him Doritos on the way home in the car.

Anyway, I'm feeling very good these days, other than nearly slipping into a coma on Thursday. What had happened was as follows: Monday, I wake up, feeling like shit. Congested chest, cough, no voice, etc. so I took the day off work. Well I knew it was my allergies because this is the time of year that they come around for me, and the news had reported pollen and such being high. Tuesday I felt shitty, Wednesday I felt shitty, but not shitty shitty, just kinda like blah from taking all the Tussin and so forth, and not getting any sleep cuz of all the coughing. In fact when Poke came over on Wednesday he ended up leaving at 3am cuz my coughing was keeping him awake! So Thursday morning, I wake up, literally gasping for air. My chest hurts like someone has a huge weight on it (no big tit jokes please, they only weight 8 lbs each thank you) but I attribute it to all the coughing and go to work. I called the doc office to make an appointment because it just doesn't seem right that I'm out of breath constantly and I'm afraid that I might have contracted walking pneumonia like I had about six years ago. I get into the doc office around one thirty-two o'clock, and he listens to my chest first thing. I had a slight fever, only about 99 degrees F, and my blood pressure and stuff were okay. So anyway, he listens to my chest and tells me that if I had chosen to say, take a nap instead of coming in to see him, it's possible that I could have slipped into a coma because my lungs were so inflamed and constricted that I was basically suffocating and not getting any air into my lungs and very little oxygen into my brain. I'm like GREAT! So they gave me two breathing treatments right there in the office, and I felt a LOT better after those. I got four prescriptions, the z-pak, steroids (to take the swelling down), an inhaler, and some super cough medicine pills. Fuckin' great. So glad I didn't go into a coma, that would have sucked big time. Instead, I just got some ghey bronchitis cuz my allergies made drainage which went into my lungs. Fun, fun.

Friday night Poke and I went out to Groucho's, and it was pretty fun. It sucked at first, because Eric Clapton decided to have his concert on the same night as karaoke, so no one was at the bar. It was me, D*Martin, Cat, Poke, Philly, and a few other people from about 21:30 til 01:00 when people finally started coming in after the concert was over. I tried to sing but failed miserably, well, I mean, I can still carry a tune when I'm voiceless there's just no voice to carry that tune on! So we had fun, and it was a good relaxing time. When we got home BI (my new roommate) was unpacking some more of his stuff, so we talked to him for a minute, then went upstairs and had the greatest sex I've had in awhile. Oh, it was awesome. Then we fucked around on the computer for a little bit, talked to BI some more, pet the cats, and had some more sex. I think we finally fell asleep around 5am. The best part was when we were just laying there and enjoying each other, and he told me he loves me. I love it when he says "I love you" cuz I know he means it.

Saturday Poke worked during the day and I laid on the couch. I also ate a quesadilla. It was very boring but that's fine, my weekends aren't all rabble-rousing anyway. Saturday night there was a party at RS's place. We thought it was only gonna be like 10 folks or so, but it ended up being about forty. I knew some people there, but it was a little bit weird because a lot of them knew me before Poke and I broke up and so it was just awkward, especially since Poke had brought this one chick over there a couple times... But it wasn't too bad, we got drunk of course, had some good conversations with strangers, and had an overall fun time. On the way home Poke and I got into a fight though, cuz he was going on and on about how awesome the party was and I told him that I didn't think it was all that awesome because I was kinda uncomfortable. He got a little offended, and I was just like, I don't know, offended that he was offended and couldn't understand what I was trying to say. He dropped me off and I didn't even invite him in, and he drove away. I called him a few minutes later, and while we were talking he's like "Oh shit I just got pulled over" and I knew he was drunk so I got all worried. Well then he doesn't answer his phone, I'm texting him and calling him and not getting any answer, so I'm freaking out. I call D*Martin and JW, to see if they can get a hold of him. D*Martin finally calls Poke's brother who confirms that Poke is indeed home and safe. So, now I'm pissed that he's not answering the phone and letting me worry and freak out. I end up crying and crying and crying and talking to Cat and then I just chill with BI and watch American Pie until 5am when I finally go to bed.

Sunday I woke up to my dad calling and saying they were on their way to come get me. I felt shitty, but luckily my mom called back and said I should stay home so I didn't get anyone sick and so I could rest. And that is exactly what I did. I laid on the couch, watched Discovery and History channel shows about Jesus, txt msgd Poke awhile, and that was that. I also loaded the dishwasher and ate some dippy eggs. Well I had decided that I wanted Poke to take me on a real date, a fancy date, so I told him to pick a place. He picked Mitchell's! Yay! It was fucking awesome (expensive) and delicious. We love that place, for sure. We both had the same thing, a glass of Cakebread Cabernet Sauvignon (which Poke actually remembered the name of and how to pronounce and everything! Without me reminding him which was my favorite!), Filet Mignon in a champagne creme sauce with rosemary speared shrimp and scallops, and Cameron's mashed potatoes. OMG, so good. SO GOOD! I can't express it enough. It was quite possibly the best date I have ever been on in my entire life. We had such good conversation, talking about us and what has happened and what will happen, talked about the band he's going to be in, about his brother's pretensious music-making ability (or lack thereof!), our friends, everything. It was perfection, for that one hour at that table, nothing in the world was wrong or bad. Here I go again, getting choked up... At the beginning of the meal, while we were eating bread and I'm just kinda staring at Poke cuz he's all handsome looking *blush*, he looks at me and says "There's no place else I'd rather be" followed by "All of my good times have been with you" and I literally almost break down crying right there. I keep it under control though, not shedding a tear, and I just ask him if he's serious and he says of course he is. Then we talk about how we really are a great couple, and how we're so much better than any random couple who would rather watch NASCAR and eat at McDonald's than enjoy each other's company in an adult setting (such as a bar or fancy restaurant) and then Poke said a very interesting thing - "We're not any run of the mill fast food couple. We're a real couple." *sigh* Perfect.

We ended up going to Eldo's, even though it wasn't originally in the plans, and it turned out to be a good decision. Dreggs and his girl were there, JA and his girl (his ex girl, I guess, but they still seemed like they were together, hell if I know), TomCat, Ace, D*Martin, The Sir, Sanddogg, M0053, man, fucking everyone was there! It was awesome. I don't remember the last time I had so much fun at karaoke with so many people. When I went last week with Valdez and Cat and all them, on "opening night" it was super fun, but last night was different because the place was packed and it was all... festive? Awesome? Radical? Shit, it was just fuckin' rockin'!! At the end of the night we all headed down to Hounddog's, which was great. Poke and I fucked in the car in the parking lot, which is something I have never done, and it was hot. Super hot. Then after we fucked I gave him a blowjob cuz I just wasn't ready to be done yet. That was also fucking hot. Seriously, Poke and I have the best sex ever, it's great. But I digress. After all the sex, we emerged from the car to where our friends were waiting on the stoop for us, and headed inside where somehow there was pizza and garlic bread and we were eating and I don't remember ever ordering anything... but it was all good. I don't even know if the pizza I ate belonged to our friends or not, shit. Oh well I haven't died yet so I'm sure it was all gravy.

Overall, a very good weekend. I love my boyfriend. I'm so glad he came back to me.


Here you can read about how awesome SJK really is.

NSFW

What on earth... I mean, we all *know* what's going on here, but how the fuck did this guy take this picture?! He must have some really long arms.

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Droppin' This Scene

Drama. I can't even write about it. So I'll just post some pretty emails for you. The pink ones are from me to her, the brown one is from her to me. Obviously.


Subject: You fucking CUNT.

YOU ARE A FUCKING CUNT.
I cannot believe that you would tell Doug that I have a fucking STD when you don't even know shit about me. Do you even know my last name? NO. You don't know SHIT. I have talked to you probably six or seven times in my life and I don't give a flying fuck about you. The point is that I have ALWAYS been nice to you even when you were stalking Andy and I tried to be the calm go between for you. I do NOT appreciate you telling Doug that he needs to "wrap it up" because I don't have any fucking diseases. Even if I did it's not your fucking business. You are a low down dirty cunt and don't worry cuz I will tell your dad all about it, not to mention everyone that goes to karaoke. Your big cunt mouth ruined a good thing for me and fear not, little girl, you will be reprimanded. Gossip does not go unpunished because it's a sin. You are a fucking cunt and I have no idea why you would even have anything against me. If it's because of Andy, nice, because he never even wanted anything to do with you.
FUCK YOU FUCKING CUNT.


Subject: Oh, and another thing.

Not only are you a dirty gossiping cunt who doesn't know shit, but I talked to Andy and he said that he's told you on countless occasions that he's not interested in dating you. Grow up and move on. Don't you have a boyfriend anyway?? Yeah. Thought so. You had better keep my name out of your mouth. If I ever hear another word about you spreading shit around because I supposedly kept you and Andy from hooking up, you're going to have some major fucking problems to deal with.


Subject: RE: Oh, and another thing.

First of all i never was ready to date Andy. I was still talking to my ex of 3 years and we were still trying to work it out and we did. Second of all if you were really paying attention you would have noticed that I specifically said that we weren't dating but just hanging out and having fun but, NOT DATING. Remember the quotes that I put around it? And, quite frankly, it doesn't matter what I said it was not your job to get in the middle of anything. Third, I never liked you after I found out you were calling me names even before you knew me because you felt threatened by me because we have one of the same guy friends. And I also heard that you were hurting said friend by telling everyone things that he had told you in confidence, even after he had asked you not to. This is also not the first time that you have made one of my friends mad or upset by your actions. Before you open your big mouth you should look to see who they are friends with and it would be a safe assumption that they would not like you. And another thing you really should get your facts straight. I told Duger that he could do better. That he deserves someone that likes him and wants to be with him, not just the little thing that was going on between you two. That and I don't trust anyone who cheats and that is apparently what you have done. As a result I told him to be careful about what he was doing. And yes at that point I told him that he should use something, i just don't trust cheaters. If that "ruined" your booty call i am sorry but good for him! HE deserves someone who actually likes him for him not just for a piece on the side. Once again though you stuck your nose where it doesn't belong and even though Andy and I are friends again he probably won't talk to me because you don't know what you are talking about. Oh and go ahead and tell my daddy what I did. He will probably laugh at you and ask you if you are really telling on me. Anyways you should really get your facts straight before you go off blabbing to other people. I am actually surprised you came to me first, usually don't you go telling everyone else first?


Subject: RE:RE: Oh, and another thing.

