After Three Long Months, I Have Returned!

*sighs*

Wow. Ok. I don't even know where to start! So much has happened in the last three months, I have been so incredibly busy, it just seems like one big cluster-fuck of a story. I suppose I'll break it down by months...?

August:
(Well, the end of August I suppose.) Poke had moved in in early July. Everything was going swimmingly, but there continued to be many problems at the apartment complex. I decided it was time for us to get our own place, as opposed to a place I had that he moved into. Not only that, but the little apartment was just a bit too small for us and the area had been going downhill fast. On August 1st someone got shot just around the corner from my place. It was a tenant shooting a burglar, however, someone still got shot. I wasn't going to deal with this shit anymore. So we found a new place in Dublin and I wrote a letter to the complex stating that it was unfit living and far too dangerous and I was peacing out. They charged me $885, which as of today, I have rec'd two letters stating they still want. (The check was cashed on October 20th.) I stopped working weekends at Steak'n'Shake for two reasons: 1) OSU football was about to start and 2) I wanted to change my schedule before I moved. I would miss my friends at Groucho's, but I had to get away from that part of town.

September:
We moved on the 13th, the same day as this HUGE windstorm. It was hurricane-level! Only no rain, cuz, you know, this is Ohio. There were some cows flying through the air, but at least there were no floods. I had quit Steak'n'Shake because I simply couldn't stand the place anymore. I wasn't making any tips, customers were getting worse, and the girls I worked with infuriated me. My manager had put me up for promotion and I was doing all this training, but when he told the other servers that yes, I was indeed part of the management team and yes, I was indeed in charge, they couldn't handle it. So, to save myself stress and time, I just quit. Besides, it was too far from home. My manager tried to get me to stay, even offered to transfer me to the store closer to my new house, but I declined. No thanks, I'm done with Steak'n'Shake.
Shortly after we moved, I found out that Poke had been cheating on me since February. It was very difficult to deal with this information, especially since I found out completely on accident and while he was at work. We're still working through things, and hopefully someday it will all be fine again. He says it ended in May, from the evidence I found it seems more like July, but I suppose that's irrelevant. Things have obviously changed in our relationship now, and instead of me being somewhat mousey and submissive, I've become more in charge and I refuse to let him run my emotions, so to speak. In a way, I guess it could be a good thing. I knew he was sorry for what he did when he became physically ill over it. Right.

October:
October was fairly uneventful. We spent a lot of time watching OSU football and hanging out with my friends MW, AH, and some new friend J&CF. There were lots of drunken nights around the bonfire at J&CF's house! It was all very fun. For Hallowe'en Poke and I went as Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. We got a hotel near Groucho's so we could be back with all our (my?) friends. It was all very fun. I guess you could say that October was one of the most fun months I've had all year!

November:
So far, so good. Poke and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary (and if we make it to Valentine's Day we'll have one whole year with no break ups!) and he got me a beautiful amethyst necklace. I set up the camera in the bedroom. More on that later. MW/AH and J&CF all got into a very complicated fight, and so now I'm not really part of J&CF's crowd anymore. It makes me kinda sad, but I'm MW's friend first and I'm not going to choose anyone over her. I hate drama and I wish I didn't have to be involved, but whatever. MW/AH and I have been going to Groucho's every Friday lately, and it's pretty cool. I was away for about a month and a half, and I was starting to miss everyone a lot. There are no really good bars near our new place. Everyone around here is kinda yuppy/preppy. At least they're not shooting each other, I guess, although as I am typing this the local police K9 unit is searching through my across the way neighbor's apartment... yeah... Yuppies do drugs not sell them, so I suppose that's not too bad...

All in all, a very wonderful three months. Yeah, the Poke cheating thing was pretty fucking bad, but we'll get through it. Every other thing that has happened has been great and I'm thankful for that. We're living comfortably and happily, and that's what's really important.

Hot Greasy Fries

OK. So.

Cast of Characters:
3 brown skinned girls, perhaps muslim? - one speaks english, one kinda speaks english, one barely speaks english.
1 white waitress named Kel-Bell - speaks english
1 small order of fries

The Plot:
Girls come into steak'n'shake to eat food, waitress waits on them.

What happens:
Girl one, calls herself "Olive" and kinda speaks english, orders a single with cheese, ketchup, pickles, extra pickles, small fry, cookies'n'cream shake (which she then cancels for a water instead.) Girl two orders a #4 chicken strip meal with double fries, bbq sauce, water, and a cookies'n'cream shake. This girl barely speaks english. Girl three (who speaks english) orders a single the same as her. Waitress says, "Which her? This one?" and points to "Olive" who is offended that the waitress did not magically know her name. "Olive" says, "My name is Olive not "This one"." Except Girl three does not want extra pickles and she will just have water, and no fries because she will eat half of Girl two's fries. Order is placed, shake is made and delivered, food comes up shortly thereafter.

Side note: Waitress is the only waitress in the restaurant, and has four other tables to attend to.

Food is delivered, and Girl three says she needs napkins. Waitress brings napkins, goes to the back to pick up chilis for another table. Before waitress can deliver chilis, Girl three stops her and says, "These fries are too hot and greasy!"

Waitress: "Would you like cold ones? No, seriously, I'm joking. One moment." as she turns away to give chilis to the other table.
Girl three: "You are so rude. These fries are disgusting."
Waitress: "I wasn't being rude, I was joking. The only way to get fries that are neither hot nor greasy is to get old, cold ones. Would you like another side instead?"
Girl three: "You're a bitch. You're not funny. I'm not paying for this."
Waitress: "Well, if you're sure I can't get anything else, enjoy your meal." as she removes the "hot greasy fries" from the table.

Fin.

End note: I made $49.78 in tips even though those bitches stiffed me and complained to FE (my manager) who, by the way, defended me, only gave them $1 off, and was backed up by AJ (another server) who exclaimed as the Girls complained that I am a very nice person and always joking and how she overheard the conversation and knew that I was, indeed, not being rude.

Fuck you evil diners!!

On another note, it's finals week and I'm terrified. I don't know if I can pass this lab final tomorrow. I'm already getting a B in the class and I just know I won't get 100% on the fucking final OR the practical. *sniff* There goes my 4.0!

But, on a better note, we're moving in 2 weeks. Yay! Now is the time to start working on my evil plan... hehehe...

This Saturday is the 1st OSU game of the season!! WOOT!!

tips

Why don't black people tip?

