31 May 2006

Sticky Thighs

Currently, it is so g-darn hot in this office that my thighs are sticking to my chair through my skirt. CHRIST! It's only 86 degrees Fahrenheit outside... I don't know why it's so damn hot in here. Maybe cuz I'm wearing black. Maybe not. Who knows. God Bless Ohio. If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes.

Anyway. What an interesting weekend. Friday I worked late, until about 17:00, and then went home and waited for SL to get off work at 18:00. Unfortunately, I fell asleep, and he had to walk home. He was alright though! I don't actually remember what we did on Friday night. I think it was... watch movies. Oh, yes, it was. We watched "The Score" and "Big Fish". "The Score" was pretty good, although I don't really like heist movies because they make me so nervous. "Big Fish" was really good, I had already seen it, but SL fell asleep right at the end. Oh well.

Saturday we woke up really late. Then we went and SL got a haircut. After that we went down to Clintonville/Campus to eat dinner at The Blue Danube. I LOVE The Dube. Oh yeah. Sucks that there is no smoking inside now, but whatever. I should be used to that by now. I had the Hummus Dagwood and SL had the Chicken Club or something. It was delicious. They give you so much food that there are always leftovers, and even SL couldn't finish his chicken burger. We ate them later that night though. After that we went to Carfagnas and bought some Gouda cheese (which SL wanted so bad but ended up hating), and then headed to Meijer to buy a couple of patio chairs and some limes. In between all that we went to ABC liquor and bought some Corona for only $13.47-ish and some Natty Light for like $5.50. So cheap. We went home and chilled and cleaned up a little, and then D*Martin came over. KP and her friend came over way later, and we were calling people all night to come over, but no one could other than them. D*Martin left to go to a karaoke show some friend of his was doing, and when he came back he brought Jstn and some chick with him. They only stayed a little while. I was so wasted, oh my god. At one point I had a slug in my sandal, I banged my toe on the door while I was trying to get out and keep the cats in, and then there was a slug in the house. Oh man. And SL and D*Martin left for like a million hours to get beer and cigarettes and I was left all alone. *sniff* Eventually, all was calm, and SL and I went to bed.

Sunday SL had to work so while he was doing that, I went to my parents' house for Pot Roast. My mom had bought a bunch of videos at this garage sale, and she picked up "Hair" for me, which we watched because she had never seen it. Apparently Treat Williams is in a bunch of Lifetime movies and she was excited to see him. He's a hotty. Even though he's probably like fifty or sixty now... oh well. Still a hotty. I also ironed some patches onto my athletic pants and my old jeans because they are still in alright condition, but there were holes in the legs that bothered me. I'm good at ironing patches on to things. Go me. SL and I both got home around 21:00, and after he inhaled the leftover pot roast, we went to karaoke. Doc ran the show, which was alright, except he's really good at fucking up the rotation, and incidentally in a matter of like five hours, I only sang twice. That was shitty. But GG, Moose, Lda, TomCat, Mr. Happy, and D*Martin were all there, and it was good. A few people loved my singing and told me I should be on American Idol. I was like, hey, thanks. I met another real French guy, his name was Chabik. He was drunk I think. But there was a nice lady named Joanna with him and we were talking about cooking polish food. Good times.
We all decided to head to Hound Dogs, since no one had to work Monday (except Moose.) When we got there, oh my god, it was so packed. SL and I left because it was just too long of a wait, and ended up going to White Castle instead. We got so much damn food. It was hilarious, oh man, when we were done w/the burgers we would sit the little paper box on the coffee table. Well, Mickey thought it was a great idea to try and lick the bottom of one box, and ended up getting his little head stuck inside. He was running backwards all through the living room, until he finally pawed it off. That was so funny. Then we went to sleep.

Monday morning we woke up, and since SL didn't have to work, it was kinda late. We ate some leftover White Castle and then walked to the pool to make sure it was open. It was, so we headed home to change into our bathing suits when SL remembered that he didn't pack his when he moved here. I'm thinking to myself, "How can someone from Florida not have a bathing suit?!" Anyway, we went to Meijer and they had men's suits on sale so SL got one that matches mine exactly for $5.33. That was so awesome. It was orginally $9.99, so he saved 50%. I was thrilled! We went home, changed, and headed to the pool. We were there for almost three hours. It was pretty much empty, except later on these three kids came. They didn't bother us, but I wondered why their parents would let them come to the pool alone, with no lifeguard, and rules that specifically state under 18 must be accompanied by parent. Whatever, they were being good. Some lady came with two little kids too, but they only stayed for a minute. It was fun. After the pool, my parents came over and we cooked burgers and hot dogs on the grill, and I made some pasto salad, and that was good. I fell asleep in the chair after they left because I was so tired from swimming. We stayed in on Monday, and it was nice.

Last night we went to karaoke at Brewstir's in Clintonville. It was okay. I lost at Trivia, and I was bored, but Tf showed up and that was cool. Lda was there too. It was just not a night for being out for me. I felt like going out originally, but then when we were actually out I just didn't feel like it. Oh well. I didn't get drunk, I drove home, and then we went to sleep.

Today, I got paid. I'm happy because I only have to borrow like $300.00 instead of the usually $450.00 or $500.00. Thank god. Hopefully this will be one of the last few times I have to borrow. Hopefully. Tonight, I am getting my nails done because it is an absolute necessity. They look like really large talons.

25 May 2006

Finally!

Oh my god. I am so fucking thrilled that Taylor Hicks won this year's American Idol competition. I almost cried, seriously.



It was a good, if long, finale. The Puck 'n' Pickler part was retarded, because I love Wolfgang Puck but I hate Kellie Pickler. I hate all blonde southern airheads in general. I mean come on, how could she turn down escargot from one of the best chefs in the world?! I liked the part where Paris sang with Al Jarreau (sp?), but the Meatloak/Kat McPhee really threw me for a loop. I was seriously concerned that Mr. Loaf was going to die onstage. He was shaky and sweaty and lookin' like he was in major withdrawal mode. I don't know. But he ruined her performance, I think, because she probably could have done very well on that song. Elliot Yamin sang U2 with Mary J. Blige, which confused the hell outta me, and Chris Daughtry sang with LIVE. That was awesome and funny at the same time because he looks just like Ed Kowalczyk, and they move very similarly as well. They sang wonderfully together. Other than that, it was mostly filler, they had the former contestant on to sing some songs together, one with boys and one with girls, plus a couple with both. All in all, a fairly good show. I couldn't wait until the end though! When Ryan Seacrest announced Taylor Hicks, I was so happy. SL looked at me like I was nuts, but whatever. I am just glad that McPheever didn't take over the nation. I'm tired of female pop singers.

