So, last night I watched "Talladega Nights", which was very funny. Got kinda lame in the middle, but ended up being a pretty good movie. After that I watched "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants", which made me bawl my eyes out like a little baby. I was crying so hard that I could barely breathe! It was a very good movie, but it made me sad, and not just from the plot.
I never had a solid group of friends while I was growing up. I had a couple best friends here and there, but never a little clique. I've had the same best friend since I was three, MEI, but she went to public school while we lived in Macedonia while I went to Catholic school, and then when we were eleven she moved away to Texas (very far from Ohio!!) I haven't seen her in person since then. In grade school (k-8) I had a series of friends: Marta, Katie, Sara, Michelle, Nichole, Sarah... I have a few of these people on my MySpace and/or Facebook, but I haven't really talked to them in a long time. I mean talk-talk, like sit down have a great conversation. I spent time with Sarah, but as she got farther into college life, got engaged, and has now moved to Kentucky, I haven't even seen her in about three years. I saw Michelle a few weeks ago when Poke and I went to dinner with her and her cousin, but it was just a reunion really, although it was very fun! I still talk to Sara, but I haven't seen her in almost eleven years, and now she's married and busy doing that stuff. I understand that people grow apart, that's not the issue. The thing is that I never had that bond with other girls like the bond in the movie.
Now I'm 25 years old, and I am starting to get that bond. I have GG, we've been friends for almost two years. I have Cat, who I have been friends with for four years and bet friends for about a year and a half. Add to that mix Psyn, RM, and Em, and I've actually got a real life group of friends! It made me kind of sad that I went through life without a solid group of friends, but it makes me happy that I'm getting one now that I'm older. But I think that if I had had a clique of friends growing up I probably wouldn't have turned out as fucked up as I did. When I was little and had a problem, I had no one to go to. Usually the problem was with my parents, so I couldn't go to them, and at that time my brother was too little to understand. I was literally alone in the world, and I felt it too. I think that might be why it's so hard for me to really open up to people, to really be genuine friends with girls. It's easier for me to talk to boys because I don't expect anything from them, but girls... girls like to backstab and lie, whore out and steal. Well, so I've thought... apparently that's not actually the case.
I guess that as I get older, I'll just have to force myself to understand this "female bond" that I've heard so much about and learn to accept it and embrace it. Cuz it's good for me.
Now, some pics. To lighten the mood.
This is my friend Dreggs at a museum in Philly.
No comments:
Post a Comment