The Definition Of...

Main Entry: mo·ron
Pronunciation: 'mor-"än
Function: noun
Etymology: irregular from Greek mOros foolish, stupid
1 usually offensive : a mildly mentally retarded person
2 : a very stupid person
- mo·ron·ic /m&-'rä-nik, mo-/ adjective
- mo·ron·i·cal·ly /-ni-k(&-)lE/ adverb
- mo·ron·ism /'mOr-"ä-"ni-z&m, 'mor-/ noun
- mo·ron·i·ty /m&-'rä-n&-tE, mo-/ noun

Now, here's why: (I hope you're all sitting down, this shit is hilarious, you may fall over laughing.)
My comments are in red.

She writes:

How pathetic can one person be? Let’s see, take someone else’s words and change them around-very original. I believe some people make their living this way... click here and here for examples. Put it on a dumb-ass blog that only your dumb-ass friends read-never seen that one before either… Apparently she is insulting herself, since she still reads my blog... haha!

Let’s see….
Now shorty, back in the day, she was dancing for dollars
Jealous that you can’t? Proud that she was a stripper? Who, by the way, never profited from the business (according to her own words!)

She feeds him foolish fantasies, he pays her cause he wanna

Not only does that not make any sense at all, since the threesome was his idea, but…he pays me cause he’s a man and he supports his woman. Unlike some people I know… I like how she says her husband pays her. Sounds like a whore to me!

I kissed a little one night, and my game got her
A hour later, have that cash up in the PayPal

Who are you trying to fool? Even if that was the way it happened; that just makes you look like a whore. Nah, it just makes her look like a pushover. Which wasn't the case back then, but now that she's being a C-U-N-T I don't care. She claimed the money had nothing to do with the making out but we all know it's not true.

I whispers in her ear saying I think about her
I got the bitch by the bar trying to get a drink up out her

Never happened. No whisperin’ in anyone’s ear; and I never bought you a drink at the bar; ever.
No, I didn't literally whisper in her ear, I'll admit. But we did have secret conversations online that she didn't archive for fear of her husband seeing them! Also, she didn't buy me a drink in the bar, also true. But she did buy me case after case of Miller Lite without my asking.

She like my style, she like my smile, she like the way I talk
She from the country, think she like me cause I'm from the north

Ummm, I’m from Colorado, which I guess could be called the country and you’re from Ohio; which is only the north if you’re from Florida. So, nope that one doesn’t work either.
Click here to see a map of the United States. You will notice that the following states are north of Ohio: Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Mew York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine. That means 34% of the USA is north of Ohio. So, nope that one doesn't work either.

I ain't that girly trying to holla or to give some head

That wasn’t you that was giving blow jobs to guys in the parking lot of Eldorados? Sure wasn’t me. I only do that with my husband. I gave one blow job in the parking lot, and it was to my at-the-time boyfriend... hmmm...

By the way, I will get all of my money from you, so I don’t know who you’re trying to convince on that one. Where in this situation did I ever state that I wasn't going to pay her back completely? Please, someone, find me that line.

I'm bout the honey you see, girl you can't rock out like me

You can’t be talking about singing because everyone knows I’m a better singer than you and like I said, spending more time on your back or in the bar than you spend doing anything else is not rocking out!! Everyone knows... yeah... because she's at karaoke all the time. Not possible, because her husband keeps her locked in the house! Besides, I've never seen anyone (but friend or family) compliment her, never saw anyone request a song from her, never saw anyone offer to buy her a drink, etc... Is she going to be joining someone's band soon? Didn't think so. I love the part where she says I'm on my back or in the bar all the time. 1) Of course I'm on my back - at least 6 hours a day - that's how I sleep. 2) In the bar all the time... right. I haven't been to a bar in a week. In fact, I usually only go once or twice a week anymore.

Roll joints in your kid's room while you watch TV
I'm more responsible than thee, you're a C-U-N-T

Let’s see, we can afford a three bedroom apartment, two kids, two cars, two cell phones and you’re more responsible than me? Are you kidding me? You can’t even support yourself and your cats! Because... smoking pot in her kid's room has what to do with my income? I've never been arrested, I don't do drugs, hmmm.... but the fact that she has a 3-bedroom apt (I have a 1000+ sq. ft. townhome - oh wait, I had to have the kid's b-day party because their place was too small, right?) I have one car but I only need one, at least I don't have a broken-down one taking up space, my cats are fed and cared for just fine, thank you.

Girl we could pop some champagne and we could have a ball
We could toast to the good life, girl we could have it all
We could really splurge girl, and tear up the mall
If ever you needed someone, I'm the one you should call
I'd be there to pick you up, if ever you should fall
If you got problems, I can solve'em, they big or they small
But you went an' fucked it up with your infantile shit

Why would you even say that? I tried to make reaparations to our friendship. You were the one who wanted to continue being a nasty bitch; all because of Sal. I fucked it up with my infantile shit? YOU ENDED OUR FRIENDSHIP AND ARE TRYING TO SCREW ME OUT OF MY MONEY BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND! Doesn’t get more infantile than that, Kelly. I said that because it was true, and I'm not a liar. I'm not sure what a "reaparation" is... but if she means "reparation", ha. Tried to fix our friendship by constantly sending me nasty emails? Even when she would send them, I would respond shortly, giving information about when the check(s) would be sent out. She kept being nasty. Talk about infantile. And again, please, someone show me where I'm trying to screw them out of their money - I've sent them 2 checks for $300.00 total, the last one is going to be mailed this week, and I've offered to pay their check cashing fees, which aren't my responsibility.

I'm not your friend, your lover, or confidant, bitch

You obviously never were. Too bad she thinks this way...

I keep a 'Stang, some men, and some jewels

Keeping “some” men, just makes you slutty and…I have 14 diamonds and over 60 karats of gold on right now. Where’s yours? I love how she takes things literally. She has nothing to say about the car (although, she's better than me because she owns her POS Tempo outright and I have a loan on my Mustang...) I don't literally "keep" men, but trust me, I have plenty of them at my disposal if I should want one at any time. As for the bling... she has them on her body, who's to say I don't have mine in a safe/safe deposit box/etc.? She knows nothing about what I have.

