I got a forward the other day that really made me laugh out loud. This was one of the "watch out girls it's happening all over the US" kind of forwards that warns females of the impending doom awaiting them outside their local shopping mall or grocery store. It said that there are cases where a couple of guys would approach a lady, using the line that they are marketing a new brand of perfume. These evildoers have a paper for the woman to sniff, to sample the perfume scent if you will, but *shock* the paper does not have a sample of perfume on it - it's soaked in ether and one sniff will make you pass out and they will take your wallet and your purse and possibly rape and kill you.
Ok.
I used to do a lot of cocaine, as you all know, and I must tell you that if one sniff of ether makes someone pass out, I wouldn't have become an addict. Cocaine is generally cut with ether (it's what makes the coke taste kinda bitey) or kerosene (that's why sometimes it will have a yellowish tint to it), at least the coke I usually did was cut with either of those two. It takes a lot (not as much you'd think) of ether, about 18 mililiters per one gram of cocaine (not an actual figure, just an estimate) to make a good cut. Not that I would know, I just looked up my info on Google. It just makes me think of how pathetic these forwards are, and I'd like to know who the bastard is that writes them and sends them out in the first place. Whoever it is should be shot - not shot to be killed but shot like in the leg or something so they will learn their lesson. Yes, their lesson.
On a more interesting note, I had the strangest dream the other night. It tops the most recent ones even. I dreamt that I was dressed up like a fairy, and I was 100 lbs lighter. I was trying to get into this store, but they were closed, so I tried to break in because apparently I really really needed something. My attempt was unsuccessful, so I ran away. I realised the security guards were chasing me, so I cut off into some woods and found a large house in the middle of a clearing. There was a driveway and gravel and stuff, and cars, so I knew it wasn't abandoned. I climbed up the drainpipe and heard the security guards behind me. I had nowhere to hide because the roof was wide open of course, so I slinked (slunk?) over to this ledge that was about four stories off the ground. It had decorative gargoyles on it so I just laid on my side in a pose to try and blend in. Suddenly the guards are in the driveway and yelling for me. Who should come out of the house but SS. She looks different than in real life, younger and a little bit heavier (not fat just less bony and boyish) and her hair is more blonde. She talks to the guards and says she hasn't seen anyone, meanwhile I'm having a cow because I'm afraid that any second now I will fall off this skinny ass ledge. The guards finally leave and she goes back into the house. I somehow get down, and she's waiting right there at the bottom for me. She doesn't recognize me at all! We go into the house and she gets me a Pepsi, and for some reason decides to give me a tour of this gigantic house. We walk all over the place, and I tell you what this house is over five thousand square feet. It started out as a tiny farmhouse, but over the years about seven additions have been put on. Regardless, the whole place is falling apart. The carpet is worn down, the walls have holes, there are beams in the ceiling that are exposed and not in the rustic lodge kind of way either. We go up to the attic where her old craggly grandmother (in real life I don't even know if her grandmother is alive) is playing on the internet, games, chat rooms, etc. Apparently the grandma never goes downstairs and leaves through the window, using the ledge that I was leaning on as a walkway. It was nuts. SS and I go back downstairs to a sort of living room area, and her dad and mom come in (not her real life parents just dream parents.) They are dressed up for a costume party, and the dad is going as an elderly mall walker on Viagra (complete with inflatible erection) and the mom is going as Mother Earth. It was absolutely ridiculous. Jms comes in and looks at me funny, and swears he's seen me somewhere before, eventually deciding that he probably knew me when he lived in Florida. I'm trying to keep a straight face through all of this because SS is being so nice to me, not even realising that it's actually me but one hundred pounds thinner.
I woke up feelings weird but with more motivation to lose this damn weight.
Last night SL and I went to karaoke, and it was so fun. The Rumplemintz girls were there and we each had two free shots and got some free light up shot glasses. That was awesome. We played trivia and I did so great! I was so proud of myself because usually I suck at trivia. But I rocked. I sang awesomely too. I just love going out and having fun. We got in a stupid fight when we got home, over fucking pizza of all things, but the main reason why I was irritated with him is because now that I know he's not from Italy, it really grates on my nerves when he acts like he's the end all be all of Italian anything. Mozzerella isn't pronounced "Mots-er-el-ah" it's "Mootz-er-ell" because "that's how he was raised." I guess it's just hard for me to believe. We were talking about school lunch (I have no idea why) and how the pizza is rectangular. He called it Sicilian style. I told him he was full of shit, because it's simply dough with tomatoes and cheese and pepperoni cubes. It's barely pizza at all, let alone Sicilian style. Then he said Sicilian means spicy sauce or something like that. I said, again, full of shit because school pizza sauce had barely any flavor. Then he just started in like he usually does about how he knows everything about everything even remotely related to Italy/Italian things, and I just tried to fall asleep figuring he would ramble until he realised I was out. Unfortunately he asked me some questions and I answered, slurred because I had had about six beers and because I was falling asleep. Then he accused me of sounding like SS's neice so I literally kicked him out of the bed and made him sleep downstairs. Everything is fine today. It was just a stupid retarded fight, but it wouldn't have even meant anything if he hadn't said one of the meanest things he could ever say. I'm not a hillbilly, I'm not illiterate, I don't have poor grammar and spelling - I'm nothing like that family and it really hurt that he would even think it, let alone say it. Oh well, I'm over it. It's not like I haven't said mean things before, but damn that was hurtful.
SL finally started his job on Monday, I'm so happy. He gets to wear a white coat and a nametag! I'm so so so thrilled. It will mean an extra $1,000+ a month for the next couple months until he completes the certification, and after that it will probably be more like $3,000 or more per month. This is just great. I can tell he likes the job too. He seems to be happier, and I know I am, because now he's contributing to the household. Congratulations SL!
Over the weekend SL and I had to go to these lame demonstrations, but it was worth it because in return we recieved two free, all-expenses paid (except airfare and some tax) trips to the Bahamas, Dominican Republic, and/or Mexico, and one 35mm Kodak camera with a lifetime supply of free film with discounted developing rates. It fucking rocks. Now we just have to save up like $2,500! Ha. We have one year to use the one vacation and the other one never expires. Hell fucking yeah bitches.
Saturday SL and I went to the mall and stopped at Ashcroft & Oak because they had all these balloons and stuff out front. I saw a beautiful ring that I wanted for only $99 (normally like $159 or something) and SL bought it for me. He also bought himself a chain and a little white gold cross. Yippy! Don't worry, he used his store credit card, not some money that we could have spent on something better! We picked up my ring this evening and it's beautiful. White gold band with a small flower in the middle, with Amethyst petals and a blue topaz center. I love it. Just like I love SL, no matter how many fights we get in.
Speaking of, I better finish up because he was in here a minute ago sitting next to me and I hate when people sit/stand behind me when I type/read/etc. and I asked him for some privacy so he's probably pouting in the bedroom. Oh well. *wink*
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