Things II

No, this is not a good thing.

For the last month or so, things have been steadily going downhill. It all culminated with a very violent fight last week. It was decided that SL would move in with one of our friends in a few weeks. It got to be about a week after that, and I was telling SL how I was glad this was happening because it would give us a chance to really work on the relationship without the pressures of a live-in situation. He got pissed and told me to just break up with him. There was another fight, and the next day, he talked to his dad who bought him a ticket, and yesterday he flew away.

I know I've made a huge mistake but he won't come back. He told me there is no chance he's ever coming back. I fucked everything up and now he's gone. I didn't want him to move all the way away to Florida. I just wanted to make things better. He says he still loves me but he can't be with me because he knows things would turn out exactly the same as they did the first time. I've never cried for over 24 hours straight. I woke up crying this morning. My pillow was wet, so I had to have been crying in my sleep. I'm so miserable.

I feel like I have nothing to live for now.