Soul Patrol!

24 May 2006

Everyone Else is Doing It...

I finally got a sitemeter. Go me. I had to add the numbers on from before it, so it didn't start over at zero, but that's okay. Normlr and Dickeybird posted about where their referrals came from, so I decided to check mine out. I'm not searched, it seems, rather, sent from elsewhere - mail.yahoo.com, welovebiggirls.blogspot.com, and unknown. 99% of my hits come from Columbus/Ohio, one from Singapore, and one from California. Very interesting.

23 May 2006

I have just about had it!

PEOPLE ARE SO RUDE.

So rude in fact, that I almost turned into a racist twice in four days. I don't believe in calling people names, like nigger or spick or whatever. That shit is just so stupid! However, I do believe in pointing out their retardedness. Sometimes they don't understand unless you degrade them. But I digress.

Saturday after my phone was shut off for "non payment", I had to drive all the way to the Sprint store. This "helpful" black fellow named Kerry Buchanan waited on me. He explained that I had be $45 behind on my phone bill since February. I couldn't understand how this was possible because not only do I pay my bill every month, but I'm sure that if I've been delinquent for three months they would have shut off the phone long before now. He said that I paid every month, yes, but never enough. I told him about a phone call I recieved last Monday from Sprint customer service, and how I had talked to that fellow, who said I would not have my service interrupted as long as I was making a payment before the 18th. I made my payment on the 16th - $40. Well, Kerry told me that same exact thing. So I said, is it true that my service was interrupted for being $5 delinquent? He said no. I replied, but you and the man on the phone both said as long as I made a payment before the 18th I would be fine. Kerry says no, he never said that. I ended up having to pay the $45 which I really couldn't afford, and left pissed that this asshole would treat me like I'm stupid when I say back to him what he just said. I shouldn't have been surprised at the way I was treated though, since all the CSRs at Sprint are rude, no matter what race they are. The girls are the worst.

Today, I went to the gas station on my lunch break. All was well, until I tried to leave. There were two lines of cars, one from the left and one from the right, both trying to leave via the same driveway. One car would go from one line, then one from the next, very nicely alternating and moving things along. Until... my turn, of course. I let the car on the left go, and I pulled up behind him for my time to pull out, when I was assaulted verbally by a nice black fellow in a white van. He called me a dumbass, told me to pay attention, and said I needed to learn to drive. I told him to fuck himself, be more courteous, and learn some manners. He rode my bumper out the driveway and the whole 500 feet on the road until I brake-checked him and he nearly rear-ended me. Then he decided it was time to turn left and drove away.

I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit!! I know it sounds like I'm all racist and stuff, but these were just the two most recent occurances of assholes in public. Remember the white trash pregnant lady from Kroger?! How about that black lady who tried to run me down with her hoopdie (sp?) like four weeks ago. It's fucking ridiculous. No one has any curtousey or respect for anyone anymore. No matter where you go, you always have to be on your guard! I, for one, have had just about enough of this crap, and I'm not going to stand for it anymore. The next time someone mouths off to me, or whatever, I'm going to go right back to them with the same treatment. If you call me a cracker, I will call you a nigger (yeah, the lady with the hoopdie called me a cracker.) If you call me a dumbass, I will tell you to go fuck yourself. It's that simple. I'm going to treat you the same way you treat me because I'm fucking tired of taking your shit. I can't even get away from the rudeness within my own family/friend circle. Imagine, someone very close to my boyfriend, calling me a fat alcoholic with a stupid accent.

Whatever. I'm done with rude people and I'm not going to take it anymore.

The Dog/Zebra named Kroger

Yes, another one. Sorry. I'm not even going to introduce it.

I was walking down a boardwalk with a twin stroller that contained two little baby girls. One was named Pearl Bailey and the other was named Stacy Stefanie. I only know this because I had a mind flash of their birth certificates hanging on the wall. As I am walking, I find a black lab with a seeing-eye style harness just chillin'. It looks lost. At the same time, my mom arrives on scene. She's fawning over the babies and I realise that one of them belongs to my girlfriend. Now, I don't know if this is girlfriend as in lesbian or girlfriend as in female friend. Anyway, we decide to take the bridge over to the other side where I live. As we are walking I call the humane society and report having found a lost dog, and I give the girl on the phone the numbers on the dog's tag. She tells me that two other people, from the Hilltop and Westgate have reported the dog found. I am amazed because those areas are nowhere near where we are. The dog has changed colors as we walk, from black to golden. I am hanging onto his harness, and pushing the stroller while my mom walks behind us. When we get to the end of the boardwalk, we see that today is Ferry Day, meaning that the bridge is closed and the only way to get across the water is to take the Ferry. Well, we certainly can't take a Ferry with a stroller and a dog, so we decide to take the long way around. Suddenly, the dog jumps into the water. He's turned back to black. He's swimming around and I yell out, "Come here Kroger!" and he immediately jumps out of the water, shakes off, and we walk away from the edge. Then it fades out. I am at my house where I live now, only we live in Florida or some sort of tropical place because there are palm trees and big dinosaur plants all around. Also, my apartment is about three times the size of real life. I am walking out of my back door, and see this tranny bitch that lives down the way (not in real life) walking with a friend past my door. She says something shitty to me and I smack her in the face. I say something shitty back as I make my way toward the patio, and she threatens me to "watch my back." I laugh and tell her to grow a penis, but, oh wait! She's already got one. Hahaha. She walks away. I am on the patio then, and forget why I was going there in the first place, so I go back in the house. SL is upstairs, and I yell to him to come on because we have to go. Apparently we are going on vacation and it is time to leave. Kroger is there and so are the cats, but Kroger has been shedding a lot and it's making a mess. The whole room is full of dog hair. I go upstairs to help SL with the suitcases and when we come back down, there is no dog hair. Instead, there is a zebra. Kroger's shed turned into a zebra. This seems perfectly logical to us. We put the zebra and Kroger into this other room which is painted red and for some reason has a cage. The zebra goes in the cage and Kroger can run around. SL and I leave, and drive to a restaurant/game place/bar. It's dirty and dark and old and pretty shitty, but I guess they have really great food. We sit down at a picnic-style table (with plastic lawn chairs) and the waitress comes over to ask for IDs. As she is checking SL's, my phone rings, so I go outside to take it. It's the humane society, calling to see if I still have the dog. I tell them yes, and by the way, it spawned a zebra. The girl says something about that happens when they get lost, and it's okay. She tells me that no one has claimed the dog or come looking for it, so I am free to keep it, and the zebra. I run inside to tell SL the good news (I guess) and some asshole has taken my seat. I gently tap him on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me, you're in my seat" and he turns around with a scary face and says, "Do you own this place? Do you own this chair?" and other mean things. SL and I walk out and decided to go to the restaurant across the parking lot, and while we are walking over there I see VM and he's looking very Euro. He's talking on the phone so I don't say hi. Just before we walk in the door, my phone rings again. It's our maid (woo-hoo!) calling to say that there is a zebra in the house. I tell her it's okay, no problem, they should be fine in that room with water and food for a week while we're gone. She says I need to come home right away. We go home, and when we look in the room, everything seems fine. Kroger is napping on a pile of blankets, and so is the zebra... wait... the zebra was supposed to be in the cage! I look at the bars, and they are all bent to hell. The zebra has gone feral. It's foaming at the mouth and making a wierd hissing noise. I run in, grab Kroger, and just as I am slamming the door shut, the zebra makes a jump for it to attack me. Fortunately, I closed the door just in time. SL and I decide that we will keep Kroger, but we have to give the zebra to a zoo. The End.