In regards to Andy, I never got in the middle of shit, you put me there. You were constantly asking me and sending me emails on here about "why isn't he talking to me?" and "do you know how he really feels about me?" and shit like that. And if you really think I felt threatened by you, I'm amused. I have plenty of friends, especially guy friends, and I really don't care who they date or hang out with, as long as that person isn't a flaming cunt. I never had a problem with you at all until last night when I found out what you said about me. I'm not sure when you think I called you names, and I know for a fact that I never called you anything to your face, so basically you're going off rumours, and that's pathetic. You never meant anything to me other than being some chick who goes to karaoke. I didn't hate you and I didn't like you. You were just there.
So who is this "friend" that told me things in confidence, which I then told everyone I know about? I've been racking my brain and I can't figure out who it could be, since the only mutual friend we have is Andy. I guess there are a few people we know from karaoke, but I still can't think of who it could be.
Also, I'd like to know where you got your information on my feelings for Doug. I'm sure you can't read my mind, especially since I haven't even seen you in months, unless you have super special telekinetic powers. As a matter of fact, I do like Doug, and I'm not just using him for sex. I would like to have a relationship with him, and he and I have discussed it. Not that it's your business, but as long as I'm righting all your wrong facts, I figured I'd let you know. The fact that you think he can do better than me is also amusing... I have a real job as a SENIOR loan processor at a prominent mortgage brokerage, my life is pretty much in order, I make good money, and I'm a great fun person. Not sure how he could do any better than that. And cheating? Who am I cheating on? Doug and I aren't even dating! Hahaha. You and your silly made up facts. I've never cheated on anyone in my life, and I never will. I don't stoop to that level. And no, you didn't ruin my booty call, don't worry. What you really did was upset Doug by lying about me to him, that hurt his feelings, and you made him feel weird because before you lied he never had a reason to not trust me. He still doesn't have a reason, and he still trusts me, so it's all good. Your little plan backfired sweetie.
In conclusion, YOU stuck your cunty little nose into MY business, brought me down to your cunty little level, and made up a bunch of "facts" (ie, lies) about me to try and destroy my reputation because... let me think... someone told you once that I said something about you and you never even bothered to ask me if it was true or not... Yep.
Have a wonderful day! =)


So, to summarize, some bitch is talkin' shit and she has no reason and no right to. Damnit. Why does drama follow me everywhere? I'm about to drop this mother fucking scene. I do not need this bullshit in my life anymore. The people that are not my friends that show up to karaoke are all just like high school kids, and you know what? I haven't been in high school since 2000. I'm an adult. Fuck them.
At least Dooger isn't mad at me. I mean, he had no reason to be, especially since he barely knows this Jennifer chick, but it did put him in a bad position. Whatever. He still called me last night, we didn't hang out, but at least we talked for a total of an hour yesterday (two phone calls.) Fuck her. Oh, and she's ugly.

So besides that bullshit on Wednesday night, there was even more ridiculous bullshit. SL called the cops on me all the way from Florida and told them that I was trying to kill myself. What a fucking bitch. Three cop cars and six cops in my goddamn parking lot at almost 3am... Jesus, please help me to forgive for he knows not what he has done. I hate people!!!!!!! Also, I can't wait to move. I'm going today to see if I can get in, so I can just move before I have to pay rent on this shit hole again and use that money for a down payment. Yeah. I was thinking about the Continent, but I have a few other places in mind.

Last night I was bored to death almost, so I went to Zuey's for one beer. My original plan was to have several beers, but it was way way way too loud there with all the darters and these crazy loud girls and everything. So I had one beer and went over to Eldo's to see Zara. Moose was there, Cool Ron, and GMc. Also a few others that I've known here and there. Apparently GMc still harbors ill feelings about my not bailing him out of jail back in April or May. Well you know what? That's just fine. He can't comprehend the weight of the situation that I was put in, and probably never will. He's just arrogant and he thinks he is invinceable. It's sad. He expected me to be responsible for him/his actions and a $900 balance on his bail. Forget it. I would do that for my immediate family only. Plus, how was I to know that he used his canadian license and not his US one? As far as I was concerned, getting arrested was a direct violation of his probation. Fuck that.
Anyway. Karaoke was fine, kinda boring but I got to sing three songs. I went back to Zuey's for one more beer after that because it had emptied out a bit, and talked to 31 and some other boys I had met on Tuesday night. I bought some Miller Lite to take home, and overall, it was a good night. Went home, watched some Jay Leno, and went to sleep.

Love and other things.

I hate love. The End.

Ok, just kidding. It's not the end. But I do hate love. Oxymoronic of me? Definitely. More on that later. First I have to tell you about my dream!

I dreamt that the kittens had dry rot on their skin. There were only two ways to get rid of it, the Pauly Shore way and the Duck Tape way. Somehow I knew that dry rot is also called wood worm, even though it's not a worm at all, kinda like ringworm isn't a worm but a fungus. Like dry rot. Anyway. The dry rot on their skin was greenish, and hard. Not hard like crusty, but more like tough skin or something, and it was gross. Mickey had it the worst. Sheeba was also orange in my dream, like Mickey and Fox are in real life. Sheeba didn't hardly have any at all. I used the Pauly Shore technique on Sheeba and Fox, since they were least affected, and that involved spraying them with vinegar water and letting it soak into their skin. Do this once every fifteen minutes and within four hours the dry rot will be gone. For more severe cases, like Mickey, I had to use the Duck Tape technique. First I had to hog tie Mickey with the tape, then cover his mouth but not his nose. This was just so he wouldn't try and scratch or bite the tape off. Then I applied the tape over the dry rot spots, two strips in a cross formation like an "X". I had to put Mickey in a box for three days and only give him water every 24 hours through a dropper through a small hole in the tape over his mouth. I put him in the box, and thought that this was working out quite well because I was about to start packing anyway. Apparently I was moving... not sure. I'd assume I was. That was about it.

By the way, dry rot can't occur on skin. Just so ya know.

So, on to last night. Last night was super swell! I went to Zuey's around eight thirty, after D*Martin had come over for dinner. Zuey's started out kinda blah and boring as usual, but then I started talking to this kid, 31. 31 is an interesting fellow. He's weird, but he's okay, and at least he's not boring like Nicholas, haha. But on the same level of weird, for sure. Some more people came in that I knew, and then Poke called me. He came up to Zuey's and we hung out there for awhile, and it was fun. Then we headed over to the Hot Spot where I ran into Els, this guy from old school Zuey's. It was weird to see him again, considering the last time I saw him I wanted to kick his head in. Yeah, he didn't remember that part. Els is the guy who got in a fight with Fuzz, but I'm not sure if I posted about that or not... it may have been before I started my blog. But I digress. So Poke and I were hanging out at Hot Spot and it was a good time. NMc came in, I talked to him for a little bit, and it was generally fun. I sang two songs, drank some Heinekins, and just chilled. Good times were had by all. Poke and I had somewhat strange conversation, about how he loves me, and I didn't really know what to think of it. We were both fairly drunk, so who knows if it meant anything, but still. One doesn't just randomly say "I love you", does one? Don't know! I mean, Poke and I get along really well, but... he can't be the one, can he? That would just be strange. Although my first name and his last name do go very nicely together. I would really be a rock star if that was my name! Anyway, I'm not really going to think about it much, since I'm sure it was nothing. Probably just the beer speaking. After Hot Spot he and I went back to my house and had some wild crazy sex, of course, and it was fucking off the hook, of course, like it always is. Oh yes.

I guess that's about all I have to write about. *yawn*

Then he'd take another deep breath... and he'd hold it.

And I bet he'd feel hungry, in a way that seems strange... yeah, hungry...

Yeah. Anyway.

I've had a fairly uneventful week. Last Wednesday and Thursday, I stayed home and watched movies. It was relaxing. I was happy to not be out drinking. I was seriously thinking that I am an alcoholic, but I read up on it, and I'm not. Yes, I do abuse alcohol, but that's not something that can't be cured. Anyway. More on that tomorrow after I go see Dr. Bob.

Friday I went to my brother's football game, and it kicked ass. It was the best football game I have ever been to. They played their rivals, and it was so close, but SK's team came from behind (only one point behind, lol!) and the score ended up 40 - 34. I was thrilled! My mom had brought some Jersey Mike's subs to the game for us and I ate the whole damn thing, but just barely. I had a #9 with all toppings, no jalapenos, on wheat bread. I thought about GG while I was eating it cuz she would have gotten the same thing, only no onions. And a larger size! Hahaha. Anyway. It was delicious. I saw some boys that SK is friends with that I've known for about ten years, and they are all getting so manly. It's almost disturbing because I've known them since they were six and seven years old, now they're like, men. Crazy. But it was a good time.

Friday night I talked GG's friend Wildman Joe, who absolutely rules. I had heard all about him, and I've been IM'ing him for a couple weeks now, but I had never talked to him on the phone or anything. Well he was doing an internet radio broadcast thing, so I got on the Skype and talked with him and this kid James for about two hours. Wildman and I were both wasted and it was hilarious. We had a great time. We talked about everything under the sun it seemed like! Awesome. He'll be coming out here to visit soon, so that should be super fun.

Saturday I slept late because I had been up until like 4am, and around 3pm I went and got GG and we had some Long John Silver's for lunch. She had never been there and I was shocked. The food was good, as usual, and the service was ghetto, as usual. But it was fun. We went back to my place and we were going to watch the OSU game, but they were playing BGSU and it was so fucking boring that I couldn't stand it. So we tried to watch this documentary on John Wayne Gacy, but the damn channel went out, so we ended up watching a ton of Forensic Files on CourtTV. They were all pretty good, except the few towards the end were fairly lame. I took her home about nine o'clock, and hung out til around eleven watching SVU. It was a very very sad episode about this poor little girl who is locked in a room and the whole thing, except the last five minutes, is Benson on the phone with her trying to figure out where she is, and if she is even real and not a prank. It was a great episode but very sad. I left after that, went home and thought about sleeping but I couldn't, so I got on gaim and talked to GG and Wildman for awhile, and eventually went to sleep.

