25 May 2007

The Way Things Were

Twenty-four hours ago, things were looking alright. Not great, but alright. I had been thinking to myself that FINALLY! everything was getting better.

Well, let me take you back a few months. When I got my DUI, I said to myself, there is only one worse (personal - not counting death of family/friends) thing that could happen, and that would be if I lost my job. Then, I would basically have no reason to go on.

I got laid off today.

24 May 2007

Yet another list!

Things that absolutely disgust me:

  • White trash
  • Girls who have more than one child by more than one dude
  • Ketchup
  • Midgets
  • Degoes
  • Runny eggs (except for the yellow part, that I love!)
  • Burps/Belches, especially when someone tries to speak while doing so
  • Ants
  • The weird texture that happens to mashed potatoes when you microwave them in a plastic bowl
  • Dolphins
  • Cottage cheese w/fruit on top
  • Frisco sauce
  • Jaeger (although I can't pass up a free shot of it, I just wince)
  • The inside of a vagina, unless I'm watching a baby come out
  • Furry pussies (what is this, 1978? Get a razor ladies!)
  • Taint
  • Small paperclips
  • Paperclips with coating
  • Ribbed paperclips (for your pleasure)
  • Spittle from tobacco chew
  • Drool in general
  • The smell of a boy who's been playing outside all day
  • Wet dogs (see above, they smell the same)

That's all I can think of. Those things listed above will actually make me gag - some just a little, some actually to the point of yakking. I'm a strange bird.


Sheeba with her arms over Fox's arms. How cute!

Sheeba loves my tits.

Ace and me at Eldo's! See how I look when I smile?? Like a fat face! That's why I always look serious in pictures, cuz I don't want my chubby cheeks to take over the rest of my face.

Me, close up. Serious.

Me at work!! Serious!!

Me on the couch... it's fucking hot and serious.

My kitties hugging.

The Monkeys Chose Cocaine.

Read more about it here.

And I understand why they did. If I had the means, I'd choose cocaine too. I am an addict. I would love to have mounds and piles and bathtubs full of cocaine just for my own personal use. But I don't, and that's a good thing. I keep myself away from it because I know that if I even do one little bump, it will all be over. That's how it happened last time - one bump turned into four, turned into a line, turned into fat rails, turned into three 8-balls a weekend. Terrible. I don't want to risk losing my job again, I don't want to OD again. No thank you. But it's so difficult. When things get stressful, I long for the feeling of numbness, the burn when the powder hits my sinus cavities (sounds gross, I know, but it's awesome), the notion of being the wisest person in my area and having such profound insight into whatever music happens to be playing at the time. Save for the physical downsides, such as acquiring perforations on the inside of my nasal passage and the awful disgusting and totally grotesque runny/stuffy nose that happens on the come-down... cocaine is perfect.
But that's another thing, I can't stand the runny/stuffy nose. I fucking hate it. My allergies are kicking my ass right now, and I am dying over here with this fucking shit, blowing my nose every 10 minutes, not being able to inhale through my nose, etc etc etc. WHY on EARTH would I do this to myself purposely? I wouldn't - not anymore.

All this is spawned from a TV show I watched the other day about drugs on the History Channel. Damn monkeys.

21 May 2007

Update Shmupdate

LOL it's been so long since I posted about what is going on in my life in general. So far I've posted about white trash and Jerry Falwell and that dumb bitch, but not about the happy happy!

So here is the happy happy.