I typed this phrase into my Google search box and got LOTS of answers. Some said they don't "understand" how to dine out in a restaurant and some said it's because there is some preconceived notions about service. Whatever. All I know is that I had a table of five black people today and they were they ONLY ones to stiff me. They ordered a #4 chicken finger meal with honey mustard and salad w/ranch and apples/grapes and Sprite - no ice, a double with everything and cheese platter with cheese fries and onion rings and Pibb, a "junior steakburger with cheese and everything and onion rings instead of fries" and a Sprite - no ice, a "junior grilled cheese with cheese fries" and a water - no ice, and a Chicken melt with no tomato, no bacon, a regular fry and an Iced Tea.
Well.
These guests were clearly over 12 years old, so I charged them for a single cheeseburger deluxe and small onion ring (instead of junior meal) and a regular grilled cheese and small cheese fry (instead of junior meal.) Now please tell me WHY this girl who was consistently nice to me, calling me by name and/or sweety/honey/etc suddenly turned into the most evil person when I handed her the bill?

Her: "Don't you think it's shady of you to charge us for adult meals when we ordered juniors?"
Me, in my head: HA!
Me: "The junior meals are only for our guests 12 and under."
Her: "You should have told me; It's shady that you charged us for the adult meals."

Me: "Don't YOU think it's just as shady to order junior meals when you are clearly not 12 or under?"

Her: "Well you should have TOLD us when we were ordering that junior means 12 or under."
Me: "It's on the menu; would you like me to show you where?"
Her: "No, I know it's on the menu, but I didn't want to pay that amount. You were being sneaky for charging us adult prices."
Me: "I'm sorry you feel I was being sneaky, but I don't want to get fired or get in trouble for undercharging. As it is, you got exactly what you ordered and nothing was wrong with your food, right?"
Her: "That has nothing to do with it, you were deceitful."

Of course, as always, they left no tip.

**Note** 08/13/08**

I suppose I should have told you the story of my other experiences to clarify why I focused on the black people not tipping. I had a table of 2, a woman in her 40's or so who was with a mentally challenged woman of unknown age, both black. They ranted and raved about my service, even went so far as to tell my manager that I should be a manager! Oh this was by far the best service they'd recieved at Steak'n'Shake and thank you so much and good luck to me. Well I guess that was my tip because the table was empty and she paid with cash. Granted, I did once have a table of white hillbilly new yorkers come in and not tip, but I didn't expect them to because they looked poor and ordered scantily with purpose. I also once had a table of white yuppies from Kentucky show up with the entire soccer team (yes, this was a table of 22) who left me $1.00 and then tried to leave without paying for all their meals. I'm not saying that every single black person stiffs me and every single white person tips me, but it does seem that in general the black people don't tip as often. 95% for whites, 65% for blacks I'd say. And as far as Muslim people go, well, I know that I'm always guaranteed $3 no matter how large or small their tab is. I haven't dealt much with Asian folk, but I would think they would tip correctly because so many of them work in restaurants and nail salons and stuff like that where they live off tips (yeah that sounds racist but I think it's mostly true at least for the Asian people who live in my area.)

Here are some links to back me up:

• http://www.uspoliticsonline.com/forums/showthread.php?t=31992
• http://www.tigeru.com/ftopict-4717.html
• http://www.livejournal.com/community/blackfolk/1338757.html
• http://wiki.answers.com/Q/IS_it_true_most_black_people_don't_tip_waiters
• http://intellegentignorance.blogspot.com/2007/05/my-vegas-restaurant-story.html
• http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1329241

And here's a video blog with a plethora of responses. Amusing. At first, I'm like hmmm... he really shouldn't have confronted her... But then she says "you're lucky we even left you money" so fuck that. Then she mentions that her SISTER is a server! So ridiculous.

Busy Bee

Well since I went back to school and work from being on vacation, I've been ridiculously busy. A month has flown by and I didn't even realize it until I actually found out what the date was. Seafood has been an alright class, nothing too exciting, and at least I'm not doing as sucky as I was in Meats/Poultry - but it's still no Bake Shop! In the past month, Poke has moved in, we bought a new couch, sold my old papasans, and have decided to move to Dublin/Worthington. This decision to move comes from the fact that a guy was shot in my complex last Thursday. Although it was a tenant who shot a robber, it's still a shooting, and it just goes along with everything else that's been going downhill like a California mudslide in April. (I made that up.) This club across the street was finally shut down after 4-5 weeks of shootings every Friday/Saturday night, there are people who walk around my complex looking in car windows and peeking in 1st floor apartment windows, and there is always foot traffic and random people parking and going behind the fence that separates the parking lot from the indoor tennis club and I'm sure what they are doing involves drugs and/or prostitution. All that on top of the fact that I was broken into on St. Patrick's Day! This is upsetting because I still basically live alone, and also I've lived in this area for four years now and never have I had so many problems. Sure, there was my crazy neighbor at The Chateau who was always waving a gun at his girl and one time shot it off, but that was one incident. There were no break-ins and peeping toms and so on. So, we're heading out. Far away from here. Yay! I hate moving but I love it at the same time.

Vacation

Yay I had two weeks off school, and I am going back on Monday. I finally got approved for school aid, so now I just have to pay $2,665.00 instead of $9,474.00. Yippy! Poke and I went to Cedar Point, I went to the pool here twice and got sunburned twice, and I was struck with e.coli or salmonella - not sure which. I still have it and it's annoying. My vacation wasn't very exciting, but it sure was relaxing! Here are pics from Cedar Point in the form of a little video I made for Poke:

Dreamin'

Wow I really suck at updating lately. My bad.

Anyway, I had a dream that I lived in Cleveland, and it seemed that I lived in my uncle's house, but it wasn't his real life house. I worked at some church, and I was walking along the road when this very cute boy and his younger brother pulled up in an old Chevy Impala SS. The cute boy was younger than me, by not much, but the brother was only a teenager. They looked kind of Italian, and started talking to me as I walked down the road. I tried to ignore them because I didn't know them, but once I looked at the cute boy I was smitten. Some weird thing in me said that this was the perfect guy for me and we'd been together in past lives and all kinds of bullshit like that. Something you'd see in a movie I guess. So I let them give me a ride to the church. He kept trying to kiss me and I kept resisting, and when we got to the edge of the church property, he stopped the car. I asked him why he couldn't take me all the way to the door and he made up some lame lines about not wanting to disturb hallowed grounds. I got out and walked the rest of the way, while they just sat there and watched me. As I did my work, which was cleaning and tidying up and organizing, I suppose, I would glance out the window and they would still be staring at me. No matter what room I was in, I would look out and see them and the cute boy would wave and smile. Suddenly, a dog came running across the yard and jumped in through the window. The cute boy and his brother jumped through after it, and they were acting very animalistic. The brother pounced on the dog and started chewing at it's fur, making a bare spot on the dog's neck. The cute boy pounced on me and held me down, saying he was sorry I had to see this but they hadn't eaten in hours and were starved. Ah, yes - they were werewolves! I pleaded with the cute boy to not kill the dog, but he continued to let his brother suck it's blood out. Then the cute boy looked at me and said that the time had come for fate to rear it's beautiful head, and he started chewing on my neck. I asked him please wouldn't he rather make love to me than suck my blood and he replied that this was much more intimate than any sexual act. So, I became a werewolf too. Here is where things get weird. (I know, right?) Apparently, I passed out, and they left me there. Obviously I wasn't going to die, because now I was a shape-shifter, but I had a really bad headache. Right. I walked out of the church, and noticed immediately that 1) they were still following me in the car and 2) once I stepped off church grounds my headache went away. Weird. I see an elementary school, and instantly I get this kind of blood lust in my mouth, like when you're tasting so much for a Big Mac and you can't be satiated until you eat one. There's a big swimming pool in front of the school, and I jump into it. Oh, I also took off all my clothes before jumping in. The kids start coming out, and they see me in the water but it doesn't seem strange to them. They throw their toys at me, and the toys turn into real life whatever-they-ares. Someone threw a Little Mermaid Ariel doll in, and it came to life as a real mermaid. There were trucks and Spongebobs and all kinds of crazy shit coming to life, and it all talked too. Then the kids started jumping in like it was a party! I'm scrambling around trying to get away from them, when I realize that being in the water has made me more human than werewolf. Once I'm out of the water for more than 5 minutes though, I start tasting for blood. So I jump back in. In and out and in and out, I decide that if I have to spend the rest of my life in the water so that I don't eat some kids or animals, that's fine with me. The cute boy and his brother are still parked across the street, staring at me the whole time.