She got on Payless, me I got on leather boots

Wrong again. I couldn’t even tell you where a Payless is located, and I have 2 pairs of leather boots; including a $600 pair of handmade custom, lace-up leather knee-highs. Now what? This was more of a hit on my end towards her penchant for dumpster-diving. Really has nothing to do with shoes... I suppose I'm not allowed to have any poetic license in my own blog?

I'm shopping for champagne, she's shoppin' for diapers

Not only did you have to borrow money from me, your fucking furniture got repossed cuz you couldn’t afford it! Too bad too, cuz I just moved my leather couch out to the dumpster yesterday. Coulda gave it to you, would have even moved it for you, but who needs furniture when you’ve got Sal right? I never had to borrow money, in fact, I never even asked to borrow it. Also, my furniture never got repossessed, much less repossed (whatever that is), I voluntarily returned it to Rent-A-Center because I figured that instead of spending $105.00 per month, I could save that and buy a living room set. As if I would want her ratty old couch anyway - both arms were busted, the cushions were smashed in, and you couldn't even sit on it - you had to perch on the edge or lay across it.

Man this hoe you can have her, when he's done no one gonna want her

Is that directed at yourself, becaue I’ve only slept with one person in the last 4 and a half years…so I can’t be the ho (you spelled it like the garden tool….) and my man is commited to me, so he won’t be done with me anytime soon… All I have to say is that she needs to take her beef up with 50 cent on the spelling of hoe. Also, it's great that she's been so loyal to her husband - too bad he can't say the same back - she admitted to me on several occasions that she suspected he slept with her younger sister, who was 15 years old at the time.
Man, friends will come and go, every real person knows

Real friends don’t. Real friends don't put a price on your friendship, and when they do, that's when things "come and go."

Bitch high on weed tryin' to be smart, I'll bet she's got it to an art

Jealous you can’t afford it? I don’t have to try to be smart about anything. Take a long hard look at our two lives and see who’s made the smarter choices... Is she serious? Am I jealous that I can't afford to buy weed? I don't even SMOKE weed! And truthfully, although I did battle with an addiction once, I never did it around my kids (if I had had any I wouldn't have), my friends' kids, etc. I would never put a child in danger by bringing drugs into the house.

Put my new boyfriend down, you'll get your ass reamed

What, on your blog? I’m dis-crediting just about everything you said anyway. As I discredit her right back.

Now see this bottom feeder, she always said I'd need her

How am I the bottom feeder? I don’t need to borrow money from anyone, I don’t cruise the bars (which, by the way, didn’t anyone tell you that VIP is a gay bar? Maybe that’s why GMc hangs there) and I have a pretty wonderful life, in fact. Again, I don't need to borrow money from anyone either. Let me reiterate that I never even asked. Onto the bars and my "cruising", as you can all see by reading my blog, I only frequent two bars, Zuey's and Eldo's. And I only go there on karaoke nights to Eldo's, and only to Zuey's on one night (not even every week) that my good friend works there. As for the VIP being a gay bar, that's just fucking hilarious to me. The KJ at the VIP on Wednesdays and Saturdays happens to be a homosexual, so of course he brings all his friends in, who are mostly gay as well. All the KJs I know do the same thing! When they have a show, they bring in their friends to get the place going. GMc only goes to the VIP occasionally, usually for his (now ended) pool league.

've got enough gnomes in my garden don't need another bird feeder

Not one single part of that even makes sense I thought it was funny and I needed something to rhyme. Clever of me, in my opinion.

Cause I need a divorce and she's holdin' me up

How, by taking back my money? Cuz I can’t be holding you back by not cashing the checks. No, she's not holding me up by taking back her money, she's holding me up by constantly sending me unprovoked nasty emails (when my response would be "Your check will be mailed out next week" her reply would be "Oh and here's some more reasons why you're a piece of shit and so is SL.")

She keeps talkin' shit, I ain't paying the bitch

Try it. I already told you what would happen. Oh right, here's the part where I reveal that she was stupid enough to put in writing that she would "punch me in the cum dumpster I call a mouth" - Also, she threatens to take me to small claims court, which is great, because we never had a specified time period that I had to pay her back. I could send her $10.00 a month for the next 20 months if I so choose. And trust me, I've consulted a lawyer.

Catch a date, suck a dick, shit, you're a trick

Don’t need to catch a date, I have a husband who’s dick I suck and as for being a trick…was that me whoring myself out for a measly $500 I didn’t even end up getting to keep? Oh…wait…that was you, I forgot. Again, taking things literally. I didn't even make up that line, I left it from the original song. Plus, in my eyes, it would mean something like, "Quit wasting time and get on with it bitch." Maybe I'm wrong, I admit when I am, but I'd like to see her confront 50 Cent and try to interpret/correct his lyrics. Hahahaha!

How salty are you gonna feel, a year from now, when you still don’t have a divorce because you can’t pay the lawyer cuz SL has sucked you dry and then left you? Not at all; SL and I have already talked about what will happen if he doesn't contribute/etc. He's going straight back to Florida without a question. Too bad she didn't know that he already has some interviews lined up.

