28 June 2005

The Following Post is Rated NC-17

I'm not kidding either. This shit is soft-core porn.

Tim: too bad you wouldn't fuck me..... the thunder has made me stiff as a 2 by 8...lol
Tim : i'm so damn horny, i bet i could poke a hole through a brick wall
Tim : and like it
Kelly : hahahaha
Kelly : nice
Tim : i bet i could last for hours right now
Kelly : Mr. Rowley are you trying to seduce me?
Tim : no, just want to fuck ya...lol
Tim : is it working?
Tim : damn.. car alarm.. brb
Kelly : hahahaha its just the thunder
Tim : nope.. damn squirrel was throwing stuff at my car again..lol... and no, i'm so damn horny i couldn't sleep last night
Kelly : hahaha
Kelly : terrible
Kelly : I could recant my experiences from sunday night but i wont
Kelly : Cuz then you'd get mad
Kelly : So how is your day going
Tim : sorry, storm kicked me off.. what did you mean about then i get mad.. mad at what?
Tim : i only got mad before because i was hoping to have a permanent relationship with you. now that i'm over that and know that we are most likely never going to have a chance for that, why should i get mad?
Kelly : i don't know
Tim : i'm over being mad, or trying to see if we may have a future together. i know there's not, so i'm gonna deal with it and just be friends. if you want to fuck every now and then, that's fine. but i won't read too much into it. just a couple of people that enjoy having sex with each other.
Kelly : lol ok if you can do that
Tim : i can.... it's not that hard to be able to do it. i just have to keep the wall up and only care for you as a friend
Tim : if i ever start to feel something, i'll just remind myself that it's useless and to just quit feeling it.
Tim : don't know though. the sex might not be the same..lol
Tim : damn, another storm starting in..lol....
Tim : i just heard thunder and chomped this new cough drop to bits. it wasn't even in my mouth for 30 seconds
Tim : i don't care if i do have a cold..... i'll keep satisfying til i pass out.. that's just how horny i am today
Tim : what to you say? want me to shag you rotten? want me to make louder claps that the thunder? lol want to ride the timmy express? next desitantion cumblumbis...lol
Tim : i could start by kissing your neck. nibbling your shoulder, licking the sides of your breasts in circular motions til i reach the cherry. take a couple nibbles, licks kisses and squeezes. lick down your beasts to your cleavage, move my mouth down your cleavage to your belly. licking the whole way. pause for a minute to kiss your belly button
Tim : slowly move toward your sweet tasting lips, only to barely brush them as i lick and kiss your inner thighs. down to your knees and back up again. i touch your sweet legs, you quiver with excitement
Kelly : hang on
Kelly : damn you're graphic today
Tim : ok, where was i? oh yeah..lol
Kelly : hahaha
Kelly : good thing no one came into my office while i was smoking
Tim : As i gently nibble up your thigh to yous sweet nectar, you stop me from going any further. as you have me lay on my back, you position yourself over my face and slowly lower your self to tease me. but as i touch you, you quiver and shake with orgasm. meanwhile, you are caressing amd playing with me. lightly kissing and enjoying your orgasm. then as you fully kiss kiss my member, i lick you a little harder and faster. making you know that i am enjoying both you and what you are doing.
Tim : as you come to another orgasm, you start sucking harder. knowing that i won't orgasm that way, you enjoy yourself. after your orgasm you position yourself over my member and lower yourself onto it. feeling it throb and ache as you slide it deeper, farther into your sweet hot womanhood.
Tim : pumping slowly, feeling it want you more, feeling the depth of every sroke, you orgasm.
Tim : then you sk me to get you from behind. as i thrust in and out, in and out. i play with your dark side. as you orgasm once more. then, you ask me to do what i've only do a couple times.... and we both love the way it feels. as i make you orgasm a couple more times that way, i finally orgasm. as we tangle ourselves close together to hold each other after our amazing orgasms, you tell me how much you enjoyed it and hold me closer as you drift off to sleep
Tim : ok, i need a cigarrette..lol
Kelly : hahahaa
Kelly : very nice
Kelly : you should be a romance novelist
Tim : no, i'm just a sexaholic...lol
Kelly : hahaha
Tim : that hail storm hurt like hell though..lol
Tim : still turned on though.. more than ever now..lol
Tim : i can feel me sliding deep in you
Tim : i hope the thunder keeps going all night.. oh wait.. you most likely have plans though...lol
Kelly : well i have a semi-date i think
Tim : yeah, ok
Tim : i'll just go find a piece..lol
Kelly : hahah
Kelly : well i dont know if i want to go or not
Kelly : i already gave him a blow job on sunday night
Kelly : i'm not really in the mood to give another one
Tim : lol.. i'm not asking you for one... never have actually. it was just a good part to add into my story
Kelly : hahaha
Kelly : i see
Kelly : but i was actually talking about him
Kelly : cuz i'm sure that since we had parking lot time sunday
Kelly : he'll want bedroom time tonight
Kelly : unless he actually is trying to get to know me haha
Tim : doubtful actually.. if you fucked him in the parking lot, that's all he will ever want
Kelly : nope i didn't
Kelly : i blew him in the parking lot
Tim : same thing
Kelly : nah
Kelly : we were making out and it just kinda happened lol
Kelly : i purposely went to delaware and fucked eminem later that night
Kelly : see, there is a difference
Kelly : agreed?
Tim : lol.. you are so funny
Kelly : why do you say that
Tim : because you are
Kelly : Why though? There must be a reason!
Tim : well, you can give other guys blow jobs, but you've never once tried with me.
Kelly : hmmm
Kelly : i never did?
Tim : nope, never. not even a suggestion
Kelly : damn
Tim : oh well
Tim : but you did suggest that you want me to play with the dark side..lol
Kelly : the dark side being... my ancient african american heritage?
Kelly : the force?
Tim : where the dark forces hardly see the sun..lol
Kelly : oh
Kelly : lol
Kelly : i see
Tim : )o(
Tim : ===D )o(
Kelly : lmfao

This sicko needs to go the eff away.

