Happy Almost Half Birthday to Me, to Me!

Just so you all know, Tuesday is my half birthday. I expect gifts. Someone has to go to Damon's with me because I have a coupon for a free onion loaf. First come first serve, you get to have dinner with ME on MY half birthday. And free onion loaf.

Anyway. I have had the funnest three days ever.

Thursday, KL called me during the day while I was at work and begged me to come see her. She said she had been worried about me since Thursday, after hearing about my brain tumour scare and the whole bullshit with TM. I told her why I was being a hermit, and she said that it didn't matter, I had to go see her. So after work, where I stayed until six forty-five (this has been the MOST stressful end-of-month EVER in the whole time I've worked here!) I went home, changed, and headed out to Zuey's. It was strange when I came in because it was like I hadn't missed anything, but then again, it's Zuey's, so I think I could go away for three months and come back and nothing would have changed.

I stayed at Zuey's for awhile, then I called Moose to see if Poke was at Eldo's. Moose wasn't there yet, but he called me when he got there and told me the coast was clear. So I finished my beer and for some odd reason drove to Eldo's (normally I would have walked.) The second I walked into Eldo's, I completely lost my memory. It was very odd. I remember being there, and I remember the following things:

• Talking to Billy the Big Dicked Indian's daughters
• Drinking 2 "Tie Me to the Bedpost"s
• Smiley J french kissing me, twice
• Yelling at someone about how much I hate Eldo's
• Peeing in the boys bathroom with Smiley J because I didn't feel like waiting in line
• Kissing GG on the cheek

That's all I remember! Kinda bugs me because I went back to Zuey's after all that I couldn't even remember then what I had just done. It was weird.

Back at Zuey's, a boy came up to me as I was giving K's nephew Z a backrub. He said something about liking me, and I was baffled. I was like "You don't even like me as a person let alone like like me!" He said I was wrong, he's liked me for awhile, but he was afraid that if we started anything, I would run my mouth at the bars and everyone would know our business. He was like, case-in-point, SB. I explained to him that actually SB and I hung out and did our thing for awhile before it was over, and only then did people hear me run my mouth about him because he fucked me over. He upset me and hurt me and then I had to deal with Cunt-Bitch Extraordinairre and all her bullshit. It was a big mess and that's why they heard about it. I told him that I never talk about intimate things about a boyfriend to just anybody. Maybe my best friend or something, but usually not even that. Sure, I might talk about the random losers I fuck, but mostly it because there is a funny or terrifying story to go with it.

Anyway, he understood, and said he wanted to ask me out or something back in the day, but then I started fucking NB, so he didn't. I was shocked that he liked me for that long, and I never even knew it. I mean, he rarely talks to me, I always have to say "hi" first, he never sits by me or anything. We've never really had a conversation, other than this one time that we were talking with another dude. I mean it's such a generic non-relationship. I literally almost fell out of my chair. He caught me before I did.

As I was leaving The Zue, I pulled out the totally OTHER way then I usually do. Normally, I back up and go south through the parking lot and over the little dip out towards Morse Road. This time, I backed up the opposite way and drove north through the parking lot away from Morse Road. Not sure why. Well this boy was standing there talking to Fuzz and came over to the car. He was like, "You're leaving already" and I said yes, I was in desperate need for Taco Bell. He asked if I might like to take him home with me. I said sure, hop in. So he did. We surely went to Taco Bell and then home, where I chowed while he laid on the floor and played with Sheeba. Then, we talked about important stuff, then we went upstairs and had some sex, and then fell asleep. In the morning I had to take him all the way back to Zuey's because he had left his truck there.

Work on Friday was semi-nightmarish. I left at three though, because I had an appointment to go to. I picked up GG and we got some subs from Jersey Mike's, and then came home and chilled while I waited for the RAC people to come and drop off my fixed washing machine. They finally showed up after five thirty. I was still waiting for the maintenance guys to come and change the locks, and when they didn't show by six fifteen, GG and I headed to the pool. We stayed for about an hour and a half, and it was crazy. We were so silly just splashing around and being ridiculous. It was cool to be silly like that, very relaxing. Every day I have to act like a grown up, and I like it when I can be silly with someone else who is silly and its just a big pile of silliness all over. It's great.

We came home and GG ate the rest of her sub and I ate my nachos left over from the night before. FINALLY the maintenance mexicans showed up to change my locks. They were only like four hours late, but whatever. GG and I watched Law & Order: SVU til nine, and then we headed to Zuey's. We stopped at her house to get Wendell first before we went though. At Zuey's, oh my god, it was packed. I couldn't believe it, but then again, Danielle was working and the dumb fucking DJ was there. We hung out for awhile, Skilley showed up (refer back to the post about my birthday) so we talked to him for a minute, then he left, Jclyn kept coming over to our table and randomly starting conversations and then walking away, and then Y called me. She was out with J and his brother and his brother's girlfriend, and they were bored so they wanted to come to Zuey's but they wanted to make sure TM wasn't there. He wasn't so they came. It was fairly unexciting, but then after they left and I took GG home I came back to Zuey's because I thought I had left my phone there (it was inbetween the seats the whole time!) I ended up talking to this guy, AD, and he invited me back to his friend's house where they were gonna chill and play some guitars and stuff. AD was super cute with fluffy blonde hair, oh geeze. He was little too, only about two inches taller than me and he weighed about a buck forty. Crazy little and definitely built like a ten year old, just how I like 'em! Anyway, we were down in this guy's basement when his girlfriend comes home. She was drunk, he was drunk, and hillbilliness ensued. Oh my god they were screaming and yelling like it was their job, so I asked AD if he would like to come to my house where it was hillbilly-free and he said yes. We went to my house, and sat on the couch for awhile and then went to bed. I really wasn't expecting to have sex with this guy, but then he's all like "I'm gonna hump you" and I laughed because he really did say "hump". We did anyway, but it was complete drunken humping and after awhile we both got too tired to do anything. Then he turned weird on me. He was like really demanding and being kinda cheauvanistic and shit. It was strange. I waited for him to fall asleep before I would.

I slept pretty much until four forty five on Saturday afternoon. I took him home and then GMc called, so I took the pizzas over to his place and we watched De-Lovely. Then I felt sick and thought I was going to yak in the bushes while I was out smoking, but I didn't. GMc felt okay, but he said the pizza had felt a little off to him, so he didn't eat much. We went to Zuey's then and it was pretty fun. Nicholas was there and he felt the need to tell us about how he donates to the sperm bank. Nicholas is probably one of the strangest and most un-attractive people I know, so it was gross to think of, but it made for hilarious jokes. GMc were worried that Zuey's would be boring, but it wasn't too bad.

The boy from Thursday night (who liked me) was there and before he left he invited me to come over to his place when I was done. I finally left around maybe one or so, I think, and went to his house. I drank some moonshine that tasted like creamed corn and it burned my mouth so badly. *shudder* We watched some Dave Chappelle's Show and then went to bed and had some sex. I woke up at some point in the morning and got completely freaked out because there was a gigantic buck head on the wall and I hadn't noticed it the night before. It scared me. I went back to sleep and woke up at what I thought was nine forty five and decided to go home. When I got to the car I found out it was actually eleven fifteen. Oh well.

Now I'm home, I'm about ready to go eat something and maybe go to the pool. Or maybe not.

Je me demande si Dieu me déteste ?

Maybe. Maybe because all these years I never believed in Him, He no longer believes in me and that is why everything has gone from mediocre to bad to terrible to worse to absolutely completely mind-blowingly shitty?

Maybe not. I've heard that if God stops believing in you, you stop existing. Apparently, I still exist. Unless this is my alter-ego, a different me completely, here on this earth.

Day two of being a hermit went alright. Y was supposed to bring the kids over to see me after she got off work around ten p.m., but they were sleeping by the time she got home. My evening went as follows:

Six forty-five, arrive home.
Six fifty, put on pajamas.
Seven, turn on "COPS"
Seven til ten, drift in and out of sleep while occasionally watching "COPS", at some point eat some macaroni and cheese
Ten, wake up wondering why mouth tastes like macaroni and cheese, turn on Law & Order: SVU
Ten twenty-eight, Receive call from Y who says not coming over
Ten thirty, get beer
Eleven, watch Law & Order: SVU, get another beer
Twelve thirty, go to bed and read "Demons and Angels"
Twelve fifty-nine, turn off light and cover up, toss and turn thinking about Poke, fall asleep at some point.

What a great life as a hermit!

Maybe I should go back to church. I don't believe in God, but maybe, just maybe, a miracle or something will happen to me. Who knows.

I told GMc that if he wanted to drag me somewhere tonight, I wouldn't complain. My goal is to live as a hermit, but I think I might go nuts trying to do it. Someone needs to come and clean my house, it's filthy.

Cocaine Ends up in Lost and Found

Read about it here.

Well my first night as a hermit didn't go too badly. I worked until about six thirty, came home, watched some television, and called GMc. I wanted to eat pizza but I hate eating pizza alone. Imagine a hermit not wanting to eat 'za alone.

I ordered the pizzas and GMc showed up around 8pm. He brought chicken and corn and mashed potatoes for a snack. We waited and waited and finally I called Pizza Hut because it had been way longer than 50 minutes since I ordered the 'zas. The lady said it should be any minute now, and no sooner had I hung up the phone and lit a cigarette than there was a knock on the door. Dude dropped off the 'zas and lo and behold, they were wrong. Well, one of them was right, but mine was wrong! It was supposed to be pan pizza with pineapple, onion and bacon, but instead it came as a supreme, hand-tossed. Yuck, meat. So I called them back, and an hour later I had my correct pizza - almost - they still gave me hand-tossed crust but whatever. I dealt with it.

GMc and I looked at some old pictures he had in his briefcase then, and I got to see what his ex-wife looks like. She actually looked exactly like I pictured her, except for I thought she would be a little bit heavier (she is v. thin!) and have blonde hair not black hair. She is tall too. I saw some pics also of some people I knew, from back in the day. Then I showed him some old pics of me when I used to be thinner. Amazing.

After that little throwback to olden days, we watched a movie called The Mambo Kings. It was pretty good. I was really impressed with the casting they did for Desi Arnaz, Sr., until I found out that he was played by Desi Arnaz, Jr. Hahaha. When that movie was over, we watched The Village. GMc was disappointed by the end just like I was, but I think he really liked it. I would have to say that is going to be one of my new favorite movies. I just wish it had a better ending. There was so much more potential! GMc left around 12:35 a.m., and I stayed up and watched Conan a little bit and then went upstairs to read and sleep. Apparently I fell asleep while reading because I woke up sometime in the night and the lights were on and I was wearing my glasses still.