Seriously. It’s not even really anything personal against SL. Really? That's surprising! I would have given the same advice to someone else in the same scenario. I would have felt the same way when I got screwed over because of someone like that. Honestly. Look at what has happened. I got mad that night mostly because the cell phones were screwing up and I thought you were sending the same message over and over and not answering the messages I was sending. I love how she back tracks to try and make it seem like she wasn't being a cunt. I had a pissy attitude because {some problems with her son that I will not put in my blog}. That’s not an excuse, but it sure puts a body in a shitty mood ya know. I coulda really used a friend during those first couple days. She only told me this terrible thing that happened about a week afterwards, as if would make a difference then. I feel badly for what happened, but that isn't the reason our friendship fell apart. I told you not to come because it was too late. I would have been late to get Jms because I would have had to wait for you to get here. I said SL wasn’t welcome here because I don’t trust him. Apparently being a liar also makes you a theif. Nothing would ever happen with me being there, I mean seriously - what did she think he would do? Steal their shit that they yakned out of someone else's trash? Riiiiight. If nothing else, as I said before, he lied to my son. Now, I could be forgetting, but I don't ever recall SL and her son having an in-depth conversation about his Army career. That’s enough to make Jms and me both want to beat his ass. I also don’t know him other than finding out that all he had told you was a lie. I’m not gonna let someone like that in my house when I’m not there, sorry. Just because you trust him, doesn’t mean I do. Then all of a sudden, the next day I get a nasty email from you and the war had begun. You started the infantile shit, not me. I was mad, but I would have gotten over it. Especially when I realized it was the phone. Cuz, I’ll be honest, I did feel salty after I sent that when I realized you hadn’t gotten the other messages when I sent them. But, you wanted to just be nasty and not be friends anymore. After I send out the last check and my end of this bullshit is over, you can all read the "nasty" emails I sent to her. I'm not afraid to put it all out in the open because I know I'm right.

Let me say too, before I forget, that SL lying about being in the service is a mockery of those who are. Many families have lost husbands, sons, brothers and friends and for him to lie about that is pathetic. You also left out that fact that he lied about speaking foreign languages, being in the special forces, and being hit with shrapnel! I admitted in my last post that I felt that what he said about being in the Army was a mockery. Feel free to go back and read it. SL didn't lie about speaking foreign languages, he can still speak several, just not as fluently as he let on. He can still speak enough to carry on a conversation with someone. As for the SF and the shrapnel, anyone can deduct that if he lied about being in the Army, obviously he lied about those things too. (Aaah, the pettiness of some people.)

The point is that you were so close to being able to get your divorce (I will remind you again that none of your other great friends did you that favor) and now you can’t. So, lending me $500.00 that I didn't ask for makes someone a good friend? I would definitely have to disagree with that one! You had two good friends and now you don’t. Where? Who? Where'd they go? *looks around, confused* And all because I don’t like your boyfriend. And because she talks shit about him, and about me, and because she put a price on our friendship, and because her phone didn't send text messages properly, and because I wouldn't have sex with her and her husband, etc. I could have stayed friends with you, even after the first shitty email. But you turned on me so quick. I wrote her an email stating how I felt, and she fired back with hurtfulness extraordinairre. From then on, I kept it short, never personal, until she started pulling insults out of her ass. So, I’ll be the bigger person. If you need a friend sometime down the road, I’ll be there. As long as I'm not dating SL and I can afford to pay them and satisfy them sexually. Until then, I need the rest of our money and the associated fees and I guess we’ll go our separate ways.

I thought this was just great. More to come!

The Truth

So apparently, I'm being "chastised" if you will by someone I don't even give a fuck about. However, since I have never lied to my faithful readers in the past, I suppose I should tell you all the truth.

The thing that SL did to me was as follows:

• He lied about being in the army (he's not.)
• He lied about being born in Italy, raised in NY / NJ (he was born and raised in FL.)

To me, it's not a big deal... I was more upset about the army thing because there are real boys over there dying, and it almost seemed like a mockery. But I'm over it.

I'm an adult, I have the willpower to not let immature cunts get to me.

Can't Understand Normal Truth

...and that's a motherfuckin' C.U.N.T.

Now, my version of "P.I.M.P" by 50 cent:

[chorus:]
I don't know what you heard about me
But the bitch can't get more dollars out of me
I'll pay her back when it's fit as I see
'Cuz she's a motherfucking C-U-N-T
[repeat]

Now shorty, back in the day, she was dancing for dollars
She got a thing for that Leno, that Skank that Ganja
That Cannabis, Sticky, that Chronic
She feeds him foolish fantasies, he pays her cause he wanna
I kissed a little one night, and my game got her
A hour later, have that cash up in the PayPal
I whispers in her ear saying I think about her
I got the bitch by the bar trying to get a drink up out her
She like my style, she like my smile, she like the way I talk
She from the country, think she like me cause I'm from the north
I ain't that girly trying to holla or to give some head
I'm that girly trying to holla cause I want some bread
I could care less how she perform when she in the bed
Bitch hit that track, catch a date, and come and pay the kid
Look baby this is simple, can't you see
You're fucking with me, you fucking C-U-N-T

[chorus]
I don't know what you heard about me
But the bitch can't get more dollars out of me
I'll pay her back when it's fit as I see
'Cuz she's a motherfucking C-U-N-T

I'm bout the honey you see, girl you can't rock out like me
If you're fucking with me, you're just a C-U-N-T
Not what you see on TV, no whorey slut, not easy
Head full of hair, bitch you're a C-U-N-T
Come get money from me, if you curious to see
Baby you're just a fuckin' C-U-N-T
Roll joints in your kid's room while you watch TV
I'm more responsible than thee, you're a C-U-N-T
Girl we could pop some champagne and we could have a ball
We could toast to the good life, girl we could have it all
We could really splurge girl, and tear up the mall
If ever you needed someone, I'm the one you should call
I'd be there to pick you up, if ever you should fall
If you got problems, I can solve'em, they big or they small
But you went an' fucked it up with your infantile shit
I'm not your friend, your lover, or confidant, bitch

[chorus]
I don't know what you heard about me
But the bitch can't get more dollars out of me
I'll pay her back when it's fit as I see
'Cuz she's a motherfucking C-U-N-T

I told you fools before, I stay with the tools
I keep a 'Stang, some men, and some jewels
I holla at a boy til I got the dick confused
She got on Payless, me I got on leather boots
I'm shopping for champagne, she's shoppin' for diapers
Man this hoe you can have her, when he's done no one gonna want her
Man, friends will come and go, every real person knows
You saying it's secret, but you ain't gotta keep it on the low
Bitch high on weed tryin' to be smart, I'll bet she's got it to an art
Put my new boyfriend down, you'll get your ass reamed
Now see this bottom feeder, she always said I'd need her
I've got enough gnomes in my garden don't need another bird feeder
If she don't cash those checks right now, I'll put a charge on the bitch
Cause I need a divorce and she's holdin' me up
She keeps talkin' shit, I ain't paying the bitch
Catch a date, suck a dick, shit, you're a trick

[chorus]
I don't know what you heard about me
But the bitch can't get more dollars out of me
I'll pay her back when it's fit as I see
'Cuz she's a motherfucking C-U-N-T

Yeah, they always say what goes around comes around
In the hood they say, what goes around hoes around
They say I talk a lil fast, but if you listen a lil faster
I ain't got to slow down for you to catch up, bitch

The Good News Is...

