31 October 2005

And Michael Flatley was there in Silver Underwear

Haha, I know that's not the actual line but that's what pops into my head when I'm thinking of the words to "Rocky Horror Picture Show"... the song that starts with "Something something something the day the earth stood still" and goes on to say "See androids fighting, Brad and Janet, and Doctor X (sex! sex! sex!) will build a creature..." Yep. I am so out of touch.

So anyway, let's recap this week.

Monday I cried. GMc came over for goulash and zuchinni fritters and we watched... "Shall We Dance?" which was pretty shitty, and then "While You Were Sleeping" which was pretty good. SL called me and told me that his area had been ravaged by the hurricane and I cried.

Tuesday I cried. I went to Zuey's for a little bit and TG made me smile and cry at the same time because he was trying to cheer me up but I was really having no part of it. I went to the Hot Spot after that and Dusty and O showed up. Dusty bought me a couple beers and a shot and we hung out and it was pretty great. For some reason I was trying to get him to come home with me, but I didn't really want to fuck him, even though that was how I was trying to get him to come home. I think I just wanted some one in my bed to hold me since I had been crying since Saturday night. However, I left abruptly and he called me later on and was on his way back to Buckeye Lake, so nothing happened. I think if he had actually come over nothing would have happened anyway, but I'm still glad he didn't.

Wednesday I cried, and I can't remember what I did... I'm pretty sure I stayed home and did nothing... oh yeah, I bought a 12 pack of Beast and drank like seven of them and watched "The Godfather"

Thursday I cried. I went to karaoke and it was alright. I hung out with D*Martin and Cameron and it was fairly entertaining. D*Martin kept kissing me... that was a bit strange. I didn't mind, since that's how I met him anyway when he randomly kissed me back in the day. I was also kind of glad because this dude keeps following me around - Remember when GMc and I went to the VIP and Danielle was nice and some guy bought me a Jack & Coke Tall? That's the guy. The last three times (including this Thursday) I have gone to karaoke, he's been there, staring at me. I safely surrounded myself with D*Martin and Cameron and their friend A. Moose came in and I talked to him briefly and then GG came in but I didn't feel like getting into a conversation or anything so I just left and didn't say hi. I felt bad but I apologized the next day. D*Martin tried to come home with me, but I left again, abruptly. It's easier that way.

Friday work was going so shitty and I was just miserable. Then I got the bright idea in my head to look and see if there were any hotels in the Jupiter area (about 20 minutes North of West Palm Beach) because they have power and everything. I called seven different hotels before I finally got ahold of one, and I asked if they had anything from Nov. 4th to Nov. 9th and they said "No, but we have Nov. 6th to Nov. 10th" and I said "BOOK ME!" I was at McDonald's with KG and I was jumping around and yelling and giggling and I was so happy. I'm finally happy again. I had the best rest of the day. I went to Zuey's and had a beer and hung out, then I went home and napped for awhile til I talked to SL forever. Happy happy happy.

Saturday I cleaned around the house a little bit and then went to Zuey's to finish watching the OSU vs Minnesota game (OSU won, of course.) BR made burgers and I had one and some chips, then left. I went home and napped some more, and then got up around nine to get ready for DS's birthday party at The Lodge Bar. I got dressed, all nice and cute-like, and drove downtown, only to remember that parking is nill and where there is parking it costs $5 and also the cover was $5... now, I like DS just as much as the next jew but he wasn't really worth $10 just to get into a bar where I wasn't likely to have any fun. So I went back to Zuey's and hung out for a beer and a Cherry Bomb and talked to RC and SR a little bit. Then I went home and... slept... no, I watched TV. Then I slept.

Sunday I went to Cleveland with the family to my gramma's house to celebrate my dah's birthday (which happens to be today! Halloween Baby!) We went to Blazin' Bills Rib BBQ something or other and it was good, as always. My gramma was not very nice, as usual, and my mom got on me about going to Florida which was pretty shitty, but at least she apologized later on. I slept on the couch for a minute and then we had pie and cake and came home. I hate the drive to/from Cleveland to Columbus. It sucks, it's boring, and it seems like it takes forever even though it's only an hour and 45 minutes. When we got back to my house they came in and played with Mickey and Fox and Sheeba (my poor kittens, my mom mauled them to death) because they are going to be watching the cats while I'm gone and I wanted them to get used to each other. Not that cats really care about it... but still. So I also gave my dad the key too. Then I dressed up like a goth and went to karaoke, which was dead, and I got a lanyard from Jaegermeister and a T-shirt from Smirnoff. Dusty and O were there but they didn't stay long and left to go to Whisky Dick's. I sang awesome, like always, but the boots were fucking killing me so I went home and changed and ate a taco and came back. I sang my last song, had an O'Doul's, and headed out to Whisky Dick's. I found out that the KJ's wife, a complete and literal psycho, is pregnant, and I guess they are working things out so that might be an alright thing. Hung with Dusty and O for a bit and then we left and I went home.

I talked to SL a little bit last night and he was so cute. He was rollin and I was jealous and I told him so, and he thought I was jealous of all the little girls he was hanging out with so he launched into this speech about how much he loves me and how I'm the only one for him and they are going to be so jealous when I get there because I'm so preeetty and we're the best couple ever and he's jealous of himself because he gets to be with me, and he's jealous of my cats because they can sit on my lap whenever they want (actually he would prefer if I sat on his lap instead of him on my lap) and they get to sleep with me and he can't believe it's less than six days until I'm there and he loves me so much and can he call me later because he's getting too excited over my crotchless fishnet body suit (which I had mentioned I was wearing) and his face is turning red and he's getting all embarassed... yep, he rambled but it was cute. Later I talked to him again right before I went to bed and he quickly professed undying love again but his mom was on the other line so he couldn't talk long. Hah.

Ah, to be in love... it's wonderful. Five days kids, five days!

28 October 2005

America! Fuck Yeah!

*jumps around*

I am going to Florida!!!!!! Fuck Yeah!!!!!!

I just booked a reservation for a hotel in Jupiter which is 16 minutes from SL's house. Fuck yeah.