What an exciting life I now lead as a hermit.

Everytime I meet someone, something always happens. Sometimes it's sooner. Sometimes it's later. This time it was pretty fast...

(From "Barfly" - thanks GMc)

I am going to become a hermit. Well, 1/2 hermit. I will just go to work and the store or whatever, and then come home. I'm so fucking tired of being hurt. It's not worth my time to go out and meet losers and assholes and cunts. So not worth my time or my energy. There are too many people in this world that are hateful and its almost like they are all chillin' in my area of the globe.

Fuck SB, fuck his brother and all his friends.
Fuck Poke and D*Martin, Kaitlyn, and everyone else.
Fuck those losers who think that I'm uppity or egotistical.
Fuck TR for being a fucking psycho.
Fuck you for somehow tricking me into caring.
Fuck you all.

Fuck You All

I cannot believe the shit that has happened to me tonight. I talked to SB. For like two hours. Excuse the typos, I'm half asleep and crying as I write this.

So, Poke. Thought things were great. Everything, going fine. Talk to him tonight. He tells me his exgirlfriend came to his work and seduced him and he went down on her. Didn't think about me once. Didn't consider us dating since we've only known each other a month. Never said he wanted to "start seeing me" instead of Kaitlyn. Told me I was her replacement for hanging out. He doesn't feel any feelings towards me other than fuck buddy and he doesn't know where I got that idea from that he did. appartevnly i made it up my mind. i know he said it. i dont make things up. not like that.

Mike the DJ called and we talked for two hours and it made me feel better but worse. Poke left his porn here and I'm going to return it to him tomorrow. I might take it to the customer serviece desk at Kroger where he works. Give it to the manager, tell him what an awfu l person Poke is. I cannot believe htis happened to me. I thought that he was different but apparently I can jsut chalk him up to the other numbers 17 thru 45. He asked how can he be number 45 my pussy is so tight... i told him i'm just good like that.

By the way SB never showed up... I sanyone surprised? IO have one beer left in the fridge and I do not want to go to wrok tomorrow (today) I just want ot lay in bed and fgeel sorry fotr myslef. Why can others do terrible things to peopl e while i am so nice and just get shit on. I have loveed mauybe three men in my life only to be left alone completely alone and hurtying. Not fair. not fiar at all. I really shoul dgo to lseep but i really hate crying myself to sleep because i wake up with pillow stuck to my face and that is no fun. gg tol d me to not care an i told her she was lucky to have a good man. for once in my life i would love to have even a semi good man care about me. all i have are men who say they care and then the enxt day there is a new woman to care about insrteasd of me.e

Poke said ihe would call me in mid august. i hate him. i cannot believe it. i am just going to go cry. i hate him adn i hate everyone eles and i'm just goin to become a hermit and die in my apartment alone lik ei expected to.

i am fucking pathetric and i just knwo i will feel dumb orf oposting thi sbut i hadf to get i ti out because i am so so s o so sad righ tnow i have no one to turn to not even tony tm who was my best friend i have no one to call at 4am i just compeltey alone... ther eis no one who would eb here for me, tony is hte only on e mauybe i made amistake but i dont want him to hit me anyomer... i ask fo r punishment. i 'm terrinlbe. i am going o t be d. hagve e wonerful;er eveing.n/.

Ho rotolato all'est, io ho rotolato all'ovest, io ho rotolato al posto che so il più bene!

Friday I did absolutely nothing. I came home from work and fell asleep on the couch, then I woke up when my mom and dad came over to drop off the bike and the mixers for me. (Antique bowl mixer and modern hand mixer, yay! Now I don't have to use my mini chopper for everything!) I watched "Barfly" while drinking a 40 oz of Milwaukee's Best Ice. I rock.

Saturday I woke up around noon-thirty and went to Krogers after showering. It took forever to get there because right in the middle of my route the City of Columbus FINALLY decided to repave Cleveland avenue, at one p.m., on a Saturday. I had to go all the way around and it was a pain. GMc and his friend SC showed up about 2:30 p.m. so we could go to the Jazz & Rib Festival. It was terribly fun. After one round of ribs we were hot and thirsty, so we decided that instead of paying $3 for a 12 oz cup of beer at the fest, we would walk and find a bar. We ended up at "The Main Bar", it used to be a whorehouse, where fun times ensued. The draught Killians and Amber Bock were only $2.25 each! It was great! Some drunk ass dude spit in SC's beer, so he gave him $5 which made for 3 more beers for us! (With GMc's $.50 contribution.) After we were there for about two and a half hours, we went back to the Jazz & Rib Festival and had some more ribs. I was desperate for a funnel cake but the line was too long. We left.

Somehow, somewhere, I mentioned to SC that I had those rolls. When we got back to my place he kinda cornered me in the bathroom and was like, "Hey are you going to bring me home with you tonight?" and I told him I wasn't sure, but I would think about it, and we could maybe roll if I felt like it. I was supposed to meet them at Zuey's between ten and ten thirty, but they didn't show up until eleven thirty. The Zue actually had karaoke, and it was fun. K and Jclyn and her brother and his friend were there, and some other people I didn't know, and some other people I did know. I got to sing about eleven or twelve times. It was great. I started rollin' around eleven thirty, right as SC and GMc arrived. Some dude liked my singing and said could he buy me a beer. I told him sure, that would be fine. Then he asked if I was drunk. I said, "Hell no I'm not drunk! I'm rollin' balls man!" and I was. I had a lot of beers and a Jack and Coke, but my tab was only $4. I touched D's (the new bartender) boob at some point... not sure why. GMc left after a minute, I think he was not feeling my wildness. SC and I left around twelve thirty I think, and he had to drive home because I could not get my eyes to focus.

Upon arriving at my house, we were the hottest people on earth. We stripped down to shorts, and laid on a blanket on the couch. We petted each other all night. At some point I spilled a completely full beer all over myself. Also, I vaugely remember going outside to get the Ludacris CD because I still have that stupid Hoes song in my head. I talked to the DJ and thanked him profusely. I talked to Poke a couple times too. But, SC and I did not have sex. You know why?

I have a boyfriend.

Mostly. Poke broke up with Kaitlyn on Friday, he even got the go-ahead from his friend C, and it's all good. He told C he was going to start seeing me, so I suppose that makes him my boyfriend. I am not going to get too excited, but I'm really happy. Happy happy.

Sunday I took SC home around eleven a.m. to GMc's house, and then I came home and fell asleep on the couch until five thirty when Poke called. He reminded me I was supposed to go to my friend JAFH's graduation party, so I got dressed and called JAFH and the party was mostly over but I went anyway because I haven't seen him in months. His dad is a cop so I asked him about the Hotty Cop and he knew him. Yay. He said I should pursue it by dropping him a card. I thought about it, decided against it. It would be too much work for me to date a cop.

I didn't go to karaoke on Sunday because I didn't feel up to it, and I was afraid TM might show up again and I was not in the mood to deal with that.

Area Codes

I've got hoes
I've got hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)
hoes, hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)

Now you thought I was just 7-7-0
And 4-0-4, I'm worldwide bitch, act like yall don't know
It's the abominabol "O" man
Globe-trot international post man
Neighbor-dick dope man
7-1-8s, 2-0-2's
I send small cities and states I-O-U's
9-0-1, matter fact 3-0-5
I'll jump off the d-4, we can meet outside
So control your hormones and keep your drawers on
'Til I close the door and I'm jumping your bone
3-1-2, 3-1-3, 2-1-5, 8-0-3
Read your hor-o-scope and eat some hor-derves
Ten I pump one these hoes is self serve
7-5-7, 4-1-0, my cell phone says overload
I've got hoes
I've got hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)
hoes, hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)

Now everyday is a hol-i-day
So stop the violence and put the 4-4 away, keeps you to hold today
5-0-4, 9-7-2
7-1-3, whatcha gon do
You checkin up the scene, I'm checkin a ho tonight
With perpendicular vehicular homicide
3-1-4, 2-0-1
Too much green, too much fun
I bang cock in Bangkok
Can't stop, I turn and hit the same spot
Think not, I'm the thrilla in Manilla,
Schlong in Hong Kong
Pimp em like vision, magic Don Juan
Man after Henny with a coke and a smile
I just pick up the muthafuckin phone and dial
I got my condoms in a big-ass-sack
I'm slaggin this dick like a New Jack, biatch

Is it cuz they like my gangsta walk?
Is it cuz they like my gangsta talk?
Is it cuz they like my handsome face?
Is it cuz they like my gangsta ways?
Whatever it is, they love it
And they just won't let me be
I handle my biz, don't rush me
Just relax and let me be free
Whenever I call, come running
2-1-2 or 2-1-3
You know that I ball, stop frontin
'For I call on something to free
I've got hoes
I've got hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)
hoes, hoes, in different area codes (area, area codes..codes)

9-1-6, 4-1-5, 7-0-4
Shout out to the 2-0-6
Everybody in the 8-0-8
2-1-6, 7-0-2, 4-1-4
3-1-7, 2-1-4, 2-8-1
3-3-4, 2-0-5, I see ya
3-1-8, 6-0-1, 2-0-3
8-0-4, 4-0-2, 3-0-1
9-0-4, 4-0-7, 8-5-0
7-0-8, 5-0-2
In different area codes..

A Quick Side Note

I'd like to thank all the men at El Dorado's who offered to come to my defense if anything happened between TM and I. They were standing guard for me all night long, really.

Big Don
Billy the Big Dicked Indian
Wolfy
Wayne
Tomcat
Randy Randelton
D*Martin
Poke
Moose (I didn't verify this but I bet he would!)
Patrick
Claude
Crash

Drunko

I had the most wonderful evening last night until about 1:15 am.

I went home and ate a delicious meal of grilled roast and boiled vegetables. Then I dyed my hair red and took a shower. I went to Zuey's, and D and Nicholas both bought me a drink, and then I had a beer. Poke called me and said he was at The Jerk because they had a karaoke contest. I called TV to verify and he said yes, yes they do. So I drove up there and Poke and I had a wonderful wonderful time. His friend D*Martin came by and I was like, "Can we please get the eff out of here?!" because as you all know, I fucking hate The Jerk.