Sunday I woke up kinda late again, and pretty much laid around the house all day. I did get the laundry all done and did the dishes, made homemade mac'n'cheese (with bowties though, cuz I had no macaroni) and just chilled. I went to karaoke at Brewstir's later, and it was awesome. Tf was there, and some guys she knew, Dooger, OA, Cat, etc. It was a super great time! Tf bought me like five beers, we danced and had fun. The bartended Sandy is a supercunt and brought everyone down, but we tried to over come it. Some mexicans offered me tequila to eat their penises, and I was highly amused, because that is exactly what they said. I thought Dooger was going to kick their asses. It was interesting. He came home with me and we had some fucking crazy ass sex. Oh lord. It was wonderful. But I crashed again, as usual, poor Dooger. I had to sleep on the couch cuz he was having like nightmares or something, I don't know if it's PTSD or what, but it was loud. I didn't mind really, I was just mostly worried about him. I came home at lunch and took him back to his place, like last time, and it was all nice and shit. Wonderful. He said last night that he wants to do everything with me that a boyfriend/girlfriend would do together, but without titles, because that makes everything stressed. I'm like whatever yo, I don't want a boyfriend right now anyway! He's swell.

So I'm thinking about moving out of this shit hole apartment. I don't want to, at all, but since the management office is basically ignoring all my requests for work to be done, my concerns about the ghetto neighbors who wave guns around, etc., I don't think I have a choice. I don't give a fuck, I'll just move into The Continent and not pay my rent here and by the time they try to evict me I will be gone. Fuck them. I don't want to waste my time putting my rent in escrow and all that bullshit when my stupid lease is up in March anyway. So, fuck them all to hell.

The End.

Dooger Shoes

What an interesting weekend I had with GG. Such good fun. We'll be doing it again this weekend, I hope!

So about Sunday night... woah. GG and I had gone over to Eldo's after eating some ribs and stuff and watching SVU. I had one Bloody Mary and three Bud Lights, sang a couple of songs, and headed over to Brewstirs in the Continent to meet up with D*Martin and Dooger. I got there and bought some shots for me, D*Martin, Cat, and Roch. I was drinking vodka and grapefruit juice, cuz I had surprised GG with one earlier and was in the mood for it. I bought another shot for me and D*Martin later on. I was talking with Aerosmith guy, and Roch, and having a super wonderful time. All my friends were there and it was so awesome! Then, all of a sudden, I was completely wasted. I have no idea what even happened to set me over the edge, but it was almost like I had been sleeping and woke up to find myself being led to the bathroom by Roch. I don't remember feeling like I was going to yak, but apparently I needed to, because I did. Roch was nice enough to take care of me, like I mentioned yesterday. Then we headed back over to where everyone was standing, and Dooger had his arm around me to hold me up. Then, I was on the floor, and Dooger was on top of me. I was laughing. Now I have a huge bruise on my hip! I took the poor guy down with me, but he was a great sport about it. We went up to his place, next to the bar, and I guess we were trying to bang but I don't really remember that well. I was in the bed and then I decided I had to yak. I went to the bathroom and as I'm hanging over the toiley all I can think of is how dirty it is. That was when I lost my bra and my shirt (which ended up being like in the tub or something.) I was crying for him to take me home so I could yak in my own toiley, so he did. I didn't yak when we got home, I was actually feeling a little better, and I just went to sleep. Apparently we had some sex, but I really don't remember that much.

Surprisingly, I didn't feel that bad yesterday. I was mostly just tired. I worked all day, then went to Kroger and bought some soup and bread and dryer sheets. I also stopped at Blockbuster and rented The Family Stone which was an alright movie. Not wonderful, not terrible, just kinda there. I ate some grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner, watched Jeopardy, which is the kids edition this week, and then watched the DVD. After that I watched some Family Guy and something else, and decided to go to bed. I stopped by the computer on my way to bed and played on MySpace for a little bit, and then SL called. I talked to him for awhile, but I was so tired that it was only about an hour or so. I finally fell asleep around one a.m. I think. I had been talking to D*Martin on text message and he said Dooger had left karaoke already, and I was relieved when he didn't show up because I was so tired. Then at 2:54 a.m. he knocked on my door. Sheesh. He had been calling and I didn't wake up from the ringing, but I did wake up from the knocking. We sat on the couch and talked for awhile, he smoked some pot which made me feel even sleepier, and then he decided he wanted some White Castle. He had eaten an eighth of 'shrooms all by himself, and was trying to get higher... yeah... whatever. So he left to go get some food, and I left the door unlocked for him to come back. At 4:45 a.m. he woke me up after having been gone almost an hour and said he was going home. He had gone to Whitey's and come back to my house only to tell me he was going home, which I thought was sweet of him. Especially since I would have hated leaving the door open all night! And he brought me a breakfast sandwich to eat when I got up.

Dooger always has really nice shoes on. I noticed this last night. I'm not really sure what is going on with me and him... but it's okay, whatever it is.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Everywhere you go!
Take a look in the Five-and-Ten,
Glistening once again,
With Candy Canes and Silver Lanes A-glow!


I don't even know if those are the real words or not. I'm going strictly on memory here, and seeing as it's 07:59, I'm sleepy recovering from a 6-beer-1.5-shot-somehow-got-drunk-end-taco-bell night, I don't really give a fuck either. Yeah.

Anyway, it's less than 200 days til Christmas.

So, this week. Well, it was alright. Wednesday was boring. SL and I watched a movie, "One Hour Photo" and it was very good. I had seen it a couple times before, and I really liked it. Robin Williams in a serious role is something amazing. Let's see... What else... that was pretty much it for Wednesday. Oh, we had pizza for dinner.

Thursday SL got paid and so we went to Fiesta Jalisco for dinner. I was starting to feel withdrawal symptoms, so I knew we'd have to go soon. The veggie chimichanga and cholesterol-free beans were just what I needed to get my fix. Then, we went home and had a beer while sitting on the beautiful patio, er, jungle, er... patio. Yeah. D*Martin was maybe going to stop by before karaoke, but he didn't. We went to Gordy's and saw him there! They had karaoke on the main level, which was nice. A few folks we know were there, and it was alright. I drank O'Doul's all night because it was my turn to drive. Plus, I'm fucking tired of drinking anymore. We went home around twelve thirty and went to bed. It's the first sign of getting old. Oh! I also got a speeding ticket on Thursday afternoon. It was on Maple Canyon/Community Park, and I should have known better but oh well. Number one, I always speed there (it's a 25 and such a long stretch of nothingness) and I'm surprised I haven't been caught the few times the popos have been out. Two, I should have gone down Cleveland like I wanted to, but the back way out of the bank was crowded so I went down Maple Canyon instead. Three, the fact that there were 2 motorcycle and 3 regular cop cars there made me think that it was an accident, especially since someone busted up the guardrail a couple of weeks ago. Why should I bother to slow way down (I was paced with the car in front of me, who, incidentally, did not get pulled over)? I thought I was going at least 30 mph, but Officer Rall said I was going 38 in a 25. Hard for me to believe I would speed that blatantly in front of a pack of cops, even if I think they're doing something else, cuz you never know, but damn. Oh well, I've gone eight years without a speeding ticket or anything else (besides the Little Turtle garage incident, not my fault, and a few accidents I didn't cause) so I guess I should be greatful. I could have gotten pulled over for a DUI or something. I suppose I was biding my time as it was. Now I have one mark on my adult driving record. Let's leave it at that. I've been feeling really scared with the drinking then driving thing, because I realise that although I may feel cool to drive, I probably wouldn't pass a breathalizer, or even stupid human tricks because I can't even do those when I'm sober. You think my fat top-heavy ass can walk a straight line one foot in front of the other? Dude, I can barely see the line over these hooters.

Yesterday SL finally had the day off after working for two weeks (that's calendar weeks, not business weeks) straight. He had days off from CVS in there, but went and worked with The Sir on those days to make some extra cash. Good, good. He got a couple of things done, like going to get cigarettes, but the dishes from Monday and Tuesday are still sitting in the sink. I'm not really sure what he was doing all day. Maybe he ran the dishwasher. I think he did.
When I got off of work we went to the bank and opened some savings accounts. Mine is limited, meaning I cannot do anything to it other than deposit. If I want to withdraw, I can only do so once a month, and I have to go into the bank and talk to my dude to do it. SL's is not limited, but he still can only withdraw once a month (that's the way the savings accounts are) but he can withdraw any other time and have a fee assessed; also, he can't access the account through his card. I'll be putting away $20 per month to start off with, and SL is putting away $10 per week. We'll have enough money for vacation, divorce, car fixing, and bill paying in no time! I mean, it's basically $240 a year for me and $520 a year for him. That's pretty good. Also, I'm not going to use my credit card anymore, I'm just going to pay it down to zero. That way, once it's paid down, I can just use it for emergencies or splurges or even for the divorce. I figure if I put $20 a month in the savings and $75 a month in the credit card, it will only be about eleven months until I have $1,000 to get a divorce. Too bad I need to get my car fixed too, which is $500, and I have to do that before November... but at $95 a month I'll have that done in five months. So basically we can start expecting a divorce in about a year and a half. Who knows, when we start making more money, we can put more away, and then it could be sooner! In a year and a half I will have been married for almost six years.

Wow, I talked about the bank for a long time.


Anyway, after the bank we had to go to CheckSmart, which sucks. But we needed groceries so badly. Eating out was beginning to get sickening and way expensive. We had Johnny Oak's for dinner; the pulled pork is not nearly as good as the Cajun burger. After that we had some sex and it was good. Haven't said that in awhile. Not that I haven't had sex, haha, I just haven't mentioned it! After the lovin' we went to the brand spanking new Save-a-Lot on Morse Road. Hells Yah. I know it sounds ghetto, but I love Save-a-Lot. It's so cheap. We spent $85 on what would have normally cost over $100 at Kroger. I still love Kroger, but right now we're on a Save-a-Lot budget. Fo'sho. After the grocery excursion we went to Gordy's on a non-karaoke night to see TD for her going away party. We had to pay a $6 cover charge ($3 each) and that was bullshit, but whatever, we stayed until 01:00 and I had four free beers and one point five free shots (I shared one with WR.) I ran into these two kids I used to work with at Dairy Queen back in the day, and that was crazy as hell. I couldn't believe it. They look pretty much the same except the guy had gotten really really thin, compared to what he was in high school. Oh man. The party was pretty fun, I got to see RB, DS, DJ, and a couple of other folks. All in all, a great time. I'm going to miss TD, but at least SL and I have someone to stop and see on the way to West Palm Beach! After Gordy's, we went to WR's because pretty much everyone had headed downtown and I fucking hate downtown (no parking and too many skanks.) Chilled there for about an hour, then headed home because I was tired. Stopped at Taco Bell, and I was seriously about to pee myself I had to pee so bad. I swear to god I have never had to pee so bad in my entire life! The only reason I mention this is because I only had about six beers and those little shots over the course of five and a half hours! Why did I have to pee?! It was terrible. I was shaking and spasming and so on, waiting for the goddamn Taco Bell drive-thru to move faster. Stupid Kia Sportage, taking it sweet slow time. Bastards. When I got home, I felt better, because I peed for like twenty-seven minutes. Ha.
Then, we ate our Taco Bell, watch some Jay Leno, and went to bed.