27 June 2005

Things that go "BEEP beep BEEP BEEP" in the night

I never minded Nextel phones until 7:25am this morning. I'm soundly sleeping next to the Eminem when I hear someone beep him. I only had 35 minutes left til my alarm!

So yesterday was an alright day. I woke up at around noon, and just chilled until about six fifteen when TR came over. I made alfredo with spiral noodles and steamed zucchini/yellow squash and garlic bread. I was quite proud of myself. We hung out for awhile, and I had entertained the idea of fucking earlier when I talked to him on the phone, but decided I didn't want to once I saw him in person. I know he's still "in love" with me and I don't want to further that "love" by having sexual relations with him. So I told him that I was still on the rag and it wasn't over as I had thought earlier. He accepted that but kept touching me and stuff. I am just so not into him anymore. It's not just the psycho thing, it's everything. He just irritates me on a generic level. Oh well. I knew it wouldn't last, I'm not upset. Haha, in fact, I'm quite relieved.

After TR left, I watched some TV and then went to Eldo's for karaoke. Fun times. Upon arriving I sat down next to Tomcat and proceeded to harass some guy that is a friend of M**cus. He's always drunk (the friend) but he remembered me showing my tits at Pigtails. I don't even remember showing my tits at Pigtails... it was a drunken night with GMc and TM back in the day, about two or three months ago. Talked to him for a second, and went back to Tomcat. I had a shot of tequila and a pitcher of Bud Light. This boy, Poke, came and sat by me while Tomcat was singing. Poke was quite nice, thought he could sing but he really wasn't that good. I think it's because he tried too hard. His friend showed up shortly after Poke sang, and he had to leave, so he left me 1/2 a pitcher of Amber Bock. I thought that was very nice of him. He said he would see me next Sunday. GG was there and Moose showed up not too long after Poke left.

PP showed up (a guy I've known for awhile, just never really took the time to get to know him well) and we talked a little bit. He decided it would be a great idea to kiss me. So we kissed a lot. After awhile he had to leave so I walked him out to the car. We were just making out a lot in the car and then I felt like doing a little more so I gave him a blowjob. It was very interesting, just doing it right there in the parking lot. As I walked back in and back to my seat I got a couple of snickers from people who had apparently been watching. Sickos! Hahaha.

The Eminem called me and wanted me to come get him from work where he was partying with some of his friends. I agreed, and figured we would come back to my place since he lives down the road from me, not too far. Well, apparently he has moved, and now lives way out in BFE Delaware. So fucking far from human life I thought we had crossed into another dimension. Anyway, I'm gettin ahead of myself. On the way to get him, I thought "gee whiz, J*R doesn't have an alarm clock." So I called TD and left her a message to please call me at 8am the next morning so I could make sure I was awake in time to make it to work by 9:30am. I picked J*R up and we drove to Guam where he lives now. It was very strange, not being at my house or TS's house. And then, I pounced on him.

I don't think he was prepared for my amount of energy. I told him I was in a mood, and the BJ from earlier had already gotten me riled up. I literally pounced on him like a baby lion on a mouse and he was shocked. When I kissed him, he tasted like coke and he smelled like motor oil. That just made everything better - for some reason, a man who smells like a man just makes me hot. Haha, that was a bit odd to say. But I did not like the taste of coke on his mouth. I'm so over being a cokehead, and now the taste is just gross to me. Anyway, we rolled around for awhile and then the usual happened. He couldn't keep it up. Of course. I wouldn't say I was disappointed, because I got off about four times before it happened, but last time I slept with him it was much more wonderful because he hadn't done that much coke. Grr. At least he thinks of me and makes sure I get off before he does. So I actually half-slapped him in the face and I was like, "Listen J*R, you want to fuck me? You like fucking me? You need to stop doing so much fucking cocaine, man!" He looked truly hurt and then I felt kinda bad. But seriously, he needs to lay off the white so much. So we layed down and I petted his head for a minute (he had just shaved it!) and I was like, "Hey, you want me." (a statement, not a question) and he replies, "Yeah I do." So I asked him, "Why are you afraid of commitment?" and his answer was, "I don't know." Then I said, "Well if you want me, then why don't you take me?" to which he responded, "Well I don't know, maybe you're too good for me." Whatever. I fell asleep, tossed and turned all night, and woke up to the sound of a goddamn Nextel beeping right in my ear.

I don't know what to think about him. He got a little upset when he found out I fucked TS, and then he was a little more upset when he found out about our threesome with R. When TS and his fucking pals called me to go to Delaware to fuck all of them that one night, J*R called and left me a message pleading not to go. He said it was because they were busy painting and very dirty and I would have no fun. His tone of voice indicated something else though, it really was like a pleading. Oh well. We'll see.

Must go work some more.