*jumps around and falls over laughing*

25 October 2005

At Some Point in Time

I would like to be genuinely happy.
I would like to be comfortable in my financial situation.
I would like to be able to plan something and not have it ruined by something or other.

Goddamn a mother fucking hurricane.

SL has no power, his windows are blown out, he spent the majority of yesterday either helping rescue trapped people in his neighborhood or helping his dad at the water plant. Ten fucking days... Florida Power and Light says it could be four or more weeks until the power is on. The website shows that they are restoring power fairly quickly, but who knows. I'm still fucking tripping out. If it's not one thing, it's another. I suppose if it gets to be November third and they still don't have power there, I'll have to cancel my vacation.

So much for love being "easy".

23 October 2005

Terrifying Dream

I woke up at noon for the third time since I fell asleep around midnight last night. I was having the most terrifying dream.

I was on the phone with SL, and he was in the end of a hurricane and things were dying down. Everything was normal and fine, and he was talking about going to the U2 concert tonight. I was surprised to hear that the concert was still on, but he explained that it was Bono's idea because he's all about helping victims and crap like that so they had gotten free tickets. I asked who he was going with and he said "Chicky." I asked who else was going and he said no one, so randomly I was like, "Are you guys dating?" and he kinda laughed at me and said, "Gee it took you long enough to figure it out." And I thought back to all the times he had told me about hanging out with her and recalled that he was always vague on the details and never mentioned anyone else hanging with them. So I got upset, especially since he was still laughing, and I asked him why he did that to me and how could he because I was coming to visit in twelve days. He said he still loved me and he wanted me to come to Florida still but he was dating Chicky because I'm not accessible. I told him that I was and that I could be, and his answer was, "I know but you can't get a better piece of ass than a sixteen year old girl." I cried a lot and he kept on laughing. I couldn't stop asking him why and he just didn't stop laughing.

I finally woke up and it was so real that I had to call SL and ask him if I had talked to him earlier that morning, he said no and I said I love you and he said I love you too and my fears were slightly calmed... but not really. I don't know why I have such an issue with this Chicky girl. Maybe I'm just so nervous and in such disbelief that he loves me... or maybe I have a valid reason to be worried... the world may never know.

Now, a short list:

People who don't talk shit about SL:
  • Work people
  • SR
  • GMc
  • SJK
  • Moose

People who don't want me to go to Florida/don't trust SL:
  • Pretty much everyone else

Not Sure Where I Left Off

Well I'll just start on Sunday because it seems easiest.

I did nothing all day, literally, and then I went to karaoke at Eldo's. I ran into this kid I used to know, that I almost dated, Dusty. We hung out all night with Zara and it was pretty cool. We played video crack which is always... addicting. He bought me a couple beers, and overall it was a generically fun evening. At the end of the night I was tired of the video crack so I left him and Zara and went and talked to RC. We talked about a situation he was dealing with, and then he invited me to come back to his house and chill. I said I couldn't, I had to go home and sleep and talk to SL. He asked when I was going to Florida and I told him a few weeks, and then we were talking about SL and the military and everything. RC made me cry because he told me that there was no possible way that SL was in the Army SF, and he actually laughed at me. NMc came in for a second so I talked to him, then I called SL and I told him what RC had said and he was a little upset about it. Some dude was talking to RC when I went back in, and I was like "RC, I'm just gonna go home, okay" and the dude was like "What's wrong, come here and sit on my lap" as if I was going to do that, and when I said no he asked RC what my problem was and RC said, "I think I just shattered all her hopes and dreams and I'm feeling kinda guilty for it" so he hugged me and I left.

Monday I did nothing.

Tuesday I went to Zuey's for the open mic night and waited for NMc to show up, but he never did. In the meantime Keith the Keyboarder played his keyboard and I sang "Angel" which everyone loved. This chick I went to high school with was there and I was surprised to see someone from my past in my present. I graduated with her sister so we didn't know each other very well, she was two years behind me, but she remembered me on the second guess. I suppose I should feel wonderful... or something. When I realized that NMc wasn't gonna show up I decided to head to the Hot Spot for karaoke. I hung out there and talked to these two dudes I know from Eldo's karaoke and it was pretty cool. Then, my god, Poke showed up. With D*Martin and Cameron of course. He refused to come in because he was "scared" so I went out to the car and talked to him for awhile and then he came in later. D*Martin gave me his phone number. Poke bought me a shot. Cameron was gay as usual. It was pretty fun... in an irritating sort of way. I was txt msging SL all night and he kept telling me ways to get rid of Poke. They were all quite diabolical. I threw salt on Poke once because SL told me to get him with sodium something-or-other. It didn't work.

Wednesday GMc and I got together and he made me dinner at his house. I thought that was awfully nice of him. He made this really good sausage stuff for putting over pasta, and I loved it even though I really don't like sausage. It was DELICIOUS. I even loved the leftovers the next day. After dinner we headed to Brewstirs in the Continent because O had said he was going and we like hanging out with him. We got there and it was dead and O wasn't there so we left and went to VIP. Big J was there and some other folks GMc knows, and we hung out and it was cool. GMc and I shared some Foster's (Australian for Beer even though it's an American Beer) and then this guy Ron bought us a shot and GMc bought some shots and some guy I didn't know bought me a Jack and Coke Tall. Danielle the Cunt Bitch Extraordinaire was pretty nice this night, and I was shocked. I kicked ass on the few songs I sang, Bobby McGee, Somebody to Love, and Wait. Seriously, they loved me. There were these lesbians there making out at the bar and they actually stopped kissing to watch me and sing along and then clap for me. They were sitting right near our table and when I went back to sit down the manlier one gave like a twelve minute hug. She was soft for being so manly. I got very very tired around one thirty and tried to get GMc to leave but he was having a great time so I went out to the car and talked to SL. I went back in around two fifteen ish and GMc said I could leave because he wanted to stay and he would just take a taxi home. He said he loved me and thanks for a great evening. So I went home.

