I stole it from St. Dickeybird and GG.

Dickeybird's A-Z with my answers:

A - accent: Cleveland with a touch of New Jersey.
B - breakfast: No thank you.
C - chore you hate: Laundry and cleaning cat boxes.
D - dad's name: Dennis.
E - essential everyday item: Cigarettes.
F - favourite food: Mexican.
G - gold or silver: Silver.
H - hometown: Northfield/Macedonia.
I - insomnia: Randomly.
J - job title: Senior Loan Processor.
K - kids: Want some.
L - living arrangements: Townhouse w/Sheeba, Mickey, Fox, and soon to be SL.
M - mum's birthplace: Cleveland, Ohio.
N - number of significant others you've had: Boyfriends? 20... but I've slept w/more than that. And I had one girlfriend in 1999. :)
O - overnight hospital stays: Never, except for when I was born
P - phobia: Clowns. *shudder*
Q - queer: eye for the straight guy.
R - religious affiliation: Catholic.
S - siblings: One little brother (SK.)
T - time I wake up: a lot... but I officially get out of bed at 08:45
U - unnatural hair colours I've had: Navy blue, Stop-sign red, Plum.
V - vegetable you refuse to eat: cooked carrots.
W - worst habit: fretting.
X - X-rays I've had: every single inch of my body has been x-rayed.
Y - yummy: SL. Also, sushi. No correlation.
Z - zodiac sign: Aquarius.

GG's A-Z with my answers:

A - Age you lost your virginity? 17
B - Birthday? February 1st
C - Can you drive? Yes.
D - Dads name? Dennis
E - Easiest person to make you laugh? SL
F - Food you eat most? Cheese
G - Any encounter with ghosts?Yes.
H - Hungry? Yes!
I- Interesting fact most people don't know about you? I fake this self-confidence and happiness
J- Jumped in a pool with all your clothes on? I was pushed.
K- Kissing with eyes open or closed? Either. But I like to catch SL looking at me
L- Last time you did something "bad"? I refuse to answer on the grounds I may incriminate myself.
M- Most memorable moment you can think of right now? Giving SL his christmas present, and me getting mine.
N- Nicknames? Kel, Toothy, Kitten, Kel-Bell
O- What's your most valued possession? The Bling I have rec'd from SL... that's all I can think of
P- Person you last talked to on the phone? Slammin' Steve
Q- Quote that you feel represents you right now: "Detours, Fences, I get defensive; I know you've heard it all before, so I won't say it any more."
R- R you allergic to anything? Tomatoes, Dairy, Grass.
S- Song you last sang out loud? "Voodoo" by Godsmack.
T- Time you woke up? 09:02
U- U like to sing soft or loud? Loud.
V-Vegetable you hate most? Cooked carrots.
W- What are you most afraid of? How I will die. Being dead is not the problem, it's how it happens that is scary.
X- rated love life? I'm trying to teach him...
Y- Yellowcard or Green Day? Greencard.
Z- Zodiac Sign: Aquarius!

Tonight I'm getting drunk...

...Just so I don't have a fucked up dream.

Well last night's went like this: I'm on a vacation with some female friends of mine, we're going to Canada, and we're all on our periods. I don't know any of these girls in real life, some of them looked familiar, but who knows why, and seriously, is it possible to get a caravan of girls to all be in their moon time at once?! Anyway. We took a motorcycle brigade up through Ohio and across Lake Erie into Canada. Point Pelee National Park appeared to be our destination (FYI Canada's southern most point on Canada's mainland.) I had to ride in a sidecar with this lesbian and she drove so so fast and I was scared to death and by the time we arrived I had bugs stuck to my face and my teeth and eyelids and everything. We stayed on a boat in the middle of the Lake, and our bunks were so small. I could barely stand straight in mine, I had to scoot sideways and lay on my side just to fit. I'm not even *that* fat! It seemed like no one I was with liked me, and everyone was yelling at me the whole time or trying to get me to do chores or something dumb like that. I finally holed up in my little cupboard of a room and fell asleep. Then I woke up from the dream.

I give up.
But look at this cool thing I made!

I have all these problems I don't know about.

Alright, let's recap my recent dreams and the recurring themes:

1) Pregnancy: New life, new project, creation.
2) Beaten or Beating: Loss of money.
3) Murder: Loss of control over a situation.
4) Husband: Partner, committment.
5) Boyfriend: Young power developing.
6) Death: End of a cycle. Something is finally over.
7) Train: Followers. String. Connections. Be aware of present changes in your life.
8) Fire: Spirit. Energy. Unpolluted and cleansing. Need to be inspired or renewed.
9) Darkness: Mystery. The unknown and unformed. A place of fear or of potential. Difficulties ahead.
10) Nighttime: Darkness. Mystery. Unconscious contents. There is a mystery that you want to penetrate.
11) Running: No restraint. Freedom. Distance. There is something that you want to escape from

Not sure what all this together means, but I guess we'll find out some day.

I think I need Ambien.

Last night I had a dream (oh yes, its one of those posts) that was by far the most fucked up dream I have had to date.

I lived in some sort of city apartment, bohemian style I suppose. It shared a walkway bridge with the apartment building next to me so we could go from building to building and not have to go all the way down to the sidewalk and then walk all the way up to whatever floor. We were all kinda hippie-ish living there, and then this goth kid moved in. He was creepy. He tried to get into everyone's business. Then one day he snapped. He was chasing his roommate, Corrine (don't know anyone named that in real life) through their apartment (across the walkway from me.) I saw him with a huge knife in his hand, and then Corrine was jumping out the window. By this time it was early evening, you know, the dusky time. Goth (he looked like a "Kevin" but I'm not sure) was on top of her, noticing that her neck was broken, and kept trying to slice her head off with this big kitchen knife. An older guy, in his sixties, came out of the bottom apartment with a chainsaw and tried to help. I just stood there screaming, because nothing they could do would snap her head off and she was hanging there by muscles and still alive and moaning. Then I woke up.

I think I might have a problem.

Just something I thought I would show you all.

Look at how I've changed!

Lazy Alcoholic Homosexual IV *or* The Wind Beneath My Wings

So it had gotten to the point where MMA and I are fighting every night. We fought over stupid shit, like who got the last beer, and we fought over totally ridiculous shit, like the Arab furniture entities that my former co-worker Trillia said were haunting our house. MMA constantly accused me of being crazy. I was crazy because I freaked out when we were in BFE Canada and had no Canadian money. I was crazy because I took Prozac. I was crazy because I took birth control pills. Anything I did that he didn't like or agree with or had never experienced, was crazy. We would start drinking, and get into these stupid song wars. We sat in the basement and listened to songs, and then a fight would ensue. He'd take off his wedding ring and tell me he was going to leave me (later he called this practice "tough love".) He would play a song telling me why. I would play one back. It would go on for hours. Sometimes I would try to break the anger by playing a nicer song, to try to make up. One night I made the mistake of playing "Wind Beneath My Wings."
That song was my thought of Megan. She was always there for me, always supporting me, but never asked for anything in return. I cried when the song was playing, and I called her to apologize for being such a bitch when MMA and I had been in Michigan. This pissed MMA off. He started screaming at me, telling me that this was the proof that she and I had been lovers. He even called his sister and brother and his step-father to tell them that he had heard the truth. I tried to explain to him what it really meant, but of course he wouldn't listen. It escalated into a huge fight and I think that was the first of thirteen times in the course of one year that I had to call the CPD to come to my house. He tackled me in the bedroom when I was trying to get away from him, and beat me on my back with the phone, unaware that 9-1-1 was on the line. They showed up and told us to stay away from each other, but didn't do anything else about it.

I can't listen to that song anymore without tearing up. It used to be one of my favorites.

Seriously, I need Professional Help.

