In so many ways.
So many.
Well anyway, the reason is that I can't pay my bills. Please, no hoorahs or I told you so's, don't need it. It's not my fault, really. The guys aren't closing loans, and I only make $12 an hour. It's not my fault, but I sill feel like a failure. Instead of doing cocaine and drinking, I could have put all that money into savings and when slow times came around at work I wouldn't have to worry about anything. But I'm too fucking stupid to think about that at the time, so now I'm poor.
Also, I have recently had the opportunity to contact all of my exboyfriends. I feel as though I failed all of them, or possibly, that I failed because of them. Maybe I shouldn't have been such a cunt when I was a teenager and broken these hearts and stuff. I could have not let myself "fall in love" so quickly and promise the world to them. Now, they're married, and happy. I'm miserable. Which is where the next part comes in, maybe it's good that I left all of them because each one was better than the last, for the most part, and if things went the way they did I might have ruined more than one life. Now I'm just ruining SL's life by bringing him down to my shit-ass level.
Needless to say, I'm feeling lots of regret about my past today and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.
1 comment:
hey, it can't be all that bad. You're still one hot looking chic, you live your own life and have a roof over your head. Things could be worse, you be still stuck in a shitty marriage, live around people who wish you harm and want to kill you or have insomnia and wake up in strange places not knowing how you got there. One can't do anything about the fact that this world is a shity place. Still, maybe things turn out better for you soon.
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