Survey from GG

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Depends on the gift.

2. Real tree or artificial? In my dreams, real. But because of my monster kittens, artificial.

3. When do you put up the tree? If it's real about 2 wks before Christmas. I've never had an artificial one.

4. When do you take the tree down? 2nd week of January.

5. Do you like eggnog? Delicious.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Anything Barbie.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? Not at my house, but I'm gonna try and con my mom out of the one she has!

8. Hardest person to buy for? SJK.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Cats.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My husband bought me a skirt/pants/shirt that all matched and they were ugly as sin... I never wore them.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Both!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Anything related to "A Christmas Carol" and also "A Christmas Story."

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? ASAP.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No. That's crappy.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Green Bean Casserole

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear on the tree, colored on the windows.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Let it Snow" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and "The Little Drummer Boy"

18. Stay home or travel for Christmas? Home to my parents' house, which is like 20 minutes away.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen. Plus Rudolph!!

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas eve, the rest on Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Those people that sit in front of stores ringing the bells. - I agree with GG!

Few Things

I'm a super happy girl right now. Despite feeling like a big worthless piece of crap, job-wise, my personal life is swell. Yay.

Here, do this. My life depends on it.

What color should I dye my hair? Keep it Orange! Stoplight Red Chocolate Brown Blackest Black Bleach Blonde Something with Stripes View Results

Rorschach Test... yum.

Presenting the first annual ELE Food Rorschach Test. Your answers will provide a window into your inner soul (food and otherwise). But unlike other (psychologists and psychiatrists) professionals who administer Rorschach tests, I have no way of interpreting the results. And since this is a self-administered Rorschach, you can interpret the results any way you see fit. If it's not too painful I would appreciate everyone who takes the test to share his or her results in any way you deem appropriate.

• 1) Haggen Dasz or Ben & Jerry's? Ben & Jerry's - they have purpose.
  
• 2) Skippy or Jif? Neither, I hate peanut butter and it has no place in my cupboards.
  
• 3) Bagel or Bialy? Bagel! I love Jews!
  
• 4) Whipped or Regular Cream Cheese? Neufchatel - lower in fat and much tastier.
  
• 5) Relish or Sauerkraut on your hot dogs? Sauerkraut - I'm German. Relish is yucky.
  
• 6) Milk or Dark Chocolate? Dark, preferably bittersweet.
  
• 7) Salted or Sweet Butter? Unsalted but not sweet.
  
• 8) Pastrami or Corned Beef on a Deli Sandwich? CORNED BEEF (again I love Jews!)
  
• 9) French Fries or Onion Rings? Onion rings, the only rings I like.
  
• 10) Espresso, Regular Coffee or Latte? All of the above, please!!
  
• 11) Crispy or Pliant Bacon? Crispy all the way. Pliant bacon is just gross.
  
• 12) White or Dark Meat (on either chicken or turkey)? Dark - more flavor for sure.
  

The only rule that will be strictly enforced is the no equivication rule. That is, you can't say that I like sweet butter on certain things, and salted butter on others, even if it's true. You must decide which is your over-all preference and vote accordingly.

I would also appreciate any suggestions about questions that should be on the next Food Rorschach test.

You may start the test any time.

GG and the Meme

10 FAVORITES

Favorite Color:
Black

Favorite Food:
MEXICAN!

Favorite Month:
October/March

Favorite Song:
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by George Harrison


Favorite Movie:
The Little Mermaid

Favorite Sport:
Hockey

Favorite Season:
Fall

Favorite Day:
March 17 / October 31

Favorite Ice Cream:
None, but if I *have* to choose I'd say some kind of coffee

Favorite Time of Day:
Night.


9 CURRENTS

Current Mood:
Vindicated.

Current Taste:
Old cheese popcorn and diet coke plus

Current Clothes:
Sandals, Jeans, Shirt, Panties, Bra

Current Desktop:
EMU!

Current Toenail Color:
Oxford Wine by Avon

Current Time:
14:11

Current Surroundings:
Office shit

Current Thoughts:

• What a stupid fucker.
• I can't wait to go to Groucho's.
• I'm gonna try and fuck that one boy tonight.
• "Waverick" is a funny fucking word.
• I miss D*Martin, I haven't seen him in forever.
• Do I have a headache?

