Hello.
Tuesday I stayed home and watched some movies. I talked to SL for awhile, as usual, that's pretty much a given. I unpacked (well, half unpacked) a box of knick-knacks my mother had given me awhile ago. I put a bunch of them on this neat shelf I have in the corner at the bottom of the stairs. So far, the kittens have not knocked them over. I never knew I had so much cow stuff... but it's cute and make my house feel more homey. Now I just have to get it to be less dingy... not sure how to do that though. I clean it all the time, the only thing I let go is the dishes because I really fucking hate doing dishes. But my cabinets are dusty, my counters can't stay clean because they are white and old... I mean, the place is about 40 years old and there are so many cracks and crevices that I can't reach that have been collecting dust for that long. It's all yellowed and old. Cozy but I can't get it Better Homes and Gardens clean. *sniff*
Went to Zuey's last night and hung out with KT for awhile. For awhile it was just him, me, and two other dudes. Then MW came in, and SR, and Fuzz, and Lobster Guy. The old dude who's name I never learned was there a bit too. We were all talking and having a great time. TG came in also and we were talking about SL's PTSD. Fuzz wanted to go to Eldo's, so we did, and he bought me a beer and I bought myself one. We talked to Big D, his wife, Randy Randelton, Smiley J, BR, and some people I didn't really know. Claude was working. Fuzz decided he wanted to go to Bob's across High Street. I was afraid because I've never been there, and also I didn't want to run across High Street. But we did, and Bob's was okay.
I met this mom and her son, and it turns out that he was in the same unit/group/team/section of the army that SL was in, and he remembered him, and described him to a T. I felt really special for some reason. The mom hugged me a lot... I think she was a bit toasty. I told SL about the guy and he remembered him too. That was great. Fuzz wanted to stay and talk to some guy named David or Danny or something, so I made him watch me run across High Street and I called Claude to catch me on the other side. I am so effing paranoid about crossing streets. I walked back to Zuey's then, and hung out with SR and JD and KT a little, but not too much because those weasel girls were there. They are pretty much alright, just a bit stuck up and I hate that. So then BR and I start getting into it. Here we go:
I tell him that he needs to stop drinking because he's going to end up back in the hospital with his liver and kidneys shutting down because of all the epilepsy medication and such. He says he doesn't care, he doesn't have anything to live for, his marriage is failed and his kids hate him, why does it matter if he dies. I tell him that there are people who care about him, including SR and his kids, and no one wants to see him dead. He says he doesn't care, it doesn't matter. We go on and on like this for about a half hour, and then he says he's going to leave. I tell him I'm gonna watch him walk home because he said he was going to wait in the middle of Morse Road for a car to hit him. Then when we're outside he says he's going to Eldo's. He walked away and I called Claude to tell him to not serve BR because he was so fucked up. BR comes back to Zuey's and has another vodka on the rocks. I don't talk to him. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but some of the shit he said was just so upsetting - not to me, my feelings weren't hurt, but about himself, his kids, etc. I feel so bad for people who are just stuck at rock bottom and can't and won't get up.
Needless to say, I'm not going to talk to BR for awhile. I'm sure I won't be able to never talk to him again, because we are friends, but I'm just going to steer clear until he 1) dies 2) ends up at Riverside 3) ends up in jail 4) stops drinking 5) insert other option here. Until then, I'm going to also busy myself ridding my life of the bad things that drag me down. No more listening to Fuzz's cry-me-a-river stories. No more BR. No more stupid boys from the past - I have deleted most of their phone numbers already. No more thinking about TM (which I have been a lot lately because it was this time last year when things started really going downhill.) No more getting trashed (that's been on for awhile now.) I'm going to keep my few select friends, GG, Moose, Tomcat, GMc, J1&J2, O, KL, KP... and get rid of everyone else for the most part. I'm going to make new friends who actually make me a better person instead of just making me look like a better person due to how much of a loser they are. I need positive in my life, not negative, these people are dragging me down and I've pretty much let them. I'm done with that.
Within five years I'll be living in New York City.
Anyway, when I got home I talked to SL for awhile while I ate Burger King that was really good. I had just finished giving my cats worm pills and it was surprisingly easy... well the kittens were easy but Sheeba was a bit more difficult. She hates to take pills. I got bit, but her teeth aren't sharp anymore so it didn't hurt. Her mouth is slimy though... yech.
The funniest thing happened this morning. Fox was twirling all around my legs and purring like a maniac, and then he fell over and started licking himself. Suddenly there was a little teeny (and I do mean teeny!) kitten hard on right in front of my eyes. I cracked up.
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