When Dr. Dre says "Crunk", you will get the crunk...

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Wednesday: Day starts out okay. Fever is gone, finally. Lunchtime, drive to south Columbus to pay my insurance bill, talk to SB on the way. Set up date for later that night to meet at Zuey's and set definite date for Thursday to go to dinner at 7pm. Spend afternoon elated. Later, go to Zuey's and talk to SB for a bit. Leave to meet the crowd at The Jerk. Try to sing karaoke, realize I have no voice, cop out not once but twice on two different songs. Laugh, drink, have very nice long conversations with WR's brother, MR. Go back to Zuey's with MR. Have one drink and more talk, make out, come back to my house. Very quick sex. See my first uncircumsized penis in real life. Become bewildered. Wonder why Aaroff hasn't shown up yet. Worry. MR leaves. Worry about Aaroff some more, call about a million times, no answer. Worry even more. Sleep.

Thursday: Spend all day excited for date, call Scott, no answer. After work, head to Polaris Fashion Place to get new outfit. Spend $62 on $90 outfit, feel proud, become elated over free belt. Head home. Power has been shut off. Stupid motherfucking AEP. Never got a letter about a deposit. Ask AEP employee if he wants to put me up in his house for the night. Nervous laughter... change into new outfit, go to Zuey's with intentions of drinking mass amounts of beer (to keep warm and drunk in my cold powerless home,) call SB on the way. Still no answer. Time: 7:45pm. Motherfucker. Get to Zuey's, sit next to B.Mac and Sh*. Show everyone my new belt. Start drinking drinks, no beer yet - I'm holding off as long as possible. J* and B* show up, say hi and mention something to Sh* about SB. SB shows up. DRUNK. Talks to me, not realizing its me, aplogizes when I remind him about dinner. He's been drinking shots since 3pm. It's 8:15pm. SB falls over a lot, touches my boob, girls give me evil looks and try and convince me that one of them is his girlfriend, SB falls some more, passes out in a booth, passes out in a chair, passes out while standing next to the Golden Tee game. Falls over a lot more. Leaves. Comes back. Someone finally takes his keys. Somewhere in there a glass is broken. TM calls me. I leave to get him without paying my tab. He puts me up in hotel for the night. Sleep finally comes around 5:30am after TM and Be* have left me to rest.

Friday: Day sucks. Hate sleeping in hotels. Work is boring, but everyone likes my new outfit. Ugly looking scratch on my face, I think it came from SB when he fell one me one of six times. After work LF, me, DM, and SU (her boyfriend and roommate, respectively) go to Cincinnati to party with Federated Land Title. LF shows her face and goes away with DM . SU hangs for a sec then joins them. I mingle. D*S. (owner) talks with me. I'm elated everytime he says my name like he's a fucking rock star or something. Bates sees me and wraps me in a giant hot guy hug. Tells me he's so happy to see me. Also tells me that everyone is just fucking thrilled with me, and that D*S. actually told him that he HIGHLY and GREATLY appreciates me as an employee. I get a little teary eyed. Talk to girls from Toldeo branch. I crack them up. Girls from Federated are nice. D*B is getting trashed fast. Double fisting Bud Light. My kinda girl. We joke about being lesbians. Talk to many other people. Constantly saying, "Hihowareya? I'm Kelly from Midwest in Columbus! Who are you?" Everyone loves me. Meet Vu and his wife. Meet Ed Maynard too. Hang a little with Deb's husband Nathan (nice guy) and Big Daddy Dave from Federated (keeps slapping my ass.) Talk to Tommy from the Westchester branch. He is nice. Hot too. Keeps asking me to come home with him. Realize that not only am I NOT drunk but I'm also excersizing good judgement when I decline. Jokingly tell him we could go fuck in the car. He smiles and says he only fucks in his bed. Get lots of hugs from lots of people. Everyone LOVES me. I crack people up. Tonight was my night. The whole time I think LF and DM have left since I still see SU sitting at the Midway Bar. Get pissed. LF finally shows up at some horse game. She's been there the whole time. Fuck a horse. She is ready to go now. Tries to rush me out the door without even saying goodbye to anyone. I tell her its rude and she should at least thank Deb and Jeff for putting on a great party. LF bitches. We leave after I make sure to say goodbye to every single person there, individually, just to piss her off. Tommy offers to take me home again. Back at the hotel LF becomes a super bitch. Says mean things about how many people I sleep with. I don't talk to her for the rest of the night. Sleep in a bed with big giant smelly SU. I have no pants and I hate it. Some folks from the party are loud next door and I really wanna go hang but I sleep instead. Steve calls the front desk to complain. LF's mouth keeps moving and I hear noise but I ignore her. It's over.

Saturday: Wake up, eat 1/2 a bagel at the free "Continental" breakfast, leave. Drive fast as ass back to Columbus cuz I'm tired. Drop SU at his house, call LF and tell her I'll be back later for H's birthday party (with no intention of coming back at all.) Go home. Read mail, sleep. Wake up at about 2pm, with no fucking voice. Feel like a mid-pubescent boy. Watch a movie. Try calling SB, his phone says, "At the subscriber's request, this phone no longer recieves incoming calls." Wonder, and hope its just the generic message the company puts up when they shut off your phone. Worry a little. Sleep. Wake up around 6pm. Watch some crap, sleep again. Wake up around 7:30pm. Watch some SVU, sleep, wake up in the middle of a new one and think I've gone crazy. Talk to Tony, decide to go to Zuey's. TM mentions rolling. I get kinda excited. Shower. Head to the Zue, pay my tab from Thursday. Drink one amaretto sour and talk to BR and B.Mac a little bit. Wonder why MR hasn't returned my call. Txtmsg NC and give him a dare to do. TM calls. I gotta go meet him to get the rolls. Finish my drink and leave. Debate calling SB. Call Aaroff instead. No answer, worry. Get to TM. Follow him to JF/OG/Be*'s house. Wait from fucking 11:15pm until 2am for the dumb rolls. While waiting, DJ M shows up with the one boy whose name I didn't remember and didn't ask again tonight and what appeared to be Nameless's girlfriend. Dance a little with the white lady. I take a few steps with her and decide that one is enough. Not feeling it anymore. Give MF a bracelet. He wants me to call him this week. They leave. Finally at 2am when the rolls arrive, I take it and wait. Nothing happens until almost 3:30am. Sucks. Comes on hard and fast but fades. Listen to Eminem, convinced he lives in my head. So glad I'm not on acid. I'm just fucking retarded. Watch about a million poker games and twitch a lot. Leave around 4:45am. Come home, wonder how my one big magnet got moved to the bottom part of the fridge. Blame it on Sheeba. Take out contacts, put on glasses, and start working on my blog. Think about SB. Wonder why.

Late, Kel