... SL is here to stay... for the time being.

Sunday, when I dropped him off at the airport, it was about 16:30, 36 minutes before his 17:06 flight back to West Palm Beach. He ran through the airport, and when he got to the machine to swipe his info and get his ticket and check in, the machine referred him to the desk. He went to the desk and waited for about ten minutes trying to get assistance, until he finally had to yell out "I'm on the Detroit flight!" It was then that a airport person came over and told him he needed to go to a different desk. He went to the other desk and waited and waited, until he had to yell out again, "I'm on the Detroit flight!" At this point it's 14:50. The girl came over, told him that he was too late to check in, and he wasn't allowed on the flight. She checked for stand-by, and there were no flights available Sunday at all. So she said he could get a free flight Monday, but within five minutes of that she said she "read the schedule wrong" and a flight Monday would cost $300.00 or more. So now, SL is stuck here.

I don't mind really, it's just that I can't really afford it so much. I have about $75.00 to get me to the the next check, and that would be just enough for me... but not for two people. He's out looking for jobs today. So far, living with him has been pretty good.

More later.

The True Value of $500.00 (US)

Apparently, my friendship with my former girlfriend and her husband is only worth as much.

After lending me $500.00 towards my divorce, they wanted me to be at their beck and call, catering to every whim they could imagine. I have not changed at all. They want me to break up with SL, they want me to be seriously involved with them sexually, and they get pissed off if I make plans with other people instead of them. It all came to a head last night when she text messaged me asking if I could babysit for a half hour at nine p.m. and cash in a babysitting coupon I had given them for Christmas. However, I had already made plans for that time, the day before, so I told her I was sorry but I couldn't help. The conversation went like this:

K: "Yes that means I can't help you, sorry."
SS: "Thanx, why'd you give me those coupons if I can't use them? I've had a horrible day & only needed your help for 30 mins so I wouldn't have 2 take my baby out in the rain. Call me a bitch but it's starting to look like I'm a much better friend to you than you are to me."
K: "Alright let me cancel my plans for you. They aren't cancellation coupons they're babysitting coupons."
SS: "No, apparently they're worthless slips of paper. Yeah, it's not like I've ever changed MY plans for you or anything or sat around waiting for you to come by HOURS after you said you would. You don't think HELPING YOU OUT changed our financial plans? Keep sheisting people who help you & you'll end up needing help that no one will provide cuz you've burned all your bridges."
K: "I'll do it and I'll be late but Sal's gonna have to be there."
K: "So do you want me to come or not cuz I need to call Torrie and let her know."
SS: "No, it's too late now. I have 2 leave, I don't need your pity, & Sal isn't welcome here."

So this morning I wrote her an email explaining that she is the only person who has a problem with me choosing to spend time with SL over my friends while he's here visiting. I told her that the money they lent me had taken it's toll on our relationship, and I wasn't going to have it anymore. She got pissy with me about how I have to withdraw the money from my PayPal account, threatened me, and that was that. I have no choice but to send the money in $100.00 increments because of how PayPal lets me transfer it to my account, so that is how it goes. I sent out the first $100.00 check today.

My life is a conundrum of drama.

See You at the Show

SL is FINALLY here! Yay!

So far, the week has been a mixture of emotions. We have fought a bit, but I really think it was necessary due to pending circumstances. He knows how I feel now, and I feel better knowing he knows. Out of my five friends that I have told about the situation, I've gotten the following responses:

"Give it time."
"Be patient."
"Break up with him"
"Hopefully you guys can work it out."
"Wow. I don't know what to say."

I'm just gonna wait this one out. He seems to be making an effort, and I do hope it will all clear up and everything will be fine from here on out. I can't help but be a little snippy at times though, just because I am hurt and I am worried. However, I think that is subsiding. Also, the sex is great!

Monday we hung out at the house and played Nintendo 64, Goldeneye and Mario Kart 64. I thought I was gonna rock, but alas, my skills are non-existent. Back in 1999 when SK got Goldeneye and Mario Kart 64 for his system, we ROCKED at them and beat the whole game. Seven years later, not so much. SL has been practicing longer and I literally have not played in about six years. I was upset because I wanted to win, but I got over it. Mario Kart 64 was kinda shitty though because I thought I was still good at that one. Oh well.

Tuesday, being Valentine's Day, SL cooked me a great dinner of Strip Steak with Onion Wine Sauce and asparagus. It was awesome, even though he burnt the sauce the first try. It was endearing. We met up with KP at Zuey's around ten, and that was fun. KP and I always rock when we go out. After she left, SL wanted to play darts but I didn't, though I ended up playing anyway. We were playing 501, and he didn't know how so I felt special to teach him. Then we got in a fight because I thought he didn't give himself enough points and I didn't want him to just let me win. I hate it when people do that. Instead of explaining my mistake, he just got mad right back at me and we were miffed for awhile. It got worse when he said some bullshit about the way am I when I drink, and that really pissed me off. He apologised, I apologised, then, we got over it. We headed to the Hot Spot around one, to see Zara and her boyfriend, and he bought me a shot of Tequila and I had to do it with no training wheels! It wasn't too bad. Then, for some reason, SL and I were fighting again on the way home, and when we got home, and for like fifteen minutes after that. Everything came out finally, and I guess we made up before I fell asleep.