Strange Dreams - it's been awhile -

1.

I am in NYC visiting my friend Izzy. Apparently we are moving in together near where he lives currently. I have arrived in an SUV. We are sitting in my new apartment, so I can practice living there, watching The Twilight Zone. Afterwords, we go for a walk in Central Park with his dog, Scooby. Scooby is on a leash, but he is very bouncy. Then I find us back in the SUV. It seems we have gone to pick up Chinese food, and I am waiting in the car. It has been raining the entire time and everything is blue-gray. At one point I tell Izzy that he's much cuter in person than in pictures. Then I wake up.

2.
My friend WCR (formerly WR from school) and I are aliens. We look like humans, but we are actually aliens on an alien planet where everything is perceived as earthly to us. Our spaceship has landed and taken the form of a moderately priced hotel. We have special suits, but nobody else on the ship does, and when we walk out the door they all evaporate but we are okay. The mission is to steal these bombs away from the main evil alien, who happens to be looking like a transvestite Uma Thurman. WCR and I get to where we are supposed to be, and pick up the bombs, which look like those little chocolate coins you used to get for Christmas or Chanukah. I throw one out the window of our smaller spaceship, which is a nice black convertible, and it creates an enormous explosion. We are trying to get to this other main alien base, and when we arrive, it looks like a sort of country club, with pools and spas and a very green golf course. At some point during the dream, the "camera", if you will, pans out and gives a real view of the planet, which is dusty and red and very very dry looking. In order for WCR and I to survive, we have to see things for what we want them to be, rather than what they are, otherwise we will expire from the awfulness of it all. I am sitting by this beautiful pond, plotting out the rest of the day. It doesn't really matter what happens to the bombs, except for the cannot fall into Uma's hands. I am thinking of tossing them into the pond because they will float and fizzle and not cause a huge explosion. Uma comes up to me, and I pretend to not know her. In the meantime, WCR has gotten the car ready; I hear her pull up and run out the door and jump in, Luke Duke style. We speed off down a super long highway with plains on both sides. I could easily throw the bag out the window, but we would all be killed by the shrapnel if not by the explosion itself. I debate tossing the bombs one by one, but that might take too long. There are only about 7 left in the bag, but Uma in her Benz is catching up to us quickly. Then it hits me! I will bomb her! Nobody said we couldn't kill her! So I start tossing the coins behind our car, one by one, as WCR speeds up to over 120 mph. We fly down the highway as the fire from the explosions singes the hair on our heads. We high five. I wake up.

3.
Can't really remember all the details, but for about four nights I continuously dreamt that I was incredibly pregnant and had to be the hero in all kinds of situations... interesting...

Finally Something Good from the Oval Office

Click Here to read about a new bill that helps students continue their education in this shitty fucking economy where nobody can get a student loan. The article doesn't mention it, but every person currently enrolled as a student also gets $2,000 free (at least at my school.) Thank god. That damn hillbilly will be gone soon and we'll have a new president, so at least he did something that didn't cause more trouble before he left.

Here are some more links:

GovTrack

Google Finance

CBS News

Monotony -or- Why I Choose to Not Kill Myself

Do not measure your loss by itself; if you do, it will seem intolerable; but if you will take all human affairs into account you will find that some comfort is to be derived from them. - Saint Basil

So. My uncle said no, he won't cosign. My last option (that I just learned of today) is to take all my rejection letters to the President of the school and show him that I'm not just asking for money, I'm really trying to get it on my own and no one will give me any. Other than that, it's either pay up my cash, $9,474.00, and have zip left in my savings account. That means no vacation, no getting my alignment on the car fixed, no money to pay bills, no tattoo. I only make about $400.00 a month at Steak'n'Shake, so that doesn't even pay the bills. People are like "why don't you just work and go to school??" Well if you can get me a job that will work around a 40 hour school week, and I'll still have time to sleep, then I'll take that job. I go to school from noon to 7pm. There is seriously NO job out there for me. If I was going to OSU or Cols State or something, where I only have one class a day everyday, or maybe six hrs of classes 2-3 days a week, then sure I could get a great job. But no. Not happening.

This Disney recruiter lady came to school today to talk to a different class, but we got to sit in on her presentation. It was really cool. I'm seriously considering it, if I get to continue school. Hell, even if I can't go on with school maybe they will accept me anyway and then at least I'll have *something* to show for my $40,000+ in student loans! Check out the info here. It's not the specific culinary info, but it's mostly the same.

So the other morning, Poke said to me that he was bored. Bored of the same old same old. I told him that all he has to do is suggest new things and we can do them. He can come over anytime he wants, we can go wherever, etc etc etc. Since then, the more I think about it, I get a little bit angry. He has all this freedom to do whatever the heck he wants, whereas I am trapped in this awful fucking circle of strife. Wake up tired, go to school, go to work, come home, don't get any sleep, finally pass out when the birds start chirping, wake up tired, go to school... you get the point... I have no fun in my life until Thursday and Friday, and even Fridays really aren't that fun because Saturday I know Poke is going to wake up and say he's leaving and then I'll have to go to work for 8 hours. Don't get me wrong, I really do like working at Steak'n'Shake. I just wish my life wasn't so monotonous. It hurts me emotionally, and I'm pretty sure that, in addition to the whole school finance problem, it is the reason why I have been so depressed lately. I try to act happy for everyone, but honestly I am on the verge of tears 100% of the time.