At fucking 07:30 Herman Sherman called me wanting to know where AK was, as if I would know. Oh well, I guess he has a right to be pissed if AK doesn't show up, because what Herman Sherman was supposed to be doing with AK is closing a loan in Springfield for these deadbeats who are fucking lucky to even be getting a loan since they think that not paying their bills is a good idea. Sheesh. And I want my fucking pay on the goddamn thing too! Oh well. I'm not hungover right now, just very tired, and I think I'm going to go back to bed. I just went down stairs to get some juice and noticed that the box of frozen fishsticks we bought yesterday was chillin' on the stove. I left it there because it's fucking ruined anyway. Oh well, it was only $1.99! Sucks, but that's alright. We'll go get another one.

*koff*koff*

Well I had just a wonderful motherfucking weekend. I'm am so not lying either or being fecicious.

Friday I worked until 18:00, picked up SL from work, and then we went to the pet store to get the doggies some food. Yes, I know they are cats, not dogs. Mickey and Fox each received a coupon for free cat food for their birthdays. Their birthday is on 06/06/06, one year old already! I've had them as my pets for almost their whole life, too. I got them at like twelve weeks or something. Anyway. We got some cat food and some bird food for the feeder outside, and then we were starving. We drove around a little bit, then went to Cici's. I hated Cici's the first time I tried it, but this time it was pretty good. I've never been a big fan of the pizza buffet concept because either the pizza gets all dry and crappy or they only have limited flavors, such as pepperoni (yak) and sausage (yak) and lately, some moron decided BBQ chicken would be a great idea (triple yak!) But I had a big salad, some macaroni with cream sauce, some cheese pizza, some white pizza, some taco pizza, and some desert appley pizza and this great cinnamon bun thing. Oh I was so stuffed. I cleaned the house on Friday night, SL steam cleaned, and now the place looks presentable. For the most part. Go us!

Saturday SL worked with The Sir all damn day, from 11:30 to 21:45. I was so bored. I didn't mind though, because that means mo' money! I made a delicious mexican stew in the crock pot, involving one whole jalapeno pepper, one pound of ground beef, and one can of tomatoes. I will not reveal the other ingredients, but DAMN it was good. Boo-yah. Also on Saturday I got a cold. That part sucked. I did all the laundry and I did all the dishes and everything! For a period of about 24 hours, there was nary a dirty dish or article of clothing in the house! I rule!

Yesterday if SL hadn't worked we would have gone to JAFH's house to chill in the hot tub, but unfortunately he did have to work and I didn't feel like chillin' in the hot tub cuz of this cold. So I went to the library and got a few books, including a really really good one that everyone should read, The Solo Partner. I learned a lot of stuff and I think it will help me and SL with these stupid problems we have. We rarely fight over anything significant after all. I also got some books on codependancy and something about seven steps to becoming happy, a book written by a fat lady who is skinny now, and a Dean Koontz book, Dragon Tears. I read The Solo Partner in its entirety, and it was wonderfully enlightening. That's pretty much what I did all day, just read. I thought about painting a picture, but decided against it. Around seven thirty I walked over to CVS and bought some CVS Brand NyQuil and some patches for my jeans. Then I went home and watched about four episodes of the Simpsons, ordered pizza from Papa John's, and waited for SL to get home around 21:00. The pizza guy showed up at like 21:03, and two seconds later SL walked in the door. Perfect timing! The pizza was so good too, I had pineapple and banana pepper and SL had chicken and mushrooms (blech!) We also got free cheesesticks with the coupon, and man, they are so good. Stupid Mickey knocked my pop over. I swatted him on the butt and he ran and hid under the dresser. I doubt he learned his lesson though.
We decided we wanted to go to karaoke, so we headed out. I didn't feel much like drinking, but ended up feelin' good at the end of the night. I sure couldn't sing though, my voice was shot. I tried "Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin and failed miserably. I couldn't even get on tone because I couldn't hear myself. It was awful! The rest of my songs were great. Lda and Moose and Dooger and Sir and Mr. Happy and TomCat were all there. That girl from a few weeks ago, Tf, showed up. She was happy to see me. I was happy to see her too. She's pretty hot and really really sweet. We were dancing with Lda and with each other and it was just great. I was wearing this tank top that totally shows off my tits and Lda kept giving me hugs. She's such a lesbian! It's good though, that's she's cool like that. I guess she likes dudes too but I really think she should just forget that and go with chicks. She's awesome. Tf kept poking my boobs. It was hilarious. We had so much fun last night, oh my god. And SL finally tried a new song! He wasn't so awesome at it, but I helped a little, and I think the more he tries it the better it will be - he wasn't totally off, you know, just a little... not right. Hahahaha! Anyway.
We went home and I so wanted another beer. So I had one. And I finally smoked a menthol cigarette (I had run out earlier and was bumming from folks cuz I forgot to bring my other pack.) Then I wanted to look at porn, which proved very difficult. SL said he was an expert at looking up porn and I found that to be a little gross but then I remembered he's a boy. Then we had the best sex ever. Oh. My. God. It was almost scary how good it was.

Woke up this morning, my butt hurt.

Have you ever had a 45-minute nosebleed for no logical reason? I did. This morning I went into the bathroom and I was like "oh damn my nose is running" and so I did that little check-wipe with the back of my hand and ta-da! Blood, dark and wet, is running from my face. I was like what the fuck. It just kept bleeding and bleeding. I really need to go to the doctor. It's not like I do coke anymore or anything. I don't know. I just don't know. But it was fucking gross. And I hated it.

Well, that's all.

A Great Idea if I've Ever Heard One

Today Joe.My.God wrote this great post about what if life was like the Law & Order courtroom where you could be really nasty to someone and then just withdraw your comment. He gave awesome examples, you should go read it.

I think I'm going to employ that withdraw policy in my life for the next few days and see how it goes. I can picture it now... (if it would actually work...)

SL: "Let's have some sex."
Me: "No way you smell like a pile of garbage!"
SL: "I hate you."
Me: "Withdrawn."
SL: "Swell, let's get it on."

Hahahahahaha! SL doesn't really smell like garbage though, fyi.


I've decided that that is the next tattoo I'm going to get. Followed by water, fire, life/death, and a couple other ones. I might get the love/hate one also, the image that is my pic up there on the profile.

So yesterday SL and I had our first "live-in" real fight. It was pretty major, but we worked things out. I decided that I needed some "me time", so after dinner I went to Zuey's and talked to KL for a little bit, only stayed for about 45 minutes (2 beers.) Then I headed over to The Hot Spot, to see Zara and the Pirate and sing some karaoke (2 beers.) I was thinking about heading back to get SL but went to Brewstir's instead. NB and SB were there, so was The Sir, TomCat, GLick and D*Martin was running the show. SL was of course worried about me being there with SB, but it was all good. I didn't know for sure if he was going to be there or not when I went, but I wasn't concerned either way. I mostly hung out with NB and SB wandered around the whole time, occasionally stopping back to buy me a shot (2 shots.) It was a good night (4 beers.) I got home around one thirty, about an hour later than I told SL, but I had called him periodically throughout the night so it's not like he didn't know what was going on. I'm considerate like that. *grin*

When I got home we drank some rum and Sunny D, played on the internet a bit, and then watched the 2nd round of Jay Leno while laying in bed being silly. This was an amazing day because SL and I went from being at each other's throats to being happy. That's a good thing.

!Examen!

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed.
Do you ever steal the shampoos and soaps from hotel rooms? Nope. In fact, I usually take my own to the hotel cuz I hate their shampoos.
Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room before? Of course.
Have you ever stolen a street sign before? I stole an orange cone once.
Do you ever pee in the shower? No. Even though Madonna does, I won't.
Do you like to use post-it notes? Love them.
Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? No way, what a waste of time.
Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a big swarm of bees? A bear because there is a chance I could fend it off... Plus I'm allergic to bees.
Do you always smile for pictures? I always try.
What is your biggest pet peeve? Hillbillys
Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out cuz I like to wrap up like a burrito with SL.
Do you ever count your steps when you walk? When I am walking through a parking garage only... not sure why.
Have you ever peed in the woods? I peed on a bush in Linden once...
Have you ever hooked up with more than one person in a day? Yes. Truthfully, it was not on purpose, it just happened.
Do you ever jump up and down to make your privates bounce? I jump up and down to make my boobs bounce but my "privates" can't really bounce haha
Do you chew your pens and pencils? Pens. Pencils taste like wood!
Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Somewhere there is a Time Warp from 1992.
What is your favorite animal and why? Walrus - they are fluffy!
Do you like popcorn from those big tins? Only the cheese or caramel cuz the regular just tastes like plastic.
Would you ever tape yourself having sex? I already have.
What's your 'song of the week? Anything Johnny Cash.
Is it ok for guys to wear pink? Yes if it's tasteful.
Do you still watch cartoons? Yes!
What's your favorite scary movie? American Psycho or Talented Mr. Ripley.
Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? As if I would tell you.
Finally, what's the grossest way you can think of to die? Being cut in half by a train.

Random
Have you ever run through a sprinkler system with your regular clothes on: Yes, when I was wee.
Do you like taking the pictures or being in them better? Taking them.
How old were you when you got your first cell phone? 18
Did you think you were cool? No, I just needed a phone.
Have you/would you ever go camping in unfamiliar woods? If I was with someone else, sure.
Have you ever been in love? Like now!
An hour at the gym or an hour in bed? Gym. I hate laying in bed cuz I feel lazy.
A long bath or quick shower? How about a long shower? I hate baths!
An ugly nice guy or a hot not so nice guy? An ugly nice guy.
A cookie or brownie? Brownie.
Staying at home with friends or going out? Go out, unless it's a lot of friends coming over and bringing provisions.