Thursday I went to karaoke at Eldo's for about two hours, but GG didn't show up and Moose didn't either so I left after three songs. Some guy named Bill bought me a beer and so did Smiley J. I spent nothing! Hung out with BR, who apologized for being a dick recently, which I appreciated although I know he's going to keep being a dick until he stops drinking. After he left I talked to TG for awhile and that was alright. I left at 11:20 p.m.

Friday JAFH and I were going to the Pumpkinville Circle Festival but on the way there it started pouring down rain so we turned around when we got to the fest and went back to Grove City. We went to the DQ where he works and got some mushrooms and Blizzards. It was great, I love Pumpkin Pie Blizzards. I love Pumpkin anything really. After that we went to Wal*Mart where I bought some new boots which I really really needed and an awesome Canadian track jacket which I didn't really need that much but really really wanted once I saw JAFH wearing it. We went back to his house and watched Hocus Pocus and then I went home.

Saturday I did nothing all day, then I went to Zuey's around seven and sat with all the normals, and we played The Game, and it was great. I got totally fucking wasted by ten p.m. GG and her new boyfriend showed up (we'll call him IH because that's what she calls him in her Live Journal) and it was fine. I bought us a round of Goldies and then he bought us a round of Goldies and I got even drunker. We went to VIP for karaoke after awhile and it was dead but there were a bunch of weirdos in there that I know from elsewhere karaokes. I was sitting there with IH and GG and I was still drunk even though I had chowed on some sort of burger and fries from Wendy's on the way over, and had been drinking water. I couldn't stand watching them being so cute and all that crap, so I said, "I'll be right back" and pulled a Robert on them, just leaving and not letting them know. They might have gotten confused but I passed Moose as I was turning the corner and I think he gave me a strange look. I'm sure he told them I bolted. I just couldn't bear to see them all happy when I'm so not happy. I cried all the way home and I cried when I got home and I cried myself to sleep. I'm happy for GG, don't get me wrong, she was convinced she would never get over IG, so I'm very glad she's happy with IH. However, it's the same old fucking thing where everyone has someone but me and that makes me sad. I don't have anyone to turn to when I need them, I don't have anyone to hold me, I don't have anyone to love me... It's shitty.

Today I have done nothing. I went to Kroger and bought a bunch of frozen shit to get me through to the 31st when I get paid and I cleaned the house a bit, vaccuumed, washed dishes, cleaned cat box, etc. I had a lot of trash upstairs...not sure how that happened. Tonight Dusty wants me to go to karaoke (he said he would be there tonight, last week) but I'm not sure I want to go. I like him and he's nice but I'm not interested in anything really. We'll see. Maybe I'll go for a little while.

19 October 2005

Fuck You

I'm in such a foul mood.

I'm tired of people at work doing my job, going over my head and making me look stupid because I have no clue what is going on with a file for the simple fact that they did something without telling me and I had no way of knowing they did it.

I'm tired of being treated like a child.

I'm tired of saving money. I want to spend. I hate starving, I hate not eating lunch, I hate not being able to go out. I have $1,100 on my credit card that I can't spend because I'm going to Florida. They charged me a $37 annual fee just for having the damn thing. I have $50 to last me until the 31st, which would be $4.16 per day. Wonderful.

I'm tired of being married. I want to move on. I want to get this fucking burden off my back and move the fuck on with my life. Lazy Alcoholic Homosexuals do not bid well for my love life. I know SL says he doesn't mind, but it's gotta be something he thinks about every once in awhile. Not just SL, but every single guy I'm with has to think about that. I'm not completely theirs because I'm still married, or maybe that is why none of them will commit - how can they date a married woman? I fucking hate that mother fucker and I hope he is severely injured and has to suffer for the rest of his life, humiliated every time he goes into public, so much so that by the time he is 30 years old he can't even leave the basement because he's so embarassed by his outward appearance. After all, I don't want him dead - that would be too easy. I'd much rather have him suffer forever. Too bad I can't think of a good way to do it. Plus I know I'd be the only suspect, so it's out of the question anyway. Although it wouldn't be too bad if he was dead and I was in prison, at least I'd get three meals a day and probably lose some weight. My mom did say she wouldn't visit me though... well maybe she's still write letters.

That's another thing. I'm tired of being fat. I know it's all my fault and I'm in control blah blah blah but you know what? It's really fucking hard to lose weight. I've battled it all my life, since I was about eight, and I was only semi-thin for a year or so, even then I was still considered overweight. I would exercize but I honestly have no motivation. Everytime I try, something happens. I've been in more car accidents than one could imagine and my body just hurts all the time, people don't understand. I have a crooked spine from getting rear-ended by a semi truck, I have shoulder problems from when I was a diver and both arms popped out of their sockets, I have foot/ankle problems from when 1) I slammed my foot in a door and it cracked all the way through and 2) when I was running and stepped in a hole and shattered my ankle plate thingy and it never healed right. I'm just not a well-put-together person, physically. I remember when I first got married and MMA saw me naked for the first time, he said that he didn't know how to have sex with me because he had never been with a girl "as big as me". Great thing to say on the first night of marriage.

I'm done for now because I don't want to cry.

16 October 2005

Stop, Drop, Kaboom! Baby Rub on Yo' Nipples...

Oh my freakin' god. 18 days til I meet SL. I am having like nine thousand cows, it's going up by the minute, and I'm such a geek. Oh yes, I'm such a damn geek because I already packed my clothes for the trip. Granted it's not much, five t-shirts, some underwear, a pair of jeans, and some pajamas (as if I'll need any of it! Ha!) but I am still a geek. It's just over two weeks though, oh my god!!!

Okay now that I've calmed down...