26 June 2005

A tribute to Canada

Well first, I'd like to apologize. Apparently I've confused more than one person about the appearance of The Canadian. Everyone who has met him thought he looked like three completely different versions of a canadian. I don't know how they got these ideas, but whatever. Here you go:

He does not look like this
Or this
Or this
But like this (scroll down.)

Sorry for the confusion.

By the way GMc, I couldn't find a pic of a turtle mixed with a weasel so I had to pick the most prominent of the two features. Love ya!

The Weirdest Instant Message EVER.

SkRiBbLe025: hey
rockkowgurl: oats
SkRiBbLe025: wuts up babe
rockkowgurl: nothin
rockkowgurl: talked to daniel the other day
rockkowgurl: babe?
rockkowgurl: :-D
SkRiBbLe025: ya babe
SkRiBbLe025: i want u
rockkowgurl: well too bad that is the most nastiest thing i've ever heard in my whole fucking life
SkRiBbLe025: ohh cmon babe
rockkowgurl: you're my little brother and i could seriously drive to your house and smack you right across your mouth
SkRiBbLe025: this isnt scott
rockkowgurl: yak.
SkRiBbLe025: lol
rockkowgurl: lmfao well who the fuck is it
SkRiBbLe025: its tommy im just kiddin around
rockkowgurl: cuz i'm about to puke haha
SkRiBbLe025: lol
rockkowgurl: what's up bitch
SkRiBbLe025: nothin
rockkowgurl: :-)
rockkowgurl: babe... haha weirdo
SkRiBbLe025: i was tryin to act like scotty
rockkowgurl: yeah, maybe you can get back to me on that one in like, um, six years or something
rockkowgurl: by the time i'm 30 i'll need a younger man hahahaaaaaaa
SkRiBbLe025 is away at 2:03:16 AM.
rockkowgurl: you guys are effed up
Auto response from SkRiBbLe025: From the beginning of time, children have dreamed of exciting and perilous adventures. Although the adventures are exciting for the child, they can be perilous for the adults.
this is one such story
Clifford 8-)
rockkowgurl: nice one scrod
SkRiBbLe025: yeah dawg

SkRiBbLe025: this is guza
SkRiBbLe025: ilu
rockkowgurl: hahahahaha nah you're too smart for me
rockkowgurl: but if anyone knows how to get ahold of taylor (in about 6 years!) let me know hahahahahaha

Merry Christmas!

Hahaha, I'm effing retarded. I just couldn't think of a catchy title for this post.

Thursday night GMc did come over and ate some of the Ratatouille. He also foremanned up some steak to go with it, and topped it with rice crispies. Canadians baffle me more every day. We hung out here for a little bit, I finished watching "Meet the Fockers" (not so funny) and then we headed over to Lou Al's for WR's 23rd birthday celebration. Everyone from work was there (except DE, DD, and ND) and they were all completely TRASHED except BE and his girlfriend who showed up around midnight, just as GMc and I were leaving. We had stayed about an hour, I had 2 beers and a shot and GMc had a beer and a shot, and it was just too much with those drunkos. TD's best friend, Mrm (that's a different abbreviation lol), yelled at me about her nipples. I laughed. DJ bought me my 2nd beer and it was wonderful.

I dropped GMc at his car in my parking lot and headed over to Eldo's for karaoke. GG and Moose were there, as usual, yay, and I think that was it... I can't remember anyone else I know being there except Pula the biznitch. I sang "Crazy on You" by Heart and SUCKED terribly. That song is REALLY hard to sing!!! I couldn't even figure it out. Also, my allergies were still kicking my ass. I decided to leave and stop by Zuey's, and when I went in it was just E, her sister, E (also!), and RJ. RJ and I were having a wonderful conversation when Jclyn brought some chick in who had been kicked out of her boyfriend's apartment or something. Jclyn is very nice, but she constantly demands to be the center of attention. Can't deal with that. Stayed for 2 corona's and went home.

Friday morning I woke up drunk. I was hungover all day til about three. I couldn't figure out why either because I had had 2 beers at home, 2 beers and a shot at Lou Al's, 2 beers at Eldo's, and 2 beers at Zuey's. Total: 8 beers, 1 shot - that is like a drop in the bucket for me! I think it may have been a combination of not eating very much on Thursday and also of spreading out my drinking over a period of time and then slamming the last three or four in a matter of an hour. Work was just intense as shit on Friday too. This chick at this lender we work with, oh she pisses me off so much. I shouldn't let her get to me, but I hate it when she doesn't do her job, doesn't listen to us, and accuses us of lying. Stupid effing mexican bitch in Chicago. Grr.

Friday night I literally did nothing. Eminem called me to hang out, but Aunt Flo is visiting and I wasn't feeling so great so I actually turned him down. Can you believe me, turning down Eminem?! I almost died of shock as the words came out of my mouth.

Today I went to GMc's house and we ate some taco bell and drank a lot of wine coolers (and only 2 beers each, shockingly enough for both of us!) while we watched all three "Lord of the Rings" movies IN A ROW. Yep, we definitely spent the better part of twelve hours together (that would be from 1pm this afternoon to just after midnight this morning.) I still have some feelings for him, but I know its never going to happen, so I'm just thankful and happy to have a good friend. Maybe someday he'll fall madly in love with me and we'll get married and I'll be the happiest American-Canadian wife ever to have lived... hahahaha! I know GMc reads this blog so I hope he gets a kick out of that and doesn't start calling me "Gollem Tim" (ha!)