About you! (and a lot more Randomness)
How old are you? 24
Do you consider yourself cool? I'm a motherfucking Rock Star.
Have you ever gone on a diet? Yes, I'm on one right now.
Would you if you got fat? I'm already fluffy, lol.
Would you ever move away for love? No, I'd make him come to me, unless he was rich.
How about for money? Nope. Unless I loved him and he happened to be rich.
Do you make good grades? I did when I was in school.
Is your appearance a big deal to you? Well I don't want to look shitty if that's what you mean, but I also don't focus on slathering on the makeup and stuff like that.
What's your all time favorite movie (only pick one)? The Little Mermaid.
Do you have any true friends? Three.
If you do, do you honestly think you will be friends forever? Yes. It's lasted this long!
If you died today are you 100% sure you would go to heaven? Not sure. I don't believe in Heaven, so I guess I would find out!
Are you addicted to myspace? Yeah bitch, myspace!
What would you do if it shut down? I'd cry. Ok, not really.
How many hours a day to you talk on the phone? 45 minutes.
Do you like the people you go to school with? They were okay for those four years.
What is your favorite sport? Hockey.
Favorite hockey team? Columbus Blue Jackets.
Favorite college team? Ohio State Buckeyes!
What has been your best high school memory so far? Um... Playing a Grand Dragon of the KKK in a play we did Junior year? Maybe. Smoking behind the dumpsters by the fence with Ben... Yes. Haha.
How do you feel about ducks? They are cute but dangerous.
What's your favorite flower? Lilac.
Do you currently have a crush on anyone? Nope.
What is the first thing you do in the morning after getting out of bed? Stumble to the shower.
Last thing you do before getting into bed? SL, usually.
Have you ever liked anyone who was taken? Nope, I don't go after what I can't have.
Who are the three people(that are still alive) you miss being in your life? TM(kind of), MF (missing in action), SV (she just lives far away)
How do you feel about fighting? I like mind games but not physical fighting - it's primitive and uncivilized. What can you prove by physically harming someone?
What's your dream car? The one I have.
Dream job? Mom.
Do you hate the way the people at the nail place talk? No because it sounds like music, although I do wonder if they are talking about me.
What's your favorite drink? Miller Lite.
If you got a million dollars to run down your street in your underwear would you? Yes but I would have to have the million in hand.
Currently, what is your favorite song? My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas.
What three people are you going to miss the most when you graduate? Not applicable. Hehe.

Even the Chinese say "Fuck You"

^ So, that's my audio post. ^

I was so incredibly happy to get that fortune, I actually shed a tear. It just goes to show that when you start making changes, it affects everything. Seriously. I'm ready to move on, leave all this negativity and extra weight behind (both literally and figuratively) and be truly happy.

Maybe that cunt was right. Maybe I'm putting on a display to trick people into thinking I'm happy. But that's a good thing because I'll trick myself into being happy too. Why did I become this kind of person who is so negative about herself, who can't even think of good things about her person without really having to try? Because my whole life I was told the negative - by my parents ("You can be smarter, thinner, more outgoing, etc."), by my "friends" ("If you looked like this/did this/etc. you'd be in the cool crowd."), even by my husband ("I don't know if we'll be able to have sex, I've never been with a girl as big as you." which was funny because I was a lot smaller back then.) All I've ever had was negative influences! So now, I need to tell myself the positive things. I didn't believe all those negative lies in the beginning, but when they are told to you over and over and over, it starts to seem like the truth. That's the trick - tell myself every day that those people don't matter one bit, and focus on the good things about me, which far outweigh the bad. God didn't make us perfect, he made us with good and bad.

Life is simple, but not easy. Thanks GMc.

Another One... again.

Weird Dream # 493... I'd imagine.

I dreamt that I was on some sort of field trip, possibly a class reunion, with kids that I went to K-8 with. At one point we stopped at a gas station, and I had to pee. Some little girls had to also, so I volunteered to take them with me. Turned out that the bathroom was a shitty one-person, so I had to wait for the little girls to go then I told them to wait while I went. They were waiting just fine and I was almost done, when someone tried to open the door. The door wasn't very secure, and in fact I was holding it closed, and yelled, "Someone's in here!" The person on the other side kept trying to open the door, and I was almost being pulled off the toilet trying to keep it closed. Finally they got the better of me, and it swung open while I was still sitting there trying to pee. RB from work and this guy I went to high school with, TJG, were standing there laughing. I was like, "What the fuck guys, didn't you hear me yell someone was in here?" They said no, they had seen someone walk away from the door and it was open so they thought it was unoccupied. I thought that was a load of shit, and I said so. They just kept laughing, I finished peeing, and by this time the little girls had ran back to the bus so I just pulled up my jeans and walked out. I wanted to find some anti-bacterial hand lotion to buy, since I hadn't washed my hands, and when I walked into the gas station store, everyone I saw was laughing at me or talking about me, how I had let the door be open when I was peeing. It got to be so ridiculous that I literally punched some girls in their faces. Several times. Then people were pissed off at me for being pissed off that they were laughing. I ended up going around and punching all kinds of people in the face - girls, boys, people I didn't know, it didn't matter. Everyone was laughing at me and making fun of me, and making me look like a fool. Finally I got on the bus and sat and waited for it to be over. The next stop was my stop and I could have just walked but it was a little bit too far. Some girl came and sat by me, and scowled. I asked her why she was sitting by me - didn't she hate me or want to laugh at me like everyone else? She said yes, she did, and in fact I had punched her in the mouth earlier... But she knew that I was a generous person and a fool and she wanted to still be my friend in case she needed me later in life. I told her to fuck off, just saying that had ended the friendship, and then she got pissed at me because, "Wouldn't I rather her be honest than lie?" and I said, "Not in that case." She stomped off the bus.
I must have either switched dreams or "gone to commercial" at this point, because the next thing I knew I was at my old house on 2nd Ave, except I didn't live there. My old boyfriend JJN lived there, and I had come to see how he had fixed up the place. Zara was there with me, for "moral support" and we came in two cars. We went in, JJN hadn't really done much with it except put in new carpeting. We ate some sandwiches and chips and watched a little bit of TV, and then I said it was time to go. JJN had fallen asleep on the couch, so Zara and I just walked out. She got in her car, which was a funky looking green Saturn (not her real life car) and I walked up half a block and got in mine. I had to no problem pulling out of the space, even though I was parallel parked, and turned around and drove down the street towards High. When I passed her, she was still waiting to get out, but I didn't have time to stop and let her go before me. As I looked over at the house, JJN was outside crouched by a tree and smoking a cigarette (he doesn't smoke in real life.) I honked and he waved and that was it. I woke up.

I'm thinking that this dream happened because I've been so angry the last few days, remembering all the times people screwed me over. It's not that I hold a grudge, really, but it's not fair that I have to suffer over their shittiness for the rest of my life, while they move on, happy as goddamn clams. For instance: 4th grade: I had just discovered sour cream and onion chips. I was hanging out on the bleachers at school because my mom worked at the villa there and I had to wait for her to be done so we could go home. I had a bag of chips with me, just chillin' there, eating them, and this girl, Staci, came along with my friend Sarah Z. Staci conned that bag out of my hands by promising that she would bring me a new bag the next day. She never brought me one. Ever. She was the same girl who conned dollars out of me when they put the nacho machine in, and never paid me back. I would assume, that with interest, she probably owes me about $200 and 4 bags of chips. The big bags.
The same thing still continues today. DS (the gay half-breed) got so much free cocaine from me, so many drinks, fucked me over on this computer, stole my game, fucked me literally, and I'm left with a piece of shit computer, no RCT3, and the thought in my mind that I had sex with him... it's not that I regret it... but kinda. And out of all the men I've been with, he really is the only one I regret a little. I think it's because of all the other shit he did to me. There are so many others I could talk about - TM who not only stole money and DVDs and my wedding rings, but also got me addicted to cocaine; MMA who literally ruined my life, I lost my house and car and so on... but the worst part about MMA is that several times he went on a rampage and threw out things from my childhood that I had, just so I wouldn't think of my family. I don't know if I still have my rosary from my First Communion or not, several books my mom had made for me, cards I got when I was little... all gone. Every single one. Cards that I had gotten from people who are now dead that I rec'd when I was born! He really is a terrible person.

I guess I'm done being angry for today. It gives me a headache. I think that's why I've been so achey all weekend - because I've been so miserable about shit I can't change. Bah - back to trying to be optimistic.

On a happier note, Happy Birthday, SL!

I was thinking

In an earlier post, I had mentioned that I was going to be posting all the emails between SS and I, just because she was being such a slimy cunt at that point and I wanted you all to read the horrible things she said to me. Then I decided to be the better person, and not bother. After all, she has all her money (although I'm still waiting for her to cash her last two checks) and I'm done with the whole situation. Then, this morning, I get an offline message on Yahoo from her:

mamaturtle2000 (3/6/2006 10:11:28 AM): Must really suck to be you
Kelly (3/6/2006 10:19:39 AM): And why is that?

What the fuck?
So, here we go. My first letter to her and her response.

To: SS, 02/17/06
Subject: My Friendship is worth $500
Or so it seems.
Ever since you guys lent me that money, you've changed. I've been the same old Kelly, and you guys have been nothing but demanding and pushy. Every time I come over, you want to do something sexual, even after I told you I didn't want to. You get mad at me if I don't come over. I feel like it's expected of me to answer your every beck and call just because you lent me the money. I understand that you don't support my decision to stay with Sal, that's fine. You said you would support me, and by asking me to not spend time with him, not include him, etc, that is definitely not supporting me. Sal is here in Columbus to visit me, not to sit in my house all day and do nothing while I'm out with my friends. We only get to see each other every month or so, and I'm sorry, but when he is here he is #1 no matter what. None of my other friends have a problem with this - in fact, they get sort of irritated when I'm like "Hey let's hang out" because they want to make sure Sal will be there and that he isn't left out. I told GMc, GG, TD, and SR the same thing I told you about him lying, and you're the only one who thinks I should just leave him. Everyone else said give him a chance. Sal isn't a bad guy, but in your eyes he's just evil because he takes me away from you. I cannot and I will not be bought. I'm not your slave because you did something (I thought) out of the kindness of your heart. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but if you think that you can guilt me into not spending time with my boyfriend, guilt me into making out with you and your husband, etc, then you are sorely mistaken. I gave you those stupid babysitting coupons to use whenever, but I can't believe that you would expect me to cancel my plans for you. Nobody in their right mind would get as pissed off as you did over someone not wanting to cancel plans. And I wasn't going to do it to pity you either. I was going to rearrange my whole evening to help you out for a half hour, but you decided to be a bitch and not accept it, as if I would be affected. Just goes straight back to the money again. You expect me to do things because of it I'm not going to have that kind of friendship, I'm sorry. Maybe some day we can work this out, but until then, your check is in the mail.