Last night I had a dream that I needed to go to the New Balance (tennis shoe) store on West Broad street. DS from work decided he would like to go with me because they had some things he wanted to look at. I was like whatever that's cool, so we headed out. Instead of the freeways being like Columbus's freeways, they were like Cleveland's, and I was L-O-S-T. We ended up in an area I recognised, and I stopped at a grocery store to ask for directions. They told me the way to go, which seemed completely wrong, but I followed it anyway. We got to a new area where my Gma'P lived (in the dream only) and I was like, "Well we may as well stop by because I have to feed her cats anyway." So we went in and we were hanging out and playing with her two cats and then I was changing the litter boxes and one of them fell over and another really ugly cat appeared. It looked like one of those pictures where they photoshop a human face onto a cat face. It was creepy and I was really scared of it. Well I was trying to get away from this creepy thing, DS was being all calm and smooth and I realised he was trying to 'seduce' me. This is very strange because in real life there are no romantic feelings, we both have boy/girlfriends, and I don't think either one of us is the other's type... Anyway. He was hugging me and saying lame stuff like, "I'll protect you, don't worry" and it was fairly cheesey. Somehow, he got my shirt unbuttoned and I was shocked, not only that he did it and I didn't notice but that I was wearing a red and white hawai'ian print bra. We ended up kissing and we were just about to bang on the washing machine when my Gma'P's garage door opened and she and about nine old ladies were getting out of the car and being really loud and so DS and I had to hide on top of the laundry shelves for almost an hour while we waited for her to go to bed. We left, never having actually had sex, and drove over to the New Balance store which ended up being only two blocks away. It was crazy.

The night before I had a dream that SL, RS, RD and I were all hanging out at RD's house in Florida. Instead of whatever her backyard actually backs up to in real life, it backed up to this huge trainyard. And I do mean HUGE. The trains were the height of buildings, probably three or four stories high, and about six miles long. They were black with eerie yellow lights and burned red on the inside from coal. The smoke stacks constantly blew out thick black smoke that made the air so dirty. But they weren't shaped like old-fashioned trains, they were shaped like the new Amtrak trains. Anyway, RS and SL had gone running across the backyard and into the trainyard. They nearly missed getting hit while crossing the tracks; The trains were not only big but they moved at about 600 mph, and were completely silent. RD wanted to follow them and I told her no, because there was no way we could make it across the tracks. She insisted and took off skipping. She made it across and I barely did too. We hid underneath these blecher-type things, and then we were discovered. This old guy who looked about 150 years old came over and he said we needed to leave because nobody was supposed to be here except conductors and if the "Big Man" found us out we'd be "in a world of trouble." I tried to get RD outta there, but she wanted to go the way SL and RS had gone. I ended up slinging her over my shoulder kicking and screaming and we ran across the tracks back to her back yard where SL and RS just happened to be waiting for us. I never found out where they had gone, or why, or anything. We walked back to her house and it faded out.

Fucking strange.

Pools of sorrow, waves of joy.

I'm so strung out I feel as if I have done about twelve lines of cocaine in an hour. However, the last time I even looked at coke was July 23rd 2005, so I know it can't be true. But I have the tickly head feeling, the hyper yet exhausted thing, the need to eat without the feeling of hunger. I'm not even ON anything!! Goddamnit.

I talked to MMA yesterday. He says he won't contest anything. This is good. However he is currently technically homeless because his girlfriend of seven months left him this week and he was living with her. So I don't know where to send his papers to be served. Oh well. We'll figure it out. He was actually civil, I appreciated catching him in an emotionally raw state of being.

Tonight I went to see O's band play at Eldo's. It was fuckin' great. I have a headache now though because I was sitting right in front of the speakers. That was sucky but I took like 953 pictures so those will be up on Monday. (I know I still need to put the other ones up, sorry.) I met O's little brother and Lady K showed up too, plus a few other folks. It was a fun time. I had a Bloody Mary made by John and a Harpoon Ale.

My head is killing me but I can't sleep. I almost feel like puking from this pain. I've had this headache since Thursday night. I don't know what it is. I'm thinking it may be the fact that I have gone out the last few nights, and I end up smoking a lot, whereas during the day I'm really barely smoking at all, and this causes a sort of nicotine hangover. Who knows. I'm tired of smoking cigarettes though. Today was the first day in about eight years that I have actually had the thought pass through my head "I want to smoke a joint" and it was weird because I never smoke pot and I don't like it really and I always turn it down. Oh well.

SL and I finally had the big serious conversation about who is going to move where, and I think we have it figured out. He will move here with me, because I have a job and a career and a life and everything already set up, and he doesn't really have any of that. We will live in Ohio for about a year, maybe more or less (depends on my lease term) and save our money and then move to New Jersey in 2007. It's better than me uprooting my whole life to move to Florida for a year and then move to Jersey in 2007. Why move twice if there is no reason? This all works out quite well and I am thrilled. SL seems to be too. He keeps talking about when he moves here in April. Hopefully the next plane ticket I buy is a one-way ticket from PBI to CMH! I'm worried though, because he lost his job again (not his fault this time, there was a miscommunication and no one told the upper mgmt that he was taking a vacation and he was marked as "no-show" and was promptly fired upon returning from Jersey.) I trust he will get one when he moves here, but I'm still worried because of what MMA did to me. I don't want to end up supporting another one. I really couldn't deal with that.

Pics soon. Shout out to Barbie for donating $1.00 to the Divorce Fund if I haven't already mentioned it. I only need $899.33 more to get the lawyer! Come on loyal readers! ;)

Late. Kel.

PS- I have this song in my head so here are the lyrics:

"Insensitive"

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound of a voice
You’d know anywhere

(chorus)
Oh I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart it’s a crime
To fall in love again

Oh you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

(chorus)

Some forever, not for better

I don't know, I'm just listening to Johnny Cash. Deal.

Last night was by far one of the shittiest of all shitty nights to be had.

Started out generic, I came home from work an made some tacos, talked to Zara for a bit, watch CBS Nightly News with the new Scheefer guy (he's like 90 years old... weird...) and then painted a shitty looking painting while I talked to my mom and watched Jeopardy. T called and was like "Hey we're at Zuey's it's my birthday come out!" and since I was going to karaoke anyway I said sure no problem. I got to Zuey's at about 21:00 and sat w/T and KP and it was good. KL gave me a HUGE hug when I got there and I felt loved. I had a Miller Lite and two Natty Lite draughts and a Monkey Cum shot. It was all well and good, we talked about a ton of stuff and talked to these people who were from Bob Evans... not sure why we started talking to them but whatever lol they were nice. I wanted to go to Eldo's for karaoke so we headed over there around 23:00. It was d-e-a-d. No one I knew was there really except Spongey and Wolfy and Uncle Bob and of course Zara. I met her best friend A who happens to be super swell. I called GG and she was already on her way over. Moose came in shortly thereafter. Fuckin' Poke and that stupid bitch he fucked the week after we broke up were there too and Poke started out nice but when he saw me talkin to his woman he got mad or something and started flaunting her all around like "look what a great piece I have" even tho she's fat and ugly and D*Martin says I'm the hottest and smartest girl he's ever dated. Regardless, I was already in a foul mood and this just made me feel worse even tho I don't really care about him anymore I just hate it when people shove shit in my face. I called SL because I was upset and he got mad at me because he hates it when I go to Eldo's because I always get into some drama. I talked to him for awhile and it was just upsetting. I left and went to Zuey's for one more beer because I just didn't wanna go home and I talked to KL for awhile and it was okay. I talked to SL more when I got home and cried about all this stupid MMA stuff and I was very upset and I'm still upset today an I just don't feel like talking about it but let's put it this way, I need a fucking divorce.

Here are some pics of T, KP, and some other folks from The Zue. There will be more pics on the Photobucket later tonight.

When the Man Comes Around

And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder: One of the four beasts saying: "Come and see." And I saw. And behold, a white horse.

There's a man goin' 'round takin' names. An' he decides who to free and who to blame. Everybody won't be treated all the same. There'll be a golden ladder reaching down. When the man comes around.

The hairs on your arm will stand up. At the terror in each sip and in each sup. For you partake of that last offered cup, Or disappear into the potter's ground. When the man comes around.

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers. One hundred million angels singin'. Multitudes are marching to the big kettle drum. Voices callin', voices cryin'. Some are born an' some are dyin'. It's Alpha's and Omega's Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree. The virgins are all trimming their wicks. The whirlwind is in the thorn tree. It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

Till Armageddon, no Shalam, no Shalom. Then the father hen will call his chickens home. The wise men will bow down before the throne. And at his feet they'll cast their golden crown. When the man comes around.

Whoever is unjust, let him be unjust still.
Whoever is righteous, let him be righteous still.
Whoever is filthy, let him be filthy still.
Listen to the words long written down, When the man comes around.

Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers. One hundred million angels singin'. Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettle drum. Voices callin', voices cryin'. Some are born an' some are dyin'. It's Alpha's and Omega's Kingdom come.