Thursday was pretty non descript, involving karaoke at Eldo's which I haven't done in months, and I really think it has been that long. It was an alright time, I met Zara's new-ish boyfriend, N. He's pretty freakin' cool and very very hot. She's lucky. It made me kinda sad to watch them hugging and kissing and being happy though, because I just can't wait to be with SL. Eminem called me up at 2:15 in the morning, and left a message saying he wanted me to come over and hang out with him and TS (a name that hasn't appeared in the blog for a long time!) I wasn't going to call him back, but then he called me from TS's phone and I didn't recognize it at first so I answered and there he was on the line, asking me to come over and have a threesome with them. I was like "Hell no, I'm on the rag, besides that I've told you a thousand times that I'm not going to come over if you call me late. You need to call early like ten or nine or even eleven is still early enough." and I hung up on him. He always gets pissed at me, but I don't fucking care. He's a loser. I told SL about it and he was like "Give me his number, I'll make him stop calling you." Awwwww.
Friday I went to Applebee's for happy hour with WR, TD, RB, and WR's girlfriend, EM. It was a pretty fun time, but I was so tired that I left around six and went home (I was still there for a good 2 hours though!) I called KP at seven p.m. and she said we would hook up around eight thirty. We went to Brewstirs and she brought Spike and we sat on the patio. It was relaxing, but I was so damn tired that I left after about an hour and a half. At one point it was kinda funny because some drunk dude was like "Is that your girlfriend's dog? What's his name?" and I just said Spike, not wanting to go into a whole dissertation about KP and I not dating. That's the second time it's happened that someone refers to her as my girlfriend. I'm very confused because I don't think she gives off lesbian vibes, I know I do because I'm such a beast and I wear polo shirts and Birkenstock sandals, but I really don't think she does. Oh well. I suppose I don't mind KP being my girlfriend, she's pretty cute. I bet her negro friend wouldn't like it though! Haha. When I got home I talked to SL for awhile... okay, until 6 a.m. Even though I was so damn tired, I couldn't get off the phone with him. We had a really great conversation, as usual, but this one was just wonderful. I sounded like GG just now.
Saturday I woke up around 2 pm and went to Rent-A-Center and paid my bill. After that I headed to Kohl's to get some new underwear, and I bought a pair of sunglasses too. The panties were on sale and they are my favorite brand, St. Eve, and they were 3 for $7.50 (the panties in the link are the same as the ones I got, only mine are black and red and say "High Maintenance" with Cherries on the triangle.) The sunglasses are Relic and they were on sale $15.40 marked down from $22.00 - I couldn't pass that up! (The ones in the link are the exact ones I bought too.) After that I headed to CVS and bought some new soap, shampoo, conditioner, and some other crap for girls. I went to Chipotle after that and got a Carnitas Burrito, which I could barely finish, I had to empty it on a plate and scoop the insides with the chips. It was still delicious though. I'm not sure why I got the pork one, I really don't like pork, but it was what sounded good at the time. Last week I ate peanut butter and celery and french fries with ketchup, so I don't know what is happening to me. KP called me and told me to come over around 7:15 p.m. so I made her record "Grease" for me. T was there at her place, and we all just sat and chilled and watched the rest of Grease and drank Captain Morgan and Sprite (which, by the way, tastes like Cream Soda. I think I found my new favorite drink.) Around ten p.m. we headed over to Zuey's to chill. It was practically empty in there, which has become the norm for Saturday nights. Cave was there, and I told him how I thought his friend might have put something in my drink and he was so apologetic and I told him I didn't think it was him, and he said that his friend is kinda shady and he doesn't even like to hang out with him that much. I think he was being sincere, so that was cool. MB (once known as M**cus) was also there with his friend whose name I don't know and he was harassing me as always, trying to get me to show his friend my tits. I really don't care about showing them, I just fucking hate MB and he doesn't deserve to see them. So he keeps yelling and yelling at me to come over and I was like "fuck you" and so he says to his friend something about I won't come over because I'm with a black dude and that pissed me the fuck off. So then I told T he said that and they almost got in a fight. But they didn't and that was good. KP and T had to go do something, so I took them back to her car and I went back to Zuey's and had 2 more beers. It was pretty boring so I sent txt msgs to SL the whole time. Then I was so bored that I decided to go back to KP's house because I still had her key and chill on the couch. I watched some TV and talked to SL some more until they finally got home. The next thing I know we're all passing out and I fall asleep on the couch.
I woke up at 7:30 a.m. ish and came home, but sent KP a txt msg saying I was safe because when I left they were still sleeping. I ate some left over pizza when I woke up around noon-thirty (SL txt msged me) and watch some shit on TV while I cleaned up a little and did laundry. Talked to M the DJ (from Excalibur) a bit and then loaded the dishwasher. GMc will find this next part interesting, I have decided that from now on I'm going to have to put all my glasses on the bottom shelf of the dishwasher because when they are on the top they don't get clean, they end up always have grit and grime on them. I'm pretty irritated but I think I solved the problem. Needless to say, I couldn't fit the plates in, so I might wash those by hand in a little while. I folded and hung up all my laundry, yay me, which hasn't been done in, oh , about four months. I fucking hate folding clothes. I don't mind sorting, washing, loading, unloading, I just hate folding and hanging. Oh well. Now comes the part where I packed my suitcase.

I'm such a geek.

13 October 2005

Does Rhino cheese make you horny?

Hello.

Tuesday I stayed home and watched some movies. I talked to SL for awhile, as usual, that's pretty much a given. I unpacked (well, half unpacked) a box of knick-knacks my mother had given me awhile ago. I put a bunch of them on this neat shelf I have in the corner at the bottom of the stairs. So far, the kittens have not knocked them over. I never knew I had so much cow stuff... but it's cute and make my house feel more homey. Now I just have to get it to be less dingy... not sure how to do that though. I clean it all the time, the only thing I let go is the dishes because I really fucking hate doing dishes. But my cabinets are dusty, my counters can't stay clean because they are white and old... I mean, the place is about 40 years old and there are so many cracks and crevices that I can't reach that have been collecting dust for that long. It's all yellowed and old. Cozy but I can't get it Better Homes and Gardens clean. *sniff*

Went to Zuey's last night and hung out with KT for awhile. For awhile it was just him, me, and two other dudes. Then MW came in, and SR, and Fuzz, and Lobster Guy. The old dude who's name I never learned was there a bit too. We were all talking and having a great time. TG came in also and we were talking about SL's PTSD. Fuzz wanted to go to Eldo's, so we did, and he bought me a beer and I bought myself one. We talked to Big D, his wife, Randy Randelton, Smiley J, BR, and some people I didn't really know. Claude was working. Fuzz decided he wanted to go to Bob's across High Street. I was afraid because I've never been there, and also I didn't want to run across High Street. But we did, and Bob's was okay.