We went to Eldo's and had some jello shots and some beer in a pitcher. Then some guy named Bob that I didn't know bought us all beers. Then TM showed up. I tried my hardest to stay away from him, and succeeded. Then it was my turn to sing, and I was up there behind the microphone and looked over and saw Y sitting with him. I was so angry I couldn't finish the song. I walked out, then remembered that I left my credit card, so I went back in. I was signing it, and TM came up to me, and he's like, "Are you scared of me or something?" and I was like, "No, but why the fuck are you here with your wife?" and I walked over to her and it turned out to not be Y but some chick named Penny that looked just like her. I told her that too. TM started yelling at me to stop harassing her and I told him to get the fuck away and I didn't want him in my life and then he hit me in the shoulder. He called me "Drunko" and told me I was a crazy alcoholic. I yelled at him and called him a wife beater and reminded him of how worthless he is and how he should have stayed in jail. Claude came over to break us up but I was already done. I went to the car and cried while Poke and D*Martin tried to console me. I told Poke to leave with D*Martin because I didn't want him to get involved in the drama.

I went to Zuey's and cried on KL's shoulder and on K's shoulder too. Then I decided I needed to call the cops. I called Moose to see if TM was still at Eldo's, and he was, but Moose was walking GG home in the parking lot and that was funny cuz I was looking right at him. I called the cops and told them what happened, and they sent the hottest cop in the entire world out to talk to me. (Oh my god, he was so fucking hot. He told me I was pretty.) He asked if I wanted to press charges, and I was like, "Well what will that do?" and his answer was good, he said, "Basically nothing." Which is true. So, Hotty Cop got me TM's probation officer's phone number and I will call today and report all the terrible things he's done so far since he got out. Hotty Cop was looking up TM's record, and he pulled up his most recent mug shot, and then he kept scrolling and pulled up a mugshot from 1994 when TM was 12. I almost had a heart attack. Seeing a picture of TM period anymore gives me a creepy feeling, but looking at him at age 12 was just terrible. He looked just like when I met him when he was 17, that was a little funny.

I cried some more after Hotty cop left and I stayed until about three to walk KL out to her car since SL couldn't be there. I had been trying to call Poke and finally got ahold of him because I was absolutely terrified to be at my house alone. Poke said he would come over and stay with me. When I got home, Poke was waiting in the parking lot. We went in and talked in the kitchen for awhile, and then went upstairs. We did some adult activities but no sex because 1) I just wasn't in the mood to have sex after all that crying and 2) its that time and I don't think he and I are ready for that at this point in our "relationship". I passed out again, and slept and slept and slept while Poke held me all night long. It was nice.

I woke up with burning eyeballs and sore eyelids from all the crying. Poke kissed me a lot this morning. I like him a lot. I hope this turns out well. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but that isn't working well. We'll see what happens, I'll let you know.

By the way, the opposite of claustrophobia is agoraphobia. Cool.

Magnetic Resonance Imaging

We'll start on Tuesday.

Poke came over after work and we hung out and watch some silly country music special about the 40 greatest "Done Me Wrong" songs of all time. Around ten thirty we decided to head up to the Crown on Sancus and do some karaoke. It was packed when we got there, but we found a table and chilled. It was really, really fun. I got to sing three songs, Poke got to sing four, and this was amazing because when a place is that packed and you get there as late as we did, you're usually lucky to get one or two in. I guess Cat is just good like that.

We started off with a pitcher of Amber Bock, and had another one, but then I convinced him to drink Coors Light instead because 1) Amber Bock is like drinking bread and makes me full and sickish, and 2) Coors Light is $4 a pitcher whereas Amber Bock is $5.50. I also did a Vanilla Russian Car Bomb shot, which bored me to death because I really wanted a Goldie (that's the 151 with grenadine on top dropped into a glass of Red Bull.) His friend D*Martin from the other night (yes, the one who randomly kissed me) showed up. I thought that maybe when D*Martin showed up, Poke would stop holding my hand and stop touching me, but he didn't. I was impressed and a little elated. He even kissed me in front of D*Martin, and that really threw me. In fact, Poke touched me a little bit more once D*Martin got there...Maybe Poke really is going to move on from that girl.

During the course of the night, BB called me from Oklahoma. He told me he missed me and I should come visit soon, as if I just have the cash to up and fly to Oklahoma, but okay. I told him about the brain stuff and he said he would pray for me. Apparently BB has found Jesus in Oklahoma - I've been wondering where the Messiah was hiding all this time!

After the karaoke ended, Poke and I stopped by his place to pick up his bottle of Southern Comfort. We drove home and when we got there we did a few shots and then sat at the kitchen table talking about everything and doing a shot here or there. Poke told me that he really enjoys spending time with me, even when we're not in bed (haha that was a joke on his part) and he's amazed by how much we have in common. He told me that he doesn't really want to be with her, but his friends keep trying to get them to stay together. I told him that it shouldn't matter what his friends want, only what he wants. Then he said the last time he tried to introduce someone new into the circle, they totally rejected her because she didn't fit in. I think that is why he had D*Martin come hang with us at karaoke - I think he may be slowly trying to integrate me into his circle of friends. His brother already met me, and D*Martin of course, and another boy and girl that I didn't really talk to too much. He said his brother thought I was really nice. D*Martin seems to like me, so I guess that's good so far.

Anyway, back to the kitchen table. So we talked about the girl, and Poke revealed his feelings for me and how he thinks we are just an awesome match but he doesn't know what to do about her. We talked about my job, we talked about his friend C. who is very controlling and has five illegitimate children, we talked about everything really. It was a great time. Then, we went upstairs and had the craziest wildest sex ever. I don't think I can really go into too much graphic detail because, well, I'm not a literotica writer, but I will say this: It was a tragedy that we only had two condoms. I literally passed out by five a.m.

Wednesday morning, I was actually hung over. I haven't been hung over in about three years. Amazing. I left Poke sleeping and came home from work around noon to let him out. He had cleaned up my room and fed Sheeba. Again, I was impressed. We sat and watched a movie, and talked a little bit, and then I had to go back to work. He said he would see me on Thursday. While I was at work, TM called me. He said he wanted to call while I was sober so he could apologize properly. I told him I appreciated it but nothing had changed. He said, "Ok, take care of yourself" and we hung up. It was a little weird. Later at night, GMc came over finally to eat this damn chicken I've had waiting to be cooked. I used my outdoor grill for the first time ever! When the chicken was done, the coals were still really really hot and ready for cooking, so I gave GMc a giant beef roast that was in the freezer and he threw it on. This thing was a solid brick of frozen beef. We went to Zuey's for about two hours after dinner, and when we got back the roast was beautifully cooked perfectly. A little too bloody for me, but perfect for GMc. We sliced some for him and then threw it back on to cook a little more for me. All in all it was a fairly okay day.

Today I had to go for the MRI. It wasn't too bad, I was not worried anyway. They didn't do the kind with the dye either, so I didn't have to have anything injected into me. The machine was really really loud though, and it would be like click click click click click click then whirrr whirrr whirrr whirrr whirrr whirr and then stop suddenly. Then the girl technician would come on a little speaker and ask if I was okay and then it would start the clicking and whirring again. It only took about 20 minutes total. It wasn't as cramped as everyone makes it out to be, but then again I'm not the least bit clausterphobic - in fact, I am whatever the opposite of clausterphobic is... I'll figure it out by the end of this post.

After my MRI I picked GMc up at work and we went to Senor Antonios for lunch. It was a wonderful time. I love spending time with GMc, he's like my constant in this crazy effing world. No matter what, I can count on him to be the same all the time. I'm so happy to have these wonderful new friends. I hope things are starting to change for the better for me!

I cried when my goldfish died.

Suicide Bomber Misses, Kills Self.

Imagine that... hmmm. I cringe at the irony in the world sometimes.

So Friday was an interesting day, nobody showed up for work besides KG and me, TD and JW came in for about an hour each. I ended up leaving at one thirty because there really was nothing to do. I went home to find MF on my patio, all sweaty and hot looking. Mmmm. He had completely raped my bricks and mulch, tearing out every last green thing that had been sticking up. It looks so awesome now, I was very impressed with his work. Now I just have to get him back down here so he can finish the job and put my decorative rocks in. I gave him $20 and bought him some cigarettes.

I was going to take him back to Mansfield Friday night, but after my doctor's appointment lasted until six thirty, I was really really tired and knew driving all that way would be a bad idea. We headed over to Springhouse so MF could see some people and found out that almost all of them moved away. This is a good thing, hopefully they have moved on to bigger and better things. Springhouse is no place for a worthwhile human being. After that we went to Zuey's for one game of WORD DOJO!! And stayed for about eleven because we fucking rock and kept beating it and kept getting a free game. It was officially decided that he would stay another night, so we stopped at KFC on the way home and got a bucket of chicky and then went home to watch a movie.

The choice for the night was M. Night Shyamalan's The Village. Oh my god this is an awesome movie. Oh my god. I loved it, even though I fell asleep twice at the beginning and even spilt a beer on myself because I fell asleep with it in my hand. MF laughed at me for that one. I deserved it. Haha. After The Village we watched "Most Haunted" a BBC show about these folks who go with their psychics and night vision cameras and investigate haunted places around England. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up around three a.m. to find MF spread out asleep on the floor. I went upstairs and left him there, but he joined me about an hour later and once again I was held... yay.

Saturday morning I woke up and found MF already downstairs smoking. I made him and myself some great eggs (kinda like scrambled, but with tomatoes and green onions and cheese mixed in) and some sausage links. He devoured it, and then I got dressed and we headed to Mansfield. I was very sad to drop him off, but hopefully I will see him soon. I hate the fact that he doesn't hardly call me, but it is long distance, and I hate that he just randomly shows up and never stays for long. He misses Columbus, but with the whole marriage/divorce/daughter situation, he kinda has to stay in Mansfield for now. *Cry*

When I got home I took a nap in the chair while I tried to watch The Forgotten. That movie was really good too, also really fucked up. Not as much of a mind-fuck as The Village, but still, it makes you think. And there are aliens, but there are no little green men. So after awhile my ass was tired of being in the chair, so I decided to stop by Zuey's for a minute. It was fairly boring, so we watched O Brother, Where Art Thou? and then I played WORD DOJO!! for a minute. I got #2 and #3 but I couldn't beat MF and my score from the night before. I rock though, for being close without anyone helping me. I went home and ate some Taco Bell and passed out.

Sunday morning I woke up in a good mood. My plan was to go to the pool and chill, or roast, technically. Just as I was about to get into my bathing suit, GMc called me and said for me to come to a cookout at J&J's house. I thought that sounded just great so I made some pasta salad and headed over. We had a great time, except for poor J1 and I were stuck at the house while J2 and GMc "went to get beer" and snuck off to the VIP in Hilliard. Bastards! I like hanging out with them, it's so fun. I'm glad I'm finally making good friends for once. All those losers from before were bringing me down.