Friday I went to Groucho's, of course. Cat picked me up. I was chillin' there, at a table, just flipping through the book trying to find some new songs to try, when KS came up to me. "Hey beautiful" he says, as he sits down next to me. I'm somewhat baffled, considering the conversation we'd had last week went, "I'm involved with someone else but when it doesn't work out with her I'd like to pursue things with you." So. We talked awhile, about his drivers license and my job and so forth, and it was all very generic. He went back to the bar and I just sat there, baffled. A seat at the bar finally opened up so I moved over there from the table. KS was across from me, and all night I kept catching him staring at me. That always happens though, every single time I see him. Anyway, at the end of the night as Bishop and I were leaving, I walked past KS and I was like, "Bye!" cuz he was talking to some guy I didn't know and I really didn't want to interrupt. So he stops me and he says "hey don't be like that! you gotta give me a hug at least!" and I hug him and he holds on really tight and I'm just like... ok... and then he says "I'll give you call sometime, and I'll be here every Friday to see you and hear you sing" to which I reply, "I thought you said you weren't coming to the bar anymore til your birthday" and he really didn't have anything to say to that. Now I guess I'm just kinda confused because it went like he likes me, he REALLY likes me, he likes me, he's not interested, he likes me again... I guess. I dunno. I'm not really going to concern myself either way. He already did me wrong once, I'm not gonna make the same mistake I made with Poke and let him do it again.

Saturday I ended up sleeping til about 2pm, because Friday night when Bishop and I got back to my house, we talked about our feelings for each other til about 3:30am and I didn't get to sleep til almost 4am. I told him that I had always liked him, but when he told me he was getting new teeth* I was super excited. Well then when I found out he couldn't get the new teeth yet, my feelings didn't change and I still really really liked him. I thought telling him that would hurt his feelings but he said it didn't, and now we're going out out on a date date Friday night! Yay! Anyway, Saturday Bishop came and picked me up around 4:30pm, and we headed over to his parents' house. He was supposed to help his dad fix the roof, but his dad kept on saying he didn't need any help, so we spent most of the day chillin' on the porch with his mom and his older sister. It was awesome. We talked about all kinds of things, I learned a lot about Bishop, and basically it was just plain relaxing. That was great. Around 10:15pm Bishop went to shave before we would head out to Trump's, and while he was in there JAG called him. Apparently JRod and AC had gotten in a fight before the Brooks & Dunn concert, so they called JAG to go with them instead, and now they were shit-faced and needed rescuing, from Bishop of course.

We get to where they are, not far from my house, and AC and her sister are absolutely so belligerently drunk that it's disgusting. AC refuses to get a ride, and insists that Bishop follow her home. It's only about five miles but still that's too far to drive in her condition. She was riding the curb, ran two red lights, and almost crashed into a car when she made a right hand turn. We get back to her place and Bishop keeps asking her where JRod is, and she says she doesn't fucking know and she doesn't fucking care. So we're driving around looking for him, trying to figure out where exactly the fight happened, etc. He could be wandering all over drunk for all we know. Bishop decides we should go to AC's apartment and see if JRod is there. I guess JRod heard Bishop trying to call him through the window, cuz he called and said he was inside AC's apartment. He had been there the whole time. And the real story was that he had gotten so drunk beforehand that he got sick and laid down, and in the meantime AC and her sister took off to the concert with JAG and made up the lame story about the fight. Fucking bullshit.
So we all head over to Trump's, Bishop, JRod, Tekki, and myself, and while we're there we are having a great time... until AC and her sister show up. They start causing issues, AC takes JRod in the back to have some discussion with her about what happened, her sister is sitting with AC's boss who keeps looking at Bishop, and finally it all comes down. JRod and Bishop go outside to talk, AC follows them, and Bishop ends up taking off because JRod keeps wanting him to "smooth things over" with AC and Bishop is having NO part of that. Why would he? She lied and acted like a cunt, when she could have just told the truth. Fucking ridiculous. So Tekki and I had to go get Bishop from the side of the road, and we went back to my house. Coffee was had, conversation was made, and everything felt better.

Sunday I woke up early, around 11:00am, and did laundry, made pasta salad, and read the paper. It was wonderful. I relaxed by myself all day, and ended up going to karaoke at Eldo's at night... and that was the previous post!

Til next time.