8 FIRSTS

First Best Friend: MEI

First Kiss:
Kevin Krusoe

First Screen Name:
l6e6i6la (yahoo)

First Pet:
When I arrived, there were three cats: Squeaky, Spunky, and Puffy (the mom and 2 kittens)

First Piercings:
Ears, age five

First Crush:
Kevin Krusoe. I was determined to marry his ass, all the way up til he went into a coma. If he ever comes out, I'll probably consider it again.

First CD:
Sublime


7 LASTS

Last Cigarette:
Six minutes ago

Last Drink:
Diet coke plus

Last Car Ride:
From home to work

Last Kiss:
Wednesday morning around 4am (fuck him)

Last Movie Seen:
"Bowling for Columbine"

Last Phone Call:
Some lady looking for Olivia

Last CD Played:
Mix CD titled "FUCK YOU"


6 HAVE-YOU-EVERS

Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends:
Yep

Have You Ever Broken the Law:
Yep

Have You Ever Been Arrested:
Yep

Have You Ever Skinny Dipped:
Yep

Have You Ever Been on TV:
Yep

Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know:
Yep


5 THINGS

Thing You’re Wearing:

• Sandals
• Jeans
• Panties
• Shirt
• Bra

Thing You’ve Done Today:

• Got dressed
• Smoked a cigarette
• Faxed a package
• Filled out a survey
• Ate cheese popcorn

Thing You Can Hear Right Now:

• KG's playing a youtube video
• Mix 97.1 Sue Show
• Myself typing
• CB packing up his desk for the weekend
• Fax machine humming

Thing You Can’t Live Without:

• SJK
• Friends
• Air
• Water
• Sheeba

Thing You Do When You’re Bored:

• Smoke
• Drink
• Fill out surveys
• Sleep
• Read

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY:

• Bed
• Bathroom
• Office
• Outside

3 PEOPLE YOU'D LIKE TO MEET - DEAD OR LIVING:

• Jack Nicholson
• Pope John Paul II
• Hitler

2 CHOICES

Black or White
Black

1 BOOK:
"A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" by Betty Smith

I love Dick(eybird)

Hey Kelly,

Here are your five:

1. Starting with the hard stuff. What made you decide to go to rehab last week?
The choice was between three days in jail or three days in "the program". I decided on the program not only because I'm too pretty to go to jail, but I pride myself on never being in real trouble with the law. Everyone I know has gotten an OMVI, so that's not too bad, but I would have hated to say, "Yes, I have spent time in jail."

2. If you had the opportunity to choose a career today, any career, but would have to stick with it for another 40 years, what would it be and why?
If money is no object here and I can still pay bills and so forth, I would have to choose writer/photographer. I would love nothing more than to be able to write and write and write and take pictures and write about those. I'm currently in the processing of writing another book, as a matter of fact. I've already published one book of poetry and had a photo published in a book as well, and it ruled. No one has bought any copies of my own book, but I don't know anyone else who can say they're a two-time published poet! (I also had a poem published in 1999 in a book of composite poetry from many artists.) I'd love to be able to travel all over and write about the things I see, the people I meet, etc.

3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Salem, Massachusettes. No questions asked. If I had the money I'd move there right now. It's the only place I've ever been where I feel completely comfortable and really happy all the way to the core.

4. If you were a judge, and were able to decide any punishment for a proven mass murderer (let’s say he stabbed 7 people randomly one night), who is completely sane, what would his punishment be?
I would lock him up in solitary confinement for the rest of his god-given life, and have the families and friends of the victims write letters to him which he would be forced to read everyday and write "essays" of sorts in regards to. I would let him out only once a week and only to receive a visit from said family/friends (behind glass of course with security.) The reason for this is that I don't believe he should be given the blessing of not being alive and having to deal with the guilt, shame, and pain that comes with murdering another. I want him to be drowned in the pain of the victims' families/friends and realize how much his actions in just one night affected so many people. I would also allow him to receive letters from his own family detailing their pain/shame/etc. that resulted from his actions.

5. What advice would you have for a recently-separated man in his early thirties, who has returned to his hometown after a long time away, and is for the most part starting his life again?
Focus on Number One. You have to love yourself and be strong before you can love and be strong for others, including friends and family, not just lovers. In fact, I'm taking that own advice right now.

PS. If you don’t want to answer #1, Do you think strippers are victims of a misogynist society, or are they taking advantage of men’s baser instincts?
I'll answer it anyway! I think they are girls who have very low self esteem and self worth. They use the "acceptance" to make themselves feel better, and I do think it all stems from baser instincts. No one forces them to become strippers, but it's "not that bad" because "at least they aren't prostitutes"... you know what I mean?