Henceforth, I am like, what's the point of going on if there is nothing to go for? Well, for starters, my mom cosigned on those two loans so if I was dead, she would be responsible and that's not really fair. Next, who would take care of my kitties? Also, my friend MEI is already having her own issues, and if I was to off myself she'd probably follow suit. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person keeping her from doing it. Not to mention I have other friends, Poke, and my family who would miss me, and I don't want to fuck up anyone's life. So even though I am pretty sad right now about my newest round of bad luck, I'm just gonna keep plugging along. It doesn't really seem worth it to kill myself, it would probably not work anyway and I'd end up some lame vegetable sucking out my parents' hard earned money to pay for my breathing machine and hospice bills.

This blog just got pretty morbid, sorry. I'm just so fucking tired and bored, I have the most ridiculous thoughts running through my head. The quote at the beginning is kind of what I'm going to start thinking of when I get really depressed, you know, so I will try to think that there are people out there who have it way worse than me.

*sigh*

Now I feel like I'm rambling so I'm just gonna end this post and go play some MahJong.

Fuck You, George W. Bush!

Thanks to the shotty job GW has done as president, in combination with my huge mistake of getting married, I will no longer be continuing as a student at the Culinary Institute. I have just over one year left, but I can't get any student loans to cover anything. I have enough money for tuition, not enough to live on. Or, conversely, I have enough to live on but not enough to pay tuition. So basically, I'm fucked. Haven't decided what to do about this, but all I know is that blowing myself up on the White House lawn to make a point seems like it would be less worthwhile than just jumping off a bridge.

Note to all gov't folks reading this blog: If you really think I'd take the time to build a bomb, drive to DC, and somehow get thru the fence to explode myself, you are downright crazy. Go find some fucking terrorists with the money you should be giving me to go to school.

That's the thing that really pisses me off, too: I am a good person. I am trying to start a new life for myself. But I can't, because all my hard-earned cash goes to taxes to pay for... what? Homeland Security? Welfare? So I'm basically funding programs directly related to the worthless people of the world. I see. Yes, that crack-addicted 16 yr old mother of three DEFINITELY deserves more than I do. She will absolutely make a greater impact for the good of society, whereas I, a mere Chef (had I been able to complete my schooling), will be nothing to the community, of no good to anyone. Well, I'll be darned.

Poke will be getting a $300 stipend from the gov't in May. I will not. Poke got over $750 as a tax return and owed nothing. I owed $22 and got $87, making a grand total of $65 received from good old Uncle Sam. I have pain in my hips that makes me cry and makes it difficult to walk. I can't go to the chiropractor to get it fixed because insurance is too expensive and I can't afford the cost without it. I have to compromise my morals and get my eyes checked at the Wal*Mart Vision Center because a real doctor is four times more expensive. On top of all that, I have to drop out of school. Life is wonderful.

Thank you, George W. Bush, you fucking fuck.

It's Been Awhile...

Wow. Ok.

I don't even know where to start. I guess the beginning would be good, thanks smartass, but I don't really know what the beginning is...

Let's categorize.

School - awesome. Getting super good grades. Felt slightly failure-ish the last couple weeks while doing chicken, but I am going to attribute it to 1) Hating chicken 2) Being sick and 3) Really fucking hating chicken. There was some drama with KS, the 53 yr old woman in my class, but whatever, it's mostly just entertainment now. You'd think somebody who is that age would have some tact/couth/knowledge of how to act in a social situation, but I guess it's not always true. BB, EM, and AT have all withdrawn. It's ok. I'm just glad that they finally figured it out. AT will be back after she has her baby, but we'll be long gone or at least in our externships by that point, so whatever. Other than that, school is cool.

Me!

Me scraping out marrow from Osso Bucco


Me eating the marrow (it really wasn't that bad)

WR and MB eatin' chicken wings

Chefs trying my delicious Pork Enchiladas

MB. Chicken Wing. Watch out!

RP trying out the Parmesan Crusted Chicken Breast

Work - Been at the Steak'n'Shake for about a month and a half now. It is good! I really like working there, and I kinda didn't think I would. I've never been a waitress before, and I always was like "oh I hate people I can't do that job" but actually it's great. The money leaves a bit to be desired, but I am still making practically double what I was at DQ, so that in and of itself makes the job way more awesome! I guess I just pictured tips being more... well... plentiful. But then again, even tho S'n'S is kinda on the pricey side, people don't seem to really think of it as a "real restaurant". HELLO?! Hasn't anyone seen the commercials? This is not a "workeraunt!" The only terrible thing that has happened is this totally random bruise that I cannot for the life of me figure out. It just appeared. I tease Poke that it's the exact size of his thumb, but I really think I closed my arm in the salad cooler door last week.



Family - Good. My brother just had his 19th birthday. My dad walks with a cane now, and he's having surgery on his knees tomorrow - I think they're being scraped again. That's about all.

Poke - Ah yes, I know you were all waiting for this part of the update! Ok, so after I dropped him off at the bus station, I texted him a couple times between then and the next day. When I heard from him again, he was absolutely miserable. He had originally been in an apt with 3 black people, 2 of which were racist lesbians. His other roommate was just weird, so he switched to live in a house with some other people. I was shocked that they had him rooming with females in the first place, but whatever. So Monday was the 1st day, he had some classes, then it was time for the physical (actually I can't remember if it was Mon or Tues...) Regardless, he filled out the forms and stuff, and realized that he wouldn't pass the physical because he has back problems and sleep apnea, 2 major things they don't allow the truckers to have. So that was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back on top of being miserable with his living situation and being terribly homesick. He was back by Wednesday morning. I wasn't really angry, just kinda disappointed, but if he was going to be miserable not learning anything and not pass the physical anyway, why should he waste his money staying out there? So, that was that. He had an interview yesterday at a lumber place up in Westerville which seems promising. He will still get to be a driver, just not have his CDL. I guess we'll work on that later.

Besides Poke's career, things have been going very well for us. I made it clear, both verbally and otherwise (ha ha but don't think I'm beating him or anything!) that this time it really is on my terms and that if he wants to be with me he needs to realize that I'm not putting up with anything and that I basically own him. It's nice though, because we've gone into another level of this relationship now. He wants to move in. He wants to make a serious committment. He wants to move to Boston with me. I'm no longer poking and prodding and trying to convince. He has actually said he wants this that or the other thing, and it's wonderful. We went to a friend's wedding, and the next day Poke was talking about what kind of things we could do for ours. Things this time are just so much more open and real and better, and I think it's because I didn't just let him back in with a big "You're Forgiven". I made him work for it.

So, here are some random pictures. Enjoy. I promise I will update more often from now on! Working 25-35 hrs a week on top of 35-ish hours of school keeps me pretty busy though!