So! It was about six months ago... maybe longer than that cuz I think I had just broken up w/SL and I wasn't with Poke yet. RC (GMc's friend) had called me and said they were going to the continent and I should meet them up there. This was on a Sunday when D*Martin was still doing the shows. So I'm up there, they show up, and who should be with them but fuckin' Leila. I'm like WTF, thinking maybe GMc was banging her or something. But NO! It's RC! Apparently they had stopped at Eldo's before hitting up the continent and her white trash ass just tagged along. Well I already didn't like her, cuz the Thursday before that GG and I had been at Eldo's at Zara's show and Leila was there harassing GG. She kept trying to tell her what she was doing wrong, and GG's like "excuse me, I've been blind my whole life" and Leila was like "well my sister is blind and she went to the blind school and blah blah" and GG's like "I went to the blind school and this is how they taught me" etc etc etc. Basically Leila was acting like a damn know-it-all and she kept touching GG, which GG really hates to be touched. I told Leila that and she was like "well I have to touch her so she knows who I am" and GG's like "don't touch me, i'll know you by your voice".

But I digress.

So we're at the continent, and RC bought me a shot and I was chilling there cuz I'm still thinking that she's with GMc, and I have my arm kind of around RC on the back of his chair. I like rubbed his back or something, and OMG if I didn't get hit with some fucking venom from that girl! "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MAN!!!!" she practically jumped out of her chair to whoop me. I'm like "um, this is not your man" because back on thursday she had introduced us to her FIANCEE!! I'm just like WTF is going on. RC's laughing of course, who wouldn't want 2 chicks fighting over him?? She's all like "I'm fucking RC tonight blah blah" and I'm just like "what the fuck ever bitch I don't fucking care." So then I got up to sing and I was like "this goes out to all the cunts in the bar" and she got all huffy and stormed out. I was highly amused.

SO! Last night, she recognizes me, and while we're out smoking and that Michelle (mee-shell whatever it is) is out there, and Leila starts telling her about that night at the continent, except for her version is that she and RC were madly in love, and he was my ex-boyfriend, and when she showed up at Brewstirs I went absolutely crazy and tried to kill her for being with him. Apparently I ripped her hair or something, that's why she had to get it cut short. As IF I would bother with her. That's why I was so fucking pissed last night because her version of the story wasn't even remotely correct. The only thing she had right was the people involved and the location. Even JAG overheard her talking about me and he was like "Dude did you hear what she's saying?" Cuz he was there the night at the continent when I said that thing about the cunts in the bar and he was cracking up.

Last night I tried to ignore her, but after hearing her talk shit about me all night long, literally since Cat and I walked in the door, to everyone, even Billcat and this guy Brian and anyone who was sitting by her out on the porch I couldn't take it anymore. She's lucky I was as drunk as I was or I would have probably beat her in her trashy ass mouth. Instead, I just cried. That's the lame thing about me that's also kinda good, when I get so wasted and angry I don't take action, I just cry! Saved me from a lot of fist fights I suppose... Also she told RC that she's currently pregnant, but I witnessed her drinking more than one alcoholic drink, so that pissed me off too. Not like it's my business, but there's nothing more wrong in my mind than a pregnant girl in a bar, whether she's drinking or not, but especially if she's drinking and smoking! Which Leila was! I'm sure she's not really pregnant anyway, probably just wanted to get under my skin or something, cuz she came over to talk to RC when I was sitting with them and had her arm all around him and rubbing his arm and so on, and RC's just like whatever bitch hahahaha!

18 May 2007

Dirty dirty

My hatred for white trash gets stronger every day.

Check it.

17 May 2007

RE: Jerry Falwell

He said terrible things about pretty much everyone who wasn't Christian. I don't mind people who have their own opinions, but my god there's no reason to be as nasty and ignorant as he was.

Some Jerry Falwell quotes:

"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

"Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan in America."

"Homosexuality is Satan's diabolical attack upon the family that will not only have a corrupting influence upon our next generation, but it will also bring down the wrath of God upon America."

"I believe that global warming is a myth. And so, therefore, I have no conscience problems at all and I'm going to buy a Suburban next time."

"I think the Moslem faith teaches hate."

"If I were doing something that the Bible condemns, I have two choices. I can straighten up my act, or I can somehow distort and twist and change the meaning of the Bible." (Love that one!)

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."

"Textbooks are Soviet propaganda."

