05 May 2006

You Will Never Get to the Bottom of My Cunt.

The other night, I had another strange dream. This time I blame it on Dean Koontz's book, Eyes of Darkness. It's a very scary book that produced a very scary dream.

I dreamt that I was driving a school bus alone in the middle of the woods. Suddenly a huge monster dog leapt out into the middle of the road, and I had to swerve to avoid it and nearly ran off the road. For some reason I felt the need to pull over and go search for the dog. I got off the bus and started looking around when the damn thing jumped me and started mauling me right there on the side of the road. TB from work drove by and slowed down, but he didn't stop. The scene faded to black and when it came back on I was totally mangled and driving the bus. I think the monster dog may have been tied to the back of the bus, but I'm not positive. I stopped at the next rest stop and walked in to clean myself up. The Avon lady was there.

Crazy fucking shit man.

I'm not sure when my last actual post was, but let me give you a quick update on this week:

1. Sunday - frickin' sweet man. SL worked 1-9pm so I hung out w/GG. We chilled at my house and she got to see the kittens (I suppose I should call them cats now) and it was great. They didn't really like Wendell all that much, but by the end of the two-ish hours that she was over, the kittens were inching towards her and sniffing her gigantic dog feet. It was cute. Oh, I should also mention that Wendell's huge tail knocked over GG's margarita (there was only like 2 sips left) right into her lap and I washed her clothes for her. It was swell. Later, SL and I went to karaoke at Eldo's. It was so much fun, probably the most fun I've had in a really long time. Dooger was there and he was being so cool, and bought all of us like three or four shots. G-Lick and Syn and Dn were there, and it was just awesome. This hot chick, Tif, came over and was talking to me. That was pretty cool. After karaoke we headed to Hounddogs, which was me, SL, Moose, D*Martin, Lode (BR's girlfriend), Tif, and that's it. Some lesbians were outside and they signed my tits (pics to follow.) I showed the signatures to everyone in the bar, met this really super model-hot Italian/Greek guy who was a giant asshole. But he was hot. Ha. He had a greek friend who was a medic in the army. That guy was also an asshole. Goddamn it. I told this one boy he looked like a mini Henry Rollins, this other kid that he was totally emo. Finally we went home, after dropping Tif and D*Martin back at their cars at Eldo's. What a wonderful evening.

2. Monday - woke up with the worst migraine. I honestly don't think it had anything to do with drinking because it didn't feel like a hangover headache. Slept a lot all day, then SL came home from work. I made... something for dinner. I don't remember what. I think it was roast chicken and green bean casserole. After dinner we watched Wife Swap and SuperNanny (woo-hoo!) and then (drumroll please)... Debbie Does Dallas! Oh man, that movie was awesome. It wasn't what I expected it to be... not sure what I was expecting but this was not it! I loved it though. Good movie, for being a 70's porno. Oh yeah. Then it was off to the Lion's Den to buy a new vibrator since the old one broke. I figured that we would just get another Silver Bullit, however, for $2 more we got a latex bump covered "egg" which, I should say, it fucking insane. No correlation between old porn and adult store. Just in case you wondered.

3. Tuesday - Brewstir's in Clintonville. My favorite place. Played trivia, hung out w/The Sir, had a generally great time. SB and NB showed up, SB still wants to bang me of course (aah, to be wanted) but I showed him the pretty ring SL got me and he backed off. NB said he wants to get w/me still but he's glad to see me happy. That was good. We had a really really fun time on Tuesday, too.

4. Wednesday - Hmmm... what did we do Wednesday... oh yeah, I remember. We went to Easton because I wanted to walk outside and SL had never been there. We walked around almost the whole place for two hours. Stopped at Trader Joe's and got some Italian Orange Soda, which was delicious! We had fun just walking around and that was cool. Zara called for me to go to her show but I wasn't in a karaoke/bar mood, and incidentally I ended up falling asleep in the chair with Sheeba. Pics to follow.

5. Thursday - Oh hell yes. SL got paid!! We went to Dave & Buster's, and that was so much fun I almost couldn't believe it. For $54 including tip we had 2 Cherry Cokes, 1 Fried Shrimp and Fries, 1 BBQ ribs and Chicken with Mashed Potatoes, 1 Spinach Artichoke Dip, and 2 $10 Power Cards for playing games. We won 278 coupons playing Skee-Ball and this horse race game, and for 275 coupons we got a little tiny blue glass ashtray. SL loved Dave & Buster's, he had never been there, and I remembered how much I love it. After D&B we headed to Gordy's for karaoke. Dooger was there, and we chilled with him for most of the time. Buckets of 6 Beers were only $9 so we got 2 and split a 3rd with Dooger. That was so fun also. There were some hookers there (ha, not real ones) and they were drunk as fuck and very annoying. The blonde one was nicer than the dark haired one. They had their ass cracks pierced - I am not kidding. There was a kid there, Russ, and he was nice. I knew him once before, when he came to my house in 2002 selling magazines. I remembered him specifically because he gave me a little sign to stick on my door for the other magaziners that said "Russ was already here." It was so strange to run into him... I have this great thing where I can remember everyone's face. Strange though. We closed the bar down, and went home where SL ate his D&B left overs and I had green bean casserole. WARNING: DO NOT EAT GBC WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. I thought I was going to yak immediately after I took the last bite. Oh Jesus, it was tragic. I spent most of the night hung over the toilet, even though I never actually puked. I hate that feeling, and I kept willing myself to yak (usually the smell of toilet water is enough, but nooooo!) and seriously considered sticking my finger down my throat to get it over with. Eventually, I fell asleep. Yikes.

I had a great week. I am very happy lately because SL is finally working and getting paid and its just awesome. We aren't fighting so much anymore, in fact I think we've only had like one major fight in the last two weeks. This can be proof to my husband that the marriage failing was all his fault because he never worked, always drank, and then started sucking cock. Oh yeah.

My hands are very dry today but they are also very smooth. This confuses me.

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