Sorry to hear about you and Poke. I wonder why he did what he did? He doesn't sound "right."
*hug*
Dickeybird

Well this is good!

Kelly
&
Ian

78% Compatible

♥ Kelly and Ian have been romantically-together for awhile now, indicating a degree of compatibility. Similar personality descriptions are a plus. Their difference of faith could cause friction. They both drink, so there is no incompatibility there. Both are brainy, and that is a good thing. However, their astrological signs are not in harmony. Their common love of animals is good thing. Both are sexually-uninhibited. Overall, Kelly and Ian are quite compatible. There are a few rough spots, but nothing that cannot be overcome. ♥

Dating Compatibility Test on Dating Diversions

Tag! I'm it!

"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to."

1. Pussy Control - Prince - It's my theme song, for real.
2. Your Love - The Outfield - This is the last song that Poke sang to me at karaoke two days before he left me, and I think I know why.
3. Fuck You - Harry Nilsson - I think this is pretty obvious... but I'm still upset over Poke and it makes me feel better to sing "Fuck You".
4. Crazy Bitch - Buck Cherry - Super awesome song! I love the energy, but I like Jumping Dead Batteries cover of it better than the original.
5. Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers - I pretty much hate this song, but it's always stuck in my head and it's really easy to sing.
6. Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence - Exactly.
7. Let's Start Over - Daughtry - His voice is like honey dripping from the golden comb of the gods.

You're next! I now tag...

Dickeybird
Lilly Kat
GG
Wachy
Thora
Regina
Normlr

Raise Your Hand if You Have Random Insomnia

You Are 49% Angry

Generally, you are not an angry person. But you're easily frustrated and enraged. You have one heck of a temper. And because of your anger, you tend to feel resentful and even spiteful. You already know how to quell your anger. You just need to do it more often.

How Angry Are You?

You Are 64% Healthy

Your diet is quite healthy, but you don't too crazy with what you eat. You know how to eat what's good for you, but you're also careful not to deprive yourself.

How Healthy Is Your Diet?

Your Lust Quotient: 54%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it. Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

You Are 31% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're a little addicted to love. You won't do anything for love, but sometimes you do more than you should. No one's worth losing your head for - because in the end you'll only lose your heart. Don't avoid falling in love. Just make sure you don't get too hooked.

Are You Addicted to Love?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls

You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back. You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.

How Girlie Are You?

You Are A Relationship Rescuer!

You don't ruin relationships, if anything you keep them together The key: you respect yourself and your guy. Which goes further than you might think. You simply treat your guy how you would like to be treated... the old golden rule. And in return, he treats you like gold - or at least tries. And how perfect is that

Do You Ruin Relationships?

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Picky

You have no problem attracting guys - and even dating a little It's just around second or third date time where you start to see faults If a guy isn't near perfect, you're not into him. It's good to have standards - but yours rule almost everyone out.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

You Are Ani Difranco!

Honest, real, and well liked. You're not limited by any boundaries. "And you can call me crazy But I think you're as lazy as white paint on the wall"

Who's Your Inner Rock Chick?

You're Confident...Sometimes

You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt A little more inner confidence could take you far... And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You Confident?

Your Makeup Look Is

Dramatic Eyes with Naked Lips You rock an edgy, modern look with feminine grace

What's Your Signature Makeup Look?

Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge

You know how to make your man crave more of you But you also know when to show some interest back You're good at keeping your guy guessing And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel

Are You a Challenge?

You Should Be With a Water Sign!

Your best match is a Cancer, Scorpio, or Pisces Why? You crave intimacy and connection in your relationship And while most guys can't open up enough for you, a Water Sign can Not that you're whole relationship will be soul gazing A Water Sign matches your goofy sense of humor - and desire to help others.

What Sign Should You Date?

Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy

You're definitely a flirt - and a good one. But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by. You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you. That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.

Are You Easy?

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

You Probably Look Your Age (At Least!)

You don't really respect your body, and that may catch up with you over time. Relax a little and try to take care of yourself. If not, you'll have a lot of botox in your future.

Do You Look Your Age?