CL, Poke's brother

The new Mr. and Mrs. RS during their first dance!

Groomsmen

Boys waiting to catch the garter

Cutting the cake

Before the ceremony

CL and Poke

JW and RS

Poke

KS

RS

Me!

11 March 1982

Right after I posted the last entry, I noticed the date. Today is the day, 26 years ago, that I was adopted! Yay!

Weird Dreams, No Sleep

Last night was one of the worst nights I've had for sleeping. I dunno wtf was going on, but I just could NOT sleep. I almost cried. When I finally did fall asleep, I had a terrible nightmare!

I was at what was presumably my house, but it seemed like I still lived with my parents and little brother. My best friend from Cleveland, SLV, came to visit. She was driving this crazy ass car, looked like a Scion sedan type thing, it was neon blue and really janky. We decided to go over to this kid's house, his name was Tyler or Taylor, and he was nobody from real life. So we're there, and he's drunk, and she gets drunk, and I'm not drunk. Then this girl from school, Sarah, who isn't even a friend of mine and she's not in my schedule, shows up. I guess she's Tyler/Taylor's girlfriend. I'm just sitting there, annoyed because I want to hang out with my friend whom I haven't seen in months, and Sarah comes and sits next to me. She's bothering me, like "wtf is your problem?" and shit like that, trying to get me to drink, but I really don't want to. So she starts punching me. I can't get her to stop, no matter what I do. Tyler/Taylor's dad comes into the room where we are, and he's like, I dunno, kinda egging her on to keep hitting me til I take a drink. I finally get up and run out the door, and I yell for SLV to come on and get the fuck outta there. I'm in the car, and she stumbles out, all irritated that I want to leave. I try to tell her that I just wanted to spend time with her, but she's all pissed off that I made her leave the "party" even though it was just her and Tyler/Taylor sitting on the couch drinking. So I'm like "well we'll go somewhere fun, I promise, I just have to stop home and get some more money" and we head back to my house. Well I pull up and there are like 30 cars in the yard and driveway. The house is a piece of shit house too, like something you'd find run down on the Hilltop. I leave her in the car, go in, and find the place packed with all these teenagers I don't recognize. I see my brother in the middle of the crowd with a bottle of something to his face, which pisses me off. I make my way upstairs to where I assume my parents are, and I find them in their room. My mom is awake,m watching Bonanza and my dad is "sleeping". I start complaining about the damn kids and the drinking and shouldn't my parents have learned that they can get in trouble from letting it happen in their house, and my mom says "well tell your father, he's the one who bought it all and got drunk with them to start off with! after one game of quarters though he couldn't handle it and passed out, he's been throwing up in between consciousness." I'm aghast. My father doesn't drink in real life! So I run into the bathroom to try and find my hidden stash of money, and some drunk girl is hidden in the closet puking and tries to get out and almost pukes on me. I punch her in the face. As I'm trying to leave, I keep getting confronted by drunks trying to throw up on me, including my dad, and it's terrifying. I finally get out, and run to the car, and SLV has disappeared. I drive around a little bit, and finally see her no her way back to Tyler/Taylor's house. Then I wake up.

Well, you might think that was the end. OOOOH NO. I fell back asleep and had another terrible dream!

I went to Otani's for karaoke with some boy who looked like a cross between VES, Poke, and this kid I dated briefly in high school named Bryan. Otani's was normal in the dream, until I told them we were there for karaoke and they led us down some strange secret hallway into this teeny little room. It was packed, but I saw The Sir sitting in the back, so I was ok with it. I made my way back there, stopping along the way to help this girl get started singing her song cuz she couldn't remember how it went. We finally get to two empty chairs, and I hear my mom yell out my name. She's there with my dad, my brother, my uncles (one of whom died in 2005), my aunt, and my grandmas (one died in 2001, the other died last year.) They're all sitting at a table enjoying sushi and other Japanese type food, which is a shock because none of them would ever even try that shit in real life. Anyway, we stay for a little bit, I talk to The Sir, we complain about how tiny the room is, and then me and mystery man leave. We go to this amusement park that is randomly set up on Cleveland Avenue. This boy I went to K-8 with, Jason J., runs it. He's not the owner, but he runs the whole thing. All the people who are there are people from my past - kids I went to school with, Preschool-Senior year, people I used to work with whose names I can't even remember, everyone. It seems like every single person I've ever said one word to is there. I meet up with my 8th grade class and we're going down these crazy water slides. For some reason though, you don't get wet. It's like you're sliding on top of the water, Jesus style. Crazy. We decide to go into this building nearby to chill out for awhile, and inside the building is just like a house with and upstairs and bedrooms and a kitchen and stuff. I want to take a nap, so I head to a bedroom. There is this ugly kid in there, and he's sick. I don't know him in real life, but he looks like someone I recently saw a picture of. I ask him if there is another place I could lay down, and he says no but I can stay here because he's leaving. I'm kinda icky about laying on the sheets he was laying on because this kid was just in the bathroom puking his guts out (I don't know what the deal with puking in these dreams is!) He goes into the bathroom and pukes some more, and as I'm debating on leaving all together, there is silence. I open the bathroom door and this kid looks dead laying on the floor covered in yak. I close the door and walk out, hoping he isn't really dead and just fainted or something. I meet up with mystery guy, and he says there is another place we could go to sleep. We go into this other bedroom, and it's really nice. We've just laid down when this girl I used to know, Cheryl, comes in. She tells me that MW needs my help. I'm like "wtf?! where is she?" and Cheryl says she's at at home, but hands me a bundle. Wrapped up inside is what looks like a fetus, but the towel isn't bloody or anything. She tells me that I need to take care of it, and not take care of it as in raise it but take care of it as in get rid of it. So I somehow come up with a plan to melt the baby. We just learned in class that meat is 75% water, 5% fat, and 20% protein, so in my mind this should work. Then there would be no evidence. I've acquired some sort of huge roasting pan, and the dream goes black and when it comes back the pan is filled with melted lard looking stuff with some chunks in it. Cheryl comes in and asks if I'm done, and I tell her to please get me a garbage can to dispose of this in. She does, I do, and that's that. Mystery man and I go for a walk. As we're walking, we stop under some trees to have sex. It's weird sex, and it didn't even seem like sex at all. We weren't naked either. We continue walking after that, and run into JAFH. He gives me $5 in quarters. I start crying, telling him I'm so sorry and I love him but I just can't commit to him. He walks away, we walk away. As we're turning the corner, I drop all my quarters on the ground. Mystery man kicks them away as I scramble to pick them up. Then I wake up.