When I woke up, I half expected to find a black lab in the living room.

22 May 2006

*koff*koff*

Well I had just a wonderful motherfucking weekend. I'm am so not lying either or being fecicious.

Friday I worked until 18:00, picked up SL from work, and then we went to the pet store to get the doggies some food. Yes, I know they are cats, not dogs. Mickey and Fox each received a coupon for free cat food for their birthdays. Their birthday is on 06/06/06, one year old already! I've had them as my pets for almost their whole life, too. I got them at like twelve weeks or something. Anyway. We got some cat food and some bird food for the feeder outside, and then we were starving. We drove around a little bit, then went to Cici's. I hated Cici's the first time I tried it, but this time it was pretty good. I've never been a big fan of the pizza buffet concept because either the pizza gets all dry and crappy or they only have limited flavors, such as pepperoni (yak) and sausage (yak) and lately, some moron decided BBQ chicken would be a great idea (triple yak!) But I had a big salad, some macaroni with cream sauce, some cheese pizza, some white pizza, some taco pizza, and some desert appley pizza and this great cinnamon bun thing. Oh I was so stuffed. I cleaned the house on Friday night, SL steam cleaned, and now the place looks presentable. For the most part. Go us!

Saturday SL worked with The Sir all damn day, from 11:30 to 21:45. I was so bored. I didn't mind though, because that means mo' money! I made a delicious mexican stew in the crock pot, involving one whole jalapeno pepper, one pound of ground beef, and one can of tomatoes. I will not reveal the other ingredients, but DAMN it was good. Boo-yah. Also on Saturday I got a cold. That part sucked. I did all the laundry and I did all the dishes and everything! For a period of about 24 hours, there was nary a dirty dish or article of clothing in the house! I rule!

Yesterday if SL hadn't worked we would have gone to JAFH's house to chill in the hot tub, but unfortunately he did have to work and I didn't feel like chillin' in the hot tub cuz of this cold. So I went to the library and got a few books, including a really really good one that everyone should read, The Solo Partner. I learned a lot of stuff and I think it will help me and SL with these stupid problems we have. We rarely fight over anything significant after all. I also got some books on codependancy and something about seven steps to becoming happy, a book written by a fat lady who is skinny now, and a Dean Koontz book, Dragon Tears. I read The Solo Partner in its entirety, and it was wonderfully enlightening. That's pretty much what I did all day, just read. I thought about painting a picture, but decided against it. Around seven thirty I walked over to CVS and bought some CVS Brand NyQuil and some patches for my jeans. Then I went home and watched about four episodes of the Simpsons, ordered pizza from Papa John's, and waited for SL to get home around 21:00. The pizza guy showed up at like 21:03, and two seconds later SL walked in the door. Perfect timing! The pizza was so good too, I had pineapple and banana pepper and SL had chicken and mushrooms (blech!) We also got free cheesesticks with the coupon, and man, they are so good. Stupid Mickey knocked my pop over. I swatted him on the butt and he ran and hid under the dresser. I doubt he learned his lesson though.
We decided we wanted to go to karaoke, so we headed out. I didn't feel much like drinking, but ended up feelin' good at the end of the night. I sure couldn't sing though, my voice was shot. I tried "Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin and failed miserably. I couldn't even get on tone because I couldn't hear myself. It was awful! The rest of my songs were great. Lda and Moose and Dooger and Sir and Mr. Happy and TomCat were all there. That girl from a few weeks ago, Tf, showed up. She was happy to see me. I was happy to see her too. She's pretty hot and really really sweet. We were dancing with Lda and with each other and it was just great. I was wearing this tank top that totally shows off my tits and Lda kept giving me hugs. She's such a lesbian! It's good though, that's she's cool like that. I guess she likes dudes too but I really think she should just forget that and go with chicks. She's awesome. Tf kept poking my boobs. It was hilarious. We had so much fun last night, oh my god. And SL finally tried a new song! He wasn't so awesome at it, but I helped a little, and I think the more he tries it the better it will be - he wasn't totally off, you know, just a little... not right. Hahahaha! Anyway.
We went home and I so wanted another beer. So I had one. And I finally smoked a menthol cigarette (I had run out earlier and was bumming from folks cuz I forgot to bring my other pack.) Then I wanted to look at porn, which proved very difficult. SL said he was an expert at looking up porn and I found that to be a little gross but then I remembered he's a boy. Then we had the best sex ever. Oh. My. God. It was almost scary how good it was.

Woke up this morning, my butt hurt.

Have you ever had a 45-minute nosebleed for no logical reason? I did. This morning I went into the bathroom and I was like "oh damn my nose is running" and so I did that little check-wipe with the back of my hand and ta-da! Blood, dark and wet, is running from my face. I was like what the fuck. It just kept bleeding and bleeding. I really need to go to the doctor. It's not like I do coke anymore or anything. I don't know. I just don't know. But it was fucking gross. And I hated it.