Haha, oh that is something I haven't told you guys! GMc read all of TR's letters and decided that he stole his personality disorder from Gollem in LotR. See, when this being is angry and mean it's "Gollem" but when it is nice it is "Smeagel." (It used to be a river-person-hobbit thing but then it found the ring and the ring took over and it's all crazy now, just FYI.) Well, TR has an angry evil side and a nice side. Only he doesn't have 2 cool names. GMc was making fun of me all day every time Gollem/Smeagel came on the screen. Movie #2 was the worst because it mainly features the creature. Grr.

I need a beer and a sleep. Have a wonderful day.

23 June 2005

I'm a muthafuckin rockstar!


TR came over and made me Dijon Ratatouille. It was pretty good. My allergies are kicking in this week, so I felt shitty. We pretty much laid around the couch for awhile til we went to bed.


TR and I went to a Columbus Crew soccer game. It was pretty good. They lost, 3-1, to the New England Revolution. We had good seats, he got the tickets from a friend of his. I was feeling very tired when we left, so I told TR that I was going to go straight home. On the way to home I passed SB's house (my dumb ass should have taken the other way home but for some reason my car decided to go down Medina instead of Hamilton) and I started to feel sad and I didn't want to go home and chill alone. I went to Zuey's, and verified that, joy of all joys, it was true that Danielle quit! Yay! I had 2 shots of tequila and 3 beers, then I went over to Eldo's to watch/listen to NMc play his guitar. I had a few beers, talked to some cool older ladies, one of them bought me a beer. This guy, Jason, I have no idea how I knew him, but I did. I met him a long time ago in Eldo's I think... anyway we talked for a minute, he's a kinda scary sort of fellow. NMc called me up to the area where he was playing and had me sing "Gimme One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. I felt like a rockstar.


Not a very good day but not a very bad day either. GMc might hang out later.

21 June 2005

So What? So, I've got a smile on.


After work, GMc (the canadian) and I went to see TM at The Workhouse. We met up at Zuey's around six pm, and went from there. The shitty thing was that when we got there, we found out that TM had already had a visitor that day, and the inmates can only have one visit per day. That sucked. So we decided to turn the outing into a road trip. Everyone knows you cannot have a road trip until you stop for a drink, so we headed to the Easy Street Cafe for some beers. We ended up being kinda hungry, so we got appetizers (calamari, rubbery and poppers, dry) and I got some french onion soup (delicious!) After dinner we headed back to Zuey's where we met up with JR and GG in the parking lot and talked for about an hour. It was such a nice night on Friday we couldn't stand to go inside. Plus Danielle was working and we wanted to avoid her as long as possible.
Actually being inside Zuey's was fucking hilarious. After a long long time we finally got served. GMc and I both got beers and GG got a Grape Kelly (grape pucker and sprite, invented by yours truly.) GG downed her drink like it was her job, and waited patiently for about 10 minutes and Danielle never even looked in our direction. So GMc laid the glass (ice and straw and all) down on the bar. It still took Danielle another 5 minutes to come over, but at least she finally did. Then I needed a new Corona. So I saw Grady across the bar and I was like, "Hey Grady! Can you get me a Corona?! I don't need you to buy it, I just need you to get it for me!" he laughed and told Danielle I needed a new Corona. When GMc needed a new Killian's he laid his bottle down and this time it only took Danielle about 7 minutes to get to it. The DJ was there, as usual for a Friday night, but overall it was fairly uneventful. GMc told some great canadian jokes though.


I spent the whole day cleaning, the patio and the house. My parents picked me up around five thirty, and we headed to Cleveland to see Uncle Ronnie. We stopped and picked up my gramma, who was mean and bitter as usual (maybe that's where I get it from.) She was pissed at my mom because when a normal person says, "late" they mean sometime after 7pm, usually. Well my gramma's version of "late" is anytime after 5pm, especially if it is dark outside. So she was mad that we got there so late... lol. Anyway, my mom specifically told my gramma to NOT talk about death, dead people, dying, etc. as a courtesy to my dying Uncle. So what does the old lady talk about the entire time? DEATH!! All she talked about was how everyone she knows is dead, all her family (brothers/sisters/etc.) are dead, so on and so on. It was embarassing. We left after that and stopped for ice cream. More bitching from gramma. Went home to her condo, more bitching. My brother and I slept downstairs, me in the chair and him on the floor. We watched the Jackass Movie, which was gross, and I fell asleep around 2am. I told SK to turn off the TV before he fell asleep so that gramma wouldn't bitch. Well she woke me up around 4am by smacking me in the head and yelling at me that I didn't turn the TV off. I strongly dislike her!! We went to church in the morning, thrilling, I saw some kids I went to school with. After church I endured another bitch session about why am I not a catholic I should be a catholic yap yap yap. We stopped at the cemetary to see my grandpa, and I told him to please visit my gramma in a dream and tell her to be nice. My mom said she wouldn't even listen to her dead husband to be less bitter. I said that there is always a chance.
We went to Blazin' Bills BBQ Restaurant for lunch/dinner and it was delicious. We went back to my gramma's house after that and just sat around. While I was there, TR (the psycho) called me and we made plans to go to karaoke that night when I got back.