Around seven fifteen, J1 and I were just staring at the wall and decided that it was definitely time to go to Eldo's. Karaoke didn't start til nine, but we didn't care. We had to get out. GMc was sleeping on the couch and J2 was doing something, I have no clue what - I think sitting on the chair, so we left. Eldo's was full of drunks when we got there, of course. This dude RL called me, and after talking to J1 about him, we figured out that she had met him like three years ago. She told me to not waste my time and I don't think I will because he's not that interesting anyway. The evening progressed wonderfully, and I spent a lot of time with PP. We kissed some more, and then around eleven he had to leave (he goes to work at 6 a.m.!) so I walked him out to the car. As usual we acted like teenagers making out in the car, and doing other things, and then I looked up and saw J1 walking around the parking lot looking for me. I told PP I had to go back in because my friends were looking for me. We decided that at some point soon we need to stop acting like we're in high school and actually make out somewhere other than our cars. Wonder when that will happen. I walked back into the bar with two medium sized hickeys on either side of my neck. Hahaha. I heart PP.

The rest of the night was just peachy, Moose and Tomcat were there, and some other people. GG deserted us to read the new Harry Potter and I was sad, but oh well. *sniff* I guess Harry Potter is more important than me! (Haha GG, just teasing.) I met a new Canadian, Jed, and he was alright but seemed a little dirty. He wanted to fuck but I was like, "Nah." Although I did lead him on a bit. DS showed up at the end of the night. We talked about him fixing my computer and I think we may have something worked out. Finally. I left around two a.m., and on the way home I was stopped at Karl Rd. and 161 traffic light. I had The Who blasting from my stereo and the windows down, and this dude in the car next to me was all like, "Yeah! Nice music!" and then I looked at him again and realised he was the DJ from Excalibur that I fucked last summer. I told him to follow me home.

When we got there he was obviously fucked up, and confessed that he was rolling. I laughed at him, but he gave me two for free, so I didn't complain. I was completely trashed and he laughed back at me. He only stayed a little while because he was allergic to Sheeba. Also, I made fun of him for puking. Last summer when we hung out, he was going on and on about how he was such a big cokehead (like it was something to brag about) and so TM gave him a teeny little bump of some really good shit. Dude sniffed it and immediately (well about 3 min later) puked all over. he continuously yakked for almost three hours. It was gross but hilarious because he had talked himself up so much, and couldn't even handle a little bump. We laughed at him for months after that. I had erased his number because the one time after that when we went into the club, there was some bimbo stripper underneath the soundboard giving him a blowjob. I found that rather nasty, so I just decided to not talk to him. Not really sure what possessed me to have him follow me home on Sunday, but oh well. Apparently I called Poke after M the DJ left, but I have no recollection of that conversation.

I had a doctor appointment again on Monday morning, so they could take some blood and do a few more tests, and it was not fun. I didn't get to work until two p.m. I worked really hard until six thirty, and then went to get my nails done. Now they are nails and no longer talons. After that I headed to J&J's house, and we had some dinner and just hung out. GMc and J2 and R*B put their new pool table together. I was sleepy and it was starting to rain so I left around nine thirty. I got home and chilled, watched some SVU and that new show, "30 Days" which is fucking awesome. Then, all of a sudden, I got some kind of bug in my ass because I felt the need to completely rearrange my living room, and I did. Then, finally around one a.m., I went to sleep. All in all, a fairly wonderful four days.

La mort est indéniable, amour, aussi bien.

Dupez-moi une fois, honte sur vous. Dupez-moi deux fois, honte sur moi.

Ok, so what happened Wednesday night... TM and MF came over and I fed them. MF did my dishes while TM did nothing. We went to Brewstir's to see Cat but they wouldn't let TM in because he doesn't have an ID. So, we went to The Jerk. I fucking hate The Jerk. The only time I ever went there in the past was either 1) for TV and his karaoke or 2) for VJ or WR or whoever from work who wanted to hang out. Well, TV was doing karaoke but I just wasn't feeling it. We went, I pouted, and spent $6 on 2 Miller Lites. I stood outside mostly, til MF convinvced me to come in and sing a song. Of course I ruled like always, but I wasn't into it. However, some yuppy guy patted me on the back and told me I was awesome. There were other yuppy boys who did like my "Swallows" shirt though. I just hate The Jerk because of the fucking Abercrombie & Fitch polo shirt backwards hat saggy jeans wearing shaggy headed yuppy driving mom's Beamer. Not my scene.

After that I wanted to go to Zuey's and since I was driving and paying, TM couldn't complain. The place was empty when we got there. I ordered 2 shots of Jim Beam for them and a Cherry Bomb for me and a pitcher of Bud Light. They played darts while I talked to KL. I felt a bit sad, because I was just thinking of how much I love them, but it seems sometimes like they don't love me back the same way, I mean equally. On the way home we were talking and they were going on and on about how much they love their wives and I'm thinking to myself "Are you serious, Clark?!" After their wives cheated on them so many times, after all the ridiculous arguments, the jail time that both of them have done. I cannot comprehend how they could want to still be with their wives! The women have MOVED ON. Must be real true love to have feelings like that, and I suppose I just haven't felt that kind of love ever for real. Made me feel very very sad, thinking that I have been through all these relationships and never experienced true love. Maybe with Victor I did, but I'll never have that opportunity again.

When we got home I made them hamburger helper and we chilled. I was sleepy so I headed up to bed, and assumed MF would follow (he has bed privledges.) He did, and TM was like "Oh fine I'll sleep on the couch." So I jokingly told him to come sleep with MF and me. He did. The three of us crammed into my queen sized bed and it wasn't terribly uncomfortable. I stayed warm all night that's for sure. In the morning I left for work and let them sleep, and when I stopped by for lunch TM told me that he had opened his eyes expecting to see me and instead was face to face with MF. I found that hilarious.

Thursday MF and TM and I went to Zuey's. We did a Goldie shot and split a pitcher of Natty Light. After that we headed over to Eldo's for karaoke, which was alright, but I had left my card at Zuey's so I couldn't drink. I sang "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks for the first time. I rocked, of course. GMc was there and I talked to him a little bit. Big J showed up just as I was leaving. I pretty much flitted around Eldo's, between GG and Moose, Mr. Happy and GMc, and TM and MF. When I got back to Zuey's B* and J* (SB's friends) were there. That was just wonderful.

Here comes the emotion.

So I'm talking to them and B* is like asking me if I would give them blow jobs and I'm like, "Well, I'm not really in the habit anymore of fucking my fuck buddy's friends. I did that for awhile and it got confusing, so now I can't. Besides, I would be fucking his friends and his brother and that would just not be cool on my part." J*'s jaw dropped, and he asked if I meant NB. I asked him if he had another brother I didn't know about, and he said no. So I told him yes, it was NB, and I was surprised they didn't know because SB knew and seemed taken aback by it when I told him. B* said we should call SB and NB and just have a brother love orgy. I smacked him in the arm. They wanted to check out Eldo's then, so we walked over and it was funny because I actually walked in when it was my turn in the rotation again. I sang, Jimmy Eat World "The Middle" and rocked, of course. I was a little upset because TM and MF were supposed to be hanging out with me and they never came back to Zuey's. I figured they were getting free drinks from someone, so I just let it be. B*, J*, and I walked back to Zuey's after my song. We sat and chilled for a minute and then B* was like, "so whatever happened to you and SB?" I kinda looked at him in a dumb way, and told him that I wasn't going to explain it. Well apparently according to them, SB talks about me all the time. Wonders why I don't call him anymore, shit like that. Fuck that. I am not going to care. Too fucking upsetting to try and think about SB thinking about me. And if he's that desperate for me, he can fucking pick up the phone and call me himself. Growl.

I went back to Eldo's after awhile and finished out the night there. I kissed everyone. I kissed GMc and MF the most. I was in a kissing mood because, well, kissing is fun. Poke was there with some friends and of course the damn girl, and when she was in the bathroom I actually talked to him a little bit. He had a cute friend named D* Martin and we talked and made jokes and it was interesting. Also the boy from the other week was there and we talked a little bit too. By the end of the night, I still wasn't drunk but I sure was tired. D* Martin was leaving with Poke and his friends, but he was still in the bar, so I ran in to get him. As he was about to walk out the door he grabbed me around the waist, pulled me to him, and actually french kissed me. That was fucking weird. I walked out and I was definitely ready to leave.

TM, MF, and GMc wanted to go to Hounddogs, but I didn't. I just wanted to go home because I was tired and I was a bit upset with TM because he told me that he had taken a percoset. He's on probation and he's not allowed narcotics without a prescription, not to mention that it was the fucking pills that made him turn bad in the first place. I was upset because I was concerned about him and also because he told me, he promised me, that he would change, and I was stupid enough to believe him. I don't know why I gave him another chance. Anyway, GMc got me calmed down and convinced me to go to Hounddogs with them. I was not happy and I was not having a wonderful time. I ate some stuff though, to try and keep me awake, and it didn't work. There were a few times when I went out to smoke and really thought about leaving them there. I couldn't bring myself to do that to Mike though. Plus TM had brought some chick along with us and I didn't want her to have to drive way back up to my place to drop him off. So, I stayed. Almost fell asleep at the table, but stayed.

So, we're leaving, and I'm literally falling asleep standing up. TM keeps chatting up this girl and I'm like "Hey buddy, I have a real job. I need to go." So I walked to the car and pulled up to where they were standing and waited for them to get into the car... Waited and waited and waited, and then saw TM and GMc walk the girl to her car. MF came over and he's like, "TM told me to put you on ice" which pissed me off because that was just fucking rude. He knew I had to go to work in the morning and it was like he just didn't care. Finally he got in the car and we took off. On the way, I expressed my anger over the situations, and TM just lost it. He started going off about all he wants to do is kill his wife and everyone she knows and so on. I yelled at him to stop fucking talking about that shit and what happened to changing and becoming a better person and he went off on me then, saying why didn't he just kill me too for being on her side while he was in the workhouse and so on. We were on the ramp from North Broadway to SR 71 when I slammed on the breaks and pulled over. I told TM to get the fuck out of the car, and he did. I drove away.

I was up until about 7:15am dealing with this bullshit, TM kept calling me and going off on me and it was just ridiculous. He would threaten me one minute then tell me he loved me and would never hurt me the next. I told him it was over.