To: Me, 02/21/06

From: SS

Ya know, the funny thing is that I guess I was blindsided by all this. That’s why it’s takien me so long to write this letter. I had so many things to say and I wanted to tell you my feelings without my anger and hurt making me bitchy (like they did that night that started all this). I never expected you to act so vindictively. Funny, all these other people screw you over and you do nothing, welcome them back with open arms even. But yet, I get a little pissy with you and you get a huge attitude and chip on your shoulder over it. Which, not that I owe you anything, let alone an explanation, but the only reason it happened was because I thought that you kept sending the same text message "We're not going to Eldos; we have plans." I also thought that you weren't responding to my text messages when I didn't get an answer, when in fact, you just hadn't received them yet. Funny, how this all started cuz the text messaging was running slowly and I was having a shitty day. But that's neither here nor there. When I said I was having a horrible day, I was having problems you couldn’t even fathom. And friends or not, so help me, Kelly, this better not end up on your blog. Let’s just say {a terrible thing happened to my son}. I not only needed your help, but needed your friendship. I couldn’t put that shit in a text message; I just needed you to watch my kids (which would have entailed watching TV since they would have both been asleep if I hadn’t had to take them with me) and be there as my friend. Obviously, your friendship never ran very deep or you wouldn't have turned on me so quickly. Now, to address this absoloutely asinine email.

The only person who has changed since the loan is you. Seems like you were practically whoring yourself out to us until we loaned you the money. You and I and then Jms had talked about something happening between the 2 or 3 of us since long before Sal, hell, since before I had the baby. After you got the money, then you were too busy to come hang out or "not feeling it". Then all of a sudden you developed a conscience about cheating on your (ha) boyfriend. The same boyfriend you had the week before when you were messing around with us. As for "every time I come over, you want to do something sexual, even after I told you I didn't want to." Ba-low-nee! Not only were there plenty of times we asked you to come over that had nothing to do with that, but you never said you didn't want to do anything ever again. There were like 2 nights that you said you didn't want to, on those nights, but you never said never again. Also, you were the one who would say, "save some for next time" or "maybe tomorrow" and give us the idea that something else was gonna happen. You make it sound like we were trying to rape you or some shit. Be real, grow up. If you feel like it's expected of you to answer our every beck and call just cuz we lent you the money, then not only is that your fault and not ours, but you sure have a funny way of showing it. You didn't answer any of our "beck and calls". I get mad if you don't come over for several reasons; 1)if someone says they're coming over, I expect them to come over (when they say they're coming, not hours later) especially if we make plans to hang out with that person 2) I liked hanging out with you. 3) we don't have the large "fan base" that you do. We have very few people to hang out with. I also never asked you to not spend time with or not include Sal. I just said he wasn't welcome at my house. Sorry, but he lied to you, he lied to us, he lied to my son. I won't let someone I don't trust in my house. Especially when I'm not home. As for :” Sal is here in Columbus to visit me, not to sit in my house all day and do nothing while I'm out with my friends. “ I never asked for or expected that. He sat in your house all day while you were at work. I just figured he was enough of an adult to entertain himself for half an hour while you helped me out. “Sal isn't a bad guy, but in your eyes he's just evil because he takes me away from you. I cannot and I will not be bought.” Again, total BS. First of all, I don’t think he’s evil for any reason, let alone for taking you away from me, as you put it. I think he’s immature and full of shit. Besides, why would I care about someone “taking you away from me”, I don’t have you, and never did apparently. And it’s a good thing you “can’t be bought” cuz if that was the case, we sure weren’t getting our money’s worth, no offense. Not saying you aren’t worth the money or anything like that, but we couldn’t even seem to get you over to hang out after we made that loan, let alone do anything with you. You most definitely changed after you got that money. We didn’t. As for being demanding and pushy, Jms was demanding and pushy when he was drunk. Like you’ve never done anything regrettable while drinking?

As for none of your other friends having a problem with Sal, all I can say is that they either don’t really care about your happiness, or they’re stupid. Look at your friends Kelly. They’re all either people who have slept with you, or want to. Why fault us? We’re just like everyone else. Think about it. I am happily married with two children. The only reason I would care about Sal “taking you away from me” is because I’m your friend and care about what happens to you. I obviously would never want to keep you all to myself, I have a husband and family, so it’s not like I had these plans of us getting together or some shit. I’ve told other people who have no stake in the situation and don’t even live here (like Beth and my sister Codie) and they seem to understand my perspective on Sal completely. They understand your reluctance to let go of a relationship you invested so much in (even if he didn’t) but they don’t see a future in said relationship. Personally, I don’t know why you’d fight so hard to keep a boyfriend who lied to you that doesn’t even live in the same state. Not only would you not have to worry about running into him after the split, but staying together means only seeing him every couple months. Even setting your sexual needs aside (let’s be honest some people like you and me are just sexual beings), you are an emotionally needy person as well. You need someone who can be there with you and that you can snuggle with at night. But anyways… “ I'm not your slave because you did something (I thought) out of the kindness of your heart. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but if you think that you can guilt me into not spending time with my boyfriend, guilt me into making out with you and your husband, etc, then you are sorely mistaken. “I can’t speak for Jms’ motivations, but I did want to loan you that money out of the goodness of my heart; to help you out of your marriage. Now, think about that for a second. According to you, (especially before the loan) you were gonna marry Sal at some point down the road. Well…you’d have to be divorced from Matt(?) to marry Sal, wouldn’t you? If we were just trying to keep you apart, or break you guys up, why would I help you get closer to your goal? How/when did I try and guilt you into not spending time with your boyfriend? That night? I wanted a half hour. How/when did I try to guilt you into making out with us? (Remember also that your first words to me were that you wanted to do my dad and that you also wanted to do me and my sister!) When you got mad at Jms for that night you needed a ride, you were still willing to mess around with me, without him. I just kinda ignored it/brushed it off cuz I had no intentions of doing anything behind his back, but it wouldn’t have been a problem for you then. Now, I realize we haven’t known each other long (although you’ve known my dad for a while), but you’ve known me longer than you’ve known Sal. And now, because I don’t like your boyfriend and had a pissy attitude after a devastating day, you don’t want to be friends anymore. “I gave you those stupid babysitting coupons to use whenever, but I can't believe that you would expect me to cancel my plans for you.” I never said cancel and I can prove it. I have every text message and every instant message ever exchanged between the two of us. I reiterated that it would only be a half an hour. Plus, like I said that night, how many times have you had us change plans. Even if it was only for you to come hang out, how many times have we waited for you? A hell of a lot longer than half an hour. In just one day it went like this” You were gonna be here at like 6. So…you called at 4 to say it would probably be more like 8. Then you call after 8 and say it’ll be closer to 10:30. Finally, at 11:40, you show up. At least one night you told me during the day that you could come sit with the kids (and then probably hang after) while I picked James up at 9, only to cancel at the last minute so I actually had to get Matthew out of bed. We have had to wait or rearrange so many times for you. “Nobody in their right mind {implying that I’m not in my right mind? I would be insulted if it weren’t for the fact that I wasn’t in my right mind! As my friend, you should have seen that and known something was wrong.} would get as pissed off as you did over someone not wanting to cancel plans.” Again, I never asked you to cancel. Besides, you said you’d have to call TD and let her know. So how much rearranging would you have to do? It’s not like she was already at your house….and you guys had already started drinking…or were in the middle of a movie or something. Your “plans” hadn’t even started yet! On top of what had already happened that day, after all the waiting we had done for you, after all the times you canceled on us, yeah, I was pissed. Yeah, I was also pissed about not getting my way, so what. That’s worth losing a friend over? Seriously, I’m not trying to start shit, but how was I wrong about my being a better friend to you than you have been to me? You’re willing to end the friendship cuz I was pissy and don’t like your boyfriend who lied his fucking ass off to you! I’ve tried to help you see that you can do sooo much better than him, I (and my husband) was your shoulder to cry on when you found out, I’ve always been nice to you and caring towards you. I was willing to share the love of my life with you! Hell, I did share him with you. You were getting more in that deal than I was and you wanna turn around and make it sound like we were trying to take advantage of you?! Either you felt this way about it all along (and continued to string us along…till about the time we loaned the money), or you’re just trying to make yourself feel better about it now or to look better to Sal. Either way, the fault on that one is yours, not ours. The way I put it to James before this happened was as such, “You know…I know we made a point of saying that loaning that money to her had no stipulations on it other than repayment, and I meant it. I didn’t loan her that money in order to get something from her….but…. you would think that because we did, she’d feel at least some obligation to at least be nice to us. Even if she doesn’t actually like us, you’d think she would at least pretend since we did something so nice for her.” Or something along those lines. I mean seriously. We loaned you half of what you needed and you don’t think you owe us at least courtesy and respect? Does that mean you’re just a terrible person? “I was going to rearrange my whole evening to help you out for a half hour, but you decided to be a bitch and not accept it, as if I would be affected.” Ummm… it’s not rearranging your whole evening if it’s only half an hour, duh. I was being bitchy, but I didn’t “accept” it, for the reasons I said. It was too close to 9 at that point. What I gained in not having to take the kids out (who were still awake because we had to leave so I might as well just take ‘em), I would lose in time. I don’t know about you, but Jms is on his feet (on a hard tile floor) all day at work, I’m sure he doesn’t wanna have to stand around after work to wait for a ride home. Waiting for you to how up would have just made me too late. Plus, Sal wasn’t welcome in my house for the reasons I named above. “As if I would be affected” You’re saying right there that it didn’t bother you at all that I was screwed!!!!!!

Now…to the money. There is no reason for you to be a bitch about it. By the way, your blog is a bit…..I’ll just say, inaccurate. Anyway, your reasons for trying to do this lame ass check thing don’t even make sense. First of all, if you were getting that money for your lawyer, how did you expect to pay them? $100 a week for ten weeks? I somehow doubt it. How would you pull the money out to pay the lawyer? Second, Paypal, can’t tell you that you can’t have your own money. Close it out and reopen it if you have to. Honestly, how to get it out is your problem. Also, we gave you that money all at once. You claim to not have touched it, so there’s no reason why you can’t give it back all in one piece. You should also know that we don’t have a bank account (you ran our credit, remember?) with which to cash a personal check. That means we’re supposed to pay to get our money back? I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that it doesn’t work that way. A bank (or a lawyer for that matter-ha!) sure as hell wouldn’t pay you to get their money back! So, you need to either figure something out with paypal to get it out all at once, or you’ll need to pay for the cost and hassle of us having to cash your checks. That means 5 times paying a check cashing fee, 5 times of having to go cash the check. Think about it, even if it’s only $5 to cash a $100 personal check, that’s $25 we lose out of our $500. How is that even remotely fair? A bank would charge interest! We should at least get our $500 back, and doing it this way, we won’t. I also don’t think any of us want this to get any uglier than it has, but we have to get our money back, all of it. So…since there isn’t a judge in the world who wouldn’t see it our way in small claims court, you’d end up having to pay back our money and pay court costs. It would be easier to just figure something out with paypal or include the “hassle fee” in your checks. I hope that something can be worked out with our friendship, but the money has to be resolved, asap. Hope to hear from you soon.