I got back around 9:15pm, and told TR to head on over. We went to The Blarney Stone in Pickerington, and it was a good time. They are a bit more expensive than Zuey's or Eldo's but it's not too bad. The people there are super nice. We headed to Eldo's around mindnight-thirty, and I was drunk somehow, after only 5 1/2 beers (I had 2 - 16 oz, that's where the 1/2 comes in haha.) I had some Coronas at Eldo's, bought GG and myself a poison apple shot, and sang two songs. Doc was running the karaoke cuz Cat was out. I heart Doc. Oh, and as a side note, I will probably never sing "Redneck Woman" again... well maybe I will, but I sucked at it on Sunday night. By the time TR and I left Eldo's I was trashed again, but not completely, and when I woke up Monday morning I felt like shit. I hate feeling like shit the morning after a night when I didn't even drink enough to deserve feeling like shit. For the record, TR and I DID NOT have sex at all. The last time I even had sex was last week (see: June 13, "How to learn Italian in Three Easy Steps".)


GMc and I decided to try and see TM again today. We met up at Zuey's around 7pm and drove down to the workhouse. Again, TM had already had a visitor. I ran into some kids TM and I used to chill with back in the cocaine days. They were cool. I hope they straighten their lives out. I don't think they were there to see TM though. GMc and I were not hungry yet, so we drove around for about an hour listening to Ben Folds Five while he read my little notebook that I keep in my purse. We drove through Grigg's Reservoir, around Upper Arlington, out to where my old high school is, and all over the place. We stopped at his house so he could change out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable. Talked to Big J (GMc's roommate) for a minute, and left. Headed over to some friend's of GMc's house, they live on the same street I lived on when I lived in UA. I knew the one chick a little bit, but her man/fiancee/whatever was out of town so I didn't get to meet him. Their neighbor, another friend of GMc's, came over while we were there because he likes to use their computer. I had seen him at karaoke a few times before. GMc, this guy, and I all chilled by the computer while the dude showed me these pics of these Russian girls that he emails back and forth. I could tell that a lot of them were fake. I feel bad for dude 'cause he's a really nice guy that seems to always get the shaft. We stayed there for about an hour and then headed to Patrick J's for beers and dinner. We had quesedillas and nachos, which were divine. GMc and I were both tired so I took him back to Zuey's and dropped him off, then headed home. I purchased "Sideways" off Indemand, but it was a bit too boring to watch at one a.m.

More later, TR is coming over to make dinner tonight... this should be interesting.


16 June 2005

You, go work. I will be fending off psychos.

Well the relationship between TR and I was very short lived. He is a true-blue psycho.
He drove around looking for me on Monday night and finally found me in Eldo's parking lot. Had flowers and cigarettes for me to make it seem less scary.
He wrote me an email confessing his undying love after knowing me for four days and then said we should never talk again because he fucked things up.
He then changed his mind and agreed to date me like a normal person. We had dinner. He cried. Wrote another email much like the aforementioned one.
Told me he was thinking of doing personal damage to himself because I had broken his heart into a million pieces. To confirm whether or not he should pursue me any longer, he went to see his psychic (not A psychic but HIS psychic.) The psychic woman told him that if he stayed with me he would kill himself within two months.

This guy is so fucking ridiculous that I am seriously going to put a link to a spot where you can read the fucked up emails he sent to me. You will shit yourself.

Other than psycho, life has been great. Spending a bit of time with GM the canadian and drinking a lot... I have been drunk every night since Saturday. JR came back into town, yay! I love JR he is my favorite hippy. GG's boyfriend, IG, came to town this week and he's awesome. We went to Jersey Mike's last night. IG ate a whole giant sub - its longer than 12 inches - by himself. It was a philly steak one at that!! I couldn't believe it. I didn't even finish my regular sized roast beef club. I'm supposed to have them over for dinner but I have a terrible migraine so I am gonna have to cancel. Makes me feel bad.

Gotta go, just wanted to update right quick.

13 June 2005

How to learn Italian in three easy steps...

Step One: Find a studly Italian.
Step Two: Get him in bed and have wild sex.
Step Three: Be so good that he yells out passionate things in Italian.

The more you do it, the more Italian you will learn. It's that easy. Last night I learned "bellamissima" and "tiempo" :)
If you're a regular fan of the site, you'll know exactly who my Italian Teacher was!

So, the boyfriend thing... well we aren't actually doing that anymore... plus I had my whole Italian trist last night... I don't know. TR was wonderful to start off with and then once the titles were in place I felt suffocated, like he was cling wrap to me. Now, I don't know what we're going to do. I'm not even sure what I really really want to do. See our wonderful conversation below, this was following the letter I wrote him telling about my evening last night and my wild state of confusion.