I think it might really be.

Some People Just Have to be Better than Me.

Jayson : You know i had the misfortune of watching Jerry Springer and Maury recently (dont ask me why -- i must have been sick)...but it is scary..our society has become this bad....Maybe I need to vote Republican more often
Kelly : ha that jerry springer shit is lame
Jayson : people are so dumb they go on the show to get humiliated...it is one thing that you are that stupid...it is another that you go on national TV and admit it!
Kelly : i highly doubt that shit is real anyway - maybe some of it but probably only 3% lol
Jayson : no,,,,that is the scary thing...it is real
Jayson : so who did you get drunk with last nite? what bar? which guy?
Kelly : I didn't get drunk last night, but we did go to the jerk for karaoke and then went to zuey's to see some people that tony and mike haven't seen in about three months
Jayson : lol
Jayson : but you did drink, right?
Jayson : time for Nancy's...best lunch in town
Kelly : yeah I had two beers in four hours
Kelly : dad
Jayson : (see i know you better than u think i do, Daughter!) lol
Jayson : Ever been to Nancy's on High
Kelly : i wish there was a smiley that gave the finger
Kelly : No I havent
Jayson : great place for lunch...very popular place
Kelly : what part of high
Jayson : chicken noodle day today...to die for...also their meatloaf is awesome
Jayson : CLintonville...smalll mom and pops place...right after McDonalds on the left hand side (same side) going North on High right after Weber Rd
Jayson : $5 for full meal...good price...good food...very filling
Jayson : well i am off to Nancys
Kelly : HAVE FUN
Kelly : ICK sounds like nothing i would eat though
Jayson : all healthy...except for the meatloaf
Kelly : i hate chicken soup
Kelly : and meatloaf
Kelly : and pie
Jayson : chicken noodle
Jayson : not soup
Kelly : chicken noodle is worse than regular chicken
Kelly : I hate chicken
Jayson : well i like healthy eating....
Kelly : As do I
Kelly : but I hate chicken
Jayson : well beef is bad for you
Jayson : only thing left is seafood and turkey
Jayson : and tofu
Kelly : I dont like beef either or turkey
Kelly : I eat seafood
Kelly : but mostly I eat vegetarian meals
Kelly : Is that ok with your highness?
Jayson : I am on the no caffeine, no red meat, no sugar, sweets, chocolate, junk food mode
Jayson : I approve the veggies
Jayson : add some fruit
Kelly : Can't have fruit
Jayson : and why is that?
Kelly : besides how do you know what I can and can't eat
Kelly : I'm allergic to a lot of fruits
Kelly : or rather I should say I am intolerant to them
Jayson : substitute with vitamin or juice
Kelly : How do you know if I do or not?
Jayson : i dont
Kelly : Maybe you should ask instead of telling me what to do
Jayson : lol
Jayson : arent we testy? and reading more into what i write than what i wrote...lol
Jayson : You need a Time Out! lol
Kelly : Nope I just don't like the way you talk to me
Kelly : You have no right to judge me or tell me how to live my life
Jayson : where in this conversation did I "judge" you?
Kelly: "Jayson : but you did drink, right?"
Kelly: "Jayson : so who did you get drunk with last nite? what bar? which guy?"
Jayson : that is a question...not a judgement
Kelly : you were assuming i did those things
Jayson : and u dont understand sarcasm of the second one...lol
Kelly : I just dont like you.
Jayson : who said u had to like me?
Jayson : you have a right to how you feel
Jayson : but your "hatred" of me has to do becuase some of the things i say is hitting home and u dont like the fact that i point out certain facts
Kelly : I don't hate you, I hate the way you talk to me and the way you don't try to get to know me you just assume things
Kelly : The things you say that bother me are the ones that aren't true
Jayson : You have ample opportunity to "correct" whatever misperceptions you may think I have of you...I never impose or make an absolute statement when it comes to people becuase it is all perception...and perception is not the truth many times
Kelly : I try to correct your misconceptions but you make it very difficult and I feel that I have to defend every word that comes out of my mouth
Jayson : Your defensive "feeling" is all you...You own it ...not me..I am not grilling you nor am I looking for a defense or an answer
Jayson : I have nothing to do with it. You own your own feelings. I neither try or manipulate it in any way
Jayson : So what misperceptions would you like to correct?
Kelly : You seem to think that all I do is drink and sleep around, but it's not true
Kelly : I do go out often, but I don't always get drunk and I never get too fucked up because I always have to drive home
Jayson : That comes from your dairy (the first part) and the second part I never said you get fucked up
Kelly : I don't sleep with just anyone - in the last three months I've slept with three guys
Jayson : you assume or read into it
Kelly : besides you should have nothing to say about the sex because you're the one who contacted me for a one night stand
Jayson : i contacted you cause i thought you would be fun to chat with...lol
Kelly : right. i remember the first thing you asked me was if I was down for casual sex.
Jayson : our ego exceeds our memory
Jayson : And you said yesterday as you put our chat on your diary and i quote...."Kelly : I WONT BE DRINKING, MUCH LIKE I DIDNT DRINK LAST NIGHT"
Jayson : My perception was that you would drink
Jayson : and i was right
Jayson : just a fact
Jayson : no judgement
Jayson : no i told you sos
Jayson : no i know the real you
Kelly : well 2 beers isnt drinking, especially in the course of actually over four hours
Jayson : Read your own chat transcript! LOL
Kelly : i know what i said
Kelly : I'm not stupid
Kelly : Also I dont appreciate you putting me down for wanting to be a processor for a long time
Kelly : I think this is a great job, a lot of people depend on me
Kelly : if it wasn't for me things wouldnt run so smoothly
Kelly : There is a reason why I'm the only Sr. Processor in the whole company (meaning out of all four branches) that has her own office
Jayson : When did I put you down for it? I said...do you want to be a career processor? Processors dont have anywhere to move up to...they dont often get pension or insurance..I am not saying it is not a good job...But is there a future it?...I could really care less if you are forever...but I hope that you want a little more than in the future
Jayson : But that is me....I have hope for better for all people
Jayson : But that is my feeling and my hope. I own it..Nothing to do with you do
Jayson : After all "I am no one important...but think I am"
Kelly : You were lecturing me on having a real career and a real relationship
Kelly : You didn't ask shit
Jayson : Not lecturing...I was asking you how you felt about these things...I dont think I ever said YOU DO THIS...Read your own chat transcript! You have such a defensive mechanism that you impose your own feelings on what I write...and that is not what I wrote...lol
Jayson : You are in denial...Lucklily your own blog backs me up! It is a good mirror of reflection
Kelly : "Jayson : what about a career? what about a future? what about not living day to day....paycheck to paycheck...guy to guy to sleep with...what about a STABLE LONGTERM HEALTHY PRODUCTIVE (let me say that again...STABLE...LONGTERM....HEALTHY....PRODUCTIVE...) relationships? What about a concrete direction in life?"
Kelly : that sure doesn't seem like you're actually interested
Jayson : All questions
Kelly : Why am I still talking to you
Jayson : asking how you felt about it?
Jayson : i dont know...lol
Kelly : alright, bye.
Jayson : One last thing.....You wrote on Wednesday July 13th....."Kelly : I WONT BE DRINKING, MUCH LIKE I DIDNT DRINK LAST NIGHT" and in the same blog you wrote...."Anyway, yesterday was fairly interesting...After work, TM came over with the pregnant stripper and we talked about jail while doing shots of Jack Daniel's and drinking beer. ...
Jayson : took TM's $10 and went to ABC Liquor to buy a bottle of whisky. She dropped him off around eight p.m. and we did a few shots and then headed out to Crown by Polaris."
Kelly : Oh and by the way, one last thing - I have nothing to be in denial about. I've spent enough time coming to terms with bullshit and I don't need someone like you telling me that I'm in denial about something as menial as a conversation with you.
Jayson : My point...is you write one thing, say another, and do another
Jayson : AND I am the bad guy for pointing it out
Kelly : So having 2 shots is considered "drinking"
Jayson : YES
Kelly : interesting.
Jayson : Drinking is having A drink
Kelly : Go away from me. I don't want to talk to you anymore, I'm not interested in you in any aspect at all.
Kelly : Go away. Please.
Jayson : No problem...I will let you live in self-denial
Kelly : As long as I'm not talking to you, I don't care what state of mind I'm in because you won't be there to tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Get a load of this character.

He's no one important, but he thinks he is.