Well, that's all.

21 May 2006

To Me! To Me!

A very happy congratulations to myself for losing 15 pounds in two months. I'm 15% of the way towards my goal. If things continue on like this, I will have lost all 100 pounds within fourteen months. That's not bad at all. Even if I only lose half as much per month as I have been, that's still fifty pounds in a year. Go Me!

So, anyway. Some shit happened last week. That's all. I don't really want to talk about it.

The night before last I had a weird dream that started off with me coming over the crest of a hill in my car (my real life car, only silver not red but still with the busted bumper and same interior and all that) and seeing NSA, my sister-in-law, stalled out in her crap-ass LeBaron at the bottom. I tried to stop my car, but I wasn't quite fast enough and bumped into her. I mean, it wasn't a crash, I probably hit her car with mine with about the same force as say... pushing a shopping cart into a car. Regardless, there was no damage, and it helped her because it got her car moving to where she could push it off to the side of the road. I continued driving, and ended up at my old house in Macedonia. Apparently I lived there. I was getting out of my car when I saw a navy blue mini-van coming around the corner, and it was Y. That was the end of the dream.

Last night I had such a fucked up dream. It was ridiculous. Okay. I wsa going to an Indians game with TD, DJ, and some guy I didn't recognize from real life but we called him Kevin in the dream. We were "tailgating" if you will, although people don't really do that at baseball games. We had a little area set up along with all these other people - some had tents, some had grills, we had a little portable wall-thing... kinda looked like a 3-sided science fair board. Except it was the same length on all sides... Yeah. Anyway, TD and I were walking around, just wandering, while DJ and Kevin were back at the area, apparently making some food or getting some beer ready or something. TD and I got in line to get our tickets redeemed, and I found out I had to take my purse back to the car because they wouldn't let me take it in. I asked if I could take my small wallet with the strap attached instead, and the stadium lady said no way. No one could tell me why though. So I left TD in line and tried to hurry up back to our area to get the keys from DJ so I could go to the car. Oh, I wasn't allowed to take my cell phone in either. I tried to find our area, and when I finally did, DJ wasn't there but Kevin was. He didn't have the keys, and said DJ had gone to look for TD and me. We waited and waited, and finally I decided to just hide my purse underneath all our crap since there were security guards walking all around anyway, plus the only people who had tents and tailgaiting stuff were people who had tickets, and special permission to be in this area, and no one was allowed to leave the stadium while the game was on. So basically I had nothing to worry about. I told Kevin to go find TD and DJ and I was going to go get some nachos and beers for us, and I would meet them at our seats. I went over, stood in line forever, and finally got a huge thing of nachos and four beers for $13.00. That's how I knew for sure it was a dream! Ha! So, I'm walking down the "hallway" or whatever to our seats and I run into my dad. He says they have a seat for me, but I say no thanks because I've already got one. Then SL comes around the corner and says he has a seat for me, and I say no thanks I've already got one. Then they both make me feel bad for buying nachos and beer and not sitting with them. So I devise a plan to split myself into three parts so that everyone can have a piece, but when I do that and my 3 sections go to my friends, my dad, and my boyfriend, all of them are pissed because they all wanted the whole Kelly and what I gave them wasn't good enough.

Yeah, I can pretty much figure out the meaning of that dream. Nothing personal against TD and DJ, of course, I think they were just main players because they've both moved on from my life, so to speak. Not that we aren't friends, they just aren't in my everyday anymore.

Late.

17 May 2006

Eight Days A Week

We're on day eight of consecutively rainy days. Yippy. Halfway to the great prediciton of sixteen! Here is a pic of the other tattoo I'm going to get in addition to the AIR image:


Now, something Dickeybird posted that looked fun:

Nexts:

1. Next person you'll kiss: SL
2. Next movie you want to see: Silent Hill.
3. Next person you want to sleep with: SL (but really Jack Nicholson)
4. Next car you want to have: A tricked out mini-van.
5. Next time you're going out: Probably tomorrow to GORDY'S!!
6. Next time you're going to move: Hopefully not for a couple years.
7. Next thing you're going to save money for: Divorce, car repair, pay off parents.
8. Next time that you will drink alcohol: Thursday, probably.
9. Next person you are going to call: I have no idea. Depends on work.
10. Next place you'll take vacation: Mexico, Bahamas, or Dominican Republic. For a quick vacation the answer is New Jersey.
11. Next thing you are going to do after filling this survey?: Smoke.
12. Next thing you are going to eat: Probably a salad.
13. Next time you plan to be drunk: Thursday.
14. Next thing you are going to do outside: Smoke.
15. Next person you'd like to see fill this out: Whoever wants to!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LASTS:

1. Last kiss: This morning.
2. Last person you hugged: SL.
3. Last person you spoke to: BE.
4. Last alcoholic beverage: Bud Light. I think.
5. Last movie: "Walk the Line." Awesome.
6. Last person you thought of: Dooger. He's giving SL a ride to the library/CVS.
7. Last school you went to: Bishop Ready.
8. Last person you said I love you to: SL.
9. Last run in with the law: At Kroger when this Hispanic "gentleman" Police-for-hire (a real cop, just not on duty) asked me: "Do jew knoooh wha dee jello line ees? Jew muss stop ah dee jello line! Jew ahlmose heet dee boy with carts!" He was moronic and thought I had blowna stop sign... how he knew I don't know because he was inside the store at the moment I stopped at the stop sign... I think he was jealous of my car and my ability to speak english.
10. Last fight you were in: Physical? When I punched that stupid asshole Brian in the nose at Brewstir's in the Continent. Non-Physical... I dunno, sometime recently with SL I'm sure.
11. Last bar/club/concert/party you went to: Bar: Monkey (last night) Club: Wall Street GLBT (2002) Concert: Hank Williams, Jr. (2005) Party: I suppose that would be... the small get together at WR's house that ended up being off the hook.
12. Last person you e-mailed: DJ.
13. Last thing you ate: McDonald's. Yuck.
14. Last thing you saved up money for: (geeze that is poor grammar) Trip to FL in November '05
15. Last song you sung: It was something at karaoke... I can't remember what though.
----------------------------------------------------

FIRSTS:

1. First car: 1990 Buick Century, 35,000 miles, in 1998.
2. First pet: Squeaky, Puffy, and Spunky - the 3 cats who were there when I arrived.
3. First word/phrase: Exit. I'm advanced. Not kidding either.
4. First alcoholic beverage: When I was about 3 I found teeny little bottles of liquor in the closet and I thought they were play pretend for me, so I took a drink. It was nasty.
5. First time you stayed out all night: Age 18 and 3 days, with Max Jones.
6. First best friend: Matt Marsh and Karen Pavlish. We were a sitcom, the little black boy with his two cutey white girlfriends!
7. First job: Babysitting, of course, but a real job would be Dairy Queen!! (1997-2002)
8. First school: Lollipop Co-Op.
9. First kiss: Kevin Krusoe in the little playhouse at Lollipop.
10. First Tattoo: Two flowers intertwining with "SCOTT" underneath.
11. First car accident: When I T-Boned a van that pulled out in front of me and destroyed the Buick.