TR: so my suspicions and expectations were actually proven right after all. You just said that even though we weren't going to be boyfriend girlfriend, you wanted to only be exclusive to each other. then, you go and take some random dck home. how can i even think of sleeping with you or falling in love knowing this? You said that you didn't feel right and was thinking of me. that alone should have been an indication to toss him out. Kelly asked me to come back to her and I told her no because it wouldn't have been right to you. After all, i fell and was still falling in love with you. But now, I guess I should just say fuck everything. true love isn't out there after all. all women are alike. they only want one thing. a piece of dick. I had the oppurtunity to sleep with her, and told her that
TR: i couldn't betray your trust like that.
Kelly : TR, did you even read anything else
Kelly : And I think it says something that I even told you.
Kelly : I could have lied and not said a word, but I wanted to be completely honest with you
Kelly : I didn't do it for the dick
Kelly : fuck that
Kelly : I want to give it a chance and I wanted to get any of my bullshit out of the way before we got deep into a real serious relationship
Kelly : nothing to say?
Kelly : fine. i tried.
TR: what a joke huh? good one on tim!!!!!!!! i read everything you said. that you slept with him, you thought of me, you woke up thinking it was me. you said you really do care. but i'm trying to grasp how someone could care if they do something like that. you want friends, that's fine, but i'm not going to sleep with you. not for a long time. and that's IF we stay friends and a relationship grows. Ok.. you want a chance to see if we can make it? We'll see how long you want that chance. maybe for a couple days, or even a week. But you will still come out and say there won't be
TR: i fell in love with you and you just shattered me into a thousand pieces
Kelly : oh how could you fall in love with me in three days?!
TR: i know you were just being honest, and i love you dearly for that
Kelly : you haven't even known me for a week
Kelly : there is no way you were in love with me
TR: i DON'T KNOW!!!!!!
Kelly : you even said on saturday night that you werent
Kelly : Fine, you know what, maybe it's not worth it
TR: I just know that all I wantedd to do was make you happy and to do all i could to see that come true
Kelly : If you were so in love with me, you'd appreciate the fact that I was completely honest with you and told you what happened, why it happened, and how I felt about it
Kelly : instead you yell and cry and say there's never a chance. So much for true love.
TR: i didn't say there was no chance.
TR: i said that if you think there's a chance, and i never yelled. i'm hurt. i'm upset. i never yelled. i don't yell
TR: and yes, i'm crying
TR: if we are to have a chance, i need some sort of proof that my love will not just be wasted
Kelly : I don't waste love
Kelly : that's why I put a stop to the steady serious thing because I KNEW that any second you'd be professing your undying love and I was NOT ready to accept it
Kelly : I really liked you really fast and that is how I started out with my husband and that whole thing got compeltely FUCKED - my life was ruined before I tuirned 21!
Kelly : I dont want that to happen again - I'm rebuilding now and I need someone to support me not bring me down
TR: i gotta go clean my shit of the truck now. it'll also give me time to think of what you said. i know you said you think you care for me more than what you thought. I told you that I would not tell you until I was sure, and that you still had to say it first....... I said that I've fallen in love with you enough to know I want to be with you and try to make your dreams come true
Kelly : I think I want you to be that person but I need to make sure that I really REALLY want you to be
TR: I would have never tried to bring you down, or fuck you over. I'm not that asshole
Kelly : I know.
Kelly : But at the same time, i don't know
Kelly : cuz I don't know you
Tim : i know, but i kow me. i konw i would never cheat on you, lie to you, or try to hurt you in any way
Kelly : Well I need to know that.
TR: if you can deal with getting to kow each other all over again without sexual intercourse, i'm willing to do that
Kelly : fine
Kelly : If you can keep your hands off me
TR: just like you, you would've been hurt if i would've slept with kelly
TR: i can't promisse that i won't rub on your back or try to hold your hand
Kelly : well can we still kiss
Kelly : I like kissing you
TR: i'm very sorry.... i'm just really hurt right now. i like kissing you too.
TR: i can hardly type with all the damn tears
TR: luckily i learned the keyboard enough that i dont have to loo k at it
Kelly : aw
TR: i really didn't think it would hurt like this though. i guess i care for you more than even i thought
TR : if i were a turtle, i would crawl back into my shell and hybernate for a million years
Kelly : aw
Kelly : that is not necessary
Kelly : If I didn't care about you I wouldn't have told you the truth
TR: i guess i do love you, i was just not sure myself of why, how much and even if i should. but i have to fight offthese feelings and and try to see if we may be able to get past this and enjoy our lives togerther. if we decide to go that route later. i know you wouldn't have. but to tell the truth, i think i wouldve rather have not heard it. you could have just said. i tried to have fun last night, but kept thinking of you. that woulve been enough.
Kelly : well people saw us leave and knew what we were going to do
Kelly : i didnt want for you to be with us sometime in the future and hear it from someone else
TR: i do have to go for now though.. really.... i have to get the shit out of the truck before aaron gets home. he doesn't know i took mom's truck to get my stuff. and i have to unload it myself. and i have to be careful doing it because i'm out of pills. you're right, that probably wouldve hurt that way a little more. but to know that you were thinking of me feels a little reasuring that you actualy have a concious and care for me more than you let on
TR: i'll talk to you in a bit. if i don't end up going to the er...lol
Kelly : aw
Kelly : be careful

10 June 2005

A Cold June

Well with the good comes the bad. My brother passed his freshman year of high school. I have a great wonderful new boyfriend. The bad is that my Uncle Ronnie, who was diagnosed with stomach cancer last December (2004) made is thru the chemo, but the cancer spread to his liver where he has 15 giagantic tumours. They don't expect him to live more than six weeks. I have to go visit him next weekend.

I'll write more another day.

November Rain - Guns'n'Roses
When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We've been through this auch a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away
If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain
Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you
Sometimes I need some time...on my
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Patience - Guns'n'Roses
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now
Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Mm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider
Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it
...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need *
I been walkin' the streets at night
just tryin' to get it right
hard to see with so many around

you know I don't like
being stuck in the crowd
and the streets don't change
but baby the name
I ain't got time for the game

'cause I need you
yeah, yeah but I need you

oo, I need you
whoa, I need you
oo, all this time (ah)

08 June 2005

Funny how I'm not actually a psycho.