"There's been a concerted effort to steal Christmas."

16 May 2007

RIH Jerry Falwell

Jerry Falwell on his way to Hell... riding the slide into the Styx River.
Thanks to Joe.My.God for this great image/idea.

15 May 2007

Rorschach Test... yum.

Presenting the first annual ELE Food Rorschach Test. Your answers will provide a window into your inner soul (food and otherwise). But unlike other (psychologists and psychiatrists) professionals who administer Rorschach tests, I have no way of interpreting the results. And since this is a self-administered Rorschach, you can interpret the results any way you see fit. If it's not too painful I would appreciate everyone who takes the test to share his or her results in any way you deem appropriate.

  • 1) Haggen Dasz or Ben & Jerry's? Ben & Jerry's - they have purpose.
  • 2) Skippy or Jif? Neither, I hate peanut butter and it has no place in my cupboards.
  • 3) Bagel or Bialy? Bagel! I love Jews!
  • 4) Whipped or Regular Cream Cheese? Neufchatel - lower in fat and much tastier.
  • 5) Relish or Sauerkraut on your hot dogs? Sauerkraut - I'm German. Relish is yucky.
  • 6) Milk or Dark Chocolate? Dark, preferably bittersweet.
  • 7) Salted or Sweet Butter? Unsalted but not sweet.
  • 8) Pastrami or Corned Beef on a Deli Sandwich? CORNED BEEF (again I love Jews!)
  • 9) French Fries or Onion Rings? Onion rings, the only rings I like.
  • 10) Espresso, Regular Coffee or Latte? All of the above, please!!
  • 11) Crispy or Pliant Bacon? Crispy all the way. Pliant bacon is just gross.
  • 12) White or Dark Meat (on either chicken or turkey)? Dark - more flavor for sure.

The only rule that will be strictly enforced is the no equivication rule. That is, you can't say that I like sweet butter on certain things, and salted butter on others, even if it's true. You must decide which is your over-all preference and vote accordingly.

I would also appreciate any suggestions about questions that should be on the next Food Rorschach test.

You may start the test any time.

She feels like the rest of us

I knew there was a real reason why I drank. It's cuz our country is going to hell in a handbasket!

14 May 2007

Cupid, that Bastard

And the old one...

Cupid should be shot with a bullet in his chubby cherub head.


There is so much bullshit going on that I don't even feel like typing it all out. Also, my thumb is rotting away again.

I'm going to cry!

On the other hand, last night at karaoke was super fun and I got to spend time with GG finally. Then I came home and fucked a negro. You hear that?! I had a black mother fucking penis right up in me. Oh yeah!! So fuck you for thinking I'm racist you goddamn whore!! HA!




12 May 2007

Second Place

Well I found out why KS randomly stopped calling me. Supposedly some chick he's been into for like ten years has finally (?!) showed interest. Just happened to coincide with he and I getting together. He really wanted to pursue something with me, but he's wanted her for so long that he couldn't pass up the chance. When it doesn't work out though, he wants to pick up where we left off.

Goddamnit. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit.

11 May 2007


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Go to My PhotoBucket ("Click HERE for New Pics!" link --->) for lots and lots of great pics of all my doggys.

10 May 2007

Life is like a bowl of LifeSavers

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:

Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.

After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue; It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled:

"Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

Ah, you forced me into it

Since I'm bored I figured I'd update with real words. Something pretty awesome just happened to me and I feel special. My ops manager just asked a question and I had the right answer! I felt smart because no one else would have had the answer except me. Yay.

Anyway. Let's see... we'll talk about KS first. I don't know what is going on. He was all about me back then, then it kinda dropped off, then last Friday I went up to Groucho's with Bishop and since KS didn't call me that week like he said he would, I didn't walk over and talk to him. While I was singing my first song, he used the bartender's cell phone to call me and leave me a message saying he was sorry he hadn't called, he'd been busy, etc. Whatever. So I looked up and smiled and went over and talked to him for a little bit and it was alright. He acted like nothing was wrong, so I assumed nothing was. Anyway. He hasn't called me this week either, so tomorrow if I see him I'm going to ask him why cuz this is all very ghey.