Jayson : what's up, Ms. Drama?
Kelly : LOL
Jayson : So who fucked who behind their backs? Who left who? Who got someone pregant? Who got someone mad?
Jayson : I have not been paying attention to your daily soap
Kelly : HAHAHA
Kelly : none of that happens in my world
Jayson : then what does?
Jayson : I dont see you as the work 9-5 ..go workout...grab a drink...come home and live a structured "boring " life
Kelly : lmfao you were right on til the boring part
Jayson : "boring" is how one defines it
Kelly : well
Kelly : yesterday at 5am my best friend called me to tell me he had just gotten out of prison
Jayson : some people considered "structured" as boring
Kelly : then i got a txtmsg from a guy i eff sometimes saying he missed me and was thinking about me
Kelly : then my recently freed friend showed up in my office with no shirt very buff 75 lbs muscle heavier
Kelly : (later in the day obviously)
Jayson : And that is not a soap opera?
Jayson : I see less on As the World Turns
Kelly : hahah
Jayson : That is why I said you must like drama
Jayson : you seem to be around it
Jayson : and u like to be the center of it
Kelly : last night my friend and my canadian and i went to 2 different bars and they got smashed lol
Jayson : u like the attention
Kelly : then i dropped tony off at the hotel and ian came over for some sex (he's the boy from the txtmsg) and stayed til 4:30
Kelly : haha see, not boring lol
Jayson : i did not say you life was boring...i was saying that you try to be the antithesis of boring at any costs
Kelly : oh yes
Kelly : agreed
Jayson : what about a career? what about a future? what about not living day to day....paycheck to paycheck...guy to guy to sleep with...what about a STABLE LONGTERM HEALTHY PRODUCTIVE (let me say that again...STABLE...LONGTERM....HEALTHY....PRODUCTIVE...) relationships? What about a concrete direction in life?
Jayson : Carpe Diem can only go so long before time wisks away
Kelly : I have a career, thank you.
Jayson : Do you plan to be a career processor?
Kelly : Also I don't live paycheck to paycheck, I'm fine on money.
Kelly : Yeah, actually I think some point I will get my LO license and do that for awhile and then maybe open my own branch
Jayson : Will you ever stop being sexually open and be loyal and stay with one guy?
Kelly : I'd love to have a steady long term healthy productive relationship, but I haven't found anyone who is worthy
Kelly : I've never cheated on anyone in my entire life
Kelly : When I have a boyfriend he's the only one.
Jayson : Do you have to go out to bars and drink to have fun 3,4,5,6,7 times a week?
Kelly : no I choose to
Jayson : Is there more to life than just bars and drinking?
Kelly : I enjoy being out with human beings, staying at home is no fun
Jayson : you can be with human beings and not be at bars,,,,u know...
Kelly : i know
Kelly : I went to jazz in the park on sunday :)
Jayson : that is good
Kelly : You know, I do do other things
Jayson : what about quiet time...just you and the TV or a book or at home?
Kelly : Yeah I do that on weekends lol
Kelly : I've read 4 books in the last 3 weeks
Jayson : Sounds to me like you dont like being alone...you dont like being by yourself...maybe subconsciously you are not comfortable with yourself?
Kelly : nope you're wrong
Kelly : I just like to be around people because I get bored easily alone
Kelly : Being alone is fine, but it's like, I just sit in the chair and don't move
Kelly : when i'm out I am moving around, being physical and stuff
Jayson : then it will be hard for you to find a long term relationship cauz a good man will want you NOT to go out as much....he should be a high priority (not number one...high priority). Who would want a woman ...LONG TERM...who likes to go out ...or NEEDS to go out that often a week?
Jayson : He will not restrict you from doing anything...no one can or should
Kelly : if I have a man I won't be alone
Kelly : duh
Jayson : somehow i think there will conflict when that occurs
Jayson : will be
Kelly : Well, I never had a problem before until my husband
Kelly : but he wouldn't even let me go to the grocery store or anywhere with out him
Jayson : I think something happened to you with your marriage and you are way overcompensating
Kelly : I couldn't keep a job because he wouldn't let me be alone
Kelly : true i am
Jayson : anyway I am just trying to make you think...this perspective or insight was free (of no charge)....next time it might cost you some sex in handcuffs
Kelly : you kinda bombarded me here
Kelly : it wasnt really fair
Jayson : lol
Jayson : save the chat script and think about it...when you are ALONE...lol
Kelly : bah
Kelly : see I was literally trapped in the house for two years, so obviously I am going to have as much time out
Jayson : anyways dont worry about the sex...after three attempts i dont try anymore...you have had your three chances and you did not make it happen...your loss
Jayson : find some balance...have your fun...but dont lose sight of who you are, want to be, and want to go in the future by overcompensating on the need to be "free" and "wild"
Jayson : now
Kelly : how the hell did i have three chances lol
Kelly : you came back from your trip and told me you were booked for 3 weeks so i figured i'd wait lol
Jayson : u wanted to be "safe" and meet at bar and go from there...then u had a chance a week later...and the first day i got back I was free...but u showed no interest
Jayson : that is three chances
Kelly : oh well.
Kelly : am i supposed to be upset? lol
Jayson : lol
Jayson : no
Jayson : u are supposed to be what you are
Jayson : i cant tell how you to feel, silly
Kelly : i'm fairly nondescript.
Jayson : so what is on your aggenda tonighte? which bar? which friend? who do you bail out? who do you karaoke with?
Jayson : tonight is my quiet night...a walk in the parks with my dogs...a short run...a little TV and maybe a little reading
BUZZ!!!
Jayson : Either u are busy or u have lost the zeal...so i will let u go...have a good one!
Kelly : LOL
Kelly : I am at work you know, it kinda precedes IM
Jayson : fuck work! lol
Kelly : bah
Jayson : lol
Jayson : ok...thanks for the info
Jayson : enjoy your nite out...again
Kelly : HEY YOU TOO BUDDY
Jayson : i am not going to be around humans tonight...just pets
Kelly : YAY! DOGGYS!
Kelly : MY CAT DOESNT LIKE TO GO OUT IN THE RAIN GET HER LIL PAWS WET
Jayson : my cat does not go outside period...she was declawed at an early age and is an indoors cat
Kelly : OH MINE IS AN INDOORS TOO BUT I TAKE HER OUT ON THE LEASH
Jayson : Well I need to go for my afternoon run...talk to you later...and drink one for me tonight
Kelly : I WONT BE DRINKING, MUCH LIKE I DIDNT DRINK LAST NIGHT
Jayson : Hell froze over?
Kelly : FUCK YOU.
Jayson : you wish
Kelly : NAH, TOO SHORT LOL
Kelly : YOU'RE NOT VERY NICE TO ME YOU KNOW
Kelly : FOR NOT KNOWING ME
Jayson : dont let your past experience make a fool of you
Jayson : i am not harsh either
Jayson : i am just being honest as i see it
Jayson : i dont think i ever bashed you
Jayson : if u dont like honesty...tough
Kelly : WELL I JUST THINK MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME BEFORE YOU GO MAKING JUDGEMENTS AND ASSUMPTIONS
Jayson : i make no judgements or assumptions...i just tell you how i see it..and how i see it is not necessarily reality,,,it is perception
Kelly : O THEN
Kelly : *OK
Jayson : and like i said u have the chance to get to meet me and prove me otherwise
Kelly : I THOUGHT YOU SAID MY CHANCES WERE DONE
Jayson : i am not chasing you anymore
Jayson : if u want the opportunity you will have to come to me or initiate it
Kelly : YOU WERE CHASING ME?!
Jayson : a figure of speech
Kelly : I MUST BE THE BLINDEST GIRL IN THE WORLD
Jayson : dont overflatter yourself
Kelly : BECAUSE I DONT RECALL EVER HAVING A REAL CONVERSATION WITH YOU BEFORE TODAY
Kelly : OH I'M NOT TRUST ME
Jayson : oh we had real conversations
Jayson : you were too caught in your drama to hear it
Kelly : OH WHATEVER
Jayson : lol
Kelly : I CAN TELL YOU'RE A HOLIER THAN THOU TYPE, AND ITS COOL
Kelly : BUT I'M NOT DOWN WITH IT
Jayson : i am not holier than thou....lol
Jayson : far from it
Jayson : but i do believe in bettering oneself
Jayson : and i am far from getting to where i need to get to
Jayson : see...you dont even know me...lol
Jayson : well anyways...it has been a pleasure
Jayson : take care of yourself, Drama Queen
Kelly : hey you too buddy, have a good one

No Title

Another comment I need to make is that I love being "one of the guys" and I love being able to hang out with boys and have a wonderful time. However, I'm getting kinda tired of it. I need someone who actually looks at me like I'm woman and worth something more than just someone to hang out with. I'm not even talking about the guys I randomly fuck either. I choose to do that. I wish I could just find a worthy man.

Last night when Poke left, he looked at me and said, "Girl, you got what I need" (I immediately thought of the Biz Markie song) and I'm thinking to myself "what the eff is that supposed to mean?!"

Quit pushing me, Trevor!!

Imagine a gang made up of all white red-headed guys. I think the dialogue would be something like, "Dude, step off I saw you diss me at The Gap" and "Shady Side! We stay inside cuz if we go outside we get sunburnt! Shady Side!" and "Meet my homies, Trevor, Ian, Fletcher, Randy."

Hahahaha - I got that from this comedian who was on Bob&Tom this morning. I can't remember his name. He's a funny dude.

Anyway, yesterday was fairly interesting. After work, TM came over with the pregnant stripper and we talked about jail while doing shots of Jack Daniel's and drinking beer. The pregnant stripper was getting mad because we were ignoring her, but I was nice and let her smell my beer since she couldn't drink it. She kept saying she was having contractions and I thought that was an interesting way to try and get attention. They left because the pregnant stripper's mom was cooking dinner, and while they were gone I took TM's $10 and went to ABC Liquor to buy a bottle of whisky. She dropped him off around eight p.m. and we did a few shots and then headed out to Crown by Polaris.

The Crown was ok, Spongy was there and that was the only person I knew (besides Cat, obviously.) I found out that Spongy is so weird because she had a massive brain injury a few years ago, I can't remember how it happened but somehow she cracked her head on something and it injured her spine and then spinal fluid was leaking into her brain. She didn't even know it until she started having seizures. I guess she has lost some of her long term memory and quite a bit of her short term memory too. She's already gone to 100 doctor's appointments this year alone. It seems like she has a good outlook on life, and that's awesome. Also, she's dating Wolfman and I never knew! They've been together since August. Spongy told me she was going to give me the name of some dude she knows where you can go to his studio and record a CD for like $5 a song and then she's going to give me the name of this dude in Nashville who wanted her to send him a CD. She wants me to become famous.
GMc showed up after awhile and bought a bucket of beer. We felt bad for TM because he has no ID so he couldn't drink. Doc showed up with some ho-bag. He ignored me and that was semi-upsetting. His ho-bag and her friends took over my area while I was up singing and I thought that was so rude. They just went to my chair, gave the waitress my 1/2 of a beer to take away and moved my cigarettes. I was like, "Are you fucking serious Clark?!" and so I went and said hi to Doc and told the ho-friend that she was incredibly rude and I hope she has a wonderful evening.

After that, GMc, TM, and I went to the other Crown in Powell then because they also have karaoke on Tuesdays. It was so completely dead. I think I sang about ten songs and GMc and TM probably sang ten or more each. There were only two other singers who kept putting in songs! There was this chick there that looked like a lesbian that GMc was hitting on big time. They sang "Picture" together, which upset me a little bit because the last time we were out GMc asked me to sing it with him but then we left instead, and then last night when we got there he asked if I wanted to sing a duet and I said "Sure" but he did it with the lesbian instead. Oh well. Anyway, the boys were just trying so hard to get this chick, and she was super nice but I really thought she was a lesbian for real. Not to mention that GMc and TM were doing shots of Jim Beam like it was their job. Well, really GMc was buying them and pouring them into glasses of Coca-Cola for TM. They were feeling pretty good and thinking they could get this girl, and then suddenly, *ta-da*, here comes Ol' Girl's fiancee. Hahahahaha! She was 36 and he was 49 and in a neck brace. Then the dude (who is plastered) starts trying to tell TM about his old wild and crazy days and so on. Dude grabs TM by the neck and starts talking shit. TM is just sitting there like, "What the fuck" and finally dude stops when he says he could rip TM's head off and shit down his neck and TM's gives him an evil look and says, "You think so?" reminding dude that TM just got out of jail that day. It was funny. They left and I was so incredibly bored even more than I had been because I wasn't drinking because 1) I had terrible heartburn and 2) I could tell that GMc was getting a bit on the tipsy side and it would probably be safer for me to drive and 3) I had no money.