I met this mom and her son, and it turns out that he was in the same unit/group/team/section of the army that SL was in, and he remembered him, and described him to a T. I felt really special for some reason. The mom hugged me a lot... I think she was a bit toasty. I told SL about the guy and he remembered him too. That was great. Fuzz wanted to stay and talk to some guy named David or Danny or something, so I made him watch me run across High Street and I called Claude to catch me on the other side. I am so effing paranoid about crossing streets. I walked back to Zuey's then, and hung out with SR and JD and KT a little, but not too much because those weasel girls were there. They are pretty much alright, just a bit stuck up and I hate that. So then BR and I start getting into it. Here we go:

I tell him that he needs to stop drinking because he's going to end up back in the hospital with his liver and kidneys shutting down because of all the epilepsy medication and such. He says he doesn't care, he doesn't have anything to live for, his marriage is failed and his kids hate him, why does it matter if he dies. I tell him that there are people who care about him, including SR and his kids, and no one wants to see him dead. He says he doesn't care, it doesn't matter. We go on and on like this for about a half hour, and then he says he's going to leave. I tell him I'm gonna watch him walk home because he said he was going to wait in the middle of Morse Road for a car to hit him. Then when we're outside he says he's going to Eldo's. He walked away and I called Claude to tell him to not serve BR because he was so fucked up. BR comes back to Zuey's and has another vodka on the rocks. I don't talk to him. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but some of the shit he said was just so upsetting - not to me, my feelings weren't hurt, but about himself, his kids, etc. I feel so bad for people who are just stuck at rock bottom and can't and won't get up.

Needless to say, I'm not going to talk to BR for awhile. I'm sure I won't be able to never talk to him again, because we are friends, but I'm just going to steer clear until he 1) dies 2) ends up at Riverside 3) ends up in jail 4) stops drinking 5) insert other option here. Until then, I'm going to also busy myself ridding my life of the bad things that drag me down. No more listening to Fuzz's cry-me-a-river stories. No more BR. No more stupid boys from the past - I have deleted most of their phone numbers already. No more thinking about TM (which I have been a lot lately because it was this time last year when things started really going downhill.) No more getting trashed (that's been on for awhile now.) I'm going to keep my few select friends, GG, Moose, Tomcat, GMc, J1&J2, O, KL, KP... and get rid of everyone else for the most part. I'm going to make new friends who actually make me a better person instead of just making me look like a better person due to how much of a loser they are. I need positive in my life, not negative, these people are dragging me down and I've pretty much let them. I'm done with that.

Within five years I'll be living in New York City.

Anyway, when I got home I talked to SL for awhile while I ate Burger King that was really good. I had just finished giving my cats worm pills and it was surprisingly easy... well the kittens were easy but Sheeba was a bit more difficult. She hates to take pills. I got bit, but her teeth aren't sharp anymore so it didn't hurt. Her mouth is slimy though... yech.

The funniest thing happened this morning. Fox was twirling all around my legs and purring like a maniac, and then he fell over and started licking himself. Suddenly there was a little teeny (and I do mean teeny!) kitten hard on right in front of my eyes. I cracked up.

11 October 2005

*dances around happily*

Kelly: oh by the way i'm supposed to ask you why you love me
SL: how come?
Kelly: we were talking about it last night and you were gonna say something and decided you should tell me when you're awake hah
SL: oh
SL: well that's easy
SL: for one, you're beautiful
SL: smart, funny, you have that little laugh thing
SL: from what i hear you're a great cook
SL: and some other stuff

I'm Number Three!

Hello all.

I realised that I rarely greet my readers. How awful of me. So here it is: Hi. And up there too.

So... Friday... I did something... Let me think. I went and saw my shrink which was pretty good, and then... what the fuck did I do on Friday? I seriously can't remember... it was something... oh! I know, I got my oil changed. Then later on at night, I went to Eldo's to see O's band. It was fucking awesome. They are so great. They sing a combo of like reggae, oldish R&B (like Marvin Gaye, Smokey Robinson, that stuff) and then they sing some modern songs that they put a reggae groove to. Fucking Awesome. It was raining. GG was supposed to meet me there and I kept watching for her, but I was sitting in the back where O had reserved a table for us. Then they took a break and I saw the back of GG's head way over at the bar, so I went over to say hi and apparently she had been there for like an hour or something... not sure how I missed that but whatever. Cass the bartender told me she wants to be my agent because one time she was working and she thought there was a break in karaoke and they were playing the radio, only to look up and realise that it was me singing. She was not working Friday and was quite blitzed. I gave her my number anyway.