Woohoo! Weehoo!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
09:00
2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Pan's Labyrinth
4. What is your favourite TV show?
Law & Order: SVU
5. What did you have for breakfast?
3 cans of Canada Dry Naturally Flavored Refreshingly Raspberry Sparking Water
6. What is your middle name?
Denise. Named after my dad (Dennis)
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Mexican
8. What foods do you dislike?
Peanut butter, chicken w/bones, anything slimy...
9. Your favorite Potato chip?
Plain w/ripples
10. What cd have you been listening to lately?
Mix CD I made about how angry I am
11. What kind of car do you drive?
Ford Mustang
12. Favorite sandwich?
Bacon with mayo on toast
13. What characteristics do you despise?
Dishonesty, ignorance, "the nerve" (as in, "how could he have the nerve to say such a thing!?")
14. What are your favorite clothes?
TMNT T-shirt and velour lounge suit
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Salem, MA
16. Favorite brand of clothing?
n/a, I really don't care.
17. Where would you want to retire?
See Question 15.
18. Favorite time of day?
When SVU comes on TV
19. Where were you born?
Akron, OH
20. What is your favorite sport to watch?
HOCKEY!! or MMA (specifically UFC)
21. Who do you think will not send this back?
Well I'm not emailing it, so everyone will not send it back.
22. Person you expect to send it back first?
See above, except nobody will send it back.
23. Pepsi or Coke?
Coke, Pepsi is too syrupy
24. Beavers or Ducks?
Beavers cuz they're cute and ducks are creepy
25. Are you a morning person or night owl?
Night Owl
26. Pedicure or Manicure?
Manicure cuz my fingers are nasty looking when I don't have nails on
27. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
I'm in an open relationship with JAFH
28. What did you want to be when you were little?
A mom
29. What is your best childhood memory?
All of them, for real
30. Ever been toilet papering?
Nope
31. Been in a car accident?
About four or five
32. Favorite restaurant?
Fiesta Jalisco
33. Favorite flower?
Lilac and tulip
34. Favorite ice cream?
n/a, I don't eat it often enough to have a favorite
35. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Taco Bell
36. How many times did you fail your drivers test?
Once.
37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Barix Clinics
38. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Anyone I guess
39. Last person you went to dinner with?
The Asian
40. How many tattoos do you have?
One.
41. How many people are you sending this to?
Over 600 billion
42. What time did you finish this e-mail?
10:48am
43. Favorite magazine?
Good Housekeeping.
44. If you could meet any famous person, who would it be?
Jack Nicholson
45. If you could choose another first name, what would it be?
LeeAnne cuz that was supposed to be my name in the first place.
46. If you could change your profession right now, what would you be doing?
Being a mom

Courtesy of Lately Bothered

The most accurate survey type thing I have ever taken.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Fun times...

YOUR REAL NAME: Kelly
(originally my real name was LeeAnn but the foster home failed to tell this to my parents)

YOUR GANGSTA NAME (1st 4 letters plus izzle): Kellizzle
(sounds like a pop bottle leaking quickly)

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Black Walrus
(I wouldn't trust me)

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street): Denise Berkshire
(I find the Hamptons to be quite dull this time of year. *scoff*)

YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom's maiden name): Lackepri
(Seems more like a desert elk than a Star Wars character)

YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): The Pink Harpoon
(In my spare time I'm a gay porn star)

YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom's maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad's middle name + 1st letter of a sibling's first name + last letter of your Mom's middle name): Ebirhse
(Again, I'm picturing desert elk... I think I'll go by "Sally" instead)

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa's first name + Jones): Alice Jones
(Hrm. Lame.)

YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Sheeba
(Apparently I'm goth and Egyptian...)

YOUR AMERICAN IDOL NAME (fav car and sea food): Mustang Sushi
(Hahahahahaha! Mustang Sushi, you better slow that Mustang down...!)

NAME OF YOUR DREAM BAND (name of computer + printer): Dell Brother
(Not bad, I think they'd play hard Irish folk rock)

MOVIE STAR NAME (sibling's middle name + mother-in-law's maiden name): Joseph Mangino
(I only star in B-movies of the mob persuasion)

YOUR ALTER EGO NAME (name of one your childhood pets + popular brand of clothes when you were young): Squeaky Jordache
(I wonder what profession my alter ego has...)

YOUR LAWYER NAME (fav actor's last name + fav hard liquor): Nicholson Wild Turkey
(I would definitely never hire myself!)

YOUR HIP HOP NAME (fav candy + fruit): Jellybean Tomatoe
(I get shot at the first White Suit Party that I go to, what a shame)

Random Shit

I'm too tired to write.

