God can be Irksome.

I was very irritated with God for giving me this pityriasis rosea. It makes me ugly. Then I realised he was probably doing it for a good reason, so I tried to think of what the reason could be. I think he made me ugly so that boys would shirk back and not fuck me, which is sucky but okay because I don't need to be running around fucking lots of dudes. Thanks, God!

Today, my childhood dream came into reality. No, not the dream of becoming a mother, that would be very bad right now. The dream of being the time/temperature girl/operator/announcer girl/whatever you wanna call it. I have always wanted to be the person who records messages like "The cellular phone you are calling has been turned off or is out of the service area." Well at work, we got a new phone system, it's all fancy and shit, and it has the ability to make automated calls. The kind where you answer your phone and hear someone say "Hello this is _______ and we would like to talk to you about ______." Well fans, I AM THAT SOMEONE. I even get to give people the option to press zero or two, to be connected to a loan officer or to leave a message. It's so awesome. My voice will be heard all over Ohio! YAY!

I went to the MADD panel thing this evening, and it was quite disappointing. I understand the concept of MADD, but I was just very... I dunno. I was expecting to have a revelation or something, to cry, to feel sorry for everything. Now, don't get me wrong, I do feel for these families who have lost loved ones. But I have lost loved ones as well, and it hurts just as much. Losing anyone you love is awful and difficult. However, the only thing I learned tonight wasn't "don't drink and drive", but rather "don't speed and always wear your seatbelt." The mothers gave very heartfelt speeches and showed nice pictures of their son and daughter (respectively), but both stories went like this: "My child was killed by a drunk driver, but had they been wearing their seatbelt and if the driver hadn't been speeding, they would still be here today." In both stories, the child (one 22, one 17) was a passenger in a car driven by a drunk driver. The driver chose to speed and the child chose to not buckle up. Well, I wasn't pulled over for drunk driving, I was pulled over for speeding, and I will admit that it wasn't something I normally do. In nine years, I've gotten two speeding tickets, both of which I deny being fully responsible for (the first, someone failed to tell me that the speedometer was broken and when it said I was going 65 mph, I assumed it was correct, and the second I doubt I was speeding at all because the car in front of me slammed on it's brakes when it noticed the cops up ahead) but that night I chose to speed. I probably will get more speeding tickets in my life, but so what? Regardless, I always wear my seat belt. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this panel didn't have the effect that I think I wanted or that I think it was supposed to have.

Now. Last night I mentioned that my medication was to blame for the dui. Here's some information that leads me to believe this.

• Mydriasis (prolonged dilation of the pupil of the eye) has been reported with EFFEXOR XR.
• Until you see how EFFEXOR XR affects you, be careful doing such activities as driving a car or operating machinery.
• In clinical studies, the most common side effects with EFFEXOR XR were constipation, dizziness, dry mouth, insomnia, loss of appetite, nausea, nervousness, sexual side effects, sleepiness, sweating, and weakness.

All the side effects are symptoms of intoxication as well. My lawyer looked at my "stupid human" test results (aka field sobriety tests) and said that if he was the officer, he would have given me a speeding ticket and sent me on my way because of how well I did on them. Supposedly I did as well as or better than most sober people, save for the eye/pen test (see dialation of the pupils.) So, whatever. I'll pay my debt (all $2500 of it) to society and get it over with. I've driven wasted enough times and NOT gotten pulled over, so fine, it was bound to happen.

Something I found that slightly amuses me. Not that drunkenness is something to poke fun at... RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. We'll see how I feel after rehab. Right now I'm fucking apathetic.

"Distribution: Ethanol is highly soluble in water and is absorbed much less in fat. So alcohol tends to distribute itself mostly in tissues rich in water (muscle) instead of those rich in fat.

• Two people may weigh the same, yet their bodies may have different proportions of tissue containing water and fat. Think of a tall, thin person and a short, fat person who both weigh 150 pounds. The short, fat person will have more fat and less water making up his body than the tall, thin person. If both people, in this example, consume the same amount of alcohol, the short, fat person will end up with a higher BAC. This is because the alcohol he drank was spread into a smaller water "space."
  
  
• Women's bodies, on average, have more fat and less water than men's bodies. Using the same logic, this means that a woman will reach a higher BAC than a man of the same weight when both drink the same amount of alcohol."

Odds are against me from all sides, being a short, fat woman. Oh! It's time for a beer.