Saturday morning I got up at the crack of dawn (wait til you read why this is funny) to go get my very first Brazilian wax. It was so cold outside and I was so happy to feel like fall is finally here (It's about damn time too!) The process of Brazilian wax is actually quite easy, and there was only a little pain... I sorta yelped once but she told me that it was going to be the most painful part, so I felt alright. Kinda strange to be on a sort of doctor's table, sans panties, while some chick I never met before spreads hot wax on my cooch and then rips it off with a muslin strip... yeah. But now I have the smoothest cooch of all time... hopefully SL will enjoy it - I know I have so far!
When I got home, I talked to KL to see how her days off are going, and called RMac (old friend) to talk for awhile while I made chili for the 1st annual Zuey's Chili Cook Off! My chili is vegetarian and it fucking rules. It's more like a warm salsa for dipping nachos and stuff in, but it's good with garlic mashed potatoes too. I make it so fuckin' spicy too, tons of Cayenne pepper... mmmmm.... now I'm getting hungry. Anyway. I went to Zuey's around four thirty, and chilled and watched the U of GA Bulldogs versus Tennessee Volunteers with Geese (that would be "geez" not "geese" like the honking bird.) We talked about The Game, RC who is now trying to sober up, and a whole bunch of other shit. I was happy to talk to him because he is just so awesome. I sounded like GG just now. Anyway, we sat and talked, we talked with Fuzz, and had a great time. The Buckeyes came on at 7:45pm and Loggy and the Mosquito sat near me because Fuzz had wandered off somewhere. SR came down and sat with Geese and I, and the three of us had some really interesting conversations. I like talking to intelligent people, it makes being at a bar and hanging out that much better.
Ferfer was working the night shift, and I have decided that she's alright. Not great, not fine, just alright. Suddenly DB comes up to me and sets a cooler from Corona in front of me. She says, "You won third place. Congratulations." Yay!!!! I was fucking thrilled. Some lady named Ann that I have no idea who she could possibly be won 1st place, her chili was the fucking slam, and LD won 2nd place with her white chili (which by the way is just chicken noodle soup with beans in it - it was good but I was so unimpressed by the white chilis that were in the running - seriously, who eats chicken chili?) I jumped for joy (literally) and went outside to call SL and then called my mom to tell them the great news about me being number three. Inside the cooler was a Miller Lite t-shirt and an inflatable Miller Genuine Draft pumpkin (I hung it from the ceiling in my living room!) SR and Geese and I decided to go to the VIP for karaoke, and I was thrilled because I knew Cunt Bitch Extraordinairre would be working and I could try out my new deal with the owner where she keeps personal life separate from work. She totally served me four beers (two for me, one for SR and one for KP.) KP called and she and her friend T decided to meet us there. Karaoke wasn't on for a little while because the game wasn't over yet, but when it did come on, I sang "Hollaback Girl" and it was pretty alright. We had great conversations.
Then SL called me, which was wonderful because I love him, and he was having some PTSD problems. I tried to calm him down but I didn't know exactly what to do, seeing as how I have never experienced someone having those problems, but I tried. I told him to call TG since he was in Vietnam, and he tried, but TG wasn't home. He called me back and told me not to worry, it wasn't my problem, and I told him that it was my problem because I care about him. He said not to bother worrying again, and I said, "SL, I care about you and love you, therefore your problems are my problems and that's just the way it's going to be." He told me he loved me and would call me later. I was standing at the end of the bar when went back in, waiting for my tab, when suddenly there was a Moose behind me and I yelled. He scared the living daylights out of me. I tried to finish a beer that T had bought for me, but I couldn't because I was all fucked up about SL, worrying and so on. He called me while I was on the way home and we talked for awhile until he had to go, but he was going to call me back. By this point in time I was so damn tired that when he called me back, I watched the phone ring in my hand, confused as to why it wasn't answering itself. I had eight beers in nine hours on Saturday.

Sunday, I cleaned a bit, and watched a bunch of movies. GMc called me in the afternoon and wanted me to go car shopping with him, so we went down to the Ricart Megamall (commune) in fucking BFE. He got a new Mitsubishi (well 2003) and it's pretty cool. I played Mrs. GMc, shaking everyone's hand and watching him sign the paperwork. Then we dropped off his rental (which I drove back) and went over to my place where I made French Onion Soup (it wasn't so good because I didn't have all the cheese I needed and the mix was just not the right one) and hamburger helper. We watched this great movie, Madhouse, and then headed out to karaoke. Karaoke was pretty fun, the bar was practically empty but everyone who was there was a singer. This annoying negro, Bobby, was there, and he kept following us around even though we moved tables. One time awhile ago he was bothering me so much, it was my fault because I told him how handsome he is (just because you're a head case doesn't mean you can't be hot, cuz he is) and since that point he wouldn't leave me alone. So he sits next to me and I go all KKK on his ass, "Alright Bobby, I know I told you that you're attractive, but my religion forbids me from touching/dating/marrying negroes. I don't believe in species intermixing. Monkeys and humans did not come from the same place and they should not be together." He kinda looked at me and I thought I had finally offended him, but instead he was like, "It's alright girl we can work it out." Fuck that guy. I don't actually feel like that racist stuff, just so you all know, by the way. I had two Foster's, one that GMc bought and one that GMc gave me that he couldn't drink after taking two sips. All in all it was a great night. Eminem called me at one point and I was like "I'm on the other line, I'll call you back" and I never did.

Yesterday was GMc's birthday. He came over with this kid, we'll call him BC, who has a few issues. I made homemade lasagna, which was awesome of course, and then we watched some TV. Karaoke was the plan of course for the evening, and O called me for a ride, so we picked him up around nine thirty and headed to Brewstirs at Weber and High. We took GMc's new car because obviously three men and I would not cram into a Mustang. When we got there, it was actually quite dead. Usually the place is packed with a great crowd, but I think it had something to do with the holiday, maybe folks were out picnicking all day. It was so much fun. I think GMc had a good time too, which was the most important part. Tomcat showed up also, so that was fun. We talked about some stuff which was important a little bit, outside, and that was good. Cat bought us shots and some beers all night long, it was great. I think I may have had about six or seven shots. There was this kid, Brian, and he was pretty cool. Then he asked for a ride home, and since he only lived four blocks from me, I said no problem. Well we had just dropped O off and the kid leans up to the front seat and says, "You guys wanna party?" and GMc says "Well she used to be a coke head and I used to smoke crack so what do you mean by party?" and the kid is just like "Um let me call my dude, whatever you want" but we didn't want anything, we were just going to maybe take it if he had it. We pulled over to The Continent where he said he lived, and I told him to get the fuck out of the car. He did, and said he wanted to talk to GMc for a second, and he kept trying to get GMc to buy something. We were so not interested. I told GMc to get back in the car, and he did, and we drove off, leaving the boy in the parking lot. I wonder if he actually lived there or not... oh well. The damn security guard was circling the area watching us and I sure didn't want to go to jail. Fuck that boy.
When GMc and I got back to my house, he ate some leftover lasagna and garlic bread, and I ate olives. The kittens had torn open all these little bags of cornbread, so it was all over the place. Damn kittens (oh they have fleas now too, again.) GMc left after I made sure he was good to drive, and I called Cat to ask her about that Brian dude, since she said she knew him. She said she didn't know him that well actually, and had no idea why he would be acting so fucked up. I called SL then because I told him I was going to call when I got home, and when he answered he had been sleeping. I looked at the clock then and realised it was 3:15 a.m., and told him I love him and go back to sleep; he called me back five minutes later. Said I had woken him up and he couldn't get back to sleep so he wanted to talk to me. Somehow, although we were both really fucking half asleep, we had phone sex... I know I usually don't mention it but it was amazing that we could, being as tired as we were. Love amazes me sometimes... and horniness.