And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree. The virgins are all trimming their wicks. The whirlwind is in the thorn tree. It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.

In measured hundredweight and penny pound. When the man comes around.

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts, And I looked and behold: a pale horse. And his name, that sat on him, was Death. And Hell followed with him.

(Johnny Cash)

Because Reason Says...

"Look - I find some of what you teach suspect, Because I'm used to relying on intellect; But I try to open up to what I don't know... Because reason says I should have died Three years ago... No other road, No other way, No day but today..."

Today officially marks the 3rd anniversary of me still being alive. Go me, I rule. It's also my mom's 5Xth birthday.

In 2003 my marriage was just falling apart. We hadn't even been married one year yet and I was already trying to think of ways to leave him. I had just started a new job at Jericho Mortgage Company (yes, the famous one.) I loved the job, even though the pay wasn't awesome but I sure wasn't going to complain because I had just lost my job with Countrywide. My boss was a guy in his mid-40's, ugly as sin, but very nice and very rich. Within a week, MMA accused me of having an affair with him.

Of course, like always, MMA had been up all night drinking but I was fairly sober by the time we started fighting because I had drank a bottle of wine and didn't want to open another. He on the other hand kept drinking beer after beer. It all started when I told him that he needed to stop drinking that night because he was already trashed and I poured one beer out. He lunged at me and I missed and he hit the counter, which pissed him off. We ended up in the living room at six o'clock in the morning screaming and yelling. Finally he called his sister and she came to rescue him and the dog. I threw our wedding photo at him, I threw the phone at him, I threw bottles and books and shoes and even our framed marriage license at him. I hated him.

I went upstairs and downed a 150 count bottle of extra strength Tylenol, five at time. It took about forty minutes because by the time I was on the last 15-20, my stomach was starting to get full. Of course I didn't swallow them with water, I used a large jug of Carlo Rossi Cabernet Sauvignon (the one that's bigger than a gallon.) When that was said and done, I waited about fifteen minutes and swallowed a bottle of Nyquil. I didn't think it would kill me, but I wanted out of this life and if I could at least be braindead, I would be happy. I attempted to slit my wrist but the thought of blood almost made me vomit and I didn't want that to happen so I stopped that attempt. Plus, it seemed like overkill (no pun intended.)
Around eight thirty, I called my friend RMac and told her I was having a bad day and that I loved her. Apparently she sensed something in my voice because after I hung up she called back a few times but I didn't answer because I was busy calling my mom, my friend JAFH, my old boss (strange reason for that but it meant something), and MMA's sister and mom's houses. I talked to everyone except MMA's family, I just left them messages.

I guess I passed out around eight forty five because I woke up being carried down the stairs in a blanket by the EMTs and the one closest to my eye had a watch that said 09:04. They carried me to the ambulance under the watch of the CPD, and when they laid me down and hooked me up they only realised I was conscious when I moved so they couldn't put a needle in my arm. They said that I was lucky that the CPD had decided to not press charges on me. I didn't know you could be arrested for attempting to commit suicide, but apparently you can. On the way to the hospital I floated in and out of consciousness, and the only thing I really remember is seeing my ex-boss's SUV parked in the cul-de-sac and he was running after the ambulance.

I woke up again in the hospital and my mom and RMac were there with a male nurse who strongly resembled my brother-in-law. He made them leave, and tried to get me to drink a cup of liquid charcoal. I got the first swallow down, but I couldn't get the second and yakked into a square bucket thing (whatever they're called, bedpans or something.) The nurse said that the only other option was to put a tube through my nose, down my throat and into my stomach. I told him that there was no way I could drink that crap, so I accepted the tube. I had to sign a release to let them do it. The tube was as big around as a coffee stirrer or a teeny little straw, not very big at all. It was fine going in my nose but once it hit the back of my throat it was yak city in there. Finally, it was over and the tube was all the way in my stomach. They hooked me up to a machine and pumped me full of charcoal liquid. I drifted in and out of consciousness for the next eight or nine hours. My ex-boss's wife came to visit me and talk to me about alcoholism, and tell me that if my husband was beating me she could help me with it. Neither one applied but I appreciated her kindness. When I finally came to and the staff did all their tests, they determined I was physically sound and I was given a psych evaluation.
This older lady came in and asked me a series of questions, and determined that I had had a nervous break down. I was told that I was being "asked" to report to NetCare for a mental health analysis, and if I didn't go within three days I would be arrested. They had a van waiting to take me, and I went. MMA had shown up at the hospital by then and went with me. The woman I talked to at NetCare said that she could tell it was my marriage that was destroying my mental health and advised me to get personal and marriage counseling. When I told this to MMA on the way home he flipped out, saying that I was the crazy one, not him, and we got into another fight, just fifteen hours after I had tried to kill myself.

If I had died that day, I would have been happy. Now that I have this life that I'm living at this very moment, I look back and feel sad that I feel/felt that way. I wouldn't give up anything for my family, my friends, SL, my job even... Sometimes I do wish still that I had died, to save me from this constant pain that I still feel because of MMA. Then I think about the good things I have - I have my family back, I have some great friends, I have SL who loves me very much. It's not worth it anymore.

I guess I was meant to be here, wherever it is that I am.

Start Spreadin' the News...

Yay!
I love my boyfriend.

Well let's see. This whole past week was fairly uneventful, as the few days between Christmas and New Year's usually tends to be. I really did nothing. The only eventful thing that happened before the weekend was that my ex-something-or-other, boyfriend I guess, called me up to go to karaoke. We had a wonderful time, hanging out at Eldo's with GG and Zara and him and his friend. They paid for the drinks nearly all night long, I bought one round, and it was just awesome. The only shitty part was when I got so trashed... not sure why or how, I think it was because of all the shots they kept buying for me... oh man. So finally I'm like "shit I don't think I'll be able to drive" and NC (the ex-whatever) said he would take me home if I couldn't and probably spend the night because he would take me back to my car in the morning. I was like hey great, so I called SL to let him know. He wasn't too thrilled about the idea, and I was like damn and he was pretty mad. But I ended up driving home with NC following me and he even called SL to let him know we had arrived safely and then he left. All in all, a great night even though SL was a little bitchy for a minute. I went to bed, and woke up with the worst migraine ever. I'm pretty sure I wasn't too hung over, just a little, but I did have this terrible migarine. I could barely function. NC and his friend came over later in the day and tried to offer me some beer... I totally refused. I slept most of the day and then when it came time to go to bed, I couldn't sleep. I really wanted to because I had to wake up at six a.m. to leave for Jersey, but I couldn't. It sucked.

So Saturday I woke up at 06:00 and showered and got ready and headed over to GG's around seven. We got on the road, like really on the road the freeway and all, around 08:00. We stopped twice for gas (I left C-bus w/ half a tank) and Wendell only had to pee once. Made it to Downington in about seven hours, it would have been less but all of a sudden it started sleeting out of nowhere and the roads went from fine to shitty in seconds. Then there were two accidents which slowed traffic down in addition to the road conditions. But it wasn't too bad. I dropped GG off with IH and headed to Jersey. I made it there in about two hours. I would have been there sooner if the mapquest directions weren't all jacked up. Technically I was in Rahway in an hour and a half, but I spent another thirty minutes driving in circles trying to find SL's house. It sucked, and was just the beginning of too much time spent in the car this weekend. When I finally got there, SL and his brother-in-law W met me outside. I was so happy to see SL. They fed me a White Castle and some cheese and chips, and handed me a beer and a mixed coconut drink. I felt loved.
I called my parents to let them know I had arrived safely, and all they had to say was that I was trying to kill my cats because Mickey had pneumonia and Fox almost had it and Sheeba was coughing. I was like what the hell because when I saw them last on Friday night it wasn't that bad. Mickey had a little bit of a stuffy nose and a slight cough, but the other two were fine. My dad is just bitching and yelling at me about how I owe them $500.00 now for the vet bill and how I am irresponsible and blah blah blah. (Turns out that Mickey had an upper respiratory infection on the verge of having pnuemonia and Fox had a slight upper respiratory infection and Sheeba had nothing.) So I had to listen to him bitch for like ten minutes and then I was like, "Glad to hear you're happy I made it safely. I'll be home Monday" and hung up. Then I called GG and told her I was there and it was good-dih.
We drank a couple more beers and then headed to the hotel where I gave SL his Christmas presents - some little cards I had colored and written quotes on and then the grand mamma of them all... Me in a bow. So it was really a red teddy type babydoll thing, but it was as close to a bow as I could get. He LOVED it. Truely. We spent some time at the hotel then and headed back to Aunt C's (where W and his kids and his ex live with her) but stopped for chinese food on the way. We got about ten pounds of food for $20.06 and that was awesome. We sat and drank some beers with W and then watched the ball drop. After that it was pretty uneventful, until this bitch called SL.
Every time I'm with him, she calls. It's like she knows. I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but when I was in Florida she called nine times in one day. I finally answered the phone and she said, "Is SL available?" and I said "nope" and hung up. She called him the next day and was like, "Who was that?" and SL said "My girlfriend" and I guess she hasn't called him since... until New Year's Eve. And he pissed me off because instead of saying "I'm with my girlfriend" or something, he said, "I'm going to bed I'll call you tomorrow." When I asked him who it was he just shrugged his shoulders, then W said, "Hey she asked you a question!" and I looked at SL and I was like, "It was Rebecca wasn't it?" and then I was mad. I was mad for about ten minutes until SL made me go outside with him and he called her and said, "I can't talk to you anymore because it makes my girlfriend mad" and she was bitching and I could hear her. I appreciated his effort but at the same time it was almost like when your mom says "I'm going to stand right here til you apologize!" and then you have to apologize because she's standing right there. Oh well. At least he tried. We left Aunt C's and headed back to the hotel, and fought a little bit more on the way, but we got over it by the time we were back.

