I'm gonna win this someday. You know why? Because I'm going to become a lesbian. Since July 25th, I've lost two "boyfriends" (men I was "seeing") to other women. I'm racking my brain to think of how it could possibly be my fault, and I cannot come up with a reason. So, it's them, they suck, and I'm going to become a lesbian.
Last night I went to Zuey's and hung out for awhile. KL and I were the only girls there. TG, RJ, K, Danny, and SE were all at a table in the back just being incredibly testosteroney. It was scary but funny when Danny took off all his clothes and was walking around Zuey's in his bikini briefs and a fireman's hat (a small plastic child's fireman's hat.) Then K took off his shirt, then RJ took his off. It was ridiculous.
SE paid a bit of attention to me, touched my leg and gave me a quick kiss when he thought no one was looking. We're still trying to keep this under wraps, so it's okay that he isn't all over me in public. Well that fucker from Sunday night came in, Jimmy, and tried to be cool with SE. He offered to buy him a drink. KL was like "that's the dude SE got in a fight with" and I told her all about Sunday night. She was thrilled that SE and I are hooking up and she said she thought it would be a cool thing in the end. I told her not to tell anyone, and felt that I had probably already said too much even though I didn't really tell her all that much about anything.
I left at eleven fifteenish to go to The Hot Spot to watch NMc play his guitar. It was pretty fun, I sang with him twice ("Gimme One Reason" by Tracy Chapman and "Come to My Window" by Melissa Etheridge.) The girl with the pretty hair, R, was there. Apparently she and NMc have been friends for a long time. That's cool. I went back to Zuey's at about twelve-fifteen. Walked in, and what do I see? None other than SE, mackin' on some white trash ghetto ass whore. She's been in Zuey's before and she was after K for awhile but he straight denied her. SE is kissing this chick on the lips and on the forehead and on the cheek and everywhere. I don't think he even saw me sitting there. I was furious. KL was like, "I'm so sorry! If I knew what to do I would have done something!" I couldn't believe it. It was SE's idea to be exclusive, SE's idea to start this whole "relationship" in the first place. Goddamnit. Well, that's that I guess. I'm not going to give anyone chances anymore, so the relationship between SE and me is over. Great.
Anyway, some more shitty news, GG and IG broke up. It's quite sad, and it was fairly random. She'll be okay but its a shitty situation because they were together for almost a year. Tuesday Moose and GG and I went to The Hot Spot for karaoke. It was pretty fun. NMc showed up to remind me to come to his show Wednesday (I'm obviously going backwards here, haha.) I sang "Take Me or Leave Me" from RENT and I ROCKED. I was even amazed at myself.
Grrr. I'm so hurt. That is why I'm going to paste this song. Enjoy.
Terrible Lie ~ Nine Inch Nails~
hey God
why are you doing this to me?
am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
why am i seething with this animosity?
hey God
i think you owe me a great big apology.
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
hey God
i really don't know what you mean.
seems like salvation come only in our dreams.
i feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.
hey God
can this world really be as sad as it seems?
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
don't take it away from me.
i need someone to hold on to.
don't take it away from me.
i need someone to hold on to.
hey God
there's nothing left for me to hide.
i lost my ignorance, security and pride.
i'm all alone in a world you must despise.
hey God
i believed your promises, your promises and lies.
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
terrible lie
you made me throw it all away.
my morals left to decay.
how many you betray.
you've taken everything.
terrible lie.
my head is filled with disease.
my skin is begging you please.
i'm on my hands and knees.
i want so much to believe.
i need someone to hold on to.
i need someone to hold on to.
i need someone i need someone.
i need someone to hold on to.
i give you everything.
my sweet everything.
hey God
i really don't know who i am.
in this world of piss
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