I started nodding off on the couch around 10:30pm last night, and decided to get into bed. I fell asleep almost immediately, but then I woke up at 12:57am and couldn't fall back asleep until almost five. It was awful. I had the first dream, woke up at 6:17am, fell back asleep, woke up at 7:03am, fell back asleep, woke up at about 10:26am. Shit. Poke was sending me text messages about how much he loves me and misses me. I think those are what woke me up both times, and I know for sure it was when I finally got up at 10:26am. He told me last night that he's a bit scared out there, but even though he's 25 years old this is his first time ever being away from everybody, so it's understandable. As we were driving to the bus station, he said "I think I've overstayed my welcome" and I'm like "what?" and he said that he's overstayed his welcome in the way of being happy-go-lucky and basically it's time to be a man now. This made me happy. The text I got this morning though was good, he said that the first day of class was going well. He had a nightmare last night too! Awww. My poor Poke. I kept reassuring him that the 4 weeks will fly by and that this is the best decision he's ever made. I'm sure he'll do fine.

As for me, I have to quit DQ tonight and that's going to be interesting. Wish me luck.

That's a Big 10-4

Well it's about 4:20am, I got home from dropping Poke at the bus station about an hour ago, maybe a little less. Shucks.

Blizzard '08

YAY! SNOW!

We're still under a level 2 emergency, which means that nobody should be out or on the roads, but it's not illegal. Level 3 means they can ticket you or arrest you for being on the roads. Super AWESOME!

So, things have been going exactly my way. This makes me nervous that something terrible is going to happen to me, because I can't believe that for once my luck has actually changed.

First, I got approved for a supplemental student loan. I should have my money in a week or so! Yay!

Second, I probably have a new job at Steak'n'Shake. Not only are the hours better, but it's closer (I mean way close - not even 1/2 mile from my house, as opposed to DQ which is about 12 miles) and there's no bitchy boss's wife who hates me to deal with. Yay!

Third, Poke leaves tomorrow morning (if the busses are running that is) for Pennsylvania. He's going to trucking school. The one thing I never thought he would do, he's doing it. The one thing that was the determining factor for whether or not I give him a chance, he's doing it. That to me shows that he really does love me and really does care, because now he's got a real plan. He's making steps to improve himself to improve our relationship. This makes me happy. I'm not saying yet that we are definitely 100% getting back together, cuz I want to make sure he really goes through with this first, but it's looking pretty good. Yay!

So that's three things that have gone my way. They say everything comes in threes, so now I'm just so scared that a really awful something will happen. I hate this bad luck shit! I guess one shitty thing already did happen, I told DBH that I'm not interested in a relationship anymore, and he got pretty angry/upset and hasn't talked to me for about a week. He thinks it's all about Poke, I tried to explain to him that it's not, but he won't listen. It has everything to do with him being 500+ miles away, me having to kick up the juice at school and getting a new job where I work more hours, and most of all the fact that he disappeared on me for 4 days, I felt like shit the whole time, and when he finally started talking to me again, it was like nothing ever happened. I didn't even get an explanation from him as to why he stopped talking to me. So fuck that, I can't have all those "conditions" around a relationship. I thought we could still be friends, but since he's stopped talking to me again, I guess that's not going to happen. Live and let live I suppose.

Well, I have to figure out how I'm going to get my car out of the parking spot. The plow came by like 8 times last night and just piled the shit up on my bumper, and my poor little car is literally buried. Oh well, we'll see how it goes...

Here are a couple of videos for your viewing enjoyment:






And now: Pics!

Please Come to Boston for the Springtime...

Things are going well. I don't even know what to talk about really, because there is no real pain, no real sadness... everything is going pretty damn good for me. I aced all three classes this term (just ended yesterday), Poke is back in the picture (no, we are not getting back together but he's making a really good case for himself), I seemed to have discarded all the baggage I've been carrying (other than divorce and financial problems, those may never go away...) as far as shitty friends and stuff like that go. I'm a happy girl. I guess I could tell you about how much I fucking hate DQ, about my interview with this character from Dreamgirls where I would like to work in their kitchen but he says I don't have buffet experience so he wants me to have one of my chefs teach me so I can get the job and teach them... I applied at Steak and Shake too, but they haven't called me yet, I guess they will on Monday or Tuesday. I need to get another student loan because my hours at DQ suck and I can't pay the bills. My electric bill was $170.00. I can't even buy groceries. I did talk to MMA tho and he said he'd pay for the disillusion so that might be good. If he does it.

23 Minutes in Hell

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Ian G
Date: Feb 18, 2008 6:30 PM


From: ATHEISTS AGNOSTICS SKEPTICS & HUMANISTS ON MYSPACE
Date: Feb 18, 2008 5:12 PM

wtf.

The strange thing about being single is that I get hit on...

by

* hondurans
* el salvadorians
* half black/half asians
* short jamaicans
* assholes
* rappers

This was all last night. Now, I'm definitely not racist or wtfever, but omg. Bizzy was there, tellin me how cute I am (couldn't buy me a drink tho!), these 2 hispanic dudes were talking to me in spanish and i was like wtf how do you know i speak spanish, this incredibly short jamaican guy kept telling me dirty perverted things disguised as "articles he read in men's magazine", this asshole told me about the rodeo and his favorite part where the monkey rode the border collie like a horse, and the half black/asian guy was actually the only one that sparked my interest. I may call him on wednesday like I said I would. He was normal. But I've never dated outside my race. Especially twice! (ROFL that was a terrible attempt at being clever.)

Have a great day.

Oooh child things are gonna get easier...

Well Poke and I are talking again. Nothin' doin', we're not getting back together, but for once in our lives I was able to really tell him what the facts were and he actually listened. Good. Maybe we can be normal friends, since we are so ingrained in each other as it is.

And the award goes to...

Me!

For being overdramatic last night when I posted the last blog. I was feeling really shitty, and kinda blew it out of proportion. Yeah, shit still hurts but I will be fine.

Days Come and Go

Being alive hurts so much right now.

In the last 40 days, I've lost my boyfriend (who, it seems, already has a new girlfriend), one of my best friends, and a very good friend that I was looking forward to getting to know a lot better. Why does everyone leave me? GG is the only friend I have now in 2008 that I had in 2007, 2006, and 2005. Heck, we were even friends for part of 2004. What is wrong with me? What have I ever done to deserve this? I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm feeling pain for myself. I hurt so much, I can't even put it into words. Everyone leaves me and moves on with their lives, being happy, and it doesn't even seem like life without me is any worse or better than before. How can you just drop someone who was a major everyday part of your life and not be affected? Even after I've broken up with someone, I still miss their presence in my life. Maybe I'm strange. I don't know. All I know is that this shit hurts and I don't really know what keeps me going anymore. I want to curl up in a ball and die. Earlier this year I was so fucking happy. I didn't think anything could go wrong. I guess that was where I went wrong. Even school means practically nothing to me right now, but it's the only thing I have so I might as well do a good job at it. I'm just a shell of what used to be. That was so cliche, but I can't think of anything else to describe it. I want to stab myself in the heart and just be done with it.