That was fun.

16 May 2006

I'm only happy when it rains.

And it's a good thing too, since this is our 7th consecutive day of rain here in sunny Columbus, Ohio. Jym Ganahl predicts 16 consecutive days, even though he says he's never seen it in his lifetime, and I think he might be right. Crazy.

So, yeah, I haven't posted in awhile... Sorry. I've actually been busy at work, which is awesome. Hopefully this means things are looking up and I won't be so fucking broke anymore. I'm literally making less than half now than what I was making this time last year. My income plus SL's income combined for one month is equal to one of my 2005 May paychecks. It fucking blows. But that's alright, things are really going well at work and also SL will be getting a raise within the next few weeks, once he completes the PSA training. Then, for him, it's on to Pharm Tech certification and after that is finished, another raise. Basically, within 4-6 months, hopefully sooner, SL will be making only $1-2 less per hour than I make. Hell yeah.

So, it's been a very eventful week. Some not so great, some great, but all events. Ha.

Where I left off last, things were strained between SL and myself. Thursday night we went out to dinner, which started off kinda iffy because I had told him we were going, and to not spend any money in case they didn't take cards (turns out they don't) and in the meantime, he bought a new shaver. It was a good deal, $9, but still. He had completely forgotten we were going to dinner. We went anyway, it was alright, and then went to karaoke after some adult fun. I figured he owed me. *wink* Karaoke was great, they have it upstairs at Gordy's now. I met some real French guys from France, Joe and Michael, and they were cool. They didn't stay long, but that's okay. I spoke what little french I know to them (Je suis le grande fromage, Je suis le chien de fromage) and they were amused. AK from work was there, with some crazy girl (not his ex, hahaha) and I talked to him for a little while. When we were leaving he told this chick to follow him, and for some reason she followed us, all the way to Taco Bell, even though AK lives the opposite direction. I called him, arranged plans, and she made it there I guess. She had left her phone at the bar and she was a bit off, but I suppose that was my good deed for a drunk. All in all, that was a good night.

Friday was pretty boring, I had my very last appointment with my shrink, and that went well. He said that I've pretty much accomplished what needed to be done, so I only need to go back if I find some more stuff to work on and/or some sort of emergency arises. I feel much better now, mentally, than I did back when I started to see him, so I think he was right.

Saturday I had to get up at the butt-ass-crack of dawn to take SL down to campus for his training session. After that I went to the bank, Check-into-Cash, and Check Smart. I cleaned the house a bit, did the cat boxen, washed the dishes, and stuff like that. I watched a really cool special on A&E about this secret code that is in the bible. Supposedly this code predicted all sorts of historical events (well, when the code was written they were future events) such as Napolean, JFK's assassination, 9/11, and others. Very interesting. I haven't decided whether or not I believe such a code, but the proof that it could be real was that they decoded a section (matrix) where it said something about "peace treaty" and "four powers" and Iraq or Iran or Palestine or something, to happen in 2005, and if you recall there was that meeting of the UN, USA, EU, and someone else (I am pretty sure it was Palestinian leaders) talking about not invading Palestine or something... sheesh, I wish I could remember it better. Regardless, what the code predicted came true. (The first hour was recorded in 2003 and the second was recorded in 2005, that's how they could prove it!) For more information go here.

Also on Saturday, the maintenance guy came to fix my tub drain. Friday morning I woke up and while SL was in the shower I went downstairs to get my phone or something, and noticed all this water pouring out of the ceiling. Apparently this had happened before, because when A (the maintenance guy) pulled the pipe out, it was covered with a shitty silicone patch job (stupid mexicans.) It took him and his assistant three and a half hours to fix! The plumbing was built before the inside frame was finished, and the elbow joint that went up to the tub drain was butted up against a support joist that could not be moved. One dude was up there with a crow bar trying to hold the joist a few centimeters away from the pipe while A was up in the bedroom trying to attach it through the access hole. It was amusing for me but I'm sure they were frustrated. It all worked out, and I only have two holes in the ceiling, which are supposed to be fixed today. Good deal.
I made a crock pot dinner on Saturday, which turned out so awesome. We drank some margaritas and watched a bunch of SVU episodes, and it was good.

Sunday was Mother's Day, so I went with my family to Cleveland while SL stayed home and went to work. My family and I went to Blazin' Bills, which has shitty service but delicious food. I had 12 buffalo chicken wings and three baked jalapenos, and I couldn't believe I ate that much, but they were SO good. It was like, addicting. Crazy. We hung out at GMaP's house a little bit, and made it home to Columbus around nine thirty. GMc called me in the afternoon, from Manitoba! He's there getting a new license and passport, so I haven't seen him in about a month. He said he should be back soon though. SL and I went to karaoke around ten, and met up with TomCat, Sir, and Dooger. A couple other people were there, like TG, BR, Lda, Moose (later on) and a few others. It was a good night; Fuzz was there so I sang "Runaway" for him since he is obsessed with me singing that song. I called GG to see if she and TS were going to come, but she said he was very tired and had to go back to PA the next day, so they didn't come over. That sucked, cuz I was going to buy him a beer for his birthday! The only time I really got irritated that night was when SL was singing so loud in my ear while I was singing "Runaway" (when people sing in my ear it fucks me up) and when he disappeared with Dooger and I found out they were out behind the dumpster smoking pot. Dooger said SL didn't smoke any, but I was suspicious because SL always tells me when he going outside w/Dooger so that I know he isn't smoking. I hope he was telling the truth. I had about five Mich Ultras (one point each) and one Wild Turkey (3 points) and I was feeling great. This old dude came in, I think he called himself Cashman, and he was awesome. I really had to talk to him because he said I looked just like some girls in his family and that part of his family is from Northeast Ohio (where I was born.) I always have to talk to people who say I look like someone in their family because I am adopted and I need to find my family so I can see some people who look like me. I'm not interested in making any kind of relationship with anyone biological, I would just like to see someone who has the same characteristics as I do. More on that later. Anyway, I was talking to this dude and he bought me another drink of Wild Turkey, and the second I drank the last drop I was wasted. I didn't mean to get wasted, and I didn't think that it would send me "over the edge" but it did and I was apologising to SL all the way home. Man, I was drunk. We didn't fight or anything though, and it was great.