Saturday night Bishop, JRod and I went up to Trump's for Cinco de Mayo and the Mayweather vs de la Hoya boxing match. Fun times. I was druuuuunk. Only spent $18 too. That was good. Sunday I stayed in cuz I had gone out Friday and Saturday and BI hadn't paid me rent, so I was broke (I still am. He'll owe me $320 as of Sunday.)

Monday and Tuesday I took off work for some vacation days. Monday I cleaned the whole house and Tuesday I pretty much did nothing. I went to Bob Evans in the morning because I was dying for some pancakes and then I went to Sapporo in the afternoon for sushi and tempura. I bought some goldfish and a bowl after dinner (ironic, huh?) and went home and set it all up. I named them Martin and Lorenzo (see previous post.) Yesterday when I got home, Martin was kinda mulling around slowly and Lorenzo was completely still... yep, I killed the goldfish after one freakin' day. One of two things happened, or a combination - I think I put too much anti-chlorine solution in the water, and I think that having the bowl in the window might've baked them a little... yeah... So I put the bowl on the other dresser, out of the sun, emptied out 1/2 the water and so far Martin is doing okay. Lorenzo got flushed. It was gross.

Last night I watched a really lot of I Love the 70's Volume Two on VH-1 Classic. BI wasn't home when I got home, so I made a lot of random food and ate it all. I don't know why I was so starving. Probably PMS. Oh well. Anyway, at 05:36 this morning, BI busted into my room, drunk, and jumped on me. I started screaming bloody murder because I had no idea what was happening, having been naked and asleep under the covers when he attacked me. I was like WTF! and he apologized a bunch. Then he said something random about how I should have white sheets because it's much more heavenly, and as he was walking out the door he asked me what I was watching on TV and I said NickToons and he was like "See! This is why I want to sleep with you!" I locked the door. I think I might have to lock the door from now on. I don't know if he really likes me or something, and can't say it unless he's wasted, or if he just loses his mind when he's drunk... I don't know. But it's kinda getting annoying.

Tonight Bishop and I are going to the movies I guess. Should be interesting... I've been to the movies a lot this year. I don't even know what's out!! Tomorrow Valdez is coming to town and we're gonna hit up Fiesta Jalisco and then some karaoke. I hope I can find some money.

Picture This

So, since I'm a lazy little bitch, I'm just gonna post pictures for awhile. You won't get to read about my life, but you'll get to see swell pictures. Yay for you.

First, some cats.

Here's Fox cleaning the George Foreman Grill for me.

Here's Sheeba on my lap, stretched out like a gorilla.

Here's a funny comic I saw in the Sunday paper.

Gary on Cinco de Mayo.

Me on Cinco de Mayo.

Valdez on Cinco de Mayo.

Modern Art - Spicy Miso Soup.

Modern Art - Wind Rolls.

Modern Art - Sushi up close and personal.

Modern Art - Sushi in a row.

Modern Art - After the lovin'.

Modern Art - Water with straw.

My new pets - Martin (white spots) and Lorenzo (mustache - RIP he only lived one day!)

Martin and Lorenzo (RIP)

Me kissing my newest boyfriend, Franzia.

Bishop and his son.

Bishop's son and his big teddy!

KS. Very shitty. He's the white blob in the middle...

07 May 2007

An Evil Thought?

My exes usually have really ugly girlfriends after me. That makes me happy. I can only think of one ex who has a pretty new girl, and he married her, so yay. Now they have cute kids.

I'm glad I'm so purty.

06 May 2007

Mas en Cinco de Mayo a otra dia

Pero para ahora, este blog me está haciendo enojado. Finalmente conseguí una disposición dulce y entonces quienquiera la hizo decidida para quitar el cuadro principal de él. ¡Poop en todo! Me cuelgan realmente sobre hoy. Mi, mi, mi.

05 May 2007


04 May 2007

A Couple of Pics, Randomly.

Here's Fox's eye.

Here's Fox stretching out sexy-like.

