28 July 2005

Je me demande si Dieu me déteste ?

Maybe. Maybe because all these years I never believed in Him, He no longer believes in me and that is why everything has gone from mediocre to bad to terrible to worse to absolutely completely mind-blowingly shitty?

Maybe not. I've heard that if God stops believing in you, you stop existing. Apparently, I still exist. Unless this is my alter-ego, a different me completely, here on this earth.

Day two of being a hermit went alright. Y was supposed to bring the kids over to see me after she got off work around ten p.m., but they were sleeping by the time she got home. My evening went as follows:

Six forty-five, arrive home.
Six fifty, put on pajamas.
Seven, turn on "COPS"
Seven til ten, drift in and out of sleep while occasionally watching "COPS", at some point eat some macaroni and cheese
Ten, wake up wondering why mouth tastes like macaroni and cheese, turn on Law & Order: SVU
Ten twenty-eight, Receive call from Y who says not coming over
Ten thirty, get beer
Eleven, watch Law & Order: SVU, get another beer
Twelve thirty, go to bed and read "Demons and Angels"
Twelve fifty-nine, turn off light and cover up, toss and turn thinking about Poke, fall asleep at some point.

What a great life as a hermit!

Maybe I should go back to church. I don't believe in God, but maybe, just maybe, a miracle or something will happen to me. Who knows.

I told GMc that if he wanted to drag me somewhere tonight, I wouldn't complain. My goal is to live as a hermit, but I think I might go nuts trying to do it. Someone needs to come and clean my house, it's filthy.

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