Monday we pretty much did nothing, I made tacos for dinner and we chilled and watched "Banned and Censored Cartoons" since there was nothing on. For some reason ABC has been showing shitty movies and specials instead of "Wife Swap" and "SuperNanny" and I'm very sad for that. Oh well. Hopefully it's just a spring thing and the shows will be back on in the summertime. Today is busy, I'm just trying to think of what I could possibly make for dinner. It looks like it's going to be either shrimp and greens or some sort of Helper. Probably Helper since I'm not in the mood for shrimp.

So, let's see... a couple other things to mention. First, I'm very sad that all of my friends are leaving me. TD, DS and RB already quit working here and DJ is about to quit. RB is moving to California, and TD is moving to Florida. It makes me wonder if I haven't gotten into some sort of rut. I'm still here, and I'm not really advancing anywhere, but then again, there really isn't anywhere for me to advance to. I'm already the Senior {insert position here} with my own office... I guess I'm just a bit down because the whole money situation. I feel like a failure because I can't pay my bills, even though it's not my fault that I can't pay my bills. There just hasn't been any business. The rates finally went down a little bit last week, and I do have a lot of loans in my pipeline, it just seems that everything is going so slow. Oh well.
The next thing to mention is Bariatric Surgery. SL and I are going to a seminar next Tuesday from the Barix Clinics to see if I qualify and if my insurance will approve it. I know I qualify because 1) I am more than 100 lbs overweight and 2) I have weight-related health problems. This includes but is not limited to high triglycerides, pending Diabetes, and joint pain. I might have sleep apnea but I'm afraid to get tested for it. I have all the symptoms though. You know, I've been dieting my whole life, and frankly I'm tired of it. I eat healthy, I walk but I don't really exercise because I can't, it's too painful. I get out of breath and my knees hurt. I feel like I'm 60 yrs old but I'm only 24. I need to do something. Which brings me to my next point, death. A lady I know from work died on Sunday, and although it wasn't weight related or anything like that, it really made me think. She was only in her late 30's or early 40's if I remember correctly, and she died from a blood clot that blocked her aorta. I don't know all the specific details. She was young, had a good life going, and just died, the end. If I keep living the way I'm living, that will be me in twenty years. I'll be so morbidly obese (moreso than I already am) that I will be confined to my house and eventually just die of a heart attack or something. I want to have kids, I want to have a life, and I want to be happy. Right now, I'm not. Besides, if I ever have the chance to meet my biological family, I sure don't want them to think, "Good thing we got rid of that fatty, we don't want her in the family."

I will try to update more often, I promise.

11 May 2006

I'm not the one who's so far away.

Voooooooodooooooo vooooooodooooo.


Anyway, enough of that.
Well the last week has been... interesting. Thing were going really well until Friday afternoon, when I found out that I had forgotten about the autopay of $45 for AEP that I had scheduled for the 5th and thus my bank account was completely fucked. I had plenty of money in the account to cover all my pending transactions, however, the $45 took me so far down that on Monday when everything hit I went negative. Then, as of yesterday morning, I was $393 negative because I was charged eight separate overdraft fees. Fucking ridiculous. Thankfully my dad rocks and he lent me the money. And SL gets paid today.

Besides all that stupid crap, this week has been fairly uneventful, but it's going really really slow. Sunday SL and I went to Inniswood Gardens and walked around for a few hours, and I took about 115 pictures. We had never been there before, and it was really fun! Monday night we went to Sharon Woods and walked around, I got a blister on my foot. We saw a teenage kind of deer, it looked like a male because it had antlers but they weren't very huge like a buck's would be... so, I don't know. I guess he was a teenagedeer. Haha. I don't know anything about deer other than they are huge, cute, and when properly prepared, delicious. We also saw a lot of mosquitoes, but those were not as great as seeing the deer.
Tuesday we went to the Hot Spot for Zara's birthday. It was pretty fun. I met some new friends, they are cool, and hung out w/Dooger, Sir, Moose, Lda, and Tiger. NMc showed up later on too. The Pirate was there as well, and so were a couple of Zara's other friends and her sister. It was great. They had flavored Zimas on sale for $1.50, so we had a bunch of those. Overall, it was a really super fun night, until... yeah. Of course there is always an "until". Lda wanted us to come over to her house with Tiger, and we said alright cool. So I asked SL if he was fine to drive, I asked him like 17 times, and he said he was. Not more than 15 minutes later he's disappeared and I find him in the men's room yakking in the sink (there's no door, all I had to do was walk by.) I was so pissed. I felt he lied. He says that when he said he was fine, he was, he just randomly got sick. I don't know if I believe that or not. Needless to say I had to drive home, angry, and I made him sleep downstairs because 1) I didn't feel like talking to him and 2) I didn't want to listen to the sound of yakking all night. I called GG and talked to her for awhile because she's good at getting me to calm down. Then I talked to NB and SB and they wanted to come get me and take me to their house (yah I'm sure I know what for and it wasn't cookies and milk either.) I declined, of course, and stayed home. SL came to the bed in the morning and we fought some more. We fought all day long. I was so tired of him acting like a child, so last night, I left.
I went and stayed the night at my parents' house, hoping that he would realise what he has and maybe appreciate me more. He went to karaoke with Dooger.
We talked last night when he got home, it was alright, but I'm still not completely un-angry. We are going to dinner tonight, and hopefully that will go well. If it does, then I'll go home. If not, then I'll go back to my parents' house. He has to learn sometime.

06 May 2006

Must be from the lack of Nicotine.

That's the only thing I can think of as to why I'm having these retarded dreams.