The hotel was so loud. I called the front desk about six times because there were all these people in the hallway screaming and yelling and they didn't even stop until about 03:30. It was so irritating. We woke up around 09:30 on Sunday morning and headed to SL's brother and sister-in-law's house around noon. I got to meet all his nephews and niece (except one nephew) and eat real NJ pizza... it was limp. Like a really super flamer's wrist. But okay. SL gave my my christmas present, which happened to be a pair of Amethyst earrings that I just love! We hung out there for awhile and then started driving to Lyndhurst to meet SL's mom and so we could catch the bus to NYC. I met his mom and she was really nice, but we didn't get to talk much because she was at work and really busy. Hopefully I will get to meet her again soon and actually spend some time with her. We headed to this other hotel then to catch the bus to NYC, and this is where the weekend went bad-ish.
The whole weekend, SL drove. He scared me to death and I nearly had 12 heart attacks in addition to the fact that he had a very VERY bad sense of direction and he had no idea where anything was, for the most part. It would take an hour to get 20 minutes because he would go the wrong way like five times. So we're on our way to get the bus and he calls his brother to make sure of where to go. We ended up driving around for literally two hours. Turns out that at the intersection where SL called AL, all we had to do was turn right and it was two blocks down to the bus stop. I was so pissed. But we made the bus and it was fun riding there.

When we got to NYC I was just amazed. It was so busy and bright and crazy. I wasn't too impressed though, I guess I was just expecting so much more. And it's nothing like the TV shows I watch that take place in NYC, which I was expecting anyway, but I thought maybe there would be at least something I could recognise. Not so. I got my picture taken with a real NYPD Officer McDonald!


We went to Times Square, the Empire State Building, Chinatown (smells like fish), and Little Italy. It was all quite fun, except the restaurant, which was called Casa Bella and it's the worst restaurant I've ever been to and I'm going to call and complain later. Seriously. They did this stupid shit where they add the tip on for you... even for a party of two. That's bullshit. But I got to ride the subway and see all sorts of things I have never seen before, and I got to experience it all with SL and that was the best part, walking down the street with him holding hands and just being happy. It was great. Even though some shitty stuff happened, it was totally eclipsed by my happiness with SL.
We got back to NJ after riding the bus (the driver caught us trying to use Child Fare tickets even though I had made an "honest" mistake in buying the wrong ones) and we were just about at the hotel when K (W's ex wife) called and said Aunt C was waiting up for us, so of course we had to go back. Yeah, this 20 minute ride took another hour. When we got there Aunt C wasn't even up and K wanted SL to change her MySpace page and it seemed like a pointless trip. I was so irritated at this because I just wanted to sleep. But we drank a beer and then headed back to the hotel. It was alright.

We woke up at about 10:30 and I was so sad but this time I didn't cry. We checked out at noon and went over to Aunt C's again. We hung around there until it was time for me to leave at 15:00 and SL decided he wanted to go with me. W and K followed us in the van with their kids sto Downington, and we stopped at McD's and met GG and IH there. It was alright. GG and I got on the road about 19:00 and we were so silly the whole time, talking about all different things. I got in a stupid fight with my mom about the cats and my "money situation" again and it was irritating. She said I should have SL "out of my system now" and I didn't need to go to FLA or NJ or anything. That really pissed me off because when he was here they loved him. I'm sure she was just being a bitch and taking it out on SL but it was still wrong. GG and I talked about how we will be when we're old and I have one thing to say: "BRB I have to go find my dentures..." Hahahaha, sorry it's an inside thing GG and I came up with last night. The weather was pretty shitty driving home, lots of rain and fog. I dropped GG off around 01:45 and got home to my house about 02:00. When I unpacked my suitcase I found SL's keys in my suitcase... that wasn't awesome. I left him a voicemail saying I was home alright and finally fell asleep after finishing The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.

A good weekend. Go to the Photobucket to see more pics of NYC and SL.

New York! New York!

BucketStamp

Look at this cool thing I made:

Yay! Pics!

Lots and Lots of Pics at the Photobucket. :)

CLICK

Santa Baby

What I got for Christmas:

• Six Slice Toaster Oven
• Steam Cleaner (got that in November when I got back from Fla)
• Crock Pot
• $60 gift cert to Dick Blick Art Supplies
• $50 gift cert to BP Gasoline
• $25 gift cert to SunOCo Gasoline
• $20 gift cert to Kroger's
• $20 from Aunt Sue & Uncle Ronnie (In Spirit)
• $5 from Uncle Bob
• Season One of Law & Order: SVU 6 disc DVD set
• A book of quotes by Mr. Rogers
• Pope John Paul figurine
• Care Bears Ornament
• Framed photo of SK
• Framed photo of my family
• Two Candle holders
• Freaky magic worm
• Meatwad Sticker
• "Easy" button
• Stocking stuffers: hand soap in lemon and vanilla, gum, pair of rudolph socks, mandarin oranges.

I totally made out. Santa was way good to me this year!!!

End of Year Survey 2005

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Drove to Florida.
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes I kept them and I don't know if I'll make any.
Did anyone close to you give birth? KL and SS.
Did anyone close to you die? Yeah my Uncle Ron.
What countries did you visit? I don't think any... Nope, none.
What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More money and a divorce.
What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The whole month of May (TM bullshit and some other crap, see the archives!), August 6th (talked to SL for the first time), August 10th (My Uncle died)
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Saving and getting a credit card.
What was your biggest failure? Still not getting a divorce.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Plenty. I found out in Feb. that I still had the chlam from my stupid husband, I puked like 18 times this year (usually I go years w/out yakking), I was hungover for the 3rd time in my life, I fell down the stairs, I got mauled by kittens, I had an allergic reaction to a small child...
What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets.
Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. I went from Super Slut to Super Monogamous and that was good.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? SB.
Where did most of your money go? Bills, plane tickets, vacations.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? Meeting SL.
What song will always remind you of 2005? My Humps.
Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier.
Thinner or fatter? Slightly thinner.
What do you wish you'd done more of? Save money.
What do you wish you had done less of? Spent money.
Did you fall in love in 2005? Yes.
How many one-night stands? upwards of 15... but usually they came back for more a month later... or something...
What was your favorite TV program? Law & Order SVU.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? TM.
What was the best book you read? Great Expectations.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Hmmm... I discovered I can pretty much sing anything I try to.
What did you want and get? Lots of stuff. But not a damn divorce.
What was your favorite film of this year? The Graduate.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to Tony's for karaoke and no one showed up because they suck and I turned 23.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Getting a divorce.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Well I attempted to be more girly and add color to my wardrobe so... other wise I dress all in black.
What kept you sane? GG.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I tend not to "fancy" anything like that. But I was thrilled when Nick and Jessica broke up.
What political issue stirred you the most? That lady whose family versed her husband on whether or not she should be taken off life support.
Who did you miss? MF.
Who was the best new person you met? SL, M0053, GG (technically I knew her already but we weren't really friends.)
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Seems to me that "maybe" pretty much always means "No."
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "God Blessed the Broken Road that led me Straight to You."