Yesterday I made a Crock Pot dinner that was wonderful - Roast with Tomatoes, Onions, and Potatoes. We watched American Idol and then played Roller Coaster Tycoon until about midnight. Then, I have to mention, the greatest massage ever... yay! And the best super great adult fun ever to have been had. Seriously. I really actually almost passed out. It was awesome. Today he's going grocery shopping, which makes me nervous because I'm very particular about things, but... that's okay. I have to learn to live with someone else. I'm going to make pork chops and green bean casserole for dinner, because I rule. I love having a man around to cook for! We will probably go to karaoke tonight also. I'm starting to get sad because he is leaving on Sunday, but I know he's coming back in one month-ish so that will be good.

Late.

Wonderful!

Not only do we have a shitty fucking president, who sends boys and girls over to Iraq to die for five years, but now the Vice President is randomly shooting people in Texas. I love this country.

This is just a little Peyton Place

Friday, oh man. I cleaned my ass off! I did all these loads of laundry, colors, blacks/darks (since navy is almost the same as black!), sheets, blanket, and jeans. Oh man. I cleaned my whole house, from top to bottom. I had three bags of trash, two bags of kitty litter (used), and a small bag of random trash, which was mostly stuffing from my papasan cushion that the kittens had clawed up and strewn about. I vacuumed every room in my house, but not the stairs, I steam cleaned under the dining room table, I folded all my laundry and put it away, I made my bed with new sheets, I did all the dishes... Wow. I am so proud of myself. And it only took me six hours! I was supposed to go to SS/Jms house at eight-ish, but I didn't end up getting there til about eleven because I was just a cleaning fool!

Saturday, SL finally arrived. His flight was on time and everything, no problems like the last time, and that was great. We hung out at my house for a little bit and then went to Red Robin with my parents for dinner. It was all great and stuff, til SL had the stupid stupid wait staff come over with an ice cream sundae and yell the Happy Birthday crap. I really hate that, it's so embarassing! But I felt special anyway. After that we went to my parents' house to get my other birthday present, which was a painting of the deceased Pope John Paul II and I LOVED it. Then I harassed my little brother for awhile before he went to his Valentine's dance. We went to Zuey's for one beer and saw KL, then SL and I went to Eldo's to see O's band play and that was so fun! O didn't show up though, supposedly he had a work emergency, but whatever. We still had a great time. I was talking to the trumpet player and singer, his name was Chris Martin but he's not the guy from Coldplay (hehe) and he said that they are looking for a female lead singer. I told him I was the girl he needed, so hopefully someone will get in contact with me. That would ROCK. We went to Zuey's after that for one beer, which I couldn't drink, and talked to some people I didn't know and pretended I did. That was crazy. We went home and it was just good.

Yesterday I had my Happy Birthday dinner at Fiesta Jalisco, and out of all the 20+ people I invited, two showed up. Some people didn't even have the courtesy to tell me they were or were not coming, some cancelled yesterday morning, and some said they were coming and never showed up. I don't know why I'm friends with these people, since I usually bend over backwards to do shit for people, but whatever. GMc and TD were there, and I suppose that makes them the important ones. By the way, all my anger doesn't count towards those of you who had the politeness to call and cancel and/or tell me you definitely weren't coming. That wasn't rude, that was very nice. At least I knew. After dinner SL and I went home and took a nap, then went to karaoke around nine thirty. It was so fun! D*Martin was there, Moose showed up for a minute, GMc was there, and Tomcat too. We had a blast. I sang, like a rockstar, of course. Oh! Geese and SR were there also, and it was so funny: I was singing "Breathe (2am)" by Anna Nalick, and they came in front of me and started bowing down. I almost laughed right through my lyrics! It was great. We had so much fun, I can't stress that enough. I was DRUNK. My tab came to $39.25, and when I went to pay, I didn't have the card and SL didn't have the card, so now I have to go back and pay it this week.

When we got home, we ate a bunch of leftover mexican food, and then for some reason we were crying, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up. I hope the rest of the week is just as good as this weekend.

Eggs make me poop.

Brand-spanking new pictures!

Click Here.

(By the way, the title of this post has nothing to do with anything. I just wanted your attention.)

You Try Shopping with Contractions!

Ok.

February 2nd, the day after my birthday, was another swell night of celebration. I went to karaoke with GMc, and it was good. I spent about $15.00, not as cheap as Zuey's, but I only bought beer (Zuey's beer = $1.25, Eldo's beer = $2.25.) GMc and other people, like Mean J and Poke bought me shots. I think GMc bought me about 3 or 4. It was crazy. I hung out with Mean J and Curly her neice, and Mean J's granddaughter was there too. We sat by BR, and I said hi to all kinds of people. I hung out with Poke and D*Martin also, and all their friends, and I will have to admit that I think Poke and I are over whatever bullshit was between us. I just wish his new "girlfriend" or "fuck buddy" or whatever she is would go away, because she starts drama. And no one likes her. GG and Moose were there too, and GG and I did a shot as well.

I ended up getting so drunk that I could barely walk or keep my eyes open. I called Jms for a ride, but he can't drive SS's car, so he couldn't come get me. There was some other crap, and I was pissed. I couldn't find anyone to give me a ride, and I couldn't afford a cab. I thought briefly about going to Zuey's to see if anyone there could give me a ride, or I could wait for KL to get off work and take me, but I realised that by that time I would already by sober or asleep. So I made the poor decision to drive home, talking to SL the whole time, and being like "Okay, turn left. Now turn right. Don't forget to stop. Watch out for those brake lights." It was terrible. I'm never EVER going to attempt that again.

Friday, of course, I felt like a huge piece of dog turd on the bottom of someone's shoe. I think I was still drunk when I woke up and went to work. Fortunately I made it through the day, and when I went home I tried to nap and ended up just watching some shitty movies. Saturday was uneventful... considering I slept until 15:55!! I hung around the house, did a little grocery shopping, then headed over to JAFH's house for a par-tay. It was a swell party, he made this hairy buffalo that was off the hook. I got SO drunk, it was ridiculous. There will be pics on the Photobucket coming soon. I think I ended up passing out in JAFH's bed at like... five or six in the morning, but I woke up at about eleven thirty. It was great.