I dreamt this afternoon for a long time. It started with me painting my parent's living room, and I ran out of paint. I left the house to go to the store, and on the way stopped in at the "Dairy Freeze" to say Hi to some girl who worked there. She told me to come back because they had leftover creamed chicken and I could get some for a discount. SJK was there talking to MF, and he was holding a beer. I told him he had better be holding that for someone else otherwise I would kick his ass, and he threw the can away. I went to the store, got the paint, and came back. SKJ was gone but MF was still there and TM had joined him. TM was being all menacing like he used to be, not friendly like in the last dream. He growled at me and yelled at me and I ended up calming him down. We walked down the street, which was alive and bright with vendors and had a carnival-atmosphere about it, with rides too. I skipped away from him, stopped and let him catch up, then skipped away again. I kept skipping away until he was so far behind that I could run, which is exactly what I did. I couldn't wait to get away from him. I ran behind all the vendors' booths and back to the Dairy Freeze. I was talking with the girl and eating my creamed chicken (it came in a box, and the cooked carrots were poured on the counter for you to come and scoop up whenever you wanted some) when my mom called wondering where I was. So, I went home and looked at the walls I had already painted. They looked so shitty. I had painted uneven lines, there was a big spot of green on top of the red area, and the paint cans were all lying open. I tried closing the blue one and it made a farting noise and sprayed paint gobs into my hand. I smeared the paint all over the wall where the blue part was and it ended up looking better than where I had painted with a brush. I went to talk to my family in the dining room, and there were two blue puddles on the floor by the patio door. I asked my mother what the heck had happened and she said that SJK had come home drunk and puked on the floor. Apparently it was blue from some popsicles he had eaten earlier. She blamed me, and I tried to explain t0 her that the Dairy Freeze never carded and beers were only 50 cents, and did she remember the one that was in Northfield across from the old post office that later became a Tae-Kwon Do place? She didn't. I went downstairs, frustrated, and found SL with some of our friends watching TV. We decided to all go to this club where there was karaoke. I can't remember the name of the club, but everyone knew us there. It wasn't packed, so we got to sing a lot. There were two rooms besides the main room, which had karaoke and food, the other one had a big screen TV and large couches and chairs to sit and watch old movies, and the third was just a room that was dark, with couches. The whole place was decorated in an old fashioned kind of theme, the dark room was like the 60's where the only light came from a couple of black lights and huge lava lamps, the main room was like the 50's diner style, and the TV room was like the 70's with shag carpet and lots of green and orange (avocado and rust I guess they were called back then.) We bounced from room to room, and when karaoke had started to die down we chilled in the 70's room watching some old campy porno that was hilarious. My ex boyfriend was there (he didn't look like any real-life exboyfriend though) and he kept trying to kiss me and touch me and stuff like that. Eventually, I ended up sitting on his lap, to watch the movie, and SL sat next to us. Did I mention that in the dream SL was really, really fat? I mean so fat that there was no room on his lap for me. I was the same size as I am now. Anyway. We were watching this porno and the boy kept kissing my next and stuff and SL didn't even notice, even though he was right next to him. After the movie was over we went to the dark room and just laid around, I think we were smoking pot but I'm not sure. I hate pot in real life anyway. We laid around and laid around and did absolutely nothing, and then SL and I went home. We lived in my parents' basement. I came out of the one room and SL was sitting on the bed, and he had gotten so much fatter than he was earlier that I didn't even recognize him at first glance. I asked him what time he had to work tomorrow, and he said from 3:30 to 3:30. I told him that didn't make any sense, so I called CVS to find out for myself. The girl who answered said that he was sccheduled from 1-2. I hung up and yelled at SL what the fuck was going on and why didn't he have regular hours any more and by the way what happened to his dress pants, and he told me he had quit CVS last week and threw his pants out and the only reason he was working an hour was so he could clean out his area and do the paperwork. I yelled at him and yelled at him and then I left. I went to this 24 hours mall, and was going to the jewellrey store to return this necklace that SL bought me. I walked in and all the customers were weird, like they were all just standing at the counters looking striaght down and no one was talking. Then some guy moved and this middle-aged lady turned towards him and started busting out rounds from her well-concealed machine gun. She looked like she was fat with a pouch but that pouch held her guns and ammo. How I knew this, I don't know, but she was shooting up the place pretty bad. Some guy grabbed me and held me in front of him and told the lady that she'd have to shoot me before he would open the safe. I thought that was pretty stupid and said so, out loud, and pointed out that if she really wanted to get away with some loot she could just machine gun the cases and take out all the jewellrey. She looked amazed by this concept and tried what I said to do, and then she left, presumably with over $500,000 worth of jewells. I saved the day but no one cared. Then I woke up, and I was walking out of the jewellrey store and wondering if I would get to be on the news.

Somewhat Disturbing.

Last night I dreamt that my friend JAFH was getting married to a mexican girl named Kelly who looked like a lesbian. They were having a non-traditional wedding, and the theme was "history and archaeology" with a stage set up with props and all sorts of things. There were pews to sit in (the wedding was being held in a house-turned-museum) and also huge ottoman type things as well. I was sitting on an ottoman, and when JAFH walked down the aisle to take his place at the fornt, I was crying and sobbing so hard that I didn't even get to see Kelly walk down the aisle. The next thing I knew, RE(D)B was tapping me on the shoulder saying the wedding was over and the party had started in the next room. There were tons of people there that I didn't know, and I finally found JAFH and asked him if he knew them and he said no, they were Kelly's friends. I asked him what the plans were for after the wedding, and he said they would go home - not together, of course, because he was still living wiht his parents and so was she. But they were still married, just not living together. Finally I saw Kelly, and I asked her if it wasn't too late to get an annulment since the wedding just happened, and she told me that she married JAFH for a reason - she wouldn't tell me what the reason was, but he was better off with her than me, she could tell me that for sure. I left the party without saying goodbye to anyone, and walked down to this apartment where MF and TM were living. Apparently we were still friends in this dream because I had a key to the apartment. I walked in and no one was home, so I made myself some chocolate milke with the "Gaultierri" special stuff (I don't know what it could be in real life, but that's the last name of a kid I went to high school with.)
As I was chilling on this mattress, TM and MF walked in and TM started yelling about me using his chocolate stick and I explained that I only used a sliver. Then he was okay. MF decided that now was the best time to move the furniture around, so he lifted the mattress with me on it and tried to carry it to the next room. It wouldn't fit through the doorway, so, with me still clinging to it, MF walked to the window and threw the mattress right out over the balcony. Did I mention we were on the fifth floor? The last thing I remember is sailing to the ground but not hitting it...