Peace.

07 October 2005

Some Random Junk

Yep, just had a few thoughts running through my head, had to put them down.

1) "Easy" by The Commodores was Poke's and my song. Coincidence? He keeps still asking around about me... still not calling me back.

2) I've been featured on an adult-themed blog, We Love Big Girls. Dude, Calvin, is the shizzy.

3) I really don't mind Justin Timberlake that much.

4) My shrink is a pretty cool dude.

5) I'm obsessed with music this week.

6) I wrote more poems between 1996 and 1997 than I ever thought was humanly possible.

7) I fucking hate my fucking husband.

8) Does anyone know how to get rud of fruit flies in a way that is safe for kittens/cats? I've taken to smacking them with a newspaper... they are invading my house.

9) I think that $59 for an oil change including all fluid top off and a new air filter isn't too bad.

10) I'm scared to death of my trip to Florida. It hit me when I rec'd my classroom sized map in the mail today. God Bless Ileem Beauchamp.

11) Now listen, I wanna try something right now, see they don't do this anymore, I'm gonna sing something, and I want the guys to sing with me, they go, "It feels like something heatin' up, can I leave wit you?" and the ladies go, "I don't know what I'm thinkin' 'bout, really leavin' wit you."
Feels good, don't it? Come on! Gentlemen, good night - Ladies, good mornin'.

12) Who knew that Florida actually has a little tip to it like an uncircumsized penis?

Sweating like a nun in church

I can't believe how I can fall in love with someone and they fall in love with me and we're almost 1200 miles apart and we've never met. Fate is a wonderful/crazy/unpredicatble thing.

I was worried about my trip the other night, and when I was telling SL, he said to me, "I'm going to say this once and I don't want to have to say it again. I love you. I love you for you. I love everything about you, I love your laugh, your smile, your personality, I love the way you look too. Even if you looked like a frog I would still love you because I love you for you, but you just happen to be the most beautiful girl in the world. I got lucky on that one."

Awwww.

I cried, a whole bunch. He was like, "No, no crying, don't cry" and I explained that sometimes girls cry when they're happy. He still didn't want to hear me cry but he was satisfied with that answer. This was Wednesday night.

Wednesday was an interesting night. I went to Zuey's and talked to CL and Bun for a minute, and had a couple beers. Then I went to Brewstir's in the Continent for Cat's birthday, sang a couple songs, had a beer a drink a shot and left. I bought O a beer and Cat a shot. I sang "Bobby McGee" for Wrinkles and he loved it. I'm glad Wrinkles and I have a more normal acquaintance now. He hangs out with some chick and I've seen her before and she's pretty nice. Glad for that. I sat next to O and we talked a lot. He's so nice - I knew that before, but I've never sat down and talked to him. His band is playing at Eldo's tonight so I'm gonna go and watch them. Should be fun.
After Brewstir's I went back to Zuey's and hung with Smiley J, KT, and those chicks who look like weasley pigs were there too. The mean one was nicer this time. Smiley J made a shot called Agent Orange and it was fucking awesome. SL called me and we talked then and when I got home had the aforementioned conversation.

Last night was the most wonderful conversation I've had with SL in awhile... well since Wednesday I suppose... Actually there was only one part of it that was super awesome... okay, so, we're not dating, we all know this. We want to meet each other first. Anyway, usually we're just like blah about other people hitting on us or wanting to get with us, and we don't do it but there is no rule like if we sleep with another person it's cheating or something... yeah, cuz we're not dating. That said, SL was so awesome last night - I was telling him a story about how Smiley J made me my first "Tie Me to the Bedpost" (a wonderful fruity drink) and SL thought I said "He tied me to the bedpost" to which SL's response was "I'll tie a noose around his neck!" Hahahahaha! I was like "Oh my god, why?!" and he said, "Nobody... I mean... um... I don't care?" and I caught him exhibiting signs of possession. He wants me for his own! He admitted it! Later I said something about DD calling me "Sweet Pea" and he growled.

I am so in love.

04 October 2005

What do having sex in a canoe and American Beer have in common?

They're both fucking close to water. Har.

!Viernes!

I went to Zuey's after work with GG. We stayed for a minute and I had one beer and then KP called and said she was coming in when she was done with work, so GG and I went to Dairy Queen. I had some weird flashbacks of working at the Dairy Queen and it was kinda funny because when I went to get a bag for the Blizzard I was taking home (oh shit totally meant to write "back to Zuey's" instead of home) for KL, I asked for a #4 bag like the biggest dork in the world. The #4 bags are the smallest bags available. I'm so silly. I was telling GG then about how McDonald's actually has pictures on the bag of what is supposed to go in it, like on the side or the bottom there is a diagram of a burger in a box with a fry on top of it and that is all that is supposed to go in the bag. Sometimes I wish people actually learned how to properly put food in a bag, but I digress.

We went back to Zuey's and after a little while KP showed up. She had her miniture pinscher, Spike, with her, and he was just so cute. He and Wendell wanted to play, but she couldn't obviously since she was working. I had never seen Wendell face to face with another dog, but I thought she would have behaved better, since she's trained and all that. Eventually she chilled on the floor but I was still worried she would drag GG out of the chair at any point in time and it made me nervous. It was funny though, when Spike wanted to play with Wendell and I was like, "Aww Spike if you were a seeing-eye Spike you couldn't play either!" and then we came up with the brilliant idea of a min-pin with a teeny tiny harness being a guide dog for a blind midget. I hate midgets. GG didn't think it was funny, I don't think, but I told MC and IG and Sl later on and they howled just as much as KP and I did.