You take the breath right outta me - You left a hole where my heart should be.

Enemy - New Favorite Song

The words you used were mine, used a thousand times
Doesn't make them what I've bled
I hated you, I loathed you
Though felt, I never let the words begin to spill

Make me sick 'till I can't breathe
Never want to be your enemy
Silence me, so I can't be,
Never want to be your enemy
I walk the

High road away from you
God knows what I've been through
This is the life I have, this is the life I choose
I walked away, the high road away from you
Walk away, walk away, you made an enemy

I never, I never wanted, I never wanted to poison or burn through
Labeled malcontent, by bastards of decent,
excuse this place I stand, words are to elude you

Make me sick 'till I can't breathe
Never want to be your enemy
Silence me, so I can't be,
Never want to be your enemy
I walk the

High road away from you
God knows what I've been through
This is the life I have, this is the life I choose
I walked away, the high road away from you
Walk away, walk away, you made an enemy

Deep inside realize never want to be your enemy
Change me, rearrange me, make me your enemy (Yeah)
Deep inside realize never want to be your enemy (Walk away from)
Change me, rearrange me, make me your enemy (Enemy, yeah)
Deep inside realize never want to be your enemy (Walk away from)
Change me, rearrange me, make me your enemy, your enemy
I walk the

High road away from you
God knows what I've been through
This is the life I have, this is the life I choose
I walked away, the high road away from you
Walk away, walk away, you made an enemy

The Twilight Zone

I.
Can't.
Sleep.

I have a doctor's appointment at 10 am tomorrow morning (well ok, i should say in six flippin' hours...) and I am NOT tired. Now, if I didn't have to work tomorrow night it wouldn't be so bad, but tomorrow is going to be the LONGEST day ever.



Other news:
Still haven't heard from my friend. I'm worried. I know he won't pull a Poke on me and just take off, and sometimes I know he gets a little antisocial, I just wish he'd at least say hi or something. Maybe I'm being selfish, but goddamnit, I want to talk to my friend!

I gave up beer for lent again this year. So far, so good. I don't think I will miss it, as I am now more open to liquor-based drinks such as cheap vodka and soda water, lol.

I guess that's all. Oh, here are birthday pics:

Me and MW

Me and KS from school

Me and AT from school

My super awesome cup with lights and a penis!

Me drinking from said cup

MW and her girlfriend

AC yay

Me and RW from school

Me and RP from school

Me and EM from school

Open Mouth, Insert Foot.

Ack. I wish sometimes I could just say things without the entire world crashing down around me.

DBH and I are not in a relationship, ya know? We're just friends. We're just talking. Even so, he's worried about his two friends who don't like me over something I said over a year ago (you may recall someone being described as loking like a potato.) He doesn't want to be in the situation where they make them choose, and I sure don't want that either. I would never want to come between him and his friends. Well anyway, last night I was talking to GG and told her to keep things on the downlow, so as to keep all drama to a minimum. It's not like he's hiding anything, he's just not volunteering any info (his words.) This is all fine with me. But for some reason it really upset him last night and now I feel like shit. We were talking about it last week and we were both really upset over it, but I don't know what happened last night. I think maybe when I said "whatever, it's fine, I'm used to it" he thought that I was comparing him to Poke. I just have to make sure he knows that I would never compare him to Poke in any way whatsoever other than to tell him how much better he is than Poke ever could be. Just the fact that he's worried about this whole friend thing and how they will react shows me that he cares so much. Poke was always like "fuck you, I'm not telling my mom and that's it." Except for now DBH is not talking to me. I sent him a little e-card apologizing for upsetting him, I know he saw it, but he didn't respond to my texts last night. I'm just going to give him some time and space to chill out, because I don't want to seem clingy or as if I'm turning this whatever it is into a big deal relationship or something. I just feel so shitty for hurting my friend and making him upset.

*sigh* That's about all for now.

Sex

OMG!

Ok, that was for DBH. He said I should post that, so I did. But now I shall continue. My birthday was SUPER fun on Friday. A lot of people came, WR, EM, KS, AT, RP, RW - all from school, plus MW and her girlfriend, AC, The Sir and his girl, and one of EM's friends I met at the end of last term. It was a blast. There was a new karaoke guy doing the show, and he was so fun. I really REALLY like his system, it's clear and good. The only problem was that I was so nervous to sing in front of my friends that I didn't rock out like I normally do. OH well. For my birthday I got a super cool cup with lights and a penis inside and a card from MW and her girlfriend, a card from everyone at the bar, a card from the people at school, a card from AT, and a card with 5 lottery tickets from The Sir and his girl - I won $3.00! I drank and drakn and my tab was only $10 lol, but I was so drunk that they wouldn't let me drive home even though I insisted it would be fine cuz I live across the street, but AC took me home anyway.

Saturday, I woke up around 8:00 am and walked over to Groucho's parking lot and got my car. I think I was still a bit intoxicated, but maybe I was just still half asleep. I dunno. Either way, when I got home, I made a grilled cheese sandwich, talked on the phone for a bit, and then napped until almost 2:00 pm. I pretty much laid around all day long, ate some food, laid around some more, napped randomly... yeah. It was nice. RM called me at some point, and we talked about goign out to Helen's again. She had to go out with some friends from work, so we hooked up around 10:30pm. While I was waiting for her, DBH called me and we talked for about an hour. That was nice. He was on his way back from PA, and I told him he should have driven the other way because PA is right next to Ohio and it would have been only like 6 hrs to get here. Oh well! Soon enough. But I digress. RM and I went to Helen's and it was so fun. I love those people! They are all older, crazy, and love karaoke. They are all super nice too and really have manners. The karaoke dude's wife kept trying to hook me up with this guy that I've known for about 4 years, and I was like "noooooo NO NO NO" but she kept insisiting that I "agress" and try to get him to talk to me. Now let me tell you, once a long time ago I was on match.com and this dude ended up being like a 99% match on their little system. He's alright, but not very cute, and he's kinda strange in a very strange way. I just can't even like... have a conversation with him, let alone try to date this guy! Oh well. We had so much fun, it was awesome, I was happy.

Then I made a mistake when I got home. I got on myspace for shits, and noticed that one person was missing from my friend list. I checked it out, and it ended up being Poke's brother who had deleted me. Then for some reason I decided to look at Poke's page, and some bitch had left a comment about fucking on there. I got all irritated and upset, but whatever. If that's what he's going to fuck after leaving me, more power to him. He's never going to find someone as awesome as I am. I've already got somebody in my life who is more caring, romantic, and who wants me more than he ever did. Good luck to him, and once again, I hope his penis falls off. he doesn't deserve to have one.