I don't know what is up with this crap. Nothing I did yesterday had anything to do with anything I dreamt about. I haven't talked to MF or TM in a year, haven't talked to JAFH in a couple days, and he certainly isn't getting married. All SL and I did last night was drink margaritas and watch "Walk the Line"!

Damnit.

05 May 2006

You Will Never Get to the Bottom of My Cunt.

The other night, I had another strange dream. This time I blame it on Dean Koontz's book, Eyes of Darkness. It's a very scary book that produced a very scary dream.

I dreamt that I was driving a school bus alone in the middle of the woods. Suddenly a huge monster dog leapt out into the middle of the road, and I had to swerve to avoid it and nearly ran off the road. For some reason I felt the need to pull over and go search for the dog. I got off the bus and started looking around when the damn thing jumped me and started mauling me right there on the side of the road. TB from work drove by and slowed down, but he didn't stop. The scene faded to black and when it came back on I was totally mangled and driving the bus. I think the monster dog may have been tied to the back of the bus, but I'm not positive. I stopped at the next rest stop and walked in to clean myself up. The Avon lady was there.

Crazy fucking shit man.

I'm not sure when my last actual post was, but let me give you a quick update on this week:

1. Sunday - frickin' sweet man. SL worked 1-9pm so I hung out w/GG. We chilled at my house and she got to see the kittens (I suppose I should call them cats now) and it was great. They didn't really like Wendell all that much, but by the end of the two-ish hours that she was over, the kittens were inching towards her and sniffing her gigantic dog feet. It was cute. Oh, I should also mention that Wendell's huge tail knocked over GG's margarita (there was only like 2 sips left) right into her lap and I washed her clothes for her. It was swell. Later, SL and I went to karaoke at Eldo's. It was so much fun, probably the most fun I've had in a really long time. Dooger was there and he was being so cool, and bought all of us like three or four shots. G-Lick and Syn and Dn were there, and it was just awesome. This hot chick, Tif, came over and was talking to me. That was pretty cool. After karaoke we headed to Hounddogs, which was me, SL, Moose, D*Martin, Lode (BR's girlfriend), Tif, and that's it. Some lesbians were outside and they signed my tits (pics to follow.) I showed the signatures to everyone in the bar, met this really super model-hot Italian/Greek guy who was a giant asshole. But he was hot. Ha. He had a greek friend who was a medic in the army. That guy was also an asshole. Goddamn it. I told this one boy he looked like a mini Henry Rollins, this other kid that he was totally emo. Finally we went home, after dropping Tif and D*Martin back at their cars at Eldo's. What a wonderful evening.

2. Monday - woke up with the worst migraine. I honestly don't think it had anything to do with drinking because it didn't feel like a hangover headache. Slept a lot all day, then SL came home from work. I made... something for dinner. I don't remember what. I think it was roast chicken and green bean casserole. After dinner we watched Wife Swap and SuperNanny (woo-hoo!) and then (drumroll please)... Debbie Does Dallas! Oh man, that movie was awesome. It wasn't what I expected it to be... not sure what I was expecting but this was not it! I loved it though. Good movie, for being a 70's porno. Oh yeah. Then it was off to the Lion's Den to buy a new vibrator since the old one broke. I figured that we would just get another Silver Bullit, however, for $2 more we got a latex bump covered "egg" which, I should say, it fucking insane. No correlation between old porn and adult store. Just in case you wondered.

3. Tuesday - Brewstir's in Clintonville. My favorite place. Played trivia, hung out w/The Sir, had a generally great time. SB and NB showed up, SB still wants to bang me of course (aah, to be wanted) but I showed him the pretty ring SL got me and he backed off. NB said he wants to get w/me still but he's glad to see me happy. That was good. We had a really really fun time on Tuesday, too.

4. Wednesday - Hmmm... what did we do Wednesday... oh yeah, I remember. We went to Easton because I wanted to walk outside and SL had never been there. We walked around almost the whole place for two hours. Stopped at Trader Joe's and got some Italian Orange Soda, which was delicious! We had fun just walking around and that was cool. Zara called for me to go to her show but I wasn't in a karaoke/bar mood, and incidentally I ended up falling asleep in the chair with Sheeba. Pics to follow.

5. Thursday - Oh hell yes. SL got paid!! We went to Dave & Buster's, and that was so much fun I almost couldn't believe it. For $54 including tip we had 2 Cherry Cokes, 1 Fried Shrimp and Fries, 1 BBQ ribs and Chicken with Mashed Potatoes, 1 Spinach Artichoke Dip, and 2 $10 Power Cards for playing games. We won 278 coupons playing Skee-Ball and this horse race game, and for 275 coupons we got a little tiny blue glass ashtray. SL loved Dave & Buster's, he had never been there, and I remembered how much I love it. After D&B we headed to Gordy's for karaoke. Dooger was there, and we chilled with him for most of the time. Buckets of 6 Beers were only $9 so we got 2 and split a 3rd with Dooger. That was so fun also. There were some hookers there (ha, not real ones) and they were drunk as fuck and very annoying. The blonde one was nicer than the dark haired one. They had their ass cracks pierced - I am not kidding. There was a kid there, Russ, and he was nice. I knew him once before, when he came to my house in 2002 selling magazines. I remembered him specifically because he gave me a little sign to stick on my door for the other magaziners that said "Russ was already here." It was so strange to run into him... I have this great thing where I can remember everyone's face. Strange though. We closed the bar down, and went home where SL ate his D&B left overs and I had green bean casserole. WARNING: DO NOT EAT GBC WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK. I thought I was going to yak immediately after I took the last bite. Oh Jesus, it was tragic. I spent most of the night hung over the toilet, even though I never actually puked. I hate that feeling, and I kept willing myself to yak (usually the smell of toilet water is enough, but nooooo!) and seriously considered sticking my finger down my throat to get it over with. Eventually, I fell asleep. Yikes.

I had a great week. I am very happy lately because SL is finally working and getting paid and its just awesome. We aren't fighting so much anymore, in fact I think we've only had like one major fight in the last two weeks. This can be proof to my husband that the marriage failing was all his fault because he never worked, always drank, and then started sucking cock. Oh yeah.

My hands are very dry today but they are also very smooth. This confuses me.

Pics to Follow

Me and Sheeba
One lesbian signature
The other lesbian signature
The lesbians.