SS

PS Okay, so now Sal lives here? i wish you all the best (even if I know better) and am not in the least bit surprised. Saddened (for you, not me-don't get the wrong idea) and slightly disgusted? Yes. But not surprised.

Now, My response to that letter, and so on and so forth. This shit is great.

To: SS, 02/21/06
From: Me

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your son, I really am. There are sick people in this world, and unfortunately some of that sickness comes out when they are children. I hope it gets resolved quickly and with as little pain to you, especially to your son, as possible. I'm not going to comment on anything else, I just don't see the point. Even if we "made up" or what-have-you, our relationship would never be the same again, and with Sal living here now it certainly would be strained. Send me a copy of the check-cashing receipt(s) and I will pay those fees for you - should be no more than $15.00 or $25.00, depending on if they charge per check or per one hundred dollar increment. I was charged almost $15.00 just to have you deposit the money into my account, FYI. Your second check ($200.00) will be mailed out tomorrow, since the mail already left today. I found out I can withdraw $200.00 per week from PayPal (no more than $500 per month though), so the 3rd and final check will be mailed out next week. In regards to how I was going to pay the lawyer, I was going to deposit as much as I could per week/month and leave it there in my bank account until the total amount was available and then write a check. Also, when you're talking about a judge and court costs, etc., I don't think it's necessary to go to small claims court, I'm going to pay you back within a timely fashion. We never had an agreement as to how long I had to pay you back, and I'm sure a judge would agree with me that when paying back a substantial amount of money and requiring a paper trail is the best thing to have as proof that I did in fact repay you. I even told James that night that I would pay you back with a check and he didn't say anything about it then... unless he didn't hear me or something, but I seem to remember he said he wouldn't have a problem cashing it at work.

Kelly

To: Me, 02/21/06
From: SS

Yeah, on the subject of my son, we are meeting with the principle tomorrow to discuss the problem and the fact that there is no supervision on the bus.

As for not commenting on anything else because you don't see the point....well I guess that speaks volumes as to the value of our friendship in your eyes. A week ago, I was your girlfriend, a month ago, I was your greatest friend in the world. Now, you don't see the point in commenting on my feelings or repairing our relationship. That's nice. You really make me feel good. I guess it's a good thing I'm at least getting my money back, since I guess I never really had your friendship to begin with. Especially if you say it would be strained because Sal is here. Maybe ditching us for him was part of your plan along? Maybe my pissiness just made it easier, gave you an excuse?

And what do you mean it cost you $15 to transfer my money into your account? What are you talking about? Again, you're not making sense. If it was transfered into your (I assume you mean bank account since I can't see paypal charging you for me putting it in there) account, why can't you get it out? Also, if paypal would let you take no more than $500 out per month, why couldn't you just take it out? That money was supposedly not being touched, so why else would you need to take money out of it in the next month?

So, not that you care, I will tell you that you have made me feel like a total shitty ass. I trusted you enough to share my husband with you, besides loaning you enough money to pay our rent for a month. We gave you our friendship and came very close to sharing our bed with you. You and I both know that the only reason more didn't happen that one night is because you were on the rag; not Sal. So, what's the count now, Kelly? Sal has cost you how much in plane tickets and travel costs? And no, because I don't like him and think you deserve better, you're willing to let our friendship go? So that's a few hundred dollars and two good friends. I meant what I said before about your other friends. They either don't care, or are stupid. No offense, but it's true. Try and get outside of the situation. Sal lied to you for 6 and a half months! Your entire "relationship" was founded on lies. It goes without saying that I never lied to you. I can't speak for Jms cuz I guess I'll never know the truth (about who said what) about that night. You're willing to give up two good friends for some guy who lied to you for more than half a year, and now you're supporting him! How effed up is that? If that's the way you feel, then I guess I can do nothing to change your mind. I would have stayed friends with you, even with Sal staying in Columbus. He just wouldn't have been welcome in my home. Seems like maybe you were the one who decided if we couldn't mess around (cuz Sal is here all the time now), then we couldn't be friends. It does seem strange that your decision coincided with his ending up staying here........So...you want to "break up" with me cuz I was in a bad mood over a horrible day, and so there'll be no "strain" because your diagnosed compulsive liar boyfriend moved here? Even you can see how messed up that seems and yeah, it hurts my feelings. But apparently you don't care. Never mind the fact that you've known me longer than you've known Sal or that the odds are against you guys still being together this time next year (no offense, just speaking statistically).

As for paying us the check cashing fees, I will hold you to that. Although if we aren't friends (and apparently our friendship was a lie too since you couldn't have possibly cared about me) I'm not sure how I'm supposed to trust your word.

So...if this is where we're at, then this is where we're at. But, know this, when he breaks your heart again, and he will, expect a comment on your blog (cuz we both know it'll be in there) that says, "I told you so." And then Jms rearranges his face.

SS

To: SS, 02/22/06
From: Me

I mailed out your second check today. I would appreciate if you could cash the check(s) as they are recieved so I don't have to wait on them going through. I will not be responsible for any additional fees other than your check cashing fees (which I will send you a check for once I recieve a copy of the store reciept.) I am also sending you a complete breakdown of PayPal's policies, so there will be no more discrepencies about that issue.

(On a side note, I did send her about 7 pages breaking down PayPal's policies, and she hasn't said one word about it since then! Just goes to show that some people are so ignorant that they actually need written proof of the simplest things.)

To: Me, 02/22/06
From: SS

Whatever. When we cash it is enirely our discretion and if they bounce, you'll pay for that too. You know what you owe us and we expect it. Any costs incurred to get back what is owed to us, should obviously be covered by you. There were no paypal policies included; if there was supposed to be. Where was the money and where is the money now? If it was in your paypal account (which you said was only for your divorce money and you never touch it), and paypal let's you take $500 out per month (Wow! The exact amount you owed us!) and again, you say you never touch that money, why couldn't you just transfer it all to your bank account and get it out of the bank? You can try and blame it on policies all you want, but your story keeps changing and not making sense. Which tells me you were just being vindictive and trying to make things difficult for us (like we don't have enough problems already) because you were pissed off. So, other than the money, you have everything you ever dreamed of now, right? Give us back our money and be happy with your wonderful boyfriend/fiancee'. And remember, sometimes what comes around,doesn't go around. After all, look what happened to us when we tried to do something nice for someone.

To: SS, 02/22/06
From: Me

I always thought you were a fairly smart person... apparently I was wrong. Open your eyes, read the paperwork I've mailed you, and move on with your life. Cash the checks and get over it. Oh, and by the way, if you'd like to get technical about things, you made a donation (I can prove this through PayPal) and generally donations are not paid back... that's why they are donations. Have you ever given to a charity and recieved a refund in the mail? Also, please show me or play back for me a written or verbal (recorded) agreement/contract where we set a specific time period in which I had to pay you back, including specific dollar amounts, etc. Show me. Yeah, didn't think so. If you want to talk about things "going around" let's see... I had your kid's birthday party at my house, which was a huge inconvenience to me... that was my nice thing for you and in turn your nice thing for me was the donation. End of cycle. Get over yourself, stop being so bitter. I'm not interested in having any more conversations with you. I will mail out your third and final check next week, and as soon as I recieve an invoice/copies of reciepts for the check cashing, this entire situation will be over forever and we can move on and forget it ever happened. You can live your life with your controlling husband and I will live my life with my liar boyfriend and we won't have to think about each other ever again.

(Obviously this is where I started to get pissed. It's no holds barred from this point forward.)

To: Me, 02/23/06
From: SS
Subject: Wow, you really are a bitch!

And an apparently stupid one, at that. To think I was still willing to be your friend, even after you tried to screw me over. Maybe I was the stupid one....

As I said before, we will cash the checks when we feel like cashing them. Not my problem you can't keep your finances straight. Which reminds me. You might not want to put on your blog that you're rich when you so obviously aren't. If you'd like to get technical, we can. Just because you call it a donation (probably so you don't have to pay people back), doesn't mean I don't have proof that you said you'd pay it back. We hadn't laid out a specific time period for you to pay it back because you were our friend and we thought we could trust you to pay it back. When you decided it was time to take your Barbies and go home because I don't like your boyfriend, I decided we needed to get our money back before you spent it on him. Gotta be really hurtin for money now, huh? People aren't gonna give you money and free alcohol if your shitting all over them for Sal. It shoud be obvious (even to a lush like you) that we expect the full amount we loaned you paid back.

I knew that having my son's party at your house would end up being hung over my head. How much of an inconvenience for you was it, really? I decorated, un-decorated, cleaned up after and we gave you a whole shitload of burgers, a goody bag and about a gazillion "thank you"s. Obviously that wasn't enough for you. We also invited you over so you wouldn't be bored with no cable or internet, we paid for you to drink on numerous occasions and even fed you a few times. All because we're nice people and like to share with our friends. Funny how after the loan, you stopped doing stuff for us, but we didn't stop doing things for you. Yet we were the ones who changed?

As for my "controlling" husband, you don't know dick about us, or about adult relationships, obviously. See your own blog if you have trouble understanding. How many guys have you slept with since you started talking to Sal in August? How many people have you swapped spit with (not even counting my 50-something year old dad!) or shown your tits to? You told me yourself that you only told Sal about messing around with me. Betcha didn't tell him you messed around with Jms as well. Betcha didn't tell him the only reason it didn't go further was because of "Aunt Flo", huh? Betcha didn't tell him you sent me the same "naughty" email you sent him, huh? Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised...I knew you were lying to him, why should I be surprised you'd turn on me?