Finally GMc finished his beer and we left and went back to the original Crown where I had left my car. We went in and sang a couple songs, and GMc and TM did another shot. The bartender girls sang a song and GMc and I danced to it. I'm not a very good dancer and I tripped a lot, plus he wanted to spin me around and I just can't figure out how to coordinate that shit. I decided to hand him off to TM, so they danced around in a silly way for the rest of the song, and pretended to trip each other and stuff like when GMc was "dipping" TM backwards. I thought it was hilarious, but the bartender girls thought that they were too drunk. When GMc went to order another round of shots, the one named Jamie told him they were cut off! Apparently GMc has never had good luck at this bar, and Jamie has given him lip before. Not cool. I don't understand what it is about these female bartenders that think they can be bitchy and get away with it. KL is the only nice female bartender I can think of... no wait, there's that one lady at Second Half that I just met the other day... the new girl, D from Zuey's is really nice too... Ok, so that's three. Stupid girls.

We left and I took TM back to the hotel. He was in a kinda upset mood because of everthing that happened and I can understand that. I still don't know what I'm going to do though. However, one thing is for sure, I'm not going to be the mediator between him and Y. There is no fucking way. It's not my job, I could never deal with that, and it's dangerous. TM isn't exactly a kitten here and if I get on his bad side, I'm done for. Is it right that I should be afraid of my best friend? I wonder.

After I dropped him off, I called Poke to come over. He had called me a few times during the night and was just waiting for me to call him. He arrived shortly after that and we hung out for a minute and talked and then he gave me a foot rub (yay! foot fetish!) and then he wanted to look at my nakey pics so I showed him a few, and then we did our thing. It was kinda funny this time because it didn't take too long and when it was over he was like, "Oh, man! Sorry!" I was just like, "It doesn't matter to me, I got what I want." We laid on the bed and talked about all kinds of things for awhile after that, and he ended up leaving around 4am. I couldn't sleep still so I read some of my book and I think I ended up falling asleep around 5am.

Tonight I'm thinking about going to Brewster's for Cat because Moose should be there and it's supposed to be fun. I might just go to Zuey's though. We'll see.

A released convict is walking down the road...

His name is TM.

Well, TM got out of prison this morning at 5am. He called me after the pregnant stripper picked him up. I was sleeping, but I answered anyway, and he is just as angry as he was when he went in. It's very frustrating because I don't want to forgive him and I don't want to be friends with him, but for some reason I cannot stay angry with him. It's like, I know that he is a good guy somewhere on the inside, and that shit happened because he was all hopped up on pills and such, but my main fear is that he's going to go straight back to it. He just spent 80 days in jail and it seems like he hasn't even changed a bit. Hopefully he's just being restless because he's part of the free world again, but I don't know. We're supposed to hang out tonight, and we will, but I just don't know how the rest of our life together is going to pan out.

Last night J&J and GMc and I went to Zuey's for a little while, and then we headed over to Maximillion's where Cat has a new karaoke show. It is a nice place, but it's pretty shitty at the same time. The system was awesome, but the bar was almost completely empty. The bartender was ok, could have been nicer, but whatever. The chick bartender that was there when we first walked in was cool, but as GMc pointed out, it went downhill after she left. They did have a nice patio for smoking though. Wolfman and Slimy Bradley showed up, which was cool because I haven't seen Wolfman in forever (except for at the Jazz in the Park but I didn't say hi.) Slimy Bradley is just slimy. Brett was also there too and I think he's just dashing. Very VERY good looking guy. When he left he kissed me on the lips, it was cute. Moose and GG were there also. After awhile, J&J and GMc and I left and went to Morgan's so they could play pool. GMc and I stayed for one game and one beer. It was just blah. J&J went home and GMc and I went back to Maximillion's. It was a little livelier at this point, but not so much. Apparently Wendell was nervous or sick because when I got there GG said that she had made a little mess on the floor. Poor Wendell! I could tell she had to go out, so while GG sang her song I took Wendell to walk in the grass and the poor doggy was having such icky doggy poo I felt bad for her. Moose and GG took Wendell home and got the cane instead and came back. Poor Wendell! I hope she's feeling better today! Of course Spongy was there, beign all fucking weird and dancing with her SpongeBob doll and singing "I will always love you" to it. God.

I went home and read some of this good suspense romance novel, and apparently fell asleep because I didn't wake up until TM called. When we hung up, I noticed I had a text message. I assumed it would be from Y, but it was from Poke! He said, "Hey just wanted u to know that I think about u...hope ur sunburn got better." I felt elated. I called him because I knew he would still be at work, and we talked for awhile until I started to fall asleep again. I woke up at the normal time to find that Sheeba had yakked in my bed, right next to me. I hate that more than anything because cat yak is so difficult to get out of the mattress.

TM came by my work around lunchtime to see me. He's very upset with Y for letting the kids be around that guy Billy. Supposedly he raped his own sister, and when I mentioned it to Y she didn't negate that comment so I think it might be true. That bothers me. I don't know if I want to be friends with her either because she is lying to me a lot and putting me in the middle of this whole situation and I don't want to be. I think I'm not going to talk to her anymore, except for to maybe warn her if TM says he's going to come after her. TM is so so angry with her right now, not just for the Billy thing but for a lot of stuff. I guess she's being terribly difficult with the whole divorce and kids, but she should, however, I don't think it's right to threaten to take someone's kids away from them.

TM has been hanging out with the pregnant stripper because, as always, she's enamored and will give him money and rides and stuff. Like I said earlier, TM and I are going to hang out tonight, and I'm a little scared but not terribly. I have big knives in my kitchen and if it comes down to it, I'll stab him and claim self-defense (which it would be anyway, I would never just outright stab someone - not to mention that TM already beat me up once before.)

Time to go.
Kel

Il n'y a rien plus mauvais qu'un pénis mou.

If you can tell me what that says, you rock. I know what it says - do you? Hehehe! Diabolical!

Anyway.

Sunday I did not lay out by the pool as my IM away messages indicated. I woke up, masterbated for awhile, and then GMc called. I ate a cheeseburger left over from the cookout on Saturday, and then GMc arrived. We went to Jazz in the Park at Goodale Park, and it was very nice and relaxing. After that we came back to my house and watched "Napolean Dynamite" because he had never seen it. He wasn't completely impressed, but he liked it. We ate oven nachos and GMc also ate some brats and a burger. He eats so much. After "Napolean" we tried to watch "Barfly" but we both fell asleep. Funny thing about that was we both woke up when the movie was over.
After the movies, we watched a couple of hours of VH1's "I Love the 80's" and reminisced... GMc's memories were of University, while mine were of kindergarten/first grade. I thought that was funny. Seeing the same things and having not only completely different memories but they are from completely different periods in a person's life. Interesting. We watched "Family Guy" then, and when it was over we headed out to karaoke.

Karaoke was alright, it was pretty empty so I got to sing a lot. GMc went home after about an hour. Doc was there, and pretty much all the regulars. They hired a new bartender, Misty. She's young and seems pretty nice. I had a good time, just chillin' with Moose and GG. I was a little disappointed because I was looking forward to seeing PP, but apparently he had been in earlier. I kinda hope he didn't find a real girlfriend...

I've been thinking about something NB said on Saturday before he left. I had told him to spend all his free time with me, and he said that stuff about not being used to a relationship and so on, but he said something else that was interesting: "I have spent all my free time with you in the last month." So... should I be like, thrilled, and start to care, or should I just be like, yay, we fuck?!!?!? I have no idea. Men are SO confusing. Also, if it's true that he's spent all his free time in the last month with ME, it's sad - I've only seen him three times. However, he did voluntarily get ahold of me on Saturday - usually we just meet up at the bar coincidentally. Geeze.

I'm hungry.
Late,
Kel

Italians OK with nakedness.

Click here.

I almost died laughing when I read that headline. The article is pretty good. I had to post it, but I'm going to actually update later on.

This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Thursday

Went to Eldo's around ten or so. Before I even walk in, EC is there saying hi and telling me that Danielle is down at the VIP talking shit about me. I can't fucking believe this bitch. Why the fuck would she even talk about when I'm not there?! I hadn't even been there that day! I suppose she must have had to tell everyone about how evil and mean I was on Wednesday when I was there with GMc and J&J. Ridiculous.
I went inside and saw PP from far away, he was playing pool with some people I didn't know. Moose and GG were sitting at a table with some of Moose's friends, right next to Poke and his effing cronies. Moose's friend is hopefully going to give GG a job at *ta-da* Call Tech. That would be great for her. I'm excited.
I was just not feeling the karaoke scene, so I had one beer and left. I hardly talked to anyone while I was there, and only waved at PP from across the bar. Poke's stupid friends were staring at me, and his whatever-friend kept giving me evil looks. I'm assuming he has not told them we fucked, especially the girl, but you never know.
I went over to Zuey's and just hung out there for awhile. I talked to NC (the boy who likes to be tied up) on the phone, and he said that very very VERY soon I would FINALLY be able to come visit him. After awhile LS came in (grr cocksucker) and sat WAY on the other end of the bar. Usually he would come in and sit right by me. It took him a whole hour to get down to my end of the bar. A minute later, he's apologizing. I'm like, "You know, LS, that was a really shitty thing to do - not just to me but to her too." And he's trying to make excuses like "oh she left me awhile ago I just haven't moved anything" and "sometimes she still lives there but we're not together anymore" and so on. I told him his apology, but not his excuses, were appreciated. Then I stamped him all over with a red happy face stamp. He smeared it all over his arm, and we had to go to the bathroom to wash it off. He tried to kiss me in the bathroom, but I was having no part of it. I left and went home and slept like a baby.