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 51 You will die when your chair explodes very unexpectedly Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

How Honest Are You? Congratulations, according to our experts, you scored : 58% which makes you Mostly Honest You are mostly honest. You can occasioally stray from the truth but its mostly minor stuff and often for good reasons. Not to worry, too much honestly can be bad for you. Find out how honest you are at Quizopolis.com

Congratulations, according to our experts, you are : 83% Flirty Take the Flirting Quiz at Quizopolis.com

How Much Are You Worth? Congratulations, according to our experts, you are worth : $2,299,776 Find out how much you are worth at Quizopolis.com

Past Life Quiz In Your Past Life You Were A Eunuch Find out your past life at Quizopolis.com

Damn those Asians.

CHINESE HOROSCOPE (Freakishly Correct)
DO NOT CHEAT
OR IT WON'T WORK AND
YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN`T.

TAKE 3 MINUTES
TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.

NO CHEATING!!!!
THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.

DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT.

IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY


1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD
otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.


1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.







2. Next to the NUMBERS 1 & 2,

WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.














3. Next to the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. SAME SEX IF GAY













CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT














4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6.















DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID













5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
















6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH




















ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE KEY TO THE GAME...


1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU is found in SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4

5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS YOUR LUCKY STAR

7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7

9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE

11. NUMBER 1 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER

SO!
According to this damn thing:

1. 2/3 is my lucky number.
2. 47 people like me.
3. D*Martin is the one I love
4. Poke is the one I care most about.
5. SJK knows me very well.
6. GG is my lucky star.
7. TB is the one I like but it can't work.
8. "Happy Birthday" matches D*Martin.
9. "Fuck You" matches TB.
10. "Pussy Control" tells me most about my mind.
11. "Chasing Cars" is how I feel about life.

Well I'd say that's pretty damn accurate except a) TB is not someone I am romantically interested in and "Fuck You" is probably the last song I would ever attach to our work relationship b) Poke is not the one I care most about and c) I don't think 2/3 is my favorite number, although I do use "73%" a lot when I'm randomly choosing a percentage.

By the way, did I ever tell you guys that my birthdate = 23?
2+1+1+9+8+2 = 23
I'm special.

Bitch Slap!

My score on The Personality Defect Test:

**************************************

Bitch-Slap
(You are 42% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.)

"You are the Bitch-Slap, the hallmark response of any abusive husband! You are more intuitive than others, focusing more on feelings than rational explanations, and you are also probably very brutual because you care more about yourself than the well-being of others. As all nagging wives know, brutality combined with emotion often leads to BITCH-SLAPPING, which is why you are called "The Bitch Slap". (That and because I find it amusing to accuse people of pummeling female dogs.) Your humility probably stems from insecurity, if anything, because people fond of slapping the shit out of someone in place of rational discussion are usually not humble in the way Jesus was humble. Possible sources of insecurity? A small penis, a small bank account, a small intelligence...gee, when you say "small" a lot, it stops sounding like a real word! Not only that, but you are also rather introverted, and any tendencies towards brutality you possess may also result from the fact that you bottle up your emotions and don't show them to others until you explode in rage like some sort of shaken soda can. Take it from me, it is much more rewarding to bottle beer over emotions. You can't get wasted on emotions. Aside from all my talk (and it's a lot of talk) you are probably not a VIOLENT person, just someone who is rather selfish and who makes decisions based upon emotional motives. At any rate, being a bitch-slap does not necessarily mean you will abuse your spouse (your body odor is no doubt abuse enough); it only means you are rather intuitive, uncaring toward others, brutal, introverted, and possibly insecure.
And sorry about that body odor remark if you really are insecure. I promise that you smell like roses. Being fertilized by cow shit.


To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.
3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.
4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:
Your exact opposite is the &&&&Braggart.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the &&&&Schoolyard Bully, the &&&&Class Clown, and the &&&&Brute.

*

*

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:
&&&&The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
&&&&The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
&&&&The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
&&&&The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
&&&&The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
&&&&The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
&&&&The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
&&&&The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
&&&&The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
&&&&The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
&&&&The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
&&&&The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
&&&&The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
&&&&The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
&&&&The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
&&&&The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!