Sheeba, blurry.

Mickey sleeping - awww!

Bishop at work.

Me at work.

BI's cat, Natasia.

Natasia lookin' at no food.

Me looking absolutely stunning. It's amazing.

Fun Times in the ER

So, for the last two weeks I've had this dull pain on my right side of my abdomen kinda by my hip. I chalked it up to stress, since work has been all fucked up. Well last night, I was chillin' in the basement, surfing the internet and such, drinkin' a few beers. I went to stand up and fell to my knees in severe pain. I thought my appendix had ruptured, so I called for BI but he was 2 floors up with his door closed and the TV on. I called 9-1-1 then, and they sent the squad over. I made my way slowly and painfully up to the living room to open the door for them. They checked me out and decided to take me to St. Ann's.
I called my parents when I got there, and they came down right away. The doctors/nurses worked on me pretty quickly, taking blood samples, doing a pelvic exam, and so forth. The EMS had hooked me up to an IV of saline solution and it was all slowly dripping into me. So then they're like, "Well we're gonna do a CT Scan, you have to drink this stuff." It was two cups (like a medium sized coffee type cup) of orange juice with some nuclear solution in it. That wasn't too bad, it just took me a long time because I had to drink one cup in 30 minutes, wait 30 minutes, then drink the next cup. I barely finished the last one and thankfully the CT Scan guy dumped out the last five-six sips cuz otherwise I would have yakked.
We headed down to the CT Scan room, and I was transferred to the special bed and then he stuck this thing up my bum and filled my intestines with nuclear fluid. I didn't feel violated so much because someone shoved something up my ass, but more because he was filling my intestines up and I could feel it and I could actually see my belly getting bigger. It was awful. Then he put this dye in my veins and it felt so fucking weird and gave me hot flashes all over my body and a weird taste in my mouth. It was probably the most excrutiating ten minutes of my life.
We went back to the room and I waited for about an hour for the actual doctor to come in. He said that my appendix was fine, but I had bleeding in my abdominal wall and an ovarian cyst. Not fun, but better than appendicitis cuz there is no surgery involved. Anyway, they gave me a prescription for Vicodin since there's nothing they can really do. Apparently when my period comes next the cyst will most likely rupture and everything will be fine. Til then, it's big pain for the Kel-Bell.

Here's my arm.

Here's my other arm.

Here's me!

Here's my blood that the EMT so carelessly let leak out of my arm.

03 May 2007

A Plea to all the Stupid Fuckers.


Do not blame me if your fax machine does not work.
Do not put on your right turn signal if you are turning left and vice versa.
Drive at least the speed limit... not 5 under or 10 under.
Get off the fucking phone and fucking drive your fucking car.
If you insult my friends, don't think that I will be okay with it.
Do not tell me I am fat. I am fully aware of this.
Do not ask me why my tone is "bitter" - it's because of you.
Do your fucking job and don't make life difficult.

...and if these things are too difficult to comply with...

Please fuck off and die.

01 May 2007

Things I Hate.

A list.
  • My husband (please call him @ 614-668-7362 and tell him that for our 5th anniversary I would like a disillusion/divorce.)
  • White Trash.
  • People who put on their right turn signal when they are turning left.
  • Little Tiny Dogs.
  • Poke.
  • Ketchup.
  • People who lie about stupid little things to make themselves seem better (ie, Saying you got to work 15 minutes earlier than you actually did... cuz someone really cares?)
  • Users.
  • Jaegermeister.
  • French/Catalina salad dressing.
  • Poor grammar ("Was you going to go to the store?" NO! NO! It's "Were you going to go to the store?")
  • White people with braids on their head.
  • People who only drink water at karaoke (except TomCat cuz at least he tips.)
  • Liars!
  • Fat people who call other people fat. Are you fucking blind?
  • Muffin tops.
  • White trash.
  • People who drop the ball on their end and blame it on me.
  • Slobbery dogs.
  • Boys who can't make up their mind.
  • People who don't shower regularly and/or do not wear deodorant.

That's all I can think of.