Friday

Work was tedious. I don't understand how the beginning of the month can be so damn stressful - it's supposed to be the least stressful of all times of the month. Sigh, oh well.
When I got home, I took a nap until about five and then headed over to the pool. There was a girl there, about my age, and a woman with two kids. I floated around the pool for a minute then got tired of having to watch out for the little kid, so I got out and laid and read my book. I stayed until seven, and I was smart to leave when I did because at no later than seven-thirty did it start pouring down rain. I was walking to the car to go buy cigarettes as it started to pour, and from home to the drive-thru on Cleveland it was like I was in a different plane. The rain was coming down in sheets and I could barely see to drive the eighth of a mile home. I even sat in my car and waited for the rain to die down before I made a mad dash to the house.
The rest of the evening was uneventful. I made guacamole and Beaver's Taco Dip, and ate some of each. Quite wonderful, I'm a great cook. I was kinda shitty about the guacamole though because instead of using real onion and real tomatoe, I took a shortcut and just used salsa. It's still good, just not as good as usual.
Later on I watched this movie called Party Monster. I had seen parts of it at B/J/O's house back in the day, but never watched the whole thing. It was a crazy mess of a movie. I thought it was alright at first, then as the main character, Michael (played by Macauly Culkin), kept getting more and more into the drugs and shit, I was actually feeling ill. I can't believe I used to do all that crap, not even that long ago. I'm so glad I stopped. I couldn't finish watching the movie, so I turned on Iron Chef instead. They had a Matsutake Mushroom battle.

Saturday

Woke up around eleven and after eating a delicious breakfast, headed to the pool. It was completely deserted. I love having a big pool to myself, although it does make me self-conscious to think that the leasing office people might be watching me. I swam for about fifteen minutes then laid out for thirty minutes then swam another twenty and laid out for another thirty. I didn't feel sunburned and I didn't look sunburnt when I got home. GMc called while I was at the pool and said that today would be a good day for our cook out with J&J. When I got home from the pool I showered and gathered up my stuff (I was providing the food) and headed over to GMc's place. We drove to J&J's and had a wonderful time drinking Molson Canadian and just hanging out. Around nine, I decided it was time to go because the kids were going to bed and I was getting tired. I thought about stopping by Zuey's for a minute but changed my mind when I got a text message from NB asking what I was up to. *JOY!* I collected my chips and buns and guacamole, and J2 had put some meat in a bag for me to take home. I think I took the wrong bag though because the one his little daughter gave me looks like it has all the meat in it. I should send some back to GMc for them.
NB called as GMc and I were leaving J&J's house, and we made plans for NB to come to my place. I dropped GMc off and headed home. When I got there, NB was already waiting in the parking lot for me. We came in, and it was just like last time, he tackled me in the kitchen. However, this time we actually made it to the couch before we started doing anything beyond kissing/touching. *Sigh* He's just so good. He doesn't just jump to the gun though, he takes things slow and does wonderful things. I'm not sure if I have said this before, but the only thing that can get my mind completely off SB is fucking his brother... is that wrong of me? Regardless, the sex we had last night was just awesome. And it lasted more than twenty minutes also because NB had to go to Cincy for work, but not until midnight. He stayed until about eleven thirty. I fed him a brat, like a good girl, and he showered. I told him that he should spend all his free time with me, because I am a wonderful cook, I'm awfully cute, and I have a tight pussy. He said that would be great, but it's been so long since he was in a relationship that he wouldn't know what to do. I replied, "Who said anything about a relationship. I'm just telling you to spend all your free time with me." He smiled, hugged me, and left. I ended up going to sleep around one a.m., after Poke had called three times asking to come over. I told him no way jose.

Sunday

Today GMc and I are going to Jazz in the Park, although I cannot recall which park it is at. I told Poke last night that I was having plans this afternoon and he said he would consider this a date (me and GMc.) I told him he was nuts and we're just friends hanging out. I'm hungry. I think I will go eat some bacon.

Late,
Kel

I would be good for a used-car salesman.

Tuesday

GMc woke me up around nine thirty and we went to Zuey's. He finally finished his project at work, after working 19.5 out of 24 hours (in a row!) The Zue was about as exciting as watching frozen molassess pour out of a stone cup in Alaska. I remembered that Tony's has karaoke on Tuesday's, so we headed over there. There was a little bit of excitement in the air because TR sometimes shows up there. No such luck, thank god, kind of. It would have been thrilling to see TR's reaction at me. Effing psycho.
Tony's was dead. I mean completely effing dead. There were, um, let's see, about seven people in there. Big J was there but left, some kid named Zack that I went on a date with once was there, and a bunch of folks I didn't know. They all sucked except this negro, Eric, who was just swell. We talked about Napolean Dyamite. I told him to go eat his ham. GMc and I had a beer each and left.
We went over to Second Half after that, because they have karaoke again now. It was also boring, however, there were more people there. It was almost like a regulars convention - Moose and Pula from Eldo's were there, Lady K, O'Dell, and SandDog from Whisky Dick's were there, and of course myself and GMc from everywhere were there. Plus more people too. We left after two beers.

Wednesday

GMc called me while I was watching the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. He was at J&J's house (the girl is J1 and her boyfriend is J2, from here on out) and wanted to show them my blog. Why, I don't know. Apparently I'm interesting. Regardless, J&J were getting a kick out of me, especially J1. She even called me to ask questions (remember the upset vagina post?) and inquire furthur about certain happenings. Eventually she decided that we should just go out and drink and talk about it. So we all met up at Zuey's (J&J, GMc, and me.) J&J paid for all my beers, it was so so so nice of them. We had a great time. J1 and I have really a lot in common. It was funny to pick out songs on the jukebox together because she'd pick one and I'd be like "Damn I was gonna pick that" and then she'd say the same to me on another song. After awhile we went to the VIP for karaoke. Of course, Cunt Bitch Extraordinairre wouldn't serve me. I even tried - I held out my credit card and everything. So J1 had to get my beers all night - shots too, haha. Well at one point, I needed a beer. J2 had said he needed a black velvet and coke. So I called to Danielle, "I need a Miller Lite" and she ignored me. A few minutes later, I called again, "I need a Miller Lite and a BV and Coke!" and she came over to me and yelps, "If you have something to say to me, say it to my face!" and turns away, sweet as a sugar cane, and says to J1, "Can I get you something? But your friend is cut off, just so you know." I was pissed about the cut off thing until J1 told me it was the dude that wanted the BV and Coke that was cut off, not me. I still never got served. I did sing "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morrisette, and that made me feel satisfied. I think I'm going to call and complain to Danielle's manager. I'm quite rich and I really don't need to be bothered with a shitty place like the VIP - the only reason I go there is because my friends want to. My money is just as good as everyone else's. She'll see. Don't eff with me or you'll get it.
As we were leaving I gave GMc a hug and he kissed me on the forehead and on the lips too. It was weird but I don't care. I'm still waiting for him to fall in love with me. According to J2, there were intentions of GMc effing me at their house toinght, but I didn't believe him. J2 also tried to get me to go to TeeJay's for food, but I went back to Zuey's instead to tell KL that GMc had kissed me.

I never get kissed, I only get effed. Kissing is a big deal, even if it's just a friendly kiss. I love it when people kiss me.

Today

Went to the eye doctor this afternoon. They dialated my eyes and I couldn't effing see for almost four hours. In fact, my vision is just now getting back to normal. How effed up. Tonight I will go to Zuey's for an hour and then to Eldo's for karaoke. PP will probably be there, I hope we kiss.

I'm feeling rather sad today. BB isn't coming back to work because he's moving to Oklahoma. I really liked him and we were getting to be close friends. Also, I'm just generically upset about men. I feel like (and this might sound dumb, especially if you don't know me and you only read my blog) the guys I'm with are just for sex. I can't really seriously see myself spending quality time with them, like the time I spend with GMc or someone of that nature. I mean seriously, I was thinking about what J*R said and it's like, ok, yeah - I can be effed but no one wants to date me. Why? I had no problem with men before I got married! I haven't changed! I'm a little fatter, a little more bitter, and I can drink legally now - that's about it. Maybe it's because I'm used goods. GG says no, it's just that it's not my time or if I stop looking I'll find someone, but I don't know. I really think that men don't want to be with a divorced woman. I would be good for a used-car salesman. They are used to being around and trumping up everyone else's old beat-up junk.

Late.

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Romantic CompatibilityProvided byAstrology.com
Aquarius & Pisces
When Aquarius and Pisces join together in a love match, there is much compassion and creation. These partners are idealistic as individuals as well as they are together. Pisces flows with their dream-like surroundings, and Aquarius is constantly coming up with new inventions and ways of doing things. This relationship digs deep for the truth of the matter at hand, and both partners are always looking for solutions to problems. They both tend to be introspective. Aquarius can often be quick to judge those who don't share their vision, while Pisces is often too compassionate, even for those who don't necessarily deserve it.
Aquarius and Pisces make very good friends as well as excellent lovers. Problems are rare, but sometimes Aquarius can be too intellectual and aloof for Pisces, and Pisces may at times be too self-sacrificing and gullible for the Aquarian taste. Sometimes different reactions to a situation may cause a cavern between the two; Aquarius is quick to dismiss those who don't agree with their opinions, and Pisces takes on others' issues too quickly. On some occasion, the pair will have conflicts, but these partners can forgive and forget easily.
Aquarius is ruled by the Planets Uranus and Saturn, while Pisces is ruled by Jupiter and Neptune. Uranus focuses on iconoclastic ideas and innovative practices. Saturn gives this relationship the drive to act on these ideas and the ability to organize the details that will animate them. Jupiter is about philosophy, teaching, and understanding, and Neptune focuses on spirituality, so Pisces likes to truly understand new and exciting things, such as their partner. Whenever Aquarius comes up with a new idea -- as they so often do -- Pisces is eager to understand it on an intuitive level. This duo creates a complementary relationship deep in intellectual and emotional resources.
Aquarius is an Air Sign and Pisces is a Water Sign. This relationship is motivated by thought and feeling, respectively. There is always a lot going on, and this tends to be a very flexible and progressive union. When it's good it's very good, but when it's bad, communication is abysmal. Pisces likes to be where Aquarius's action and intellect stirs, and Aquarius can learn social tolerance and warmth from the demure Pisces. This team works well together. Although they may disagree, their differences of opinion don't last long. Conflicts may arise because of Pisces's need for emotional support and tenderness, and Aquarius's preference for ideas rather than romance.
Aquarius is a Fixed Sign and Pisces is a Mutable Sign. Aquarius initiates new ideas and changes, and Pisces will accept these as long as they have an assigned role in bettering the relationship. When these partners get together, they won't argue over who gets to take the credit for their achievements. Both Signs are better at starting things than ending them; if Aquarius gets bored with the relationship, Pisces will soon follow the example and want to move on.
What's the best aspect of an Aquarius-Pisces relationship? It's their mutual interest in cultivating knowledge and accepting modern and cosmopolitan ideas. They are well matched in their enthusiasm, energy, and desire for a sincere, open and honest relationship. Their common interests and reciprocal personalities make theirs a compatible relationship.

If you can guess who this is about, I will buy you a beer or a drink or a shot.