10 August 2005

If I close my eyes forever, will it all remain unchanged...?

Well I haven't posted in a few days, but I've been very sleepy.

My uncle died last night at about five til midnight, finally. I know that probably sounds awful for me to say "finally" but he has been waiting to die for the last two weeks. About two and a half weeks ago he went into the hospital because the pain around his feeding tube had gotten unbearable, even with all the morphine and whatever else pain medication he was on. They found that there were tumours surrounding the tube inside his body and squeezing it shut, so the doctors took the tube out. Now, it was up to my uncle to try and find a way to eat or drink the regular way, by swallowing the food/drink, however, that was next to impossible because his esophagus had swollen so badly that the hole was the size of a grain of rice. In addition to all this, when the feeding tube was taken out it caused massive internal bleeding which they could not stop. So here is my uncle, sitting at home, starving to death and bleeding to death for two weeks until he finally died last night. I'm upset that I'm not more upset, but I'm quite angry and also I was prepared for him to die. Still not happy.

Other than that, pretty much nothing is going on. I think I'm starting to have too much feelings for SL, but I'll deal with it. He seems to like me back, hell, we spent five and a half hours on the phone Monday night. Damn distance. I really have nothing else to talk about, it all seems fairly unimportant today.

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