My Durango Number Ninety Five

I have one thing to say.

"The best way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his chest with a very sharp knife."

I'm really quite pissed off at myself for thinking about SL still. I shouldn't care if he has a new girl or not, if he's doing okay, or whatever. I don't know why I even respond to his text messages or anything. He makes me cry. I'm inching my way towards hating him, but I wish I was running and could jump right into the pile of hate that I see in the distance. I can't handle this. I am so irritated. I shouldn't care about him. But I do, and I don't know why. FUCK!!

I feel like I'm drowning. On the other hand, I'm moving tomorrow. Yay.


Update - 10:49pm: Apparently I should clarify. I should have said that I should not respond to SL's text messages when they begin to upset me. It is generally me who sends the first one, usually something relevant not just random, but the more texts we send back and forth the more he upsets me. His comment made me think I should tell you all this. It's rather irritating either way. I hate being upset. I have tried to be friends with him, I have tried to be nice, and he kept changing his mind. Granted, he hasn't changed his mind much since the last time he changed it back, but I don't know how long that will last. He constantly threatens to not be my friend anymore, because I tell him my feelings, so... I don't know. I don't even know if it's worth it. I guess it's just really difficult because we were together for so long and then he was just ripped out of my life. Why should I hang on to someone who so obviously wants me out of their life? I should just let him go completely, but it's so so hard. I have to remember that I'm mourning the dream of a happy life with SL, not SL himself. That's what my shrink says. I'm grieving over the loss of my happiness. Fuck.