Don't Tell Anyone I Punched that Boy.

Remember on GMc's birthday when this happened (October 2005):

"There was this kid, Brian, and he was pretty cool. Then he asked for a ride home, and since he only lived four blocks from me, I said no problem. Well we had just dropped O off and the kid leans up to the front seat and says, "You guys wanna party?" and GMc says "Well she used to be a coke head and I used to smoke crack so what do you mean by party?" and the kid is just like "Um let me call my dude, whatever you want" but we didn't want anything, we were just going to maybe take it if he had it. We pulled over to The Continent where he said he lived, and I told him to get the fuck out of the car. He did, and said he wanted to talk to GMc for a second, and he kept trying to get GMc to buy something. We were so not interested. I told GMc to get back in the car, and he did, and we drove off, leaving the boy in the parking lot. I wonder if he actually lived there or not... oh well. The damn security guard was circling the area watching us and I sure didn't want to go to jail. Fuck that boy."

Well that kid yakked in GMc's car that night, which he didn't find out until like the next day or something. So, this kid has been harassing me all the time when I see him. He talks so much shit to me, calling me a whore and everything else, and I totally don't instigate it. So last night I punched him in the nose. It bled a lot. He called me a whore and said that his friend would pay him to take me home. Fuck that. I cried.

Mrs. SL

Yippie Woo and Skipper Do I'm going to Jersey, how about you?!

Oh yes, I'm going to New Jersey for New Years, yay yay yay. I'm dropping GG off in Pennsylvania to see her man on the way there, how nice of me. I was worried about Wendell riding in the car that long but TG calmed my fears about it. Animals in cars make me shake. It's all good though, since Wendell is a Seeing Eye Dog she is trained to be a certain way in the car. That's wonderful. I already knew that, but I guess I just needed reassurance.

Last night I went to Eldo's and hung out with J1, who I haven't seen in months. She was really busy with her kids and their ceiling fell in and everything, so it's okay. We had a great time. We sat with AE, who is just a bit off her rocker. Oh man. But last night she wasn't too bad until she started getting ripped and complained about GMc being moody and how he wasn't a good boyfriend and blah blah and I was like whatever lady. I took her and Brewstir's J to the other Brewstir's where I hung with D*Martin and Jstn and it was good times until...

Happy and Tolerant Cacophony!

So, not much has been going on. The only thing worthy of note is that I have had the same strange dream the last five nights. I'm pretty tired of having it, and I would like to find out what it means. The dream is as follows: I'm in a situation where I'm incredibly pregnant, and my belly sticks way way out from my body. MMA is beating me or fighting me, and SL comes in to save the day, assisted by VS (the fiance who passed away.) Usually I will tell VS not to help because he's already done enough for me, and then SL will take over and take care of things. In the end, I am fine, VS has gone away, and SL has defeated the Evil MMA. Strange. The only variations on the dream is how MMA is hurting me - once he was beating me, once he was kicking me, once he was pummelling my pregnant belly with a lead pipe. Except for last night, last night there was no MMA, it was my G'maP instead - she pushed me into an empty swimming pool at a resort in Florida and I landed stomach first and my stomach exploded on impact. My mom and I were visiting SL there and my G'maP was just being mean, and then there were like 40 ladies claiming to be her daughters and a pair of twins tried to get her to move to Hawai'i... VS was there as a gas station attendant who wouldn't sell me cigarettes because I was pregnant.

I was thinking that I was dreaming of VS so much because maybe he's still alive... not sure. I would think that I was thinking of being pregnant because I am, but I don't think I would be because I'm on the pill... there's like a .01% chance that I could be. This is very confusing. I can understand the part where MMA tortures me and SL saves the day, because that is pretty much what is happening in real life.

If anyone knows how to interpret dreams or knows a website or something where I can look these things up, I would greatly appreciate it!

Joe.My.God

Vote for him here - it's very important. I can't get through the day without reading his blog. He's listed under Best Urban Gay Blogger.

OK long post

Well I could just say that SL's week here was the best week of my life, but that would just be boring!

Monday we went to my parents' house for dinner and then hung out with my little brother. They played video games while I effed around on the computer and made a mix CD. It was just generic family relaxing fun, quite wonderful.

Tuesday we went to the Hot Spot and it was super fun. O was there, Geo, Moose, Pula, and a bunch of other people. We had so so SO much fun. There were these older kind of business guys and they LOVED my singing and one gave me a Coors Light that I pounded in 37 seconds. It was last call. SL thought he was gonna yak when we got home because he and O had shared something like 4 pitchers of Amber Bock and SL is definitely not used to drinking that thick kind of beer. Luckily he didn't and he got over it and it was all good.

Wednesday we went to the Karaoke Cocksuckers Christmas Party at Brewstir's in the Continent. GMc had come over for dinner (I made pork and broccoli chinese dinner) and then the three of us headed over there. My parents got there at the same time as us, so that was good. D*Martin was there, Uncle Bob and his daughter, Cat, and some other folks I know from around. Cat had a raffle, you got a ticket for showing up and every time you sang you got a ticket. SL won a giant Hershey's kiss, which he gave to D*Martin, my mom won edible underwear which she traded to D*Martin for the kiss, and I won a masturbation kit. GMc won a cool Bacardi baseball jersey and also I think he got a shitty t-shirt too. Other people won things like a vibrator or a kind of t-shirt or whatever. It was very very very fun. I was so trashed. SL bought me two roses, and I almost cried.

Thursday we went to Zuey's to meet KP and a few of her friends. We were sitting there chillin' and then she left to take her friends home. SL started talking to Wags about army stuff so I was just looking around being bored. I felt a little drunk but not too bad. I turned my head once and then all of a sudden I had the worst migraine ever. We didn't go to karaoke, we just went home. As soon as I got out into the fresh air I felt better but still kinda shitty. We got Taco Bell on the way home and I was so mad because they gave me chicken and I fucking hate chicken.

Friday I called off because I felt sick. I think I was just hurting from the night before, but I wanted to spend time with SL too so it was alright. I was coughing my ass off all day though and I know I had a little bit of a fever, so I'm not sure what was up with the migraine but whatever. SL and I woke up around nine a.m. and had some adult time then went back to sleep. Then woke up around noon and had some adult time and tried to go back to sleep but I decided I was hungry and it was time for Chipotle. So we did that, then went to Rent-A-Center to pay my bill, then went to Kohl's, JoAnn Fabrics, and The Polaris Fashion Place. We were in the mall (I'm sorry, "Fashion Place") and SL wanted to look at engagement rings. Apparently he has opened a savings account specifically for buying me a ring. He got approved for the store credit at Ashcroft and Oak, and luckily he doesn't have to put that much down on the ring we want. I was so happy I could cry. At this rate I will be divorced and remarried within a year and a half. I hope it all works out well. I'm just worried about SL being in the army and going to Iraq and the troubles he's had with jobs lately. He has a job, but the thing is that it's the 3rd one he's had since we started talking. He hasn't missed any time one he started working, like gaps in employment or anything, but still... it's worrisome. In the evening we went to Kroger's and did grocery shopping which was quite difficult for me because I'm so used to being single and doing it my way and I have a system, which SL was messing up. I got over it. Friday night SL made a wonderful Italian dinner. We had a semi-romantic evening, and it was beautiful. Then he told me something that I have been pondering for awhile and it turned out he has been lying to me, even though I knew it anyway. I got over it, told him he had better NEVER lie to me again, and he cried a lot. Like, a really lot. More than me. So I know he felt bad. No, he wasn't cheating on me. It was something incredibly menial and totally irrelevant to the scheme of things, he was just being strange.