Sunday was the Super Bowl (GO SEAHAWKS WOO!) and I went over to J1/J2's house to watch it, and GMc was there. There was a new roommate, Triz, and he is cool. Cute looking, really tall with tight jeans. He looked like a piece of asparagus dressed like a cowboy, seriously. I was very irritated with the Super Bowl game, I mean seriously. I like American Football and everything, I don't really love the Seahawks but I hate the fucking Steelers... but the Refs? I mean COME ON!!!! If that was a fucking touch-off, then Rothlisberger totally squeezed that ball out from under his belly after he hit the ground to put it over the line and get a touchdown. Bullshit. But I digress.
We went to Eldo's after the game and a lot of people were there. It was pretty fun, they had the karaoke set up over to the side instead of behind the counter like usual. That was awesome. I rocked out, of course, but I was not drunk. Zara showed up later in the night, so did Doc, and it was all good. I had a great day on Sunday.

Monday I headed over to Rosie O'Grady's to participate in Zara's show. I was there about three hours, and it was alright. I was interrogated by the door cop when I walked in though, because apparently the old decrepit parking lot I had driven through to get in is actually a sidewalk now, even though it looks like busted ass asphalt with weeds growing out. Whatever. I did not drink that much there, I only spent $6.00 because I was afraid of that cop. They should put door cops at all the bars I go to.

Tuesday I went to Zuey's for a little while and hung out with KL and SR. SL had given me some very VERY bad news that afternoon, and I just wanted a drink. I spent $2.50. I actually did a Jaeger Bomb, which I usually hate but I loved it... weird. Maybe I should only drink them once or twice a year. Or maybe I will just have to get used to the taste. I definitely have to drink them dropped, not mixed though. Afterwards, I went over to SS/Jms house, and hung out for a second and had a 151 and Juicy Juice drink. Cracked me up. Strong as hell though. I cried at the end because of SL, and Jms was very nice.

Wednesday I went and hung out at SS/Jms for awhile, and it was all good and wonderful (yes, I totally sounded like GG just now) and then I got all upset again thinking about this terrible news SL had given me, and so I had to leave so I wouldn't cry again. Bah. We watched American Idol, which I love this season. The first season was good, the rest were terrible, but this new season is really really good!

Last night, after work, I went to Kroger to buy some cat litter. I bought a 20 pound jug or whatever it's called, for $8.99. I was walking up to the sign where the line starts for the U-Scan, and this guy with a whole cartfull of groceries walks right in front of me and takes the next open U-Scan. I thought this was incredibly rude, especially since I only had one item to check out. So, he and his pregnant wife and their little screaming child are walking out at the same time as me, and I said to him, "I just wanted to let you know that I thought it was rude of you to cut in front of me, especially since you had a whole cart of stuff and I only had one item." The guy starts to apologize, and says he's sorry, he didn't see me, and I'm about to be satisfied. Then his bitch-ass wife says, "You try shopping with contractions!" as I'm walking away, and so I turn around and I reply, "Maybe you should stay home instead of being at Kroger while you're pregnant... Just a thought" and continue on. They weren't parked far from me, and I could still hear her bitching as I got into the car. I have nothing against pregnant women, obviously, but damn. If you're that close to dropping a kid on the floor, Kroger is not the place for you to be. Send the sweet one who impregnated you to get the fucking groceries.
I got some crab rangoon to eat for dinner, because I couldn't think of anything else I wanted. KP came over around seven, and we drank Captain and Seven-Up Plus til she passed out in the papasan. It was a pretty fun evening. Her dog peed on my rug and on my floor and when I woke up this morning he had shat on the carpet, but that's okay. My cats hated him for awhile, but they all got over it.

Tomorrow, SL will be here! Yay!

Happy Groundhog Day!

Well, my birthday went fairly well.

Tuesday I stopped in to Zuey's to pay my tab and decided what the fuck, I'll treat myself to a beer or two. Well, with everyone being so freakin' nice, I ended up with about six or seven beers, the equivalent of 10-11 shots, and my bill for that night was... $6.00 (that would be $6.84 Canadian Dollars.) I fucking Rock. I had told GG earlier in the day that I wasn't going, and I really hadn't planned on staying, but then this dude came in and he was like "Man! Something's going on out there!" Apparently there were about 6-7 squad cars and popos swarming all over the area. GG lives across the street from Zuey's, so I called her to tell her not to take Wendell out. She didn't answer, and I called three times, finally she answered and said she had been out with the dog and while she was out there someone brushed past her. That was creepy. Anyway, I stayed at Zuey's about 3 hours longer than I planned, and went to SS/Jms house afterwards.

I had some beers there, and it was good. Yay my girlfriend. No elaboration here.

SL called me at midnight to wish me happy birthday and that was sweet. I left their house at about 2:15 am, and on the way home Zara texted me and so I stopped in at the Hot Spot and said hi to her and O. The bartender bought me a shot of Black Haus, which I hate, but she didn't tell me what it was. I did half and almost yakked, and gave the rest to Zara. It was great fun.

I went home and talked to SL for about a million hours until I apparently passed out at about 3:45am. I woke up and went to work, and no one called me. (My gramma still hasn't called me!) When I got to work, I was a little sad, but then ND, DD, and BE came in a gave me a card and a pack of Twizzlers, 7 scratchy Ohio lottery tickets and 2 regular lottery tickets (I won $2!) and it was nice. We went to lunch with ND, WR, JI, and myself, to On the Border where D*Martin works now. He's probably the worst waiter ever, but he apologized so it was okay. WR is an ass though and he kept making mean comments. But we got free queso and I got a free Happy Birthday Brownie Desert thing, so that was awesome.

After work I went over to SS/Jms house again, and we watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose which is a really REALLY good movie. (Did I tell you I saw House of Wax? That was awesome too! Except Paris Hilton didn't really need to be in it.) I left after the movie because Jms was being kinda obnoxious and pushy and I didn't want to get mad.