"get over yourself, stop being so bitter." Are you fucking kidding me? You cost yourself two good friends (3 if you count my son, although I'm sure your 'friendship' with him was fake too), your divorce and who knows what all else, because of some lame piece of shit who obviously doesn't even respect you enough to be honest with you and is now mooching off of you! Who needs to get over themselves? Maybe it was so you wouldn't look like a complete ass. After all, you spent months babbling all over the internet how great your dude was. You couldn't just get on there and explain how he lied and you were not only dense enough to believe it the first time, but retarded enough to stay with him! That woulda made you look awfully dumb, wouldn't it? Oh well, your choice. You'll end up with nothing and no one. Funny, you tell everyone how cool you are, how much you rock (which, by the way, you really don't. Your singing is mildly good, but you are most definitely not as good as you think you are or as good as all the drunks who want to fuck you {or already have} tell you you are), and all this other shit, yet even you can't possibly believe it. If you really thought of yourself as highly as you claim, you would have kicked that loser to the curb as soon as he told you (what still may or may not be) the truth. It's sad really that you have such low self esteem that you feel you have to whore yourself out (using your very own words) the way you do. You're the one who's bitter. You didn't get your money, you didn't get your good lovin from people who do acttually care about you and you lost two friends. All you ended up with was less than you started with-a guy who is a liar, a loser and jobless. And in the end, you won't even have him. I'll know it when that happens to, cuz God knows you can't keep a secret.

And I'm sure you'll think about us again. Whether it's some night in the middle of your foreplay-less sex or when he shits all over you or when you're at karaoke and you realize I was right. Believe me, no one will be happier than me when this is all over and we get all of our money back. Yeah, I suppose I'm a little bitter. After all, we gave and gave and gave to you and got shit on just because I don't like Sal. You tossed two true friends to the side of the road...for what? I've even known you longer than he has! Whatever, live and learn I guess. You have your own lessons to learn and apparently you're choosing to learn them the hard way.

SS


To: SS, 02/23/06
From: Me

I already told you this morning that I'm not interested in having any more conversations with you, but I do have to right a few of your wrongs.

1) Even if you have proof that I said I would pay you back, show me proof where we agreed on a time period / specific date. Because I can send you $1.00 a month for the next 200 months if you like.

2) I will be cancelling the checks as of March 16th, 2006. I don't mind paying $90 in cancelled check fees. You have 30 days to cash them from the date of the first check. You bitch and moan about not getting your money all at once, but you take your sweet time to cash the checks... I smell a hypocrite...

3) I have no problem keeping my finances in order. I've been living on my own for almost six years now, and I've gone through plenty of situations in which I could have or should have asked for help, and I didn't.

4) Stop talking shit about Sal. He is making an effort to find a job, and in fact has several interviews lined up for this week and next. Where do you work? What financial contributions do you make to the household? How is Sal staying home to clean, cook, etc. different than you staying home to clean, cook, etc.? The information you have about Sal is all one-sided, you only look at the bad and not the good. Obviously, moving from one state to another, he won't have a job.

5) I am not a lush. I have never been jailed due to circumstances surrounding my drinking. Enough said.

6) I am not a slut. I have not slept with anyone since Sal and I made this relationship official. Everyone else that I slept with since he and I started talking in August was known to him, and he didn't care since we weren't dating. At least my boyfriend isn't off fucking my 15 year old sister while I'm in the hooskow.

7) You'd be surprised of how many of my friends I have not/will not/have no intention of/do not want to sleep/slept with: GG, Zara, TomCat, Moose, KL, SR, C, Geese, S, MJ the Singing Machine, all of my friends from work, etc. In fact, I don't even hang out with anyone I've slept with casually, except GMc.

8) I'm not hanging your son's party over your head. I simply stated that if you're going to talk about things that "go around come around," there's your example. I did something nice for you, you did something nice for me. Like I said, "end of cycle."

9) Apparently I know nothing about adult relationships because I've never been in one... right... I love the way Jms says how many shots you're allowed to have, if you're allowed at all, if you can or cannot go out to karaoke, how much and when you can get on the leno train... etc. SO not controlling!

10) I have never lied to Sal. Since I felt bad about what happened that night because afterwards I thought it had gone too far, I told him everything that happened. I don't lie to my boyfriend/husband/spouse, ever. I have never cheated on anyone, and I don't plan to start now.

11) You're just childish for bringing up things like how well I sing, etc. Do you really think that your opinion counts to me anymore? Is the fact that you think I can't sing going to hurt my feelings? No. I'm a lot better than 99% of the people everywhere I go, and I know this. I've had several different people approach me for making a demo tape, or asking me to sing with their band (which will be happening soon), etc. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster. I'm sorry you can't rock out like me because you were tied down early in life.

12) The sex is no longer foreplay-less... in fact, it's now become the best sex I've ever had in my life (don't forget I'm a big whorey slut! I know what good sex is! Fucker.) This is what communication in an "adult relationship" accomplishes.

To: Me, 02/23/06

From: SS

I'll say this, and yes I will put it in writing. Pay us what you owe us. And unless you want me to punch you in that fat cum dumpster you call a mouth, I suggest you quit running it. Give me a reason, Kelly. Please.

To: SS, 02/23/06

From: Me

It hurts when it comes back on you, doesn't it? I had to listen to you talk shit about me and my boyfriend, I thought it was only fair that I do the same thing to you. To quote you, my dear, "What goes around, comes around." You'll get your last check next week. The End.

To: Me, 02/23/06

From: SS

Subject: Can you not read at all?

I actually said, "What goes around doesn't always come around." Jesus. I also didn't say anything about you till you did it to me. Sal hurt someone I cared about, that gave me the right to talk shit. Neither of us did a god damn thing to you, you stuck-up heifer. Now this is in response to your earlier letter.

Boy, for someone who didn’t want to talk to me, you sure had some diarrhea of the mouth. You have to right of few of my wrongs! Hilarious.

1) Read your email, retard. I specifically reiterated (look it up if you need to) that we had not worked out a time frame for you to pay us back because the loan was made in good faith, which no longer applies.

2) Go ahead and try canceling the checks. Under the law, you’re still expected to pay us, so if you wanna rack up the bank fees, go right ahead. By the way, you’re not fooling anyone; you don’t have the $90 to cancel them.

3) Wow, you’ve been living on your own for six whole years, like a big girl, and you haven’t had to ask for help! Give yourself a lollipop!

4) I will not stop talking shit about Sal, it’s my right to free speech.

Where do you work? What financial contributions do you make to the household?

Umm, I work for my tribe, and I take care of my family. Look it up, a stay at home mom is worth more a year than you or Sal will ever see.

How is Sal staying home to clean, cook, etc. different than you staying home to clean, cook, etc.?

I stay home and cook, clean and care for my children, there’s one huge difference between him staying at home and me. Ummmm, there’s the fact that he’s a man and being supported by his woman. My man provides for his woman. Another difference is that Jms and I agreed that I wouldn’t work. I didn’t just “accidentally” miss my flight and decided to move in. We can also afford for me not to work.

The information you have about Sal is all one-sided, you only look at the bad and not the good.

All the information I have came from you, so what does that tell you? I have also yet to see good, other than maybe telling you he was a liar (maybe a pre-emptive strike, so you can’t hold him accountable later? After all, he can’t help it…..sounds like a cop-out. If he couldn’t ever tell you the truth, he wouldn’t have. The rest are just poor choices and a lack of respect for you. Why can’t you see that?

Obviously, moving from one state to another, he won't have a job.

He didn’t have a job where he lived! With his parents!

5) I wasn’t jailed for circumstances surrounding my drinking. Had you been actually listening to me, when I was telling you these things in confidence, as my friend, you would know that. Besides, even if I had been, at least I had the sense to not drink again for more than 2 years after that. So obviously I am not a lush. Just because you haven’t been, doesn’t mean you won’t be.

6) I have not slept with anyone since Sal and I made this relationship official.

Can you not see how ridiculous that sounds? “since we made it official” Are you kidding me?

And I never called you a slut. Guilty conscious?

Everyone else that I slept with since he and I started talking in August was known to him, and he didn't care since we weren't dating.

The fact that he didn’t care didn’t make it any less smutty. It just meant he didn’t really care about you. How could he, and not care? You really have drunk yourself retarded. You’re right; you don’t need to smoke pot. And again, you must not have been listening, because Jms never fucked my sister.

7) You'd be surprised of how many of my friends I have not/will not/have no intention of/do not want to sleep/slept with: GG, Zara, TomCat, Moose, KL, SR, C, Geese, S, MJ the Singing Machine, all of my friends from work, etc. In fact, I don't even hang out with anyone I've slept with casually, except GMc.

Never said you wanted to fuck them, said they all wanted to or already had fucked you. Going back to the point I just made…………..

8) I’ll just skip 8; I get really tired of repeating myself. Learn how to read, seriously.

9) Just because Jms knows my limits better than I do, doesn’t make him controlling. I realize you may not have experienced this before, but when someone cares about you, they try and protect you, even if the danger is from yourself. Besides, look at your “adult” relationship history….a husband who preferred taking it in the ass than sleep with you, only to “realize” later he wasn’t gay after all.

10) Guess that all depends on the definition of cheating, now, doesn’t it……..

11) Is the fact that you think I can't sing going to hurt my feelings? No. I'm a lot better than 99% of the people everywhere I go, and I know this.
Never said I thought you couldn’t sing, even went so far as to say it was okay (or something along those lines). You may be better than 70% of the people everywhere you go, but you aren’t better than me.

Jealousy is a green-eyed monster. I'm sorry you can't rock out like me because you were tied down early in life.

What do you have for me to possibly be jealous of? I sing better than you, I have a better body, wonderful children, an actual husband. Hell, the only thing you have I could possibly be jealous of would be your car, but seeings how you probably don’t own it outright, I gotcha beat on that one too. What’s your definition of “rocking out” that I can’t do because I got “tied down early in life”? Spending more time drunk and/or on your back than you do doing anything else? Spending more time in the bar in a week than most people spend at their jobs? Flashing your boobs to drunken strangers? I was not and am not tied down in any way other than choosing to be with only one person for the rest of my life. Besides, dumb ass, do the math-I was almost 23 when I had my first kid.

12) Just because he knows how to follow instructions on how to accomplish foreplay (what a fucking loser that you had to give him instructions-hahahahaha), and it’s the best you’ve ever had, still doesn’t make it good. No one can go from lame to game in a month. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, either you’ve whored around enough to know, or you aren’t a slut. Can’t have both.

To: Me, 02/28/06

From: SS

{It was some lame forward about a girl dying and her slow dance wish or some bullshit, you know the kind that are like “This girl will be sad before she dies if you don’t pass her wish on! Signed by a faux-doctor in the Bronx.}

To: SS, 02/28/06

From: Me

Please remove me from your forward list.

To: Me, 02/28/06 From: SS I'm sorry, I didn't know you were such a cold-hearted bitch that you didn't care about a young girl's dying wish. And I have the right to email whoever I want.

The End.
These conversations just amazed me. I tried to keep it un-personal, after her response to my first letter, and she just kept pushing and pushing. What a bitch. Later, I'll post the IM conversations. Oh, yes, the IM conversations are *great*!