Sunday morning I woke up sad, so I talked to DBH and he made me feel so much better. Sometimes I just need all that reassurance. I get all these shitty thoughts in my head and I can't get them out, and I need someone to stick their little prongs into my brain and pull all the crap out. Ya Know? Anyway, I got a little sad again after feeling better because DBH told me that he is not, in fact, taking a week off in March because he already used up his vacation. I wasn't too sad though, since it only costs $35 on SkyBus to fly here for a weekend. All we have to do is coordinate our work schedules. It will be just fine. I CAN'T WAIT! Hahaha, yes, I'm excited.

Later, when I get home, I will post pictures of my birthday.

Crazy Old Ladies, Sexy Young Men

Wow. What a year this has already been for me. It started off promising, quickly headed south towards the pits of Hell, and now has been givien a violent shove into seriously almost wonderful.

Poke - haven't talked to him. D*Martin told me that Poke said he wished I would have just said "Good, Leave." instead of trying to plead with him to come back to me. The reason is that "drooling over someone isn't sexy." Well I'm so sorry I wasn't trying to be sexy when you tell me the relationship is over, I'm so sorry but I also wasn't drooling - I was trying to salvage the fucking relationship! Whatever. I am SO better off without him. I just need to figure out what to do with all the crap he left at my house.

Cat - Well I don't know if I ever mentioned this before, but our friendship suffered a blow when she decided I was shitty for wanting to hang out at Groucho's even after she cancelled her show there. She had told everyone that the show was cancelled, then changed her mind 3 days later, and so the owner got someone else to fill in. Well when BC went there to set up for the show, the new guy was already there set up. Cat was furious! I'm like whatever, it's her fault for not being clear with the owner. She gets all pissed off at me, since I'm a bad friend for not supporting her decision to cancel, and for not being pissed at the owner that he got someone else to do the show. She says that they screwed her over, I totally disagree because she's the one who cancelled the show in the first place. Well anyway, she got over it, decided that we had been friends for too long to let something stupid come between us.

I am having my birthday party at Groucho's this Friday, and I didn't invite her because I knew 100% that she wouldn't come - she has a show, she doesn't like Groucho's, and she bitches about smoking. Why would I invite her if she couldn't come anyway? Regardless, I had left a comment on D*Martin's MySpace when he said he didn't want to come and risk running into her. I said, "She's not invited because she has to work, hahaha, so there's no excuse." Apparently she saw this and now I'm a terrible friend. She deleted me from her MySpace, she wrote me two nasty emails, and that's that. Well okay then, if she's going to be so stubborn and self-righteous, I don't need her as a friend because it's not a real friendship anyway.

The first email:
Yeah, I saw your comment on D*Martin's page. "She's not invited, cause she has a show at Trumps." Oh how convenient for you and D*Martin, your fucking buddy. You fucking suck. And, no I am not drunk. You are a backstabber. Yeah, I am your BFF, isn't that forever. Well, not anymore. You arranged this party just so I wouldn't show up. Maybe Poke is right. Take me off your list. You are no friend. Cat

The second email:
You know I have always been there for you, and for you to post something like that on D*Martin's page, is a slap in the face to me. I can't believe that you would do something like that. Especially to a dude that totally fucked me over, and every one else that he comes in contact with. I can't believe that anyone at Groucho's would want to see him either. He's fucking pathetic. And you are now just as bad. But to do it to me who has always been a friend to you. The part that hurts the most is saying I'm not invited because I am at Trumps and no longer at Groucho's. You have no excuse for this. I have been a loyal friend to you, and I expect my friends to be loyal to me, as well. You are not a loyal friend. You hurt me with that comment, so now you can have D*Martin around all you want. Why don't you invite Mel while you're at it? That is all I have to say. Cat

So, that's about it for that story. Onward.

School - SCHOOL RULES. I am a soup/sauce genius! So far this is my strongest thing ever. I rock out soups like it's my job (lol maybe someday it will be) and my sauce are of perfect consistency. It's so great. Not to mention that my other classes are fucking easier than oh um let's say breathing... Computers is easy cuz I know all this shit already, and purchasing is just plain simple. We have to do math in purchasing, which I was a little worried about because I didn't know if I would remember everything my old professor had taught me. It's all good though. Our block is a great group, except for one, but that's okay because there has to be one in every group, right? It's all about attitude and cooperation. Some people lack things that piss everyone off, but what can you do? Move on. She won't last. I have a new kind of BFF, WR. (Not to be confused with WR from Midwest Financial, who is no longer a part of my life. So don't get all messed up.) She and I have a lot in common, and she really REALLY helped me through the whole Poke breakup bullshit. I like her, she is nice. LOL

Love life, or lack thereof, or prospective significant others - I recently started talking to an old person of interest, DBH. He and I have not met in person, but we talk on the phone and online for hours on end, and we've been friends for about a year and a half. He lives in New York State, about 8 hours from here. He has a shitty car, so he's going to have to fly if he wants to visit. It's amazing. He tells me he wants me so badly, and I'm like "why?" and he says it's because I turn him on so much. I'm like "well what about my devastating charm or big wrinkly brain?" and he responds that it's all part of the whole package. THE WHOLE PACKAGE! It's awesome. GG is the one who introduced me to him, and I'm glad she did. I was telling her about the recent developments in this potential relationship, and she's like "Well he's very quiet and neither Megz nor I have been able to get him to open up to us." (Megz is a friend he works with at OGR.) I told her that I haven't really put any pressure on him or tried to pry things out of him, we simply juat talk. Last night I asked him why he wants me, and he said "Because you're sweet and funny and you make me a better person when I'm talking to you." Awwwww.

That's all, I will totally keep you all updated, do not fear.

The Time's They Are A-Changin'

Well, as you all know, Poke left me, yet again. I suppose it's partly my fault for trusting him again, and believing him when he said he had changed/grown/found me to be the one he'd be with forever. But people are selfish and people run, so what can I do? He wanted it all, I gave it to him, but it just wasn't enough. But I digress.

School is going just awesome for me, I'm going to be a big time chef sooner than we all realize. I plan on doing my externship in Boston if I can get hooked up with a place there. Being single is now the best feeling in the world. Sure, I miss having someone to talk to and someone to share my accomplishments with, but knowing that I have NO ONE and NOTHING holding me back is absolutely wonderful. Imagine if I had stayed with him till the end of time - it probably would have turned out like my marriage, with me bringing home all the bacon and him sitting on his ass drinking and working a shit hole job, or maybe eventually, not even having one at all. So FUCK THAT and I rule.

Someday I'll be chowing down on fresh-from-Japan Kobe beef while he sits in his mom's apartment jacking off to clown porn and eating a rallyburger. GO ME!