Overall, a good birthday. I only got one card though. At least I wasn't alone this year!

Let's Do This Again

Once again, another year and I still hate February. It starts with my birthday (shit) followed by Valentine's Day (shitty) and ends up all short and shriveled (shittiest.) I fucking hate this month. I even tried to have an optimistic mood, a happy outlook, thinking "Gee this will be great. My swell boyfriend will be here smack dab in the middle of the month, I'll get to spend Valentine's Day with the one I love, etc. etc. etc." Yeah. Right. I'm fucking miserable.

My awesomest best friend in the entire world (she was this anyway, but she is well deserving of public announcement) made my year by donating to the Kelly's Divorce fund. I now only have to save slightly more than half of the cost. Big Shout Out to My Squaw! *wink*

Anyway. Tonight I wanted to go to Zuey's for my birthday. However, I have no funds. I got paid, and my fucking paycheck wasn't enough to cover my bills. So I got a Check Into Cash loan (stupid stupid bangs head on wall stupid stupid) again and now I have about... $40 to last me until February 15th. That means that when SL comes to visit, I won't be able to pay for anything. We won't be able to go out for Valentine's day, nothing. I'm just going to quit smoking cold turkey starting after my last pack (I have one unopened in my purse and one unopened in my freezer.) I guess that will save me $100 a month. This is fucking bullshit. Also I was supposed to have a happy birthday outing on the 12th, but I won't be able to because I won't have any money left by then. Goddamnit.

So... to conclude... yes, I do have $xxx in my divorce fund, but I can't touch it because it's for the divorce. As far as I'm concerned, that money doesn't even exist for me. It's property of the lawyer! Oh well.

Fucking February.


Past birthday experiences:

• 2005: Alone, at karaoke.
• 2004: At my brother-in-law's house, with my drunk husband, ending in my banging my brother-in-law.
• 2003: My 21st birthday! I spent it drinking and drinking until I relised that my designated driver and my husband were both drunker than I was. I gagged myself with my finger til I puked and then ate four cheeseburgers, puked again, somehow ate another burger, and drove myself and the drunkos home.
• 2002: Did nothing, I was saving for buying a house.
• 2001: Hung out at the Cafe' 1904 (seedy ass bar on the south end) with roommate and boyfriend and some old people.
• 2000: Spent with boyfriend. I believe that was the day I took his virginity.

I love you there's a snake in my boot.

Woo! It's been a long time since I posted. I've been so busy, not to mention I was sick, and blah blah blah. Sucks. I really don't have any news... My birthday is in two days, I'm now accepting donations... SL will be here in 12 days! Yay!

Last night at karaoke I was talking to SL and we were doing that silly thing like "I love you times infinity times google" and I was like "I love you to infinity and beyond" and he said "I love you someone poisoned the water hole" (referencing Woody from "A Toy Story") and then right when I was going to say "I love you there's a snake in my boot", SL said it. We are so in sync.

Well I'm busy so I will try to be more regular with the updates. I suggest you all read Normlr's comments from my post about the dream about moving - he really made some good points.

Late.

Sick and Tired

I've been sick since Friday morning, and I'm so tired... tired of being in the house, tired of being sick, tired of being tired. Stupid.

Thursday I went to Zuey's with GMc for a little while and it was alright. Got to talk to KL for a little bit, that was okay. She was really busy because of dart league being there. Apparently she works Tuesdays now too, and some lady was there and they were watching American Idol and this woman said I should go on it. I don't know who it was and KL couldn't remember. Oh well. Hippy came in with a friend of his, Tiny. Tiny is very nice. Hippy was trying to get business as usual. Oh well. We went over to Eldo's around ten-ish, and did some karaoke. It was all good, and I was not drunk, in fact I only had about six beers, one cocktail, and one shot all night.

Everything came falling down after I sang "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John... I don't know why, but I just busted into tears and I was outside talking to SL, crying because I can't get this stupid divorce because for some reason I can't save my money (even though I'm not going out like I used to, I'm smoking less, I've only ate out twice in the last three weeks...) and at that point MMA hadn't returned my phone calls for four days. I was so upset because I feel like I can't be everything I want to be for SL because of this stupid marriage. I cried a lot and finally left. Everyone was trying to console me and stuff, but it just wasn't working. I went home and cried some more.

I've been crying a lot in fact. I haven't really stopped crying since Thursday night. And I'm crying over stupid things... it started Wednesday actually, when I was crying over "Skating with Celebrities" and then the whole MMA thing, today I cried because my computer wasn't working properly... it's ridiculous. I think I'm on the verge of having another nervous break down and I'm a little worried because I'm completley alone.

Dreams about Moving

Thursday night I had a dream that SL lived with me, and he moved back to Florida and left me because I was still married. In that same dream I drove to my parents' house for consolation and they weren't there, but there was a for sale sign in their yard.

Last night I had a dream that my parents moved to Dayton. I moved too, to a house in Upper Arlington. They were cleaning out their house and packing, and threw away our dog (we never had a dog but did in the dream) and a bunch of my childhood toys and stuff. I don't know where SK was but he didn't live with them. I tried to save all my stuff and take it with me, but my mom wouldn't let me. They gave me a tree, which they planted in my front yard, but I didn't want it because the leaves were fake and spray painted ugly colors. I was alone unpacking my stuff in my new house, and all these people showed up, telling me that they were squatters and didn't know anyone had moved in. One of them was Jack from "Will and Grace". He was hopping everywhere and doing Jazz hands. My mom called to see how I was doing and I was crying on the phone to her about how awful it was.

New Pics in the Photobucket!

And look what I made!

Drinks with a Purpose

That will be my new Native American name.

Let's see. Saturday... I did nothing. I laid around all day and then I got showered and finished watching Dances with Wolves which is the best movie I've seen in awhile and then fell asleep on the couch. Yep.