Saturday I practically cried all day. We went to the Waffle House to meet JR the Hippie for brunch but he never showed up. Ended up spending almost two hours there and drinking nearly five to eight cups of coffee each. But SL loved it. After that we headed over to SS/Jms house to meet them and see the bebes. The new one was sleeping when we got there but the boy was playing Spiderman so we all sat around and talked and watched them play. SL and Jms got along well and they were both helping the boy learn how to play... well theorhetically I suppose they were telling SL how to play because he didn't really know how that well. Regardless, it was cute. I got to look at the bebe and she was sleepin' in her bassinet all cute and stuff, it was great. She's getting so big! We stayed for a few hours and then went home. After some adult fun and things of that nature, SL made another great italian dinner. We went to Zuey's to meet up w/RB and her husband TB (RB is my one girl friend from high school.) We talked about some shit I had completely forgotten about and that was off the hook. I had so much fun. I haven't really seen RB all that much, I think maybe about once since I got married. I saw her a few times when she was at ONU with JAFH, but then when I got hitched and he went to BGSU, I just kinda lost contact, which sucked. Maybe now that I'm in a more normal part of life we can be in touch better. Anyway, they stayed for about two hours, and it started to get really loud because the band was about to start playing. JR the Hippie came in right as they were leaving, and he tried to sell us some two year old acid. I laughed in his face. SL didn't like JR because they are so much alike and SL doesn't want me hanging around w/someone like JR. I told him not to worry because I see JR about twice a year anymore. We hung out and listened to the band, and talked to a few people. The Boring Kid Nicholas showed up and I was kinda glad actually because I haven't seen him in forever and I was getting a little worried. Turns out he got a new dog that he has been retraining because the first person who had it trained it wrong or something. Whatever, I'm just glad he's not dead. SL and I hung out for awhile and then went home and laid on the couch and I cried a little bit because I was so sad to think of him leaving the next day.

Sunday was the worst day ever. We woke up, had some adult fun, ate a ton of food, had some more adult fun, laid around and watched Law & Order SVU marathon then had some more adult fun (twice this time) and then he had to go to the airport. We got Taco Bell on the way, and ate it while driving. We made it to the airport at 3:45 p.m. for his 4:10 p.m. flight. He made it though, and got to W. Palm beach around ten p.m. I didn't cry too much on the way home from the airport or on the way there, but when I got home and changed the sheets and started cleaning up and stuff, it was all over. I was hoping I would find something he had left, and I did (his Brooklyn hat and his plane ticket and his pj pants) and that made me cry harder. I was really crying for about an hour and a half. I went to karaoke with GG and we had a great time. Before we left I gave her her Christmas present which was a very awesome purse she wanted from Kohl's that is just like mine, with a Jaegermeister button that flashes and everything! I also gave her some lip gloss that is Skittles flavored. She reacted exactly like I thought she would, yelping "YAY!" when she saw what it was. I rule. At karaoke it was dead because the roads were kinda shitty, so I got to sing a lot. Apparently there has been a downfall in the friendship between Poke and D*Martin, so he was trying to think of something evil we could do to Poke to make him realise what a loser he is. We came up with a few ideas but not many. D*Martin spent a lot of time trying to get me to get with him, and it's getting kind of old. He met SL and could see that I am obviously in love with SL, I don't know why he's still trying. I guess he just has nothing better to do. I called SL when I got home and we talked for a little while and I cried a little bit more. Then we went to sleep.

What a great week.

Oh Sal!

What a wonderful weekend. SL is just perfect. I hope this lasts!

Friday GG and I went to Target so she could get Christmas gifts for her man. I helped her pick them out, and I think he will really like them. I can't say what we got because he reads my blog and I'm not sure if they exchanged yet or not! Friday night SL and I stayed on the phone as long as possible so it would be less time between waking up and him arriving here. We got off the phone around one a.m., and I finished reading Great Expectations. I was bored still and couldn't sleep, so I started to read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which starts out v e r y boring. Terribly. I fell asleep on page three, so I got up and turned off the light and went to sleep... only to be woken up by the noise of water dripping inside my wall. That sucked because every seven to fifteen seconds I'd hear "drip" and it kept me up. Finally I passed the time by counting seconds between drips steadily and eventually fell asleep for good around two a.m.
I woke up at nine thirty a.m. That sucked. I had tried so hard to sleep for so long! I ended up reading the rest of Jekyll & Hyde and the story that was after it, The Bottle Imp. That story was really good, I was surprised. I'm not usually a big fan of short stories, I prefer long novels that suck you in and take weeks to read.
Anyway.
After I read so much that I could barely see, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't so I went down stairs, cleaned the cat box, did the dishes, cleaned up some trash, took the trash out (actually set it on the back stoop) and then made a grilled cheese sandwich. I ate that, wandered around for a minute, then called SL. He was packing, so we talked for that little while, and then hung up because he had a couple things to do before going to the airport. The wait from four o'clock p.m. until five forty-five p.m. when he called to say he had landed in Atlanta was the longest hour and forty five minutes ever. Then, the trouble began. SL went out to smoke a cigarette, and he was away from the plane for about twenty minutes. When he went back to the gate, there was a sign that said to go to a different gate to catch the plane to Columbus. When he got to that gate, the plane had already left! They didn't even wait for their full 45 minute layover. I was devestated. So was SL! They put him on stand by for a 21:30 flight to Columbus, but they couldn't guarantee he would get on it. I went to Kroger's and then to Zuey's to wait for him to call and let me know. Finally at 20:55 SL called and told me his name was on the list and he was definitely getting the flight. If he hadn't gotten that one, he would have had to wait until 9:20 a.m Sunday morning for a flight. Luckily, it all worked out. I picked him up at the airport around 23:15 and it was wonderful. I was so happy to see him I could barely contain myself.
We went home and hung out for awhile, and, well... adult fun ensued. We ended up staying up until about 4:00 a.m. I haven't slept with a person in my bed since... well, I suppose since I was dating Poke, so my sleep was quite restless. SL tosses and turns a lot too, so that didn't help. I kept waking up and being really hot, so I opened the window, then another time I turned on the fan, and I finally fell asleep for about four straight hours only to wake up around ten thirty a.m. It was okay though. More adult happiness, then we finally got out of bed, showered, and he made breakfast. SL makes the best omlettes ever! I thought I was good at making omelettes, but SL definitely has me beat. We laid around, more adult fun, then started to watch The Godfather. Just as it started, GMc called. He and Ron were on the way back from Alabama/Kentucky, and had two extra tickets to the Blue Jackets game. I was all over that! SL and I got ready, and I checked to see who they were playing... turned out to be the New Jersey Devils! Funny because SL grew up in New Jersey. The game was awesome. We had a lot of fun, and SL had never been to a hockey game before. The Blue Jackets won, of course, because I have never been to a game where they lost! 3-2 in overtime, it was great.
We went to Burger King after the game, and then headed to Eldo's. It was TG's 50th birthday, so we wanted to see him, and I bought him a beer. We had a couple pitchers, sat and talked with DG and TG for awhile, and then when GMc and Ron got there, SL played pool with them while I sat and talked to Zara. It was a wonderful evening. I think having SL in my life is just what I need. Anyway, we ended up taking GMc home, and he and SL were trashed. I was a little irritated because they hadn't included me in their shots and hadn't even told me about it, but I wasn't too mad. Just upset because I don't want to end up with another drunk like MMA. I told SL I was upset, and he got really emotional, and he asked me to marry him... don't get all excited folks, he was drunk. But we talked about it, and we have to figure out how to get me divorced first. The cost has risen significantly from $1,500 to $3,500. I guess we'll get it done somehow. But anyhow, SL and I went home and he was very lovey, and we finally fell asleep around three a.m. Woke up at eight thirty-ish, and had a wonderful morning. Stopped at McD's for breakfast and brought it to the office. He met some people I work with, and then went home. Tonight we're going to my parent's house for dinner. We were going to go to karaoke but I'm going to tell them to come on Tuesday or Wednesday because those days will be less smoky, and Wednesday is the Karaoke Christmas Party at Brewstir's.
What a wonderful time.

More Pics!

Go to the photobucket to see new pics! Yay!

This Will be Interesting

Go to your calendar and pick the first entry of each month. Copy and paste the first line of that entry and that is your year end review.


January: Well hello.


February: I hate Stupid Bowl Sunday.


March: OH MY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN I can't take this anymore.


April: Oh my gosh!


May: "...You know, where people play games with the night... god, it was too hot to sleep... I turned around and she said, 'Why do you always end up down at Nick's Cafe?'... Catch the Blue Train... look for me, Somewhere down the Crazy River..." ~"Somewhere Down the Crazy River" by Robby Robertson.


June: Also, drinking a gallon of "Mountain Blast" Powerade will turn your poo neon green.


July: Well, that's the day I'm going to die.


August: ~Sources say they did not have enough bread.


September: Name: Kelly.


October: They're both fucking close to water. Har.