Danielle came in at seven when KL's shift was over, and I was sad because it was KL's last day before maternity leave. Danielle told KP that she had to get her dog out because it was violating health code rules (as if the rest of fucking Zuey's is clean - ha.) So GG left and I went to go find some E. I couldn't, so I just headed over to KP's house and we drank some beers. She passed out after about two hours and I went back to Zuey's. It was dead, and there was no DJ (not that I minded ol' boy not being there.) Some dude who goes by Cave was there with two really gay looking bear type fat dudes. They were so nice though and I think they bought me a beer but I can't be positive. We sang our little hearts out and yelled oh my god sang so loud the song "Joey" by Concrete Blonde. Danielle complemented me on my voice and I almost died. So, then, I was going to finish my beer and suddenly I was completely trashed. I called GG to see if I could go to her house and sleep for awhile but while I was on the phone with her, SL called and I ended up driving home with him on the phone with me. Somehow, I made it. I don't think I was as drunk as I thought I was because I felt alright, just a little bit out of it... now that I think of it... I did leave my beer by that Cave guy... I bet he slipped something into it. I really fucking think he did because it tasted funny. Goddamnit. Good thing I went home. Talked to SL for awhile and then GG called back and I had totally forgotten I was on the phone with her. Told her I was okay, and finished talking to SL, and went to sleep.

!Sábado!
TM's little baby, Mason, had his first birthday on Sept. 29th, so there was a party at the park on this Saturday. Poor little dude was sick though, he had a little bit of a fever and was just cranky. His little marshmellow had to keep being suctioned and I felt so bad for him. We got a cake from DQ, and I cut it because I got skills, and it was pretty good. I haven't had ice cream cake in years. Mason was so cute when he was eating the cake, it was red icing and vanilla/chocolate cake, and he really seriously had icing all over his face and eyes and in his nose and ears and eyelashes even. So cute. It was a pretty generic little kid's party, I felt kinda weird being around TM's family (his aunt and uncle were there) because a lot of people blame me for breaking up the marriage, even though I honestly didn't. That's an old story though. Did find out one interesting thing though, my exboyfriend, Doug, that I dated in 2002 right before I got married, had sex with Y once or twice. Weird. As time goes on, I'm finding that I know more and more people connected with other people in strange ways. Life I guess.

I went to Zuey's for one beer because little kids tackling me and hanging on me make me want to relax ASAP. RC was there and some dude named Bob we had never met before and so we played The Game. It was pretty fun. I love The Game. Somehow this dude even convinced RC to stay when he was about to sneak out. Bob has super powers! Nobody can ever get RC to stay when he's on his way out. I talked to Ferfer, who is working Saturdays open to close now since KL is gone, and she is actually not as bad as I once thought. Still not totally sold on her, but it's alright, she'll do in a pinch. BR made a big Japanese dinner for us, and it was pretty cool. We had BBQ eel, clam sauce over rice, curry over rice, and crab sushi. I was pretty fucking impressed with BR's skill. Shit was awesome. I still wanted French Fries though, so I went and bought some cigarettes and got a fry on my way back to the bar. I was going to have another beer but I was so tired that I just left after Ferfer and I shared some fries.

I called SL on my way home, and he was trashed. (Thank god he's over that now.) He answered and I was like "Hi" and here is how the conversation went from then on (he's talking like Johnny Depp as Hunter S. Thompson in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"):

SL: Heeeeeey
Me: Hi
SL: Guess what? I loooooooove yoooou. You're so preeeeeeeeetty. I can't believe you're coming to see meeeeeeeeee. Yousobeautifullll. Lemme getcherpitcherouttamywallet. Oh! You're soooooo pretty. Sooooo pretty.
*and then he started breaking up*
Me: Hello? Thank you honey. I love you too. You're breaking up.
SL: Let me call you back when I have a signal.

I called him back when I got home because I was going to bed. He was like "I love you and I have to go where there is more signal I will call you right back." all in one breath, and I said, "Nah, I just wanted to say I love you and goodnight because I'm going to bed." I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up til Eminem called me and left a voicemail and I called him back while I was half asleep and told him I was sleeping. Weird.

!Domingo!

Sunday... oh man. Dinner with the family at J. Alexander's... yum extreme. Food is so fucking wonderful, except after you eat some of everything, then you try and eat one thing, it's so rich and lucious that you can't. I had a New York Strip 16 oz steak, a gigantic salad, NYO Mac'n'Cheese, and then SK and I split some chocolate death cake. I don't think it was actually called death cake but it should have been. Then I went home and became violently ill from all the dairy I had eaten (Hi, totally allergic, not lactose intolerant, allergic to dairy) and shortly thereafter I decided to be productive. I dug out all the binders of my poems I've been writing the last nine years and I put them on the computer. Around five, KP called and wanted me to come over. I kept on inputting poems until about eight, and then I headed over to her house. We watched "Dr. T. and His Women" which is weird, and then watched some episodes of "Family Guy." I left around 11pm and drove to Eldo's because I sorta felt like doing karaoke, but when I pulled in there was no one there so I left. (Well there were folks there but no one I was interested in seeing.) Talked to SL for about three hours for the first time in weeks, and we had a great wonderful conversation. I love him.

!Lunes!

I got a free m.c. escher poster from some lady and it rocks.

GMc came over for dinner, I made tacos, and then we watched "Miracle". It was pretty funny to watch a movie about American Hockey with a Canadian guy. He's so great though. We talked about all sorts of stuff and I was so thrilled that he was over because I haven't hung out with GMc in like a really fucking long time. After the movie, around midnight, we went out to Brewstir's at Weber and High for karaoke. That was so much fun. We are both just dead tired of Eldo's and Hot Spot and all the boring ass beat down karaoke bars. We crave excitement. Hot Spot isn't too bad for me, but I am wearing thin on it. I sang "Wait" and "Bobby McGee" and both times the crowd went wild. I fucking rock. Cat bought us each a beer and two shots and that was pretty great. I was talking to her when I got there and she said that Poke has been looking for me. I sent him a txt msg and left him a voicemail while I was driving home, and I haven't yet heard from him. Apparently he came in to Brewstir's last Monday, this past Sunday, and was in there yesterday but left before I got there, and he was asking everyone if they knew where I had been. What a weird bird.

SL and I were on the phone til almost six. I have one thing to say: "Come può il sesso del telefono essere così buono?"