You may recall (if you are a regular reader of my blog) a situation with a certain SB and his brother, NB, and myself getting incredibly wasted and ruining things.

Well, NB just left. My house. After showering. And let me tell, you he wasn't all hot and sweaty from working on my patio.

I randomly went in to Zuey's, for to have a few beers. I was actually planning on going to Tony's for karaoke, to meet up with a few people. I pulled into Zuey's parking lot and KL's car was there, which was odd because she usually doesn't work on Tuesdays. So I went in, and who in the hell is sitting there but NB. I'm like, "hi how are ya?" and he says, "fine." The night progresses and we are talking and he says, "I'm sorry I didn't call you back but I did get your messages. I was on vacation and I usually don't answer my phone when I'm on vacation." So I'm like telling him how I was so worried that he was either 1) pissed or 2) thinking I was psycho. He said no way. I told him that he didn't have to worry about me talking about SB anymore and gave him a shortened version of Sunday night's drama. He commented on SB's immaturity. We kept flirting and stuff, and then after 4 beers for me and 2 beers for him, we left. He said I could have my way with him. So we came home and that's just what I did. I had my way with him three times... oh how wonderful.
He said he wanted to stay the night but he had to wake up at six a.m. and didn't want me to have to wake up on his account. He dozed off a little bit, and then I was like, "well honey you can sleep over or you can go home. But either way you need to roll over." So he held out his hand for me to pull him up and he went and took a shower. I went downstairs and talked to Y and JC and I was shaking and glowing and just all over happy. JC said he was happy for me but I was annoying him. Haha.

Ok, I have to try to get some damn sleep. This is all just too much for me. I'm sure nothing will come of this, but then again a month ago he said he would volunteer to be my boyfriend for six months... But I'm happy that he doesn't think I'm psycho and also kinda glad I got a piece of ass.


07 June 2005

Yea, tho I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil...


I found out today what happened to BB's brother, who died almost two weeks ago. CB was seventeen, not ten as I originally had heard. He and his friends always went to this river on the last day of school to swim. CB apparently jumped off the bridge, and in trying to do a flip, over-rotated and landed on his face and chest. The impact broke his neck and he died instantly. Now usually when a body lands in water, it will float. For some reason, CB sank to the bottom of the river, which is about 40 feet deep. His friends jumped in and tried to find him, but they couldn't. It took professional divers four hours to find CB. Apparently, at his service, they had an open casket viewing and BB said that CB looked like he just crawled into the coffin and took a nap - there was barely any sign of the tragedy.

I'm not a religious person but keep BB and his family in your thoughts and prayers while they go through this difficult time.

06 June 2005

It's this thing about real trash and white trash...

At one time, regular trash had a purpose. White trash has never had a purpose.

I had a wonderful time at karaoke last night. Doc, Moose, GG, and Mr. Happy were there. Some other folks too. It was a great fun time. I met a guy named NMc and he plays the guitar there on Wednesdays. He was cute even though he will be forty in December. Doc and I actually talked last night, which was awesome because I kinda thought he might have been avoiding me. It was wonderful. I even told him about my little fantasy. No details, just told him a few choices things and then told him to go see Artemisia.

EC came in and I was like "yay." We talked a little while and then he was like, "Why don't we go over to the VIP." I should have said no because I know SB's Danielle works there, but I went anyway. I figured that if she started some shit or whatever, I would calmly explain the situation and then it would be okay.

Yeah, if only everyone took the high road like I do.


So we walk in, and DS is there and three guys I don't know. Danielle is bartending. This bitch looks at me and says, "What's your name?" I'm like, "Kelly." And she looks at me and she goes, "Are you the Kelly that talks shit about me all the time?" to which I respond, "Well I could be, since you're Danielle who talks shit about me all the time..." At this point, I'm still thinking that for some reason maybe this white trash will be able to have a real conversation with me and be reasonable. I am SO wrong. This cunt fucking starts talking bullshit out her fucking trash mouth before I can even get a word in edgewise. She's all like, "You broke us up you fat ass," and so on and on. I'm like, "Hey, you know, let me explain." and she doesn't even hear me I think because she just keeps going on and on telling me she isn't going to serve me and I need to get the fuck out of her bar right now, etc. I tell EC that this is not even WORTH my time or energy so I leave. I just turned and walked out and left him there. I squealed out of the parking lot and who do you think was the first person I called? SB. Damn straight I did. I told him that he needs to do something about these fucking cunts who constantly attack me because they think that I 1) broke him and them up or 2) am trying to steal him from them. I constantly had SB taken from me by white trash, I never took him from anyone. I told him that I really don't give a fuck about him anymore, but I don't think it's fair that MY reputation and MY name get dragged through the mud by jealous whores who are pissed because I fucked him a few times.

Then I talked to GG and bawled my eyes out because it's not true that I don't give a fuck about SB. I'm actually quite infatuated, for lack of a better word. I wake up in the morning thinking about him, I think about him sometimes when I'm with other guys, I think about him randomly when I'm driving down the street or something like that. I can't control it either. I try. I say, "I'm not going to care about him anymore. I'm not going to think about him." And I don't, for maybe a day, but then its back to his image just appearing in my mind. I have no explanation for it either. It's not like we ever really dated, we spent all of maybe seven times together and it was mostly just fucking. I don't think we ever even had more than five real conversations. My theory is that it was so random and the things that happened while we were doing whatever it was we were doing were so strange that my mind just cannot comprehend that it is not happening anymore. Fuck, I don't know.

So after I went to McDonald's and then hung up with GG, I called DS and asked what was going on. He said that Danielle was still talking a bunch of shit about me and SB and I was like, "Wow, how awesome." So I called SB again and left him another message relaying the fact that his precious Danielle was a backstabbing bitch and she was talking shit about him too and it was just not fair that I had to deal with this shit since I'm not even fucking him anymore. I told him that I never did anything to him to deserve this kind of treatment, especially not from someone I didn't know at all.

I cried a lot, talked to EC a little bit, and fell asleep around four a.m. As usual, I woke up this morning thinking of SB.

More later, I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette.

04 June 2005

Burn a little greenery

I think I am going to become a pot smoker. Life would be a lot smoother.

So, of course Thursday was boring. JK talked to me in the afternoon on messenger (he's a guy I dated once five years ago, and then I fucked him once last summer and I don't like him but for some odd reason I am drawn to him) and convinced me to come over that night. I went over, drank some wine, watched a funny dvd of Steven Lynch, and then we had sex for about a minute and thirteen seconds. I left. I went to Eldo's for karaoke, Moose, GG, that Lonnie fellow, and Tomcat were there. LS was there as well and he, as usual, was completely crunked out of his mind. I couldn't even stand to be near him. He kept trying to get me to go somewhere with him but I was like, "Hell no, call me when you're sober." I left.

When I got home, JC was still here and I thanked him in person for the sunflowers and card that he bought me. It was very sweet of him. I went upstairs and got online and talked to some folks for awhile, and then Jxsn called me. I was like "Hey thanks for um, calling me in a timely fashion." Since it was already about two thirty and I was NOT going to drive way out to Kettering at two thirty only for J*R to be asleep or drunker by the time I got there. Fuck that. I talked to J*R for a little bit but mostly talked to Jxsn. He tried to have phone sex with me, but I pretended like my phone cut out and hung up on him. If these boys are going to keep wanting to have phone sex, I'm going to start charging. I can hear it now:

caller: "Hi, it's Jxsn."
K: "Please hold... at the beep, please speak your credit card number, include type (Visa, Master Card, Discover) and expiration date."
caller: "blah blah blah"
K: "Thank you. Please hold... Hi, Jxsn, What's up?"

Hahahahaha! I rule! I think I will charge one item off my amazon.com wishlist per conversation. This will be great. I will have a wonderfully furnished home in no time!

Friday I went to the 17th floor of the courthouse to try and get a CPO against TM. They wouldn't give me one because "we've had physical altercations in the past" and I never called the cops then so why would they give me one now? I thought that was the dumbest thing ever and I was mad. So I went to the workhouse and visited TM. It was scary. I have never been near the prison let alone IN it, and its just... prison. When he came out he had an angry look on his face, but when he saw that it was me he started crying. He cried the entire time. He talked about his kids and Y and how he misses her and so on, and how he's sober now and realizes the error of his ways and on and on and on. I told him that if I could see a real change and could tell that he meant it and would stay sober when he gets out, maybe we could work on patching things up. He cried more. It was very weird. You have to talk through this little round circle with holes in it like at the movie theatre teller's window. We had to have our faces right up against it to hear each other. I was sad when I left. TM was very skinny and scrawny when he went in, and he's gained about 75 pounds. It's awesome because that means he is eating and working out instead of drinking and being drugged out. I told him he looked like a human being.

My friend AH and I met for the first time ever last night. I have been emailing him for over a year now, and this was the first time we had to get together. He is very nice and quite cute. We went to Zuey's and hung out with JC and Y for awhile, and then we went to Taco Bell. We brought the food home and hung out and talked about all kinds of different things. He didn't try to kiss me or anything, which was a little disappointing, but I don't know if he really really liked me or not. JC said that he could tell AH was crazy for me, but I'm not sure.

Today GG and I went to KP's (who is now KL!) wedding reception. Of course M*cus was there (prick!) and some other folks from Zuey's plus all KL and SL's family and other friends. It was a very good time. They had it in their backyard and it was very casual, and there was barbecue and a keg and pop and cake and everything. B.Mac and his stupid drunk wife showed up too, and she embarassed the hell out of B.Mac and we could all tell. I will never understand WHY they got married but that is a completely different post.

Now I am at home, sweating off the balls I don't have (that's pretty effing sweaty) and wondering if the Russian will want to hook up.


01 June 2005

Phone Sex is Weird.

Also, drinking a gallon of "Mountain Blast" Powerade will turn your poo neon green.

It's better to not ask questions.

Anyway, J*R called me randomly last night and after a minute put his friend Jxsn on the phone. Jxsn said talking to me was getting him all hot and bothered. I laughed. I tried to talk about J*R most of the time but he kept trying to get me to talk about sex and stuff. I was not down with that but apparently he enjoyed himself because he had to hang up and have J*R call me back. J*R did call me back, and we talked a little, then had phone sex, and it was okay. Just weird. I will never understand phone sex. I mostly pretended, but I could tell he was getting into it because he was saying the same stuff that he says when we are having real sex. I'm supposed to call him tonight, but he probably won't answer. They invited me to come out to Kettering, where Jxsn lives, on Thursday, but I doubt J*R will answer his phone tomorrow either. He said himself, back in the day, that he's a dick but whatever. Jxsn told me to surprise them at work. I might drive up there tonight and see what happens. Hahaha.

OK I must go enjoy my new office. Have a wonderful evening.