November: Like myspace.com which is pretty fucking gay but I signed up awhile back and then my yahoo! account was hacked/fucked/destroyed and when SL told me he was updating his tonight I decided I may as well do the same.


December: Alright, this is probably the most fucked up one to date, only because it's so fantastical... if that's a word.


I have no idea how to sum up this year. I'd say... fucked up. Very different. Fast.


It reads like this though: "Well hello. I hate Stupid Bowl Sunday. OH MY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN I can't take this anymore. Oh my gosh! "...You know, where people play games with the night... god, it was too hot to sleep... I turned around and she said, 'Why do you always end up down at Nick's Cafe?'... Catch the Blue Train... look for me, Somewhere down the Crazy River..." ~"Somewhere Down the Crazy River" by Robby Robertson. Also, drinking a gallon of "Mountain Blast" Powerade will turn your poo neon green. Well, that's the day I'm going to die. ~Sources say they did not have enough bread. Name: Kelly. They're both fucking close to water. Har. Like myspace.com which is pretty fucking gay but I signed up awhile back and then my yahoo! account was hacked/fucked/destroyed and when SL told me he was updating his tonight I decided I may as well do the same. Alright, this is probably the most fucked up one to date, only because it's so fantastical... if that's a word."

No, It's Completely Baked

Oh Man, It Is Snowing. It's 16 F outside!! Yay!!

Guess what kids?! SL is coming tomorrow! So will I! *wink*

I went to Zuey's last night to get my boyscout popcorn, and GG and I hung out for awhile. It was KL's first day back, and it was good to see her back behind the wood. GMc met me there, and we stayed for about an hour and then s l o w l y drove to my house (7 miles) in the terrific snow. It snowed about 4 inches from five thirty p.m. to this morning. Yay! I made stuffed shells and tortellini, and then we debated for an hour on what movie to watch. We finally decided on The Graduate, which subsequently is probably the best movie I've ever seen this year besides National Treasure. The Graduate has so many awesome quotes! Like the one I used for my title, where Mr. Braddock is telling Ben that his idea for marrying Elaine is half-baked, and Ben replies, "No, It's completley baked." I love it. What a great movie. I think I'm becoming a big Dustin Hoffman fan! Apparently this was the movie that made him a big star. How exciting! I can't believe it took me this long to see it.

SL is coming tomorrow. Yes.

I Totally Stole This I'm not Going to Lie.

From Sarah Silverman's Appearance on Jay Leno (12:25 EST)

Things that Old Jewish Women and Young Black Men have in common:

• Cadillacs
• Drinking Orange Soda
• All their friends are dying
• Penchant for diamonds and bling and things
• Crazy about their grandkids
• Very white sneakers
• Track suits
• They do their hair like this (pat a 'fro or tease an updo)

Oh my god, she is one hot Jewish girl. Too bad I'm a straight Catholic girl - but the thought is SO right in so many ways... *sigh*

Salt would be better if it wasn't so Salty.

Okay now I will tell you about last night.

Decided to go to karaoke at Brewstirs on High because... well, I like it. Txt msged O and he wanted to go so I picked him up around nine fifteen and we headed over. It was snowing like a mug. KP and T met us there later, around ten I think. D*Martin was there also. We all had a wonderful time. O left around eleven to go to the Hot Spot, but that was okay.
T pissed me off because he said that shit about long distance relationships, but whatever, he's not my favorite person in the world and I think he's playing my best good friend, KP, but what can I do? I warned her and she knows it so I just sit and wait to either 1) be proven wrong or 2) provide a shoulder to cry on. That is how a good friend acts. (She already knows all this, we talked about it earlier today.) But T was commenting on how I was "all over" D*Martin, which was just not true. D*Martin and I were sitting next to each other, and we touch a lot, but I can't think of anything that I would do with/to him or whatever that I wouldn't do in front of SL. Probably wouldn't fuck around w/him so much (we do that stupid little kid thing like "I'm not touching yooooou.") because I'd be busy touching SL... but that's it. I'm no cheater and I'm really fucking committed to this relationship! Damnit! Anyway.

I sang a whole fuckin' bunch of times, and it was awesome. I kicked major ass on "I Will Survive" and "I'll Be Home for Christmas." I didn't know I could sing that Christmas song so well, but I rocked - I usually rock though.

I really had a great time last night. KP and/or T were paying for the pitchers, and I ended up spending nothing. It's cool, she knows I'll get her back. That's how we roll. I did two shots, it was great times. I wasn't drunk at the end of the night either, just a bit tipsy, and made it home just fine with no worries... except I was effing starving. Made some shitty nachos, ate, went to bed.

Woke up this morning and found out I'm not pregnant. Awesome. I wasn't worried that I was, I didn't even have the slightest thought about it, but it's always nice to know. Now I have cramps and I'm craving salt like a damn... something that likes salt... French Fry. One time I told my friend JAFH that salt would be so much better if it wasn't so salty. Hence, the title of this post. W00t.

I'm going back to being a drunk.

Alright, I can't stand these dreams that I can remember. Fuckin' crazy shit. I was convinced I was pregnant when I woke up. Thankfully, not so. Anyway.

I dreamt I was at work, but instead of people having "cubicles" they had "areas" with nice wooden desks, sitting chairs and couches and nice lamps and rugs and stuff. But it was in the same office as I work now. My boss DE brought his wife and his little boy to the office, and the baby was running all over the place. I started hanging out with him, and he loved me. He would follow me every where (he just started walking about 2 months ago) and he would fall over and get back up and run after me. We walked to the Chinese buffet that was down the hall, and he loved crab rangoon (I think this was me still being hungry for Chinese from yesterday's lunch.) He was wandering around the office, and then we decided to nap. DE's wife found me and him sleeping on a couch, content. DE thought we were cute but yelled at me to get back to work (he never yells.) As I was going back to my office, his wife says, "Oh by the way congratulations on your little one!" and I said "Thanks!"

Strange shit I tell ya what.

Anyway, the only other thing I have to say is fuck you to everyone who thinks a long distance relationship isn't real. Fuck you.

I Have One Thing to Say.

Fuck your sister, Fuck your dog. I was a bit pissed off when I made this last night after getting home from karaoke.

Angelfire = Shit Shitty Shit

Angelfire sucks.

Here is where I have a new photo album: Photobucket

Bah. I probably won't use the Angelfire one any more but I will leave the pics that are there up on it. Fucking stupid Angelfire.

When Jesus said "Love Thy Neighbor" I don't think he meant doggy style.

Well Sunday night was interesting. Karaoke was dead, really dead. I got to sing eight times! I spent most of the night talking to BR, and I was happy because he's finally over that angry drunk phrase, even though he's still on the drunk phase. We talked about all kinds of things, from working at Dairy Queen (we both worked there from ages 15 til 21, but about 20 years apart!) to his daughter, to SR doing my hair. We really covered a wide range of topics! And it was great because BR and I haven't sat down and talked like that in a really long time. I was proud of him too because he stopped drinking 1) before he ran out of money and 2) before he was completely trashed, and he drank coffee for the rest of the night.

Yesterday I pretty much did nothing, sat on the couch and drank beer while I watched "Chicago" and "Who's Line is it Anyway?" and "Iron Chef." The Iron Chef was really good this time, they had battle blue crab and it made me so frickin' hungry for Chinese food, even though it was Iron Chef Italian versus the Thai King & Queen's Royal Food Critic. The Thai food looked way better than the other food, but the Iron Chef won anyway. Sometimes I think it's rigged because I would much rather eat the competitor's meal than the Iron Chef's, but he wins anyway! Oh well. I was glad it was crab because lately the battles have been tofu or eggplant or weird asian fish that I've never heard of... that's just not fun for my brain. I like to watch battles with things I like to eat or would like to try.

I talked to SL this morning, and he told me he passed out at work yesterday. I think he needs to treat his body a lot better, but he doesn't really have a choice... well, kinda. He never sleeps because of the PTSD, and it's taking a toll on him. Plus he gets fucked up often and he doesn't sleep then either. He needs sleep! His body is just gonna shut down one of these days, and it won't be pretty. I try to tell him, but like any typical man, he doesn't listen.

