It's SO Long!

(This post, that is.)

Let's see... Where should I start. I guess I'll talk about my dreams first before I forget them.

Last night I had like, five different dreams. Or more.

1) I dreamt I was unwillingly giving Poke a blow job and I was going a really bad job of it. He was bullshitting to me that it was the best one I'd ever given blah blah but I was putting barely any effort into it. I woke up at the end of the bed curled up in a ball under the covers...

2) I dreamt I was staying over at my friend MEI's house. For some reason she still lived with her family (mom/dad/sister) in a house that was similar to the one she grew up in. The only difference was that her sister was a half human, half cat kinda creature, and her parents were huge. Not huge as in fat, but huge as in over ten feet tall each. Her mom was yelling the whole time, and her dad just wandered around confused. We went to bed, and had to sleep in the same bed, and while we're laying there someone is throwing snowballs at the window. It was someone named "Lando" who was apparently MEI's secret admirer that her parents couldn't find out about. I stuck my head out the window and told him to go away cuz MEI was sleeping, but he got mad and started ripping the siding off the house to make a ladder. This noise woke MEI up and she came over to the window and started throwing old magazines at him til he ran away.

3) My mom and I were at some sort of Wal*Mart type store, buying beer and pop for a party. It seemed to be a Valentine's Day party, but I wasn't sure. I got all my beer inside the store, but my mom wanted to go out to the parking lot store because they had it on sale. We went out there, and she got 2 cases (keep in mind that my parents don't drink!) and went to pay for it. Well apparently her license was expired or something, so they confiscated it until they could verify that she was actually of age. I was yelling at them because my mom is almost 60 yrs old and although she looks good for her age, she definitely looks over 21! I went back into the big store, trying to find a manager, and got lost. I ended up on the 2nd floor where all the offices were, and it turned out to be the 2nd floor of my high school. My old geometry teacher was there, Pags, and he was trying to teach some girls how to figure out angles. I stopped by to talk to them for a second, and I found out that someone had committed suicide in that very room just hours before. Everyone was acting very casual about it though, the girl had hung herself and there wasn't much of a "mess" to clean up, just a small bloodstain on the floor which they covered with a throw rug. My sophomore english teacher popped her head in and told me that I was being called out over the intercom downstairs and I was needed in the parking lot store. I went back over there, and my mom was busy waiting for her license to come through. I asked the guy if we could just pay and leave and he said yes, so we grabbed her beer, paid, and left. No sooner had we put the beer in the van than some crazy lady came running out and screaming that we were violating the law by buying the beer because no one had authorized my mom's license. So we took the beer back inside and waited for them to release her license.

4) I dreamt I was in a 1980's movie come to life. I was hitchhiking down the road, and some guy who looked like Burt Reynolds pulled over and gave me a ride in his old Mustang. We were driving and driving down this old country highway, and started to run out of fuel. Finally we came upon an old train station that had a gas pump and a little restaurant. There was a girl sitting outside and she looked kinda like the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons, but younger. We pulled up to the pump, and when "Burt" got out to pump the gas, the girl came over to the car and started rambling and yelping. She grabbed "Burt" by his collar and drug him over to the train tracks, just as a train was coming (and not stopping) and threw him in front of the engine. "Burt" was crushed and smashed in a bloody gory mess. After the train passed, she grabbed a big pushbroom and started pushing his guts and stuff all over the tracks, spreading them out in a neat little layer. I started to get out of the car, and she noticed, and came running over, screaming and yelling the whole time. I tried to slide over to the driver's seat instead of getting out and walking around, and she grabbed my arm. This went on for about ten minutes, until finally I kicked her in the face and scooted over real quick. I gunned it, ripping the handle off the gas pump, with this crazy girl hanging onto the door while I drove away. I stopped on the train tracks and jerked the car from forward to reverse and back and forth, trying to knock her off so she'd land on the tracks. It worked, but just as she flew off, the car stalled. I had almost gotten it off the tracks when the train hit me. The Mustang was low enough that the train went right over head, but it didn't hit the girl cuz she had rolled over to the side just in time. I swerved the Mustang over when there was a slight break in the cars, and shot out from underneath, sustaining immense damage to the back of the car (ok, it was totalled) but I lived. On the other side there was a car with a black woman and her young boy, I ran over and grabbed him just as the train hit the rest of the Mustang, flew off the track, and crushed the woman and her car. He and I started running. We ended up at some strange school, where Mariska Hargitay played the teacher and Mary Stuart Masterson played the principal. Mariska was playing her character as a terrible impression of Renee Zellwegger, with scrunchy eyes and pursed lips. It was amusing. At one point I wandered into the lobby, and there was a low-key riot going on because everyone was wearing similar outfits and no one could tell who anyone was. I ended up doing this weird little square dance with some chick in a flowered dress because she thought I was someone else. I walked out the building and saw Mariska and Mary standing at the bottom of the steps, and I started talking to them about SVU.

5) There was a ghost man sleeping in my spare bedroom and smoking stinky cigarettes. When I woke up this morning the sheets were rumpled, but there was no smell of nasty cigarettes...

6) My friend DDK was in a fatal car accident, and Mick Jagger showed up at my door to tell me about it. Mr. Jagger threatened to have me arrested because DDK was supposedly on his way to my house when he was in the wreck. Apparently Mick Jagger is DDK's distant cousin (I'll have to ask him if this is even possible, LOL.)

That's about all I can remember. Perhaps I should not fall asleep with the TV on anymore.

So, last week I went to Groucho's on Friday which was very fun... except for the part where JN came up to me on his knees and acted like a midget. It made me scream cuz he scared me so much. I was standing at the bar waiting for my drink and he tapped me on the hip and I looked down and there he was. I really, really screamed. M0053 took me home. It was nice.
Saturday BP came over, and we watched some SVU mini-marathon and drank some beers. Well, I drank some wine. Then something hilarious happened and he laughed his ass off. I passed out shortly thereafter. Sunday was the new day of daylight savings, and it was kinda confusing. BP was disappointed cuz we didn't fuck, but I just was not in the mood, although I did feel kinda bad. But at least I didn't lead him on... I don't think...

Sunday afternoon I found out that Yo has been spreading terrible things about me to D*Martin's girlfriend, which is apparently why she hates me. I'm assuming Yo told Ang about how I banged TM (Yo's ex husband) but most likely left out everything else, which, of course, just makes me look bad. I'm sure she didn't tell her how I didn't know they were still married, cuz he told me they were divorced, or that I was definitely NOT the only one TM had ever fucked - girls or boys. I'm sure she didn't tell her that TM got me addicted to cocaine, or that when she had him sent to The Workhouse, I kept her and her three kids (all under 5yrs old) from being homeless by letting them live with me (and subsequently destroy half my shit) while I endured regular threats from management of eviction because I was "sub-letting" my apartment which violated my lease, even tho I wasn't, cuz she only gave me $200 for the three months she was there, which wasn't even close to half of one month's rent. Anyway. Now I look like a big slutty husband stealer, and Ang doesn't even know the real story, but she's all pissed off because D*Martin is my friend or something. I guess she must have thought I would try and steal him away, like I supposedly stole TM from Yo. Riiiiiiiight. Fuckin' drama.

Yesterday I had to meet my PO for the first time. She was nice. It was fine. I'm good to go.

Oh, and JAFH and I have decided to be in an open-relationship again. Pretty much to hold us over til he graduates. Yay!