Sunday I got up and laid around, then I got dressed and went to O's to get this album for TG. I ended up staying and drinking some beers and we watched the game, and then O made dinner which was fabulous. He is a great cook! I tried to braid O's brother's hair into those cornrow things, and by the way, I cannot braid black hair. Oh man. We went to Whiskey Dick's then and it sucked as usual and I left. I went over to Eldo's and sat with SR and we had a great time. Fun, fun. Then I went over to SS/Jms house around one a.m. and ended up staying til almost three. Needless to say I was damn tired yesterday.

KP and I went to Zuey's yesterday night, I got there around 7 p.m. and she arrived closer to 8 p.m. It was fairly dead the entire time, but it picked up a little and we ended up having a great time. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun at Zuey's. I spent $47.00.

The Russian

I had a dream that I was living in Russia. Everyone around me was speaking Russian, and so was I, but I could completely understand what they were saying. I was at a hotel that was (along with the other hotels and bars in town) having a karaoke contest. I was set to win all these awards because I was the best singer in town. I was at one hotel and I saw my ex boyfriend, JN. He was "chasing" me around (really just quickly and sneakily following) and trying to tell me that he was sorry and he was still in love with me after all these years (that would be five years) and would I please take him back, etc. etc. etc. Well I knew that I wasn't in the mood to be in love with him, and if he actually talked to me face to face I would end up falling back in love with him, so I did my best to avoid him. I ducked into the ladies' restroom, which was very fancy with perfume and flowers and little soaps and a girl who handed out towels and all that. There was a window in the door to the bathroom, and through it I saw my friend R(D)B and called her to come in. I was asking her what to do about JN and she said, "Go to the bar next door I was just there and nobody you know is there." So I headed over there, and when I walked in I knew every single person in there. Not from real life though, just from the dream. I got up on stage where the KJ looked like Vin Diesel, and tried to sing "American Pie" but I couldn't clear my throat in time to make sound come out. I ended up missing my cue and asked him to start over. This dude came up on stage and he was like, "I'm next get off the stage" and I tried to tell him that my song wasn't over I just needed to restart and he was literally trying to push me off the stage. I punched him and took off out the door. Now for some reason I was dressed like a bag lady, with three layers of clothes and a big suitcase, backpack, small purse, and I was wearing a beret. This Indian girl (from India) named Candy (who was actually a girl from this show I saw on TV in real life) was walking next to me and trying to talk to me and I was like "I know who you are lady, do you want my card?! Here's my fucking card!" and kept walking. She called after me that she would telephone me later that week and I just thought to myself "Whatever." I tried to get into the next bar that I came to, but there was this Russian boy sitting on the stoop and he said that the only way for me to get in was to fall in love with him. So I told him I loved him and he said no, I had to prove it was true love, and I woke up from the dream trying to figure out a way to convince this boy that I was in love with him.

I give up.

Lazy Alcoholic Homosexual V

This is a new story, happened as of last night.

MMA finally called me Monday, as I mentioned in an earlier post. I couldn't believe it, he was being friendly. I decided to return the friendliness, and hope that it would make the divorce go smoother, especially since he said he would give me some money. So we went to karaoke last night... it was fine. He looks exactly the same, I, however, am hotter than ever. Thank you. He was cool and un-dramatic, and I was the same. It was well and good til he did an asshole-ish thing, which was randomly disappear, and when I called to see where he had gone, he said he was getting cigarettes, and would come back. He never came back. I was irritated, but whatever. He's not my problem, I just thought that was rude. Oh well.

So, it seems that men are pigs. I think O has several girlfriends, and I fear he may be one big player. I witnessed him making a phone call and it reminded me so much of the phone calls I have with SL every night.

"Hey Baby."
"Yeah, I'm just going home and going to bed, I have to be up early in the morning."
"I'd like to come over but I just can't. I'm sorry."
"I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Later."

Now the SL version.

"Hey Baby."
"I'm at Colt's right now."
"I'll call you back, we have to go pick up this kid."
an hour later...
"Hey Baby."
"I'm just hanging out with Randy. No, I haven't seen Colt in a few days."
"I gotta go, they just got home."
later that evening...
"Hey Baby."
"I'm so tired, I'm gonna go to bed."
"Love you too."

Oh well. He'll be moving here soon and then I won't have to worry about his girlfriend(s.)

What I have learned

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge boobs (good thing I've got this one covered!) I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place! I've learned that 99% of the time when something in your house isn't working, someone else did it. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones never go away.

I'm not the one who's so far away

Well this week has been boring.

Sunday, went to the Clarmont for my mom's birthday. It was alright. I ate all my food except I didn't eat the skin of my baked potatoe. I couldn't believe I ate that much - a salad, some bread, a 12 ox filet mignon, the inside of a potatoe, and a teeny piece of cake. It was crazy good. Sunday night I picked up O and his brother, and we went to karaoke. It was boring. We left around midnight.

Monday was fine. I went to SS/Jms house and it was fun. I got a little high but I didn't want to show it too much because I know they do it all the time and I didn't want to look uncool. I haven't smoked in like a year though, except for once at KP's with T and he had a peach flavored whatchacallit and I had to try that. It was weird.

Tuesday GG and I had this fight, but it's over now. Tuesday night I picked O up from work and we went to Brewstirs. Cat bought us a bunch of shots but I wasn't drunk. We talked to some folks from Atlanta, they were nice. Then we went to the Hot Spot and a few minutes after walking in I thought I was going to die. My muscles felt all funky, my head hurt so bad, I couldn't look at any light, and I almost passed out while I was singing my song. It was terrible. I thought I was drunk but then I realised that I hadn't had enough alcohol to be drunk. I called SL when I left and I seriously thought I was going to keel over and die while I was driving. Luckily I made it home, and everything was good once I was breathing normal air.

Last night GMc was supposed to come over but he didn't show up til 22:00 and I was upstairs and didn't hear him knock. He was only two hours late. I pretty much laid around all night because I was just feeling bummed.

So guess who has been calling me all week? MMA. He apologised for being a dick and apologised for avoiding me and apologised for being a drunk while we were married. I almost fell out of my chair. He said he's gonna give me a couple hundred bucks, so I hope that's true.

My birthday is soon!!