I had a strange dream last night. GG and I were on our way to this church event/dinner. She was driving my big pimped out white and gold SUV, but it was special because blind people could drive it - The truck would turn and stop and it even had sensors to make it stop quickly if someone cut you off or something like that. Just like a sighted person would be driving it! The SUV was so big that GG, Wendell and I sat three across, and I was having issues because Wendell had fleas that were the size of house flies. We finally got to the church, which happened to be near Westgate Park in the Hilltop. Everything was decorated in white and silver and everyone (including us) was wearing maroon shirts and khaki pants or skirts. Wendell had a maroon collar on because her fur is kinda khaki colored. We had to register/sign in whatever, and the girl behind the table kept insisting that Wendell and GG were some other girl and her dog, and was trying to get them to go to a different section, even though her tickets matched mine. Then I saw SL across the way and I looking right at him when my phone started ringing and I was wondering why he was calling me when he was looking straight at me... then I realised he was calling me in real life and I woke up.

Never Drive Faster than your Guardian Angel can Fly.

Sunday, I was sick as death. I thought I was going to die, seriously. I woke up at 6am, feeling icky in the tummy. So I don't have to go into detail, let's just say I was so sick that I really considered setting up camp in front of the toiley. Truley. By nine pm my fever had risen to 103.4 F, and I wanted to die, but instead my dad brought me ginger ale and Tylenol, and my fever went down to 99.1 F by midnight.

Monday I was fine, but just worn out from being so sick the day before. I did nothing.

Tuesday I went to karaoke at Brewstir's on High with O. It was very fun, except for the stuff about SL that pissed me off. I talked to these very nice boys who are also in real estate, and one of them was hitting on me and doing a really good job. I appreciated his kindness especially when I told him I was taken and he didn't even stop being nice. That was manly of him. I ended up talking to these two other dudes and they bought me a beer and some shots (as previously mentioned in that other post) and it was all good. O and I went to Hot Spot and I was trashed (as previously mentioned as well.)

Wednesday... I did nothing.

Thursday I had to have a beer, work was just too stressful. So I went to Zuey's and guess who was there?! KT! He had gotten fired the night of the Michigan/OSU game, but he's back now, yay yay yay. GMc was coming over for dinner and met me there around seven. KL ended up coming in and I was very happy because I haven't seen her in about two months. Yay! She's excited to meet SL, and she's coming back to work this week. I'm so happy! GMc and I went home to eat chicken dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so we went to Fiesta Jalisco instead. I've been there three times since I got back from Florida. I fucking love that restaurant. After dinner we headed to Eldo's, where I had two beers and was tired of drinking. I pretty much hung out with D*Martin, Poke, and their friends, and it was alright. GG came in and I talked to her a little bit, and Moose came in but I wanted to stay away from him cuz of that thing that happened the other week, I'm still not down with it.
D*Martin and I were talking, and he told me that he had wanted to hook up with me before, but he was waiting for me to get back from Florida. Apparently he thought I would have a terrible time there, and when I came back he could just pull up quick to retrieve it. Since this was not the case, I guess now he just has a crush on me. He hasn't tried anything though, and I think that's very nice of him.

Friday I did nothing.

Saturday I got my hair done in the afternoon:
I love the red and gold look, it's totally awesome. I'm so happy with the results. Saturday night was my company Holiday Party (not Christmas since we do have a Jewish kid workin' for us!) at Hyde Park. I was expecting more, food-wise, but my Veal Chop was delicious. The sides left much to be desired and everyone who got steak felt that theirs was way over cooked. It was alright though, open bar (yee!) and I had 2 Absolut Mandarin and Cranberry and five or six glasses ($18 each) of White Zinfandel...mmmm... Yeah. I took GMc as my date, and we had a very good time. We sat with DJ and his wife, and KG and her man. I took some pics, look for those on the album page Monday night. The only thing that I didn't like about the party was the fact that WR got trashed and for some reason brought up this party VM had a year and a half ago where I lost my panties and my jeans due to pot brownies and a kid named Brandon. I don't know WHY WR has to bring it up, but he always does. His ass was passed out on the lawn at that party, so he has no room to talk. At least I didn't get drunk.
There was an ice storm while we were inside partying, so GMc drove home because being from Canada he has much experience driving on slick roads. I was more than happy to let him! I still had to drive home from his house to mine, but it's only about seven miles and the roads were pretty wet by that time so it was all good. However, I think hills in areas where snow and ice are expected should be outlawed, that's just my opinion.

Today was family picture day at the JC Penney's. I don't mind taking pictures, but for some reason, every year, I always look like I'm 40 years old. I look about 20 lbs heavier and so wrinkly, it's weird. I hope the pics come out alright, they weren't too great last year but oh well. I had rock star hair for these pics, oh yeah. After that we went to eat at Ruby Tuesday's where I had a bison burger. Oh my gosh, bison is so good! Much better than beef! I think I may start buying it just for myself because I loved it. Yum. My little brother got his driver's license on the 1st, so my parents got him a keychain w/his own key on it, and a visor clip that says, "Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly." Words to the wise.

Tonight, karaoke. Yup.

Update! Update! Update!

Yee-haw!

I have successfully rearranged my photo albums.

Now, click here to see pictures of me and my friends.

Click here to see pictures of all my super animal friends!

Ooooooh yeaaaah. I rule. I also posted five new pics for y'all - I have new awesome hair, it's red and gold, and I'm so fucking thrilled with it!

Me looking angry - my new profile photo!

Santa!

That's me on the left in the blue sweater and KG on the right in her coat. Santa came to our work this morning! Yay!!! I'm makin' a dumb face cuz the lady takin' the picture couldn't figure out how to work it and then all of a sudden it snapped when I was talking. Sheesh.

I'm Desperate

...and I'm not above asking for help.

There is no possible way I can afford to save my money to both get a divorce and move away from Ohio... so...

Kelly's Divorce Fund

I appreciate everything, I highly doubt I'll get anything from anyone, but hey, every single cent will help. A retainer for a lawyer costs at least $1,100.00 US Dollars, and moving could cost me $5,000.00. This will be difficult, but if I can get help, I will be eternally grateful and I PROMISE this money will go towards nothing but the divorce. Seriously. I'll even send you a copy of the divorce papers if you donate!

I Need to See a Professional... Oh wait, I am.

Alright, this is probably the most fucked up one to date, only because it's so fantastical... if that's a word. And there are dolphins, which I really fucking hate.

The dream:

I am back living in Macedonia. My entire town has been submersed by what once was a little Creek (Indian Creek to be exact) when it apparently kept filling up and filling up over the last twelve years. The only house not to be submersed belongs to my friend from childhood, Jenny. Since her house rose above the water, she crowned herself Queen of Macedonia, and is not a royal bitch. Her sister Michele is her slave, along with her mom and dad. The tops of the trees look like seaweed floating on the water, though they aren't floating, obviously. The water is dary grayish-blue, only a shade darker than the dreary sky. A little boy floats past me. I have special shoes that enable me to walk on water. I pick up the boy, he's not hurt, just tired, and I carry him around with me. As we walk down what was formerly Crow Drive towards Route 82, a dolphin noses up from under the water. It's a flying dolphin, but his wings are damaged so he swims over to where we are. It seems that dolphins can now speak english, and he tells us not to go to Route 82 because something terrible is going on there. The thing about that is we have to go to Route 82 because I need something to drink and that's the only place to find a store or a vending mahcine. So we walk on. The dolphin goes the oppostite way, squeeking warnings the whole time. When we get to Route 82, the stores and restaurants are all built up on top of their old buildings, but they are all closed except the convenient store. We go to the convenient store so I can get some Diet Rockstar. I leave the little boy outside and he floats away, laughing. I go into the store and it's just like I remember it from childhood, except yellower and it's connected via a long long hallway to all the other businesses. The store seems deserted. I walk to the back looking for the vending machine, and encounter a scary monster type man. He's about seven feet tall and looks like the dudes from the new TheraFlu commercials (human but troll-like and monsterous.) He tells me the vending machine is defunct, they now have a pay-refridgerator. I put a quarter in, a computer screen pops up, and I choose Sprite since there are no energy drinks on the list. I hear a click, and the door opens. Four cans fall out, grape pop, sprite, rockstar, and diet rockstar. I look at the guy and he doesn't notice so I take all the cans and put them in my pockets. I run to the front, down the hallway, and when I get to the bar/restaurant and the end of the hall, the monster has started chasing me. I hide at a table with cowboys (dressed in cow-skin chaps and all) and miraculously the monster passes me by even though I really don't blend in at all. Then I hear an alarm going off, but it's just SL's custom ring tone on my phone in real life.

Amazing.