About Saint_Gasoline

I am a self-proclaimed pseudo-intellectual who loves dashes. I enjoy science, philosophy, and fart jokes and water balloons, not necessarily in that order. I spend 95% of my time online, and the other 5% of my time in the bathroom, longing to get back on the computer. If, God forbid, you somehow find me amusing instead of crass and annoying, be sure to check out my blog and my webcomic at SaintGasoline.com."

**************************************

Take it!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=4741219933576750506

Guess What This Is.

Post answers as comments. I'm interested to see who wins.

Poll. And sad lyrics.

How should I handle this? Move on.Wait.Write him mean notes.Write him nice notes.Go thru his friends. View Results

Nobody's Fool
------Cinderella

I count the falling tears
They fall before my eyes
Seems like a thousand years
Since we broke the ties
I call you on the phone
But never get a rise
So sit there all alone
It's time you realize

I'm not your fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
I'm no fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
Never again, no, no

You take your road, I'll take mine
The paths have both been beat
Searchin' for a change of pace
Love needs to be sweetened
I scream my heart out, just to make a dime
And with that dime I bought your love
But now I've changed my mind

I'm not your fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
I'm no fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
Never again, no, no
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
I'm no fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool

I count the falling tears
They fall before my eyes
Seems like a thousand years
Since we broke the ties
Ohhh

I'm not your fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
I'm no fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
I'm no fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
I'm no fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool

Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool

Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
No, nobody's fool
Nobody's fool
No, nobody's fool, yea
Nobody's fool
Nobody's fool




Everybody's Changing
------Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can

You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

You're gone from here
Soon you will disappear
Fading into beautiful light
'cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

Ooo...
Everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same.

The Soundtrack of My Life

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. No repeat artists
7. No cheating and doctoring your list to make yourself look cooler than the person you took this from!


Opening Credits:
"White Trash Wedding" - Dixie Chicks
How fucking appropriate!

First Day At School:
"Baby Please Don't Go" - Chicago
Awww!

Falling In Love:
"Across the Field" - The Ohio State University Marching Band
Interesting... kind of applies to Poke and I though!

Breakin Up:
"Stan" - Emeinem featuring Elton John live
Scary. OMG, so scary.

Prom:
"Tonight Tonight" - Smashing Pumpkins
What am I, emo 1995?

Sex scene:
"After Midnight" - Eric Clapton
Yeah baby! We're gonna let it all hang out!

Life's Ok:
"Hey Good Lookin'" - Jimmy Buffett and various artists
How cute and sugary and sappy.

Mental Breakdown:
"Fool on the Hill" - The Beatles
Nice. Totally appropriate. This survey is starting to scare me.

Driving:
"All for Love" - Rod Stewart, Bryan Adams, and Sting
Seems like a song I'd play after murdering my lover and I'm on a low-speed race for the state line...

Flashback:
"Summertime" - The Who
Well that's ghey.

Getting Back Together:
"Zero" - Smashing Pumpkins (wtf, how'd they get on here twice, those bastards!)
I don't really get this one... but okay.

Birth of Child:
"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - Traditional Christmas Carol
Jesus Christ. No pun intended. This could be taken two ways... either the child was the product of a gang bang, or the child is the next messiah... hmmm.

Wedding Scene:
"Whisky in the Jar" - U2 live in Dublin
ROCK ON!!

Final Battle:
"A Day in the Life" - The Beatles
Oh lord. How sad. But for real.

Death Scene:
"Rescue Me" - Uncle Kracker
LAME! Good song but sheesh.

Funeral Scene:
"Behind Blue Eyes" - Pete Townshend live acoustic
OMG if this played at my funeral I would come back from the grave just to weep for myself.

End Credits:
"Closer to the Heart" - Rush
I see. Hmmm.

I'm asking one more time...

Before I get bored...

What should my theme song be? She Don't Use Jelly Control Don't Stop Me Now Cigarettes & Choc. Milk Living Dead Girl View Results

I'm Leavin' It ALL Up to YOU!

What should my theme song be? She Don't Use Jelly Control Don't Stop Me Now Cigarettes & Choc. Milk Living Dead Girl View Results

More Surveys, I'm lame.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Egg Nog

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Oh, he wraps them!

3. Colored lights on tree/house?
Yes! As long as they are straight. I hate crooked lights. Please don't look at my kitchen, the cats decided to play Tarzan on the lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
2nd week of December

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Green Bean Casserole

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
Sneaking down after "lights out" when I thought I could sneak a peak at Santa, but I got bored waiting and ate some of his cookies. My mom and dad were watching me wait for Santa, and suddenly turned the lights on and snapped a picture of me eating cookies! I look so guilty. I was about four I think.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I was about six or seven, and I left a note for Santa to please give me his phone # so I could call him after Christmas and thank him for the presents. My frickin' dad left a note back, "from Santa" in HIS OWN HANDWRITING that said "phone is broke." *sniff*

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve or Day?
Sometimes one on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas Day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
I don't. The kittens would destroy it.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread?
Love the snow, dread the drivers.

12. Can you ice skate?
Not really, I'm top heavy.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Any and all Barbies ever received.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Presents! Nah, just kiddin'. Love and all that stuff.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Swedish cookies.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
... Don't really have one anymore...

17. What tops your tree?
n/a, no tree!

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
I like to give unexpected gifts that I know people will like, and I like the surprise of getting something I never expected.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yuck.



Drinking Buddy of The Year?
D*Martin, Poke, SL (but not anymore), KP.

Lifetime service award - Longest friend
The Lilly Kat.

High Point of the year?
Finally dating Poke for real.

Low point of the year?
SL.

Best holiday?
They were all pretty good... Thanksgiving ruled...

Anthem for 2006?
SEXYBACK!

Any regrets?
SL.

Best Night out?
Nov. 15th.

Worst Night out?
When my ex was at Brewstirs and bought me drinks and SL got pissed.

Best concert?
n/a.

Best New Relationship/Friend?
Poke! Friend... Psyndi

Best decision made all year?
Leaving SL.

Best new album that you have got?
n/a

Proudest moment?
Standing up for myself and not backing down.

Most reliable person?
GG, Moose, Cat.

Best job of the year?
That blow job I gave the other day...

Best Film?
Saw I, II, III.

Rate 2006 on a scale of 1-10(best)
7.

Plans for 07?
I don't even want to think about it!

Best friend (not gf/bf)?
GG, D*Martin.




** JANUARY **

1. Where did you spend New Years Eve?
Stank New Jersey.

2. Did you have a new year's resolution that year?
Yes

3. Does it snow where you live?
Yes

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Yes

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
Fuck that.

** FEBRUARY **

1. Who was your Valentine?
SL

2. When you were little, did you buy valentines for all of your classmates?
Yes.

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
He lies anyway!

** MARCH **

1. Are you Irish?
My name is

2. Did you wear green on St. Patty's Day?
Yes, kinda.

3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2006?
Zuey's w/KP and GG showed up later on.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Eh, not really cuz I hate summer and it's on the way when winter ends.

** APRIL **

1. Do you like the rain?
Yes.

2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
I don't remember

3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter?
No

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
If by celebrate you mean did I smoke weed, then no.

5. Do you love the month of April?
Well, it's the month SJK was born, and he's my #1 favorite brother of all time, so... kinda?

** MAY **

1. What's your favorite kind of flower?
Lilac.

2. Do you like the spring?
It's okay, not as good as Fall though.

3. Finish the phrase "April showers":
Make things wet.

4. What is the first color you think of when you think of Spring?
Yellow.

** JUNE **

1. Did you graduate high school yet?
Yes, six years ago.

2. Did you realize nothing special happens in June?
Definitely.

** JULY **

1. What did you do on the Fourth of July?
Went to J1/J2's house... ate some food... I think we might have gone to karaoke...?

2. Did you go on any vacations during this month?
Nope.

3. Do you blast the A/C all day?
Nope.

** AUGUST **

1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Broke up with SL.

2. What was your favorite summer memory of '06?
n/a.

3. Did you have a sunburn?
Yes, omg...!

4. Do you go to the beach a lot?
Yeah, totally! There are SO MANY beaches in OHIO... wtf.

** SEPTEMBER **

1. Did you attend school/college in '06?
No.

2. Who is your favorite teacher?
Mrs. LaPierre

3. Do you like fall better than summer?
YES!

** OCTOBER **

1. What was your Halloween costume?
n/a

2. What's your favorite candy?
Charleston Chew.

3.What did you do for Halloween?
I think... nothing.

** NOVEMBER**

1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
My parents'.

2. Do you love stuffing?
YES.

3. What are you thankful for?
Friends, family, life.

** DECEMBER **

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yes

2. If not, what do you celebrate?
See above, moron.

3. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Yes.

4. Get anything special last year?
Motherfuckin' crock pot!!!