Even the Chinese say "Fuck You"

^ So, that's my audio post. ^

I was so incredibly happy to get that fortune, I actually shed a tear. It just goes to show that when you start making changes, it affects everything. Seriously. I'm ready to move on, leave all this negativity and extra weight behind (both literally and figuratively) and be truly happy.

Maybe that cunt was right. Maybe I'm putting on a display to trick people into thinking I'm happy. But that's a good thing because I'll trick myself into being happy too. Why did I become this kind of person who is so negative about herself, who can't even think of good things about her person without really having to try? Because my whole life I was told the negative - by my parents ("You can be smarter, thinner, more outgoing, etc."), by my "friends" ("If you looked like this/did this/etc. you'd be in the cool crowd."), even by my husband ("I don't know if we'll be able to have sex, I've never been with a girl as big as you." which was funny because I was a lot smaller back then.) All I've ever had was negative influences! So now, I need to tell myself the positive things. I didn't believe all those negative lies in the beginning, but when they are told to you over and over and over, it starts to seem like the truth. That's the trick - tell myself every day that those people don't matter one bit, and focus on the good things about me, which far outweigh the bad. God didn't make us perfect, he made us with good and bad.

Life is